sarah, you look beautiful in your dress from christmas [yes i am aware that was 6 pages ago :P]

Heather !!!!!!!!!!!!! *Hugs*

*cuddles nicole*

mark =]

*Cuddles heather* How are you today?
It's not like lia to not be on for so long, has anyone heard from her?

Sorry Nicole I have not heard from Lia *Worries slightly*

Hmm, i'm sure she will come back soon, it's only been a couple of days, it's just strange, cause shes like us, constantly online lol

Triggering , don't watch if vunerable

i's ok. am sleeepy.
*curls up and yawns*

aw mark =\ is there anything i can do to help? *offers hug*
try and stay strong <3

*hugs mark* sorry hun....I dunno what advice to give, but I am thinking of you, please try and stay safe?

*hugs mark tight* i know its not much help, but hang in there. You don't have to cut. Try to distract yourself. You are so strong.

*hugs nicole, sarah, helen, felicia, lia, heather, kahlia, and everyone else* Hope everyone is okay.
Remember my PM box is always open, I do sign in and check that and read on here even if i'm not posting much.

Wandering eyes of family make it almost impossible for me to be on here for more than a few minutes at a time. I'm okay-ish right now though. Holidays were alright. I don't know, i'm feeling a little flat but not unsafe so i'll take it i suppose heh.

*Hugs Laura* I know you're here for me hun , I know the feeling of taking the website away too.

*Hugs Heather* Love ya :)

*Hugs Nicole* Love ya too Hun.

hi guys, i missed everbody here. sorry for not being about,had a crazy time. still iam i guess. hope everybody okay. curls up in corner.

love ya too Mark, please go easy on the drink?
Anyways, i'm gonna go now and watch a bit of TV before bed, night everyone. Please look after yourselves.

*hugs mark <3*

laura <33333

*hugs all* sorry its not more.

Night my wardies:)
Love ya.

night Mark *hugs* sleep well

*huggles/waves at all*

Would anyone like to swap some cold weather for some heat? The heat & humidity here is getting to me already this morning. I hope that it settles down some during the day ... but it is unlikely to.

Feeling a little fragile this morning but I don't know why. *sigh*

Trying to arrange to go clothes shopping with my christmas money. :S Always hate going clothes shopping but I have so little that actually fits.

Meh.

Hey guys, just dyed my hair with a blue special effects dye, is all different shades of blue all the way through and feels so soft and has made me feel nice. however all my hands are blue, so its going to be fun at the hospital :p

*walks blindley into wall* wow! I need sleep!

sarah, i'm a little jealous of the blue hair... always wanted to put blue streaks in mine, but was never brave enough

Don't you just love it when you fall asleep watching telly, so you go to bed properly, only to stay awake >_<

Sarah, can we have pics? :D

*hugs wardies*

*hugs sarah, helen and kelly*
sarah that sounds cool, I agree with helen pics please :)

I hate that Helen, I fell asleep this afternoon for a few hours while on my laptop, I hadnt slept for nights and was shattered, was woken by the crisis team lady phoning me and she got stressed i had slept.

Why did she get stressed Oliver? I would think you finally getting some sleep would be a good thing!

Sounds awesome, Sarah!

*hugs everyone* Sorry if I'm kinda not here today (and maybe the rest of the week)... I'm not really motivated to work but I need to (so I don't get in trouble with the bosses and so I don't fall too behind and get overwhelmed) so I've been using the timer on my phone to do work 15 min at a time and changing what I'm doing when it goes off. So far so good I've gotten a bunch done today :)

*hugs Oliver if ok*

Glad you managed to get some sleep finally this afternoon, sorry it got interrupted though :(

Understand completely, crimson...
*hugs all back*
I'm in agreement w/ crimson, oliver... shouldn't u getting some sleep be a goos thing?

*yawns and stretches then searchs for pillow & blanket*

curls up in corner

I also agree that sleep is a good thing, maybe she was concerned that you hadn't been in touch or something Oliver? Otherwise I can't see why she'd get stressed that you were asleep :S

well I saw her this morning and she was ringing about somenew meds she had rang up to get, but apparently I wasn't allowed to sleep in the day, even though I had only had 7 hours sleep in 4 nights, but I had to stay awake even though I was soooooooooo shattered, I just couldn't stay awake, one minute on my laptop, next minute its two hours later and my mobile is ringing.

*hugs Crimson* I understand th lack of motivation, thats a good way of getting your work done setting a timer.

*hugs Helen* how are you?

*hugs Kelly* how are you?

*hugs everyone else*

*hugs oliver back* sorry 'bout the lack of sleep.. I'm going off 3 hrs in the past like 36 plus hrs right now... I'm exhausted, but can't sleep... spent all night in ER w/ prego SIL (all is fine w/ her and baby now) ... hubby's sucking up and wants sex and I'm ready to run for cover...

how 'bout you? Aside from the shattered part... are you holding in there?

*hugs Kelly*
I'm not doing great, wish I could sleep now its nearly 2am, plus I'm really suicidal and staying with my family for 3 weeks means no privacy and constantly being told I'm lazy and my mum moans about the fact I see the crisis team so often, want to be back in manchester in my flat.
the crisis team lady keeps suggesting I should be admitted to hospital and I sort of want that, but cos I'm with my family I don't want to go

*hugs oliver* Hun, your health and safety are WAY more important than what your family may think. Please hold in there... you should go in if that's what makes you feel the safest. Please remember that you are NOT alone and that there are lots of ppl here who really care about you and would be shattered if we lost you.

thanks Kelly *hugs*
I just have major issues about not hurting, upsetting other people, I'll do everything to protect others, hurting myself though isn't a problem, I just can't hrt others cos I know how horrible it is only too well

I can relate to that feeling. I wish I had the magic cure... unfortunately all I have is this site and the power of prayer... I really hope that's enough to send you some strength and love enough to feel better... even if it's only a tiny bit.

"the hardest battle we will ever fight is the battle against ourself"

thanks, just wish I could change it, I just don't want to hurt them, especially my sister she has exams in jan, she needs to do well, I caused her to not do great in her exams in summer when she didn't take me coming out at all well, I feel so guilty just wish I could be a good person and not keep on causing crap

you ARE a good person! don't ever forget that, oliver. Your sis loves you and cares more about you than a bunch of exams I'm sure. I know I do! *hugs tight*

thanks Kelly *hugs* how you doing?

really tired, but can't sleep... my boys r driving me nuts & the baby is really cranky. I'm trying to hold in threr til i can sleep
:/

*hugs* it sucks when you can't sleep. How old are your boys and baby? sounds hectic in your house I don't envey you, just try to keep going and stay strong

*hugs Oliver and Kelly*

Oliver, I'm ok, just getting tired again, might try sleep soon :S

*hugs helen* I'm at last starting to get sleepy too, so may try sleeping in a bit.

*hugs Oliver* I hope you manage some sleep. I'm sorry your family isn't being so understanding. If you think hospital would be the best option for you, then please follow it up?

my boys are 5 and 3 and the baby (a girl) is 7 months :) ... it is hectic, but in a good way. I love being a mom.

Sleep sounds like a good thing for you.. *tucks Oliver in*

Sweet dreams :) ... please check in later to let me know you're still ok.

*hugs helen and kelly*
I'm glad you like being a mum kelly. I could never have kids, just isn't me, could never be a father really.

I'm going to finish listening to the archers, another 25mins then tuck down.

thanks Helen, I know hospital could be a good answer, I've been worse than I am but I'm in an impulsive way at the moment and so i suddenly do things. meh dont know what is best.
I hope you manage to sleep soon

*hugs oliver again* I hope you get some good sleep and make the right choice for you... be that hospital or not. :)

*hugs Helen* sorry...didn't see your hug sooner... I tend to miss things when I'm tired ... lol

*hugs all around*

*hugs Kelly* thanks

*hugs solo* how are you?

*hugs solo too*... ah hell *GROUP HUG!* lol ... solo's been keepin me sain since i popped on :)

*joins group hug*

Now the archers has finished I should tuck down, but i'm so scared, I hate this my heart is racing at the thought of turning the laptop off and no distraction from my thoughts and the pain