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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Pomegranate 17-11-2008 10:42 PM

We aren't going to kill you hun. And you clearly want and need to talk to somebody or you wouldn't have posted. If we thought you were worthless why would we waste time asking you what is wrong? Why do you think you are worthless? What has happened to make you feel so upset?

just-another-gurl 17-11-2008 10:48 PM

everythin is fallin apart n there is nothin i can do 2 stop it school isnt workin everyone h8z me n i jst feel lyk s**t all the time i h8 being me i wanna b someone else :(:(:(

Pomegranate 17-11-2008 11:37 PM

Break it down. If you look at it in one big lump it will seem much harder to deal with.

Why is school not working? What are you doing at school? Subject wise etc?

Why do you think everyone hates you?

Are you seeing anyone for how you are feeling? Is there anyone you could arrange to speak to? You are 16 so confidentiality should not be a problem .

*hugs* I understand wanting to be someone else, but sadly it's not really possible. All we can do is try and change ourselves, be that with the help of meds, therapy, friends, hobbies etc, so we like our lives and our selves better. Ultimately nobody can 'save' anyone but themselves.

Dramatic 17-11-2008 11:48 PM

Shitting myself about tomorrow.
How do you explain to your GP, in the nicest possible way, to reschedule his appointments for the 25th of this month because you won't be attending the hour long CPA meeting that has "been arranged"?
I say nicest way possible, as i have already stated i don't want it as i won't be alive to recieve anymore help come December, so i don't NEED the appointment, i'm quite happy as i am and with my decision.

I might just not bother turning up but then i have too much of a conscience.

Bollocks.

I'm dosed upto the eyeballs on benzo's praying it will knock me out any minute.
The thought of going out in the morning makes me want to VOMIT with anxiety. Which is stopping me from sleeping despite the fact the benzo's have messed with my vision.

I'm feeling self destructive.
Just need to hang on for 4 more weeks and i'll be ok.

Mer.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

Sorry i've not been in here much, just been keeping myself to myself really.
Hope you're all OK, hugs all round.
xx

Pomegranate 18-11-2008 12:25 AM

I'm a bit confused Laura, do you mean he doesn't have to go to the appointment because you aren't going?

Either way *hugs*, it's all I've got but I wish someone would persuade you not to go ahead with these plans.

caiden 18-11-2008 05:32 AM

*hugs louise and pomegranate*
docs think im doing better...i am so scared to tell them what is really going on.... but i dont know what to do! i just dont know how to deal with the voices and paranoia anymore...i feel so lost and alone...and everything i try to do, i just screw up at...i just dont see why i should try to fight anymore....why shouldnt i just give in and do what the voices say? maybe then they will finally go away...

*curls up in a dark corner and cries self to sleep....*

Kahlia1981 18-11-2008 09:20 AM

Hi all. I'm now back in the "real" world after playing my "get out of jail free" card. I'm better than I was before I went in to the hospital but I'm still not doing very well. I refused the ECT treatment that they offered after accepting three treatments. I was put under the mental health act as an involuntary patient for three days last week after blowing my top and telling them that I wanted them to release me so that I could go and kill myself. I've had a nasty time since then inside the hospital, but managed to get my behaviour under control so that I could become a voluntary patient ..... although I was given that "choice" to become voluntary and stay on the ward, or they would put me under an ITO (involuntary treatment order). Basically the f*cked up hospital system here was trying to use the mental health legislation as a bargaining tool which, incidentally, is against the law. It was a case of do what I say voluntarily or we'll force you to do what I say.

Anyway I have had some improvement in my condition, but am far from out of the darkest woods yet. I'm really struggling at the present time because I'm in the depressed part of my cycle and am constantly thinking about cutting and/or hanging myself. While I was in the hospital I met a girl who told me about how a girl that she knew in gaol had managed to hang herself .... it seems like a logical, sound thing for me to be doing right now.

Anywho enough about me and my insignificant problems. I just wanted to thank you all for the hugs and support that you have offered me while I was in the ward and without regular access to the internet. I'm afraid that at the present time all I am able to really offer anyone is hugs, my love and my support. I seriously hope that things are beginning to improve for all of you.

*leaves hugs for all*
Kahlia
:rose:

just-another-gurl 18-11-2008 12:31 PM

*leaves and comes bk carryin her oversized txtbooks sits on the floor and gets more n more stress*

Auburn Shadow 18-11-2008 02:03 PM

I'm out of control. Everything's out of control. My date's getting closer. I haven't told anyone. I'm scared. I said if things were getting sorted by that date, I wouldn't do it. But things aren't getting sorted. Things aren't getting better. They're getting worse.

I don't know what to do. I need control back. I don't know how though. I just wanna cry. But I can't cry.

zowie 18-11-2008 04:39 PM

My benzos have run out.
I'm stressed, I'm anxious, I'm ****ing insane. The voices are driving me mad, instructing me to kill.
They wont let me go IP, even though I keep having these moments where I completely lose control and do stupid things (mostly suicide attempts). And I mean really lose control. I don't think, I just act. Then afterwards when it doesn't work it's like I wake up from a dream.
The crisis team is visiting me tomorrow. I doubt they can help.

fallenshadows 18-11-2008 08:55 PM

Havnt really harmed in qwuite a while now, but all this guilt and issues kinda have me struggling not to...
-checks in-

Mary Anne 18-11-2008 09:53 PM

checking in

totally s*** day

*cuddles for all*

just-another-gurl 18-11-2008 10:22 PM

*Cuddles everyone n tries 2 get ppl 2 sing then provides loadz of everyones fave thing* x

MammaMia 19-11-2008 12:49 AM

I give up.
:)
*hugs all and goes to bed*

MammaMia 19-11-2008 08:56 AM

*cuddles Emma*

Ugh didn't sleep very well last night.
My bloody hormones are up in the air.
Gah.
I feel like bursting into tears, don't know whether it's the hormones or because of feeling really **** at the moment.
Least I know the hormones aren't helping me feel any better....wish I wasn't having it this month *rolls eyes*
If it comes Friday at a particular time, I will die xD

Kahlia1981 19-11-2008 09:33 AM

*hugs Emma, Helen & just_another_gurl*

Not much to say really except for sorry for leaving such a long entry last time. Love to you all and as much support as I can give.

Thanks to all for your concern about me while I was in the hospital.

*hugs everyone*

zowie 19-11-2008 10:28 AM

Are you out of hospital now Kahlia? Are you feeling better?

The crisis team are visiting me today, I'm really hoping they'll decide to make me go IP. I've ben having moments where I literally blank out and try to kill myself. It's like I wake up and find I've slit my wrists.
I'm scaring myself and I need to be in a safe environment right now. Only problem is, according to a post in MHF, people with BPD are usually stopped from going into hospital because they become too dependant on the support. I don't know if I have BPD but I do have an unclassified personality disorder which is most likely BPD x

Kahlia1981 19-11-2008 10:34 AM

Hiya Zowie. Yep am out of the hospital. Not feeling 100% yet, but also no where near my worst. I hope things go well for you. That doesn't sound like a good situation.

Just purely for information ... quite often here where I live, people with BPD are stopped from going IP. Sometimes they just get the "I think you are making it up" attitude from staff.

Meh.

*hugs Zowie*

Auburn Shadow 19-11-2008 12:50 PM

*hugs everyone*

Don't have any words at the moment, and I'm sorry for that but... I just can't right now.

*sigh* I feel pretty crap.

Mary Anne 19-11-2008 05:43 PM

feeling rubbish, arms look a bit bad, not had enough sleep

*big hugs*


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