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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

Auror. 25-09-2019 10:12 PM

How's Bertie? Was he glad to see you?

chinahorse 25-09-2019 10:29 PM

He was so happy. Climbing on me and purring and has followed me around and keeps running to check im still here. I am so so happy to be back with him.

Auror. 25-09-2019 10:34 PM

I'm so glad that he is okay and that he clearly loves you and missed you too! I hope you both can have a good night catching up on some love and snuggles.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 10:45 AM

I'm glad Bertie is there for you. <3 How are you today? I hope it goes well with crisis.

chinahorse 26-09-2019 11:35 AM

Bertie is my everything <3

I'm quite fragile today. I need to get some basic food shopping in but I've only just managed to shower. It's also pouring down.

I feel so broken. I just can't do this.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 01:25 PM

It's ok, you can do this. Small steps. It's very early days being home and you can build up your strength. Well done for showering. Do you have far to travel to get some food shopping? Do you know what you want to discuss with crisis today?

chinahorse 26-09-2019 01:47 PM

I had a mini melt down in aldi but am home with food and a cuppa. Can't get hold of the burns clinic because the priory lost my next appointment letter and I vaguely think it's early next week.

I don't know what to say to crisis. I need help with benefits I think and to know what the plan with local support is.

And I forgot to get my gran a birthday card but can't face going out again.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 01:52 PM

Supermarkets can be stressful, well done for getting some shopping and getting home. Will you keep trying with the burns clinic? Can you leave a message?

When is your Gran's birthday?

chinahorse 26-09-2019 02:02 PM

After 5 phone calls I got through to them and sorted that.

It's grans birthday today. I will try to call her later. The thought of it is too much right now. Need to calm down from beING out.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 02:10 PM

Take your time, I'd hope she would understand. I'm glad you got through to the burns clinic. What might help you calm down?

chinahorse 26-09-2019 02:20 PM

I've had a cup of tea. Might have another. And am just sitting until the feeling goes. Distracting with tv.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 26-09-2019 02:35 PM

Am a bit lost for words right now but wanted to send lots of love and warm hugs. Well done on distracting <3

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 02:41 PM

Keep going. Drink all the tea you need. :-)

Auror. 26-09-2019 04:25 PM

It sounds like you accomplished quite a lot today! I hope some tea and Bertie snuggles can help.

chinahorse 26-09-2019 07:31 PM

My dad's partner came round for a cuppa and eventually crisis came and then I cooked pasta. I'm quite pleased with what I managed today.

Crisis said I'm not broken beyond repair. They will help me with benefits and liase with the cmht. I told crisis I don't think I can rebuild my life. They said to take things slowly and that it's bound to be hard as I've been in hospital for a while.

nonperson 26-09-2019 07:42 PM

You really really aren't broken and can totally do this, but also remember there is no rush. I'm so glad you've got some support with benefits and stuff.

chinahorse 27-09-2019 10:58 AM

Thanks np. I'm struggling to believe that. I'm very very anxious today. Feel very isolated and lost and on edge. Having urges to self harm to calm down.

I'm 28. I have no career anymore. No job. My parents have had to bail me out. I'm useless. Worthless. I missed my driving test because I was in hospital.

There's no point in me.

one_step_closer 27-09-2019 11:06 AM

You are not any of those negative things, but I know it can feel that way. There is no rush to get somewhere in life. The way things are for you right now I think you're doing great with the things you have been managing. You can definitely have a better life but it takes time and a lot of fight. It's good that you have crisis there to support you now, make sure you use all of that support. There is a point to you - you are a human, you are Lillie, there is no one else who has all the qualities you have. You are valued and worthwhile even if you don't feel like you are. Please try not to self harm, use all of the other safe methods you know of to try and calm down and see if you can get in touch with someone if it's getting too much. Are you seeing crisis or anyone else today?

chinahorse 27-09-2019 11:33 AM

Thank you. I disagree. I'm such a failure. I feel horrible today. Absolutely horrible.

Not seeing anyone today. Which I am glad of tbh. I don't deserve people being nice.

one_step_closer 27-09-2019 11:36 AM

I can totally relate to hating yourself and not giving yourself credit for what you do. I'm sorry you feel that way and I know my words won't change that but please know that other people don't feel that way about you. You do deserve people being nice, you deserve support if you need it. Can you contact someone if you think it would help? Either crisis or a friend or whoever you need who is available? Do you have anything planned for today?

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