*Hugs Helen* Are you okay?

*cuddles all from inside a bubble*

I have a rash on my face, like little pinpricks and feels like sandpaper. Not itchy though but I'm in my bubble to make sure I don't give it you guys :)

Hope you're all okay today

*hugs Mark & Sarah*

Mark (and anyone else who wants to know), I'm not okay. I'm feeling low but I'm hanging in there. Sure I'll soon bounce back :)

*rocks* it's all goign wrong. so wrong.

Kat, good to see you but what's going wrong honey?

*Hugs Sarah in her Bubble*

*Hugs Kat* Whats the matter hun?

*Hugs Helen* I'm sorry you're feeling low Helen :( I hope you do feel better soon :)

I'm here if anyone needs to talk.

My brother has been staying over since Thursday and he's gone back to halls today. I'm feeling kind of lonely. I also don't want to go to the Prince's Trust course tomorrow. I'm hating it right now.

*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Mark* How are you today? If you already answered this and I've just forgotten almost everything I read, forgive me. I'm not remembering things well anymore haha.
*hugs Helen* I hope you do bounce back soon :)
*hugs Kat* what's wrong?
*hugs Ryuu* I'm sorry you can't make them stop. Are there any other distractions you can use?

I went to church this morning. I'm going to the church dinner tonight in hopes that someone will bring expensive wine. That is sad. Okay, well, I love the people too, so that counts for something. And I'm soooo excited for next Sunday. It's All Saints Day, so that means they'll be a special program in honor of my daddy and other church members/ families of church members that have passed on.
I'll stop church rambling now, promise.

*Hugs Lindsay* I know how it is to feel lonely :( What are you hating about the princes trust course ?

*Hugs Felicia*Enjoy your chuch dinner :) Hopefully there will be nice wine :)

Hopefully.
I'm so not looking forward to going back to uni tonight. I wish our break could've been longer.

*hugs kahlia* glad that you are feeling a bit better. I hope that the pneumonia symptoms get better soon.

*hugs nicole* sounds like you had a good time at the party. Sorry about the hangover. I had one too this morning when I finally woke up lol. Price you pay for having some fun I suppose. Hope you are okay otherwise.

*hugs lia* how r u?

*hugs helen* im sorry you arent feel well right now. I'm glad that you are hanging in there though. Here if you need/want to talk at all.

*hugs kat* Its good to see you but whats wrong hun?

*hugs sarah* oo that rash sounds annoying. Hope that it clears up soon.

*hugs RYUU* I hope that you were able to distract yourself from the voices.

*hugs lindsay* why are you hating the Prince's Trust course? I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. I hope that you had a good visit with your brother.

*hugs felicia* Hope that the church dinner is nice. Glad that you are looking forward to next weeks services. It sounds like it will be nice. I'm getting tired of uni work too. I could really use a break heh.

So... last night was fun for awhile, but then it turned when one of my friends just started sobbing and telling me all this stuff about her wanting to die and how she is going to a therapist and how she feels like everyone puts others before her and she is lowest on the totem pole. Its fine that she wants to talk to me.... but I have a feeling she wants me to save her, and i can't. I've been down this road before. I've tried to save people and it never works... I dunno if that is because I am failing when trying or because in the end there isnt anything I can do. She is seeing a therapist, as i said, but, she wants to talk to me and wants my advice... and i'm trying, i really am... and this maybe selfish, but i'm struggling too... and nobody in real life knows.

Laura, I totally know how you feel. I have a friend who's just the same, anything I say in comfort just seems to bounce off and nothing I do it any help, it's dragging me down and no one else has a clue about her and I just feel that if she did do anything it would be all my fault because I'm the only one that knows enough to stop her. Phew, that all came rushing out, Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone, and I do know how you feel. But you're not responsible for her. She has her therapist, and you don't have to feel guilty. You're only one person and untrained. There's only so much you can do. *Hugs*

That was a fun family meal. I got called an idiot, a bitch, attention seeking and fat and got told I eat like a ****. All in the space of about half an hour. Don't you just love families?

