need to cut so deep need to see blood need to so much

im so useless i cant throw four weeks away but i need to

*HUGS*

Why am I letting her bitchy comments get to me? When they didn't earlier...=\

*hugs DanceDance*
Whatever she said was quite obviously out of order :( It's really difficult, but try your best not to dwell on it...?

They were proper out of order. Blah!

It's my mum's birthday today :D Had an amazing day again yesterday :)

Drops by the psych ward and gives some muffins for every 1 to eat :-)

Hope u taking care of urself there guys!!!

I'm feeling really unwell still, so very tired & it's my mum's birthday *sigh*

hey, i havnt been here for a while, but life blown up in my face....can i check in for a while pls?

hows everyoen doing in here?

XxxX

Not doing so great today, I think I need to be in here for a while, if that's ok.

Hows everyone else?

ive been better, ive been worse.....so not great really.

*walks over to pile of bean bags and curls up*

I'm not very well and keep gettng worse =[ It's my mum's birthday aswell- rudeness. So I'm not doing so great ha!

cant do this anymore-so what if its four and a half weeks what does it matter anymore

HA FAMOUS LAST WORDS FROM MY LAST POST, I LATER FELL OVER & ENDED UP FAINTING.

"I want to bleed. I can't believe it's 57 days until Christmas :| But that means 65 days until the year from helllllll is over :D Thank the ****ing lord it's almost over. I want blood, well to see it because I'm craving IT SO BAD! Worrying much?

I'm such A ****ING **** FRIEND WHO DOESNT TRY TO STOP A CERTAIN FRIEND FROM COMMITING SUIDICDE SO MUCH....IT'S LIKE I WANT HER DEAD. INFACT WHILE I'M GETTING ANGRY CAN I PLEASE ASK SOMEONE TO SHOVE SOME SENSE INTO MY ELDEST SISTER AND FOR HER TO START APOLGISING OR SOMETHING. I WANT TO SEE MY NEPHEW BUT I CAN'T. I EVEN REFUSE TO CALL THEIR FLAT TO SPEAK TO MY ONLY NEPHEW INCASE THAT FUGLY BITCH IS THERE. WHY ON EARTH DID SHE HAVE TO BE SUCH A ****ING LOSER. HOW CAN I HATE SOMEONE SO MUCH WHO'S MEANT TO BE THE ELDEST SISTER. I MISS MY NEPHEW BAD!! I MISS MY DADDY BUT LIKE BEING JUST ME & MY MUM BUT WANT MY DAD ASWELL SOMEHOW!! WHY WONT THAT BITCH STOP BEING NASTY TO ME, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE TO BE INSULTED SO MUCH BY A 17 YEAR OLD UGLY BITCH? AND WHY WONT MY BODY BLEEEEEEEEEEED?

Why do I have to be so ****ing ugly, well feel that way so much? It's funny how I want to be a model, open up a self harm support centre, work with teens who are disabled etc, sign for deaf people and work in ICT.

WHAT THE **** AM I SELF DESCRUCTING FOR? FIRST SELF HARM! SECOND OVERDOSING/SUIDICE. THIRD WILL BE ALCOHOL. I'm awful. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve all the lovely support I have. If some of them knew what I get upto. Some do. I don't deserve the love I have. I don't desereve parents. I don't deserve family. I don't deserve ANYONE. I DESERVE TO DIE :D

I feel like I'm happy. Yet I know I'm not good and I'm falling apart at the seams. I don't think I'm gonna survive in this world. Sometimes I wonder how I get through the days. I want kids someday. I can't have them. I'll break their hearts and destroy them before they're my current age :\
What a complete mess of thoughts and feelings. None of being attention seeking thankfully. I'm just so angry. I know I should get more help than I have but I'm comfortable with what I have and have mega trust issues and stuff. I would love to be more happy I reallllllly would. I know to do that I have to deal with things better and stuff I do try. There's things I do now that I didn't do before. So that's got to be something I suposse.

Better shut up."

just feeling really very unsafe and unstable .......... I feel so alone and detached from everything, I want out

I'm feeling so unstable.
:(

*hugs* dancedance

life hurts and noone cares-noone to tell noone to say to noone to stop me

whats the point of carrying on without harming it desnt matter

*cries*

*hugs emily and then everyone else*

Arrrrrrgh ****ing college tomorrow.

*hugs*
need to do damage to self