SO true :-)

*huggles all*

sorry for the lack of individuals and my self-centeredness in my posts at the moment. can't get online too much and it's hard to keep up when there's so many pages between what i last read and where the ward is now.

really struggling right now. don't know why i am reaching out for help here. i don't deserve it. i guess i just don't have anywhere else to turn. i don't know what to do right now. my head is just telling me that everyone would be better off without me ... i can't help thinking it's right. i have everything i need to do the job, and i could make it so that no-one would ever know what had happened. i would just die in my sleep. i don't want to leave anyone in pain, but i can't live like this either ... and i can't stop thinking that after they got over the initial shock and pain they would all be so much better off.

sorry. i'll shut up.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Helen*

*Spots and Hugs Kahlia*

I felt pretty flat this morning , I could barely get out of bed but I feel a little better mentally now . I went for a walk and did a bit of grocery shopping . I got bean burgers , They're new , I think I'm burgering it tonight :) . I feel slightly nauseous , Does anyone know if parcetemol will help that ? or Aspirin? , That all I have and I don't want to go out again righ now.

Oh Kahlia *Hugs* People would NOT be better off without you hun . Please get rid of you stuff you have to do it:( , throw it in the bin , give it to your housemate ? . Oh and you deserve as much support as everyone else , we are here for you .

thanks mark. *hugs* i can't make myself throw it out. i've tried, but i can't do it. i'm terrified of giving it to my housemate because he said that if he found out that if i had these items again he'd send me to hospital and i CAN"T go to hospital. it's not safe for me there. it's a catch-22 situation.

right now i don't know what to do ... i'm hoping that the urge/feeling/thoughts will start to ease :-(

Kahlia, you're allowed to post for support/have a moan/whatever. Regardless of how much you can/can't get allowed. We wouldn't be better off without you. I know I wouldn't be and would be absolutely devastated to find out. You're one of my ryl friends who I've known the longest and has stood by me through everything. The urges will go eventually. I know they're so so so strong but you've done so well to keep fighting them this long and still keep fighting them. Please don't do anything. Could you not wrap items in black bag or something and take them to your bin?? *hugs massively* I'm always here for you Kahlia, no matter what. I'm just sorry I can't do more to help *big cuddles* I don't blame you for wanting to give up, I know things have been really really rough, but you can get past all this. You've done so so so well not to cut for so long, that shows that you can recover from everything.

Waited for the Postman to come before I had a bath because you know that as soon as I shampoo up he'll ring the doorbell hehe . Still I'm in my Birthday top now that I got from Hannah L . It's great to bundle up in and I feel better for being clean :)

Ugh, so rough on these laxatives, and mums moaning about me not being able to eat normal foods. Just had my last solid foods until after the procedure. I have a pot of jelly for later though. *sigh* hows the ward?

When is your Procedure Sarah ? Good luck with it *Hugs*

Endoscopy, examining the entire GI tract. :(

Edit: Is at half 8 tomorrow morning, they changed my appointment time...

*hugs Sarah* Good luck :)

Mark, I so badly want my parcel to commmmmme =[

I know the feeling Helen:S I'm waiting on pacels/packes with My Chritmas Money stuff in as well . And socks and stuff too :P

*hugs Sarah* good luck with it, hope it goes ok.

*hugs helen and mark* I'm waiting for my books to come from amazon, want to read them now!! Mark- I ordered Christopher Hitchin's God is not Great and both of Stephen Fry's autobiographies, can't wait for them to get here.
How are you both?

Eeeek!!! Hope the money one wasn't cash, people have a habit of stealing those =/ A few times I got mine safely but one of my 18th birthday cards got stolen in the post because it had cash in it!!! Hope everyone parcels (including Oliver's) arrive very shortly :)

Oliver, I'm good. Had bit of a bad morning but I've calmed down lol. How are you?

Had last laxative. No more food for me now. Its such god awful stuff. Who thought it'd be a good idea to make it dissolve in liquid?!

*cuddles Sarah*

Oh Helen I meant the stuff thats in the parcels and packages is what I bought with my Christmas money , No-one has sent me money in the post to my knowledge but that would be a nice envelope to open should it happen :)

Oh that's good Mark :)

*curls up* mums yelling at me because I need the bathroom a lot :(

*Hugs Sarah* I's sorry your Mum's yelling at you :(