*Hugs Lia*I'm sorry you got called horrid names :(

*Hugs Laura* Oi! wheres my hug ? :P hehe

Getting nagged at on two sides. Mum is telling me to stay off uni and go to the Dr's tomorrow to get it checked but my fiance is saying I'm only using it as an excuse for a day off uni and I either go to the emergency gp tonight or I should go in uni tomorrow, and won't believe I'm genuinely worried about it being contageous to people I don't know, such as the people on the bus, lecturers etc. Ugh.

Hmmm Could you get a Dr's appointment in your lunch hour or after Uni? I think your health is the most important, you can always catch on a days lecture notes afterwards can't you ?

*hugs everyone* sorry so many of you are feeling unwell/not having a very good time, and i'm sorry that i don't have many words right now, but i am thinking of all of you. x

Sarah, is your fiance always like this? I've only heard a couple of stories about him, but another one I remember is him not understanding in the slightest about your aversion to physical contact. *Hugs*

*hugs Mark* yeah I'm getting the work emailed to me. Its no problem.

*cuddles Nicole* thanks :)

*cuddles Lia* no, its just the odd occasion, just more so recently. I think its all the stress of last year of uni and me being mentally unstable. Normally he's lovely but if I'm off or really down things get a bit...like this. He doesn't cope with it well

*cuddles sarah* :)
anyone wanna come stay at mine tonight? my brother and sister are both having sleepovers and i feel lonley :(

*hugs mark* o no! I'm so so so sorry. I didnt mean to forget you in my hug list. I'm so worked up right now about the thing i was ranting about in my last post... i know thats a bad excuse, but its the truth. I'm sorry again. How r u doing?

*hugs lia* im sorry your family called your bad names. You don't deserve that at all. Also, I'm sorry that you can understand the situation im in since it can be quite horrible to deal with. I know there is only so much i can do. I learned that the hard way a few years ago, but its still upsetting :-/

*hugs nicole* sorry you are feeling lonely. *teleports across the ocean to keep you company* lol

*hugs sarah* hmm.. i agree with mark. you're health has to be the most important thing. i'm sorry your getting nagged from both sides, i'm sure that makes decision making really hard. I think that you should go to the doctors and get it checked out though, especially since it really is concerning you. You can catch up with the uni work if you really need to.

Nicole, if I could I would totally come over.
Oh, and Laura, I meant to say sorry about your friend. I have a friend like that and it sucks.

is going back to uni optional? I don't think my brain can handle it.

We can have a sleepover here Nicole :) I'm in, I stay up til stupid o'clock anyway.

I'm glad he's usually Ok Sarah, I wasn't trying to insult anyone, just saying he doesn't come across as very understanding or supportive. As long as you're ok though :)

*hugs lia* aaw, i wish! my mum takes the laptop off me after a certain amount of time :/ lol.

*cuddles Laura* thats what I said, go tomorrow, and then if I am okay I can even go into uni in the afternoon, but my fiance is giving me the whole go tonight or you're not really concerned and just doing it for a day off. Ugh! This really isn't helping, my head is pounding. Apparently its nothing at all and I should go tonight to get that confirmed, but why would I take an appointment at the hospital tonight when I could see my gp tomorrow? I mean even if its not contageous it could be toying with my immune system or a sign of something coming on. No less than a week ago he was telling me my health had to always come first but now its come to me making a decision that isn't what he's saying (his original idea was wait till Wednesday for that appointment and go in uni Mon, Tues and Weds) its just a whole argument and I don't know what to do anymore.

*cuddles Felicia* I know the feeling.

*cuddles Lia* I know what you mean, sometimes he can be really unsupportive, but most of the time he's fantastic with everything. Ehh.

*Hugs Laura* Don't be sorry Laura , I totally understand about you being worked up :)

been for a walk and watched some tv not helped though
am going to spend the rest of the night online see if keeping busy with that
helps

Thanks for all the hugs & support guys. I just want something to stop going round & round my head. Hoping it's just going to happen today & last night and that'll be it. Meh =/

*hugs everyone*

Nicole, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely *keeps you company & hugs*

Laura, I'm sorry you're in that situation, I felt like that til recently & it sucks. *hugs*

Sarah, I'm sorry things are still shitty. *cuddles*

Lia, you're none of those horrible names *hugs tight*

Mark, how you doing? *hugs*

Sorry, I know that's not everyone, but it's all I can remember right now.

I'm getting worse health wise. Boo. So run down and tired. :(

*cuddles all*

I'm sorry your health's getting worse Sarah. Please go to that doctors appointment *cuddles tight*

I'll be going tomorrow, hopefully they can deal with me. *cuddles Helen*

*cuddles everyone*

*gives everyone in here hugs*

*then screams*

*then sits down in corner and cries softly and rocks back and forth*


I just wish this would all stop, seriously. Why am I always getting the bad stuff?

*Hugs YodaBearInterrupted*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Ryuu*

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs matthew* whats wrong? Here if you want to talk or PM me anytime.

*hugs mark* morning! as i assume its morning for you. its 2:30am here.. I have yet to fall asleep

*Hugs Laura* Morning back at you :) I am groggy with sleep but have early appointments today and I got to get to the bank too , You having trouble sleeping ?:S *Puts some lavender oil in a sprayer and sprays a relaxing scent about your bed* Try now :)

*huggles all*

Helen - Happy milestone day!!
26 months for me today!!
*throws confetti 'cause she feels like it*

*Thorws Confetti for Kahlia And Dances with her :)*

Thanks Mark!!! Only four months to go until I make 2.5 years SI free!! (If I can last that long lol)

Wow Kahlia almost 2.5 years! That's awesome! I'm sure you can make it.

It's 6:30 AM, and I am awake after just going to sleep at 2 AM. Why? Why? Why? But I have classes at 8,9, and 10 AM so I know if I let myself sleep again I'll miss them. Today's gonna test me... I can tell.
*starts plotting ways to catch a nap in the library between her class at 10 and class at noon*

*Hugs Helen and Kahlia* That's great, both of you :)

*Hugs everyone else.*

How is everyone?

x

congrats Kahlia thats awesome.

*hugs everyone*

I hate the fact that I'm getting into trouble for being ill, if I was missing lectures for a physical illness I bet I wouldn't be getting into trouble, but cos its mental health stuff its like I'm not trying hard enough when I really am, they really don't realise how hard I am trying to get to my lectures, buits so hard when all you want to do is die.

*Hugs Oliver* It really sucks when people don't understand and it's hurtful too. I'm sorry that it's going on with you.

I've actually managed to get something done today. I got up, had a shower, took the dog for a walk and now I'm attempting to tackle the moutain of half term homework and meanwhile being distracted by Harry Potter.

Met with Sharron my Nurse then Kat My Course Keyworker.
The meeting with Sharron was quite light until I said I felt like drinking on my birthday , but I think I NEEDED to get that out and feel better about it now , I think I will be taking Diaz around my birthday though , but thats the lesser of two evils yep.
Then Kat and I talked , fot a bit, pretty in depth about my S.I. which was nice (right word?) to get off my chest.

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Oliver* It sucks that you are being treated so badly :(

*Hugs Felicia* *Makes Coffee for to wake up okay , or tea or flavoured water if you prefer :)

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad you were able to get some stuff off your chest. I hope your birthday isn't as bad as you think it's going to be.

I'm dead emotional today. I just cried listening to Dolly Parton.

*Hugs Lia* I hope my birthday won't be too bad either , it's in 2 weeks , but then there the 9th of November which I have some support for but am concerned about.

Thanks for remembering Kahlia & thanks for the congratulations Lia :)

*hugs ward*

Isn't it just ****ing fantastic when you upset your best friend & you already had nobody else to talk to? (Y) Least we're okay now, but still. I hate upsetting her or having arguments. Worst thing in the world. Well my world. Never mind, I'm just pathetic & a worthless piece of ****.

*Hugs Helen* You're not those things, you've came so far in your battle against SI. Everyone has thier disagreements and at least it's all OK now.

*hugs Lia* I am. I honestly feel like I've hardly come anywhere. Even one of my closest friends tried to point out that it is huge, four months away from a year, despite ALL the **** I've gone & am going through, I still haven't done it. But I just don't feel proud or anything. Don't even understand why. Just feel like I don't deserve to be I think. All I want to do is ****ing cut heh.

*Hugs Helen* You are NOT pathetic or worthless .

*hugs Mark* Wish I could believe you.