Lindsay, I hope you enjoy your teambuilding course.*Hugs*
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Scootles around the warren until he happens on April and *HUGS*

*sigh* i didn't get to go to the concert *pouts*
and spent yesterday cleaning up the living room and fixing one of the cages up so when the kits are old enough to be weaned thor has his own cage fixed and set up for him... cleared up enough to unclutter the mantle and to open the blinds and window. just for v to expand her stuff and take up more room and cover up the chairs with her crap. on top of that i slept worth a crap last night.

Sorry for no indiv. replies and for talking about myself so much... i just can't be arsed to reply to everyone... can't really focus atm tbh. but i did read everything even if it did take me ages... *feels selfish*
*huggles everyone*

*cuddles mark* i'm sorry that you're so low, but no, i don't think you're lazy at all. and i would be annoyed too if my parents kept interfering with my life, especially since you're independent now. *extra special encouraging hugs* i wish i could make things better for you, for all of you... :( but you are definitely not lazy!! <3

*cuddles crimson* aw, i'm sorry you didn't get to go see the concert. that sucks. and i'm also sorry that you didn't sleep well, and that v is being annoying/frustrating/stupid. :( it's okay that you didn't do individual replies, don't get upset with yourself (dunno if you are but sometimes if i'm not up to doing them i do get upset with myself). :)

i'm really tired. it's been a longish day even though i came home from work a little early... just because my supervisor was taking a half day and i didn't want to be the only one in the building - again - so yeah. :-X i had to take notes through a poverty workforce meeting, which was kind of interesting but kind of not. i don't know. definitely not as interesting as the underage drinking group. haha. i just find the psychology of underage drinking to be fascinating... if that makes any sense. :-/

i really really want to cut... and i saw the girl today, my friend, the one i mentioned someplace on here about texting about weight... and she is soo small, and i feel so ****ing huge next to her. :'( yuck. nasty weight, nasty body, nasty feelings in my head. :'(

*hides in a hole in the warren* :crying:

Thanks April :) ,
April , you are NOT huge by any stretch of the the imagiantion , please try not to cut I know it's hard , I'm battleing the urges myself , we can do this , we can !! :( *Hugs*

*hugs everyone and hides away*

*hugs/waves at everyone*

*big hugs and extra safe love and care packages to all who are struggling*
I wish I could do more to help. :-(

epic fail.
i cut.
:crying:

had been thinking about it all day. so drained.

sorry..................

updated r/v...

damnit, really want to cut again. :'( it's not supposed to be this way...

*cuddles april* not an epic fail... it was just a slip up.

*cuddles crimson* i've been cutting nearly every day for a few weeks now... that's not a slip up. :( i feel like i'm spiralling downward and what's worse is, i lied to my new therapist already. why can't things be easier?!?! :crying:

sorry...... :'(

*cuddles april* I'm reading your r/v and what you post in here hun. I wish i had something really useful to say. Can you maybe tell your therapist the truth about your cutting the next time you see them? Do you think that would help? Also, maybe you could ask them about extra support through texting or email or something? But as Crimson said, you are not an epic fail.

*hugs crimson* how r u doing? I'm sorry you didn't get to go to the concert.

*hugs mark*

*cuddles laura* thanks for the support, love. it means a lot - all of the support i've gotten from all of you. i'm sorry i don't express that more. it's more support than i get irl. so yeah. anyway... i need to be honest to my therapist, yeah, and tell her that i lied about the frequency of the cutting out of fear (or maybe just leave off the "out of fear" bit and just tell her that i cut more frequently than i had been, i don't know). i... feel so stupid. i just cut again, not badly. stupid stupid girl. :'( this is not how it's supposed to be... not not not.

jarrod is finally coming to terms with the fact that si is an addiction. that makes it easier on me, since he's not so upset whenever i do "slip up" or whatever you want to call this... :-S of course, it also lets me slip up/whatever more frequently since i'm not scared of his reactions anymore............. :'(

today's been a stereotypical monday... i'm drained. and i don't really wanna go home. tired of working on a room getting cleaned up all day to have it destroyed as soon as i leave the room. not that the work itself takes all day per room but it takes me all day to do all of it. i can't wait till the 3rd of july... mil is moving to house sit for 2 months and will hopefully take v with her. b texted last night to ask when j was coming to get her stuff (she left out the warning that if it wasn't gone in a week i was donating it to the women's shelter though)... i dunno if she got an answer.
*shrug*
on the other hand i'm kind of excited about the kits getting weaned in a couple more weeks. i love how thor's cage turned out. i had to repair some of the wiring and i put in a blanket on the bottom of the cage so his feet would be ok and not get caught in the wire, put in a litter box, attached a hay feeder, put in a food bowl and water bottle and added a little igloo for him to hide in when he's scared. i think he'll like it. it's also bigger than the cage he has now with his mum and sister. we'll see though
so to answer how i am... drained but excited but yet still grr argh ish. >.> if that makes sense.
how are you laura?

*cuddles april* i don't have any pearls of wisdom today. but i do believe even if it's every day that you cut it is a slip up since you are trying not to.

*offers more cuddles to april* Its no problem at all hun. I think you should try to tell your therapist about the cutting. Its good that jarrod is understanding that SI is an addiction, but well.. to be honest.. it probably still upsets him that you have to do it. Being tolerant of slip ups is very good though... and I think that you should think of this as a slip up because that means you can recover from it, which i know that you can. Just don't give up trying.

*hugs crimson* heh sounds like you've got a lot of emotions going on right now. I'm glad that things might settle down a little at home in july. Also, that cage sounds like it will be a good home for him lol, i like that you added an igloo.

I'm trying to be okay. Doing a lot of thinking and listening to music. Might try to write some out later... Ive been spending a lot of time alone though, which isn't horrible yet, but could turn out to be that way... we'll see i guess. I don't really feel like being around too many people, but I want to be social at the same time. heh im confusing.

i spy a laura!! *cuddles*

i feel really rubbish... tried to do a dungeon tonight with some friends on wow... was too anxious to do hardly anything even though i took my prn klonopin. damn it all... :( cutting down on the neurontin probably wasn't a wise idea, from 1200mg/day to 600mg/day in 3 days... yeah. i'm stupid. definitely. :-X

yeah, my si probably still upsets jarrod, but he doesn't show it as much anymore because he knows that it doesn't help me at all knowing he's upset. does that make sense? and i guess it's kind of a defense mechanism, my "pretending" that he's not upset anymore. :-/

i still feel like ****. my np told me to "go to the nearest hospital. NOW." to quote. and i said, "i can't. i will be fine." so yeah... am a little upset tonight... just a little. :-/

yeah a lot of emotions sums it up quite well :) after i got his home set up i wanted to put him in it early lol i think he'd be ok weaning him early too since he eats from his mums bowl but better safe than sorry has him still with his mum till july 1 minimum. and then to work on getting dagda and freya to be friends so they can be caged together when she's old enough*nods* july is going to be a good month if all goes well.

i totally understand the not wanting to be around people but wanting to be social thing too. only confusing to those who've never been there :)

*cuddles april* i'll catch up on your r/v thread when i'm not so ick... sorry.

sorry i'm being so self-absorbed tonight... :(

*hides in a hole in the warren*

feel guilty...

*hugs april* don't feel guilty. You deserve support as much as everyone else. Do you think you should tell someone about your cutting down on your meds? And yea that makes sense about jarrod. :-/
I wish I could offer more advice hun. I think that you should tell your therapist about things though... You still working on applying to res places?

*hugs crimson* Glad someone can understand what i was saying lol. The lots of emotions thing is hard sometimes, not always bad.. but hard.

*Hugs April* A blip is a blip even if it happens to be a prolonged blip , it happens to us all. It's good that Jarrod has realised/is realising S.I. is an addiction.

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Crimson*Am glad you will have less people to look after soon , and WHAT? are you going to do with all those Kits? . It sounds like a nice cage you made for the male? igloo and all.

*Hugs Kahlia*