Morning everyone. How are you all?

I had an interesting evening yesterday. Had to explain to M why it is unacceptable for J to tell my kids she doesn't like x,y and z foods and "i don't eat what i don't like" ... my kids are easily influenced by other people's opinions when it comes to food so I try not to say anything biased when I have them try new things so I get a true reaction. and my kids eat what they're given for a meal or they get in trouble... so her comments could be bad for them more than her...
Then a friend of mine that I haven't seen in at least 6 months came over. She just found out a little bit ago that she has Lupus. Interestingly enough J doesn't like her and thought that should factor in on whether or not she (A) could come over. -Well sorry there J but A is a friend of mine and practically a member of the family so if ya don't like it you can stuff it!- :D
Not sure how I'm doing yet this morning but so far it's been uneventful... might even get to relaxing and peaceful at some point before I go home and start wanting to throw people off my balcony again lol

K now that I finished the post I was making before I ran downstairs to open the office...

Mark~ This ^^. Feel free to PM if you need. *cuddles*

*leaves everyone huggles*

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles everyone* Sry about the lack of individual replies but there have been like 3 pages since i was on here last. I read them all though. I'm sorry that some of you are having such a hard time right now tho.

I stayed in bed forever this morning. Kept telling myself that i was getting up but then would fall back asleep. Lazy. But i had strange dreams... Some of them were hilarious though b/c i was dreaming that i was going on vacation to england, so it made me think of all of you guys that are from there :-)
The swimming didn't go badly yesterday. Either my friend that i went with either didn't notice(which is kinda unlikely... they are kinda obvious right now) or just didn't comment.. which was good b/c i was in no mood to talk about them.
Hopefully I can get some uni work done today. I sometimes get in this cycle of freaking out where i just sit and think about getting things done rather than actually doing them. I should prolly get ready for the day tho.. i mean after all it is already 1pm here.

Thanks for the hugs and words of support guys , I don't feel like I can tell my parents or my sister and my great friend Hannah has problems of her own so I don't want to dump it all on her . I have lyrics from this song going around my head all day .

THIS SONG IS VERY TRIGGERING *SUICIDE, *GRAPHIC* *, I hope it's ok to link it
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUepuuW7IDc[/ame]

I'm sad right now , at least it's an emotion , a break from the numbness.

I'm sorry I don't know how to hide the video , I hope the trigger warning is ample

Mark~ I had never heard that song before or seen the video. Thank you for sharing but might I ask that you add graphic to your warning? Trigger warning can just have to do with the song itself but part of the video startled me I guess is the best way to put it... I'm ok though no worries :)
If you can't talk to family or friend what about a crisis line? *huggles you and wishes I could make it all better*

Crimson , I've put *Graphic* in the trigger warning , sorry I left it out , my mind is so preoccupied , Man! I'm so selfish

:) not selfish just preoccupied. No harm no foul. Just was unexpected. Thanks.

*curls up and rocks*

*sits n cuddles Helen* Do you wanna talk about it?

*cuddles*

Really struggling. Trying to keep safe. Can't type much at the moment. Got start of my migraine, but I get visual distubances, so can't see too well even more until they'bve passed :( Bleh.

* shuffles in * can I check in for a bit? not feeling quite the way i'd like to, feeling like it's all gonna cave in around me fairly soon. *finds a spare patch of wall and sits propped up against it hugging her knees*

*huggles everyone*

Sorry I'm really not doing too well at the moment and am not keeping up with everyone all that well.

I just wanted to say:

Mark: Thanks for sharing that music video. It was really moving. Suicidal thoughts, and especially if you have a plan, can be really dangerous, so please try to talk to someone IRL if you can. I know it can be pretty hard. *hugs you*

Helen: Sorry to hear you still are feeling pretty crap hun, although I'm glad you had a bit of a reprieve yesterday (um, not quite sure when it was with the time-zone's -talking about with your boyfriend). I really hope things start to pick up. *hugs you and sits with you*

Crimson: Wow, that did sound like an interesting evening. I hope you didn't want to start throwing people off the balcony ... although I must confess to having those feelings at times ... *hugs you*

Laura: I'm glad the swimming went well, and you weren't asked questions that you weren't in the mood to answer. Don't fash (stress) yourself about a "lazy" morning. You must have needed the rest. I hope you managed to get yourself up and ready and sailing into the day. *big hugs*

*hugs Oliver, April, JK, Jenny ... anyone I've missed*

Katnovia (or do you prefer Manda Jane?): Welcome to the ward. Feel free to come in whenever you like. If you aren't feeling quite right just jump in and have a chat and we'll see if we can help. If nothing else we can be another set of ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Is there anything we can do to help at the moment?

No. Not really off the balcony but I almost threw the 16 yr old sister in law out the front door to sleep in her mother's car. She thinks because she's 16 acting her age means throw a fit, refuse to do anything or clean up after herself and argue with everyone no matter what. Since I work full time, home school my 7 yr old and do school of my own I figure I shouldn't have to clean up after and argue with someone else's teen aged brat. Realistically that's all she's being is a brat. And my kids (3,5 and 7) know to clean up after themselves. I told her yesterday that I shouldn't have to spend all day working and all night cleaning up after her while I cook dinner and that she needs to grow the **** up. Her response was to refuse to talk to anyone or leave the kids room. She even ignored G (my 7 yr old) when she went to ask if she was gonna eat... So we didn't bother to feed her cuz I wasn't gonna spend another hour of my time arguing with her. In the end M got so tired of it she cleaned up after her (M is her sister that's 2 yrs older).

It was today, well here anyway...*cuddles Kahlia* He never did make it round :(

Crimson: Geez, I can understand how irritating and frustrating that would have been. I think I probably would have thrown her out of the house and into the car! Although off the balcony does have it's merits ... :p (just kidding) Sorry you had to have that aggravation.

Oh with her it's a regular thing. She's lived with me 3 times and her aunt once in the last 2 years. She's was kicked out of here twice so far and out of her aunt's house. She was such a rotten brat there that she was told she wasn't welcome back. She can visit for an hour but only if her mother is there and when her mom leaves so does she. And her aunt has 4 of her own kids, 2 of them older than the brat so it's not like she isn't capable of handling teens just the behavior issues are too much. Personally I'd send her to boot camp if it was my kid but then the local military academy will only take kids that volunteer to go and if they get out of hand they get thrown out... The wilderness therapy places and boarding schools cost up to 10,000/mo.... dealing with her I think I'd get better responces if I were talking to a brick wall most days.

Hels: Sorry that he never made it round. *big hugs*

Crimson: Sounds like some major behavioural issues. I hope you can manage to get some respite from her though.

I'm sorry, I cut and quite badly, I'm sorry for no individuals replies, sorry I'm so useless, I had a v bad night, stood in front of the mirror for ages calling myself a freak and telling myself I was going to kill myself.

now I'm really confused, the boy who I was on about a while ago, who said he didn't want a relationship due to health problems is talking to me again online and I'm really confused about whats going on.
*hides*

*big hugs for all*

Kahlia, it does indeed!! Mehhh :(

Oliver, PLEASE look after your wounds, go to hospital if necessary *cuddles gently* I'm sorry you've had a bad night.

*hides*