Ian *Hug* Whats the something else you know ? It's okay if you don't want to say though .

Thanks Mark & Ian :cool:

I'm sorry you're both struggling *hugs tightly* Mark, please try not to cut, I know how much you want to :(

*Hugs Helen* In case I'm not here on Christmas Day , Early Congratulations on 10 months :D , thanks for your support , It means a LOT!!!!

I'm drinking , which I know isn't ideal as an alternative but my urges are reducing because of it :S

What Film to watch to take my mind off things ?
Leon,
or,
Young Guns ?

EDIT:- I just bathed and washed my hair , now I'm cold and wet hmmmm:S

*hugs helen* congrats on the job!!! That is awesome! hope that your migraine has gotten a little better.

*hugs mark* i'm sorry you are so triggered. Please try not to drink too much.... I'm a bit worried for you. EDIT: I havent seen either of those movies heh.. sorry. but i hope watching a movie helps a bit.

*hugs ian* Sorry you aren't feeling great right now. Here if you need to talk, PM or in the ward :)

*hugs felicia* hope you get thru thanksgiving okay. It can be a really hard day i know :-/

*hugs lia* how r u doing?

*hugs matthew* we understand. no need to be sorry. you okay?

*hugs shad* i hope those side effects go away... they don't sound good at all.

*hugs kahlia* hope you managed to get some more sleep.

*hugs oliver* how r u today?

*hugs comely* I'm laura by the way. I think i forgot to say that when i set out the virtual welcome cookies lol. how r u doing?

I have so much to do.. I'm completely stressed out. I'm actually skipping my family get together today so I can work. Not that I mind that much b/c i really don't enjoy family get togethers, but still... the fact that i didnt even have the option to go is ridiculous.

*Hugs Laura* I went to buy Alcohol but I purposely didn't buy very strong stuff , that is exept that half bottle of vodka I have already but I may not break into that ,I don't want to be blitzed just nicely warm and un-triggered. Is that too much to ask ?

no. being warm and un-triggered isn't too much to ask... i just wish alcohol didn't have to be the way to get there :-/ I didnt mean to sound judgmental or anything, i'm sorry if i did. *hugs*

You don't sound judgemental , I can get that same feeling with Self Injury but I was SO freaked out that I was going to hit a vein , I was geinually frightened that I would do myself some proper damage * Tell self Drinking Is only occaisional*

Please stop drinking Mark :( It'll just make you feel worse at the end of the day. Also thought you couldn't drink because of the anti-abuse thing you're on??? *hugs* Thanks for the early congratulations =]

Laura, thanks sweetheart *hugs tight*

I really want/need to talk to my best friend :S Even though she did text me few times earlier when I told her about my job....just need to be patient and I'm **** at that.

*curls up*

Helen I stopped taking My Antabuse on the 2nd of November to " prove I can not drink without drugs " Thankyou so much for caring *Hugs*

I'm meeting my friend tomorrow for coffee in the town I live in , I LOVE her but don't know what to do about it , sorry if this is the wrong place to post but I have never had a serious relationship and I don't know how to start one , I've known her for about 18 months , since we were in Psych Hospital together , and after 4 months I told my other hospital friend I wanted to marry her and he just laughed ,I don't know what to do , sorry

*hides under a blanket*

Whats Up Lindsay? *Hugs*

Oh Mark :( I know how difficult it is feeling that way for someone who is a friend & you're scared telling them will ruin everything you have. I don't really have any useful advice other than to tell her perhaps? She might even feel the same way for all you know. I'm sorry your other 'hospital' friend laughed at you for wanting to marry her :( *hugs lots*

Lindsay, do you want to talk?? *hugs*

I'm just cold and lonely. This time last year I was just out of hospital. I wish I could go back and experience being an inpatient again. I need people to take care of me.

Do you have any idea how she feels about you, Mark?

*hugs everyone*

She just said she wanted to take it slowly , that was over a year ago , we don't even hold hands . How long until we hold hands? that sounds lame , Sorry:S

Lindsay I sometime wish I was an inpatient , I spent 100 consecutive days on the ward last summer , it's comforting to know you won't come to any harm whilst inpatient , I still crave it , You are not alone in this . PM box is open.

Mark, maybe bring it up again with her??

Nicole *hugs tight*

Thanks Helen:)

I haven't done anything :)

Night Night

Hey Nicole *Hugs* How are you?

Mark, I know how that feels unfortunatley. No one believed that I loved, love, her, but I do. I love her so much. But she never felt the same way. I was only ever just me to her. Never anything more, and just being in the same room as her made everything better. She's gone now and I am more lost than ever. I don't know what to do without her. I miss her so much. So I can understand how hard it is. If she too has been in a psych ward though, she will be able to understand about some of the things you are going through, which must be good for your friendship. I hope you have fun having a coffee tomorrow.

*Hugs Lindsey so she doesn't feel lonely anymore*

*hugs everyone then curls up trying not to cry*

*hugs mark, helen and lia*
are you two ok? i'm pretty stressed cause my tutor has just given me a ton of work back and told me if i havent made all the corrections by tomorrow, then i get kicked outta college :/ and my internet is blocking most of the sites i need to do it, which is making me more stressed so i cant do any of it :( looks like college tomorrow is gonna be 9-7 so i can get all the work done :(
ohoh! *hugs helen* whats up sweetie?

That's a little harsh Nicole, our school are strict but they give us a chance to do the work and won't throw us out over one late piece.

*Hugs Helen* What's the matter lovely?

i know :( its cause ive done all the work but some was reffered and it all has to be done by tomorrow cause next weeks review week, and if we arent up to date with all our work then they will consder wether we are coping wit the course or not, and will be kicking people out :/ so tomorrows gonna be a long day :(

Nicole, that really sucks honey :( Could you try get into college early to finish it with the sites that are blocked for you or explain to your Mum??

can't get in early cause of issues with anxiety-takes me about an hour to use enough skills to even get out the door in the morning :( i'm just gonna have to stay after college and do it. And i dont think my mum can do anything about it, its the network provider thats blocking it :/

That really sucks hun :(

i know :( anyways, enough about my silly college course, whats up sweetie?

I'm not important or worth worrying about honey :)

Yay, I got through an hour of my elective (philosophy) and my daily NaNo wordcount, and now I need to do my sociology. Oh the joys of life.

It is important if it's upsetting you Helen.

Woooo for getting a piece of work done & NaNo :D Will the sociology take long?

I guess so....

I should be happy right? But I'm really low, keep thinking about suicide. Fun =/ Worried sick about my best friend as she's pretty much really low & suicidal. I can't lose her. I just can't. I feel like I'm losing everyone. I already lost my other best friend and considering the reasons why, I'm glad..

I'm just really struggling at the moment. But don't worry, I'm not even worth it. :wow:

Also I found out I get my first visit at placement tomorrow. Only getting it because two of my college class tutors found out about last week's incident.

helen. you are amazingly important! and you are so worth worrying about. come on, you obviously wanted to talk cause you posted. *hugs*
and lia, well done, i'm jealous! what was your sociology about? i loved sociology at school :)

heh. typing at the same time. helen honey- please stay safe. Is there any way you could be with your friend? being together might help (as long as you support eachother instead of engaging in destructive behaviour together) and you're not losing everyone, because no matter what, we at least will always be here. *hugs*

I really wish I could be with her :'( Wish it more than anything. But we live 3 hours apart. We would never engage in destructive behaviour together. Neither of us would allow it. Plus I obviously have college, my placement & now my job.

*hugs Nicole*

*hugs helen*
thats a shame :( i'm kinda in the same situation with my friend aswell :( it's hard, but i suppose you've just gotta help eachother as much as you can. I'm glad to hear you wouldnt engage in destructive behaviour together, i've been there, and i've gotta say, thats probably the thing which