*Hugs Laura* Do you HAVE to go impatient?

*Hugs Crimson* You are lovely , end of.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*hugs Mark* no, it's voluntary. I'm forcing myself. I'm forcing myself to get better, but really I don't know if I want to get better. I'm forcing myself to talk in therapy. I don't think I can force myself to cooperate there the whole day.

Recovery is hard sometimes, i'm glad that you're forcing yourself to do the things that you think might be beneficial for you. What do you think will be difficult about cooperating for the whole day?

I have my voluntary work tomorrow and I really don't want to go. It's so exhausing to put on a face and I feel distracted and like i'm going to cry.

I really want to injure and purge and I don't want to be stopped, or maybe I do want to be stopped but I can't ask for help. I don't want to cooperate and I'm not strong enough to force myself all the time.

Is it the whole day tomorrow?

What do you want to get from injuring and purging?

It's from 11 to 4 tomorrow.

I don't really know what I want to get from it.
I don't know why I injure most of the time. I do know that I purge when I'm feeling full and/or fat.

That's 5 hours. Seems like a long time now, but it is probably going to be over much faster than it seems like now. Don't check your watch too many times, then it wont feel as long. You can do this.

*cuddles Mark* You make me smile :)
*hugs Lindsay* What kind of volunteer work is it?
*hugs Laura* Proud of you for helping yourself. Is there any way that since it is voluntary you could start on a non closed ward? It seems to be the biggest snag in your... reluctance/willingness/ comfort/whatever word is right cuz I can't find it.

*hugs Crimson* I don't think the closed ward is the thing that bothers me. I guess I kind of prefer it that way, they said that I'm going to have less therapy there, that's relaxter I think. It bothers me that there are people going to watch me all the time.

True but would they watch you as much in an open ward?or watch you less?
~I could be wrong... kind of a feeling in the dark for the light switch kind of deal for me.

I don't know if they would watch me as much on the open ward. All I know is that I would just quit and go home if they want me to work on some things. I wont be as tempted to leave on the closed ward.

Ah, I see. Hadn't really thought of that. Good point.

Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Lindsay*

Thats all I can cope with right now

*hugs Crimson* you are awesome
*hugs Mark* what's going on?

*sits with mark*
just think, its already almost wednesday there [which i hate you for but nerr :P]

*hugs Heather*

*Hugs Laura* I'm meeting Felicia on Friday :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

*Squishes Heather*

*hugs Crimson* your not horrible at all, your a lovely kind person.

*hugs mark* yay its nearly friday, I bet your super excited.

*hugs Lindsay* I hope the crisis team don't abandon you, although if your one is anything like mine then they probably will abandon you.

*hugs Laura* I hope the inpatient helps when it comes along

*hugs Heather* how are you?

I really, really badly want to OD, I am so close to walking to my local 24hr supermarkt and buying pills right now.

*hugs Mark, Lindsay, Laura, Heather and Oliver*
Yay! 2 more days Mark! I am so excited for you guys!

The crisis teams by you guys seem like they aren't really there for you so much as to gather a paycheck by doing the least amount of work possible by helping only those that don't need it :(

*cuddles Oliver* Please don't. I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

*hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Mark*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Heather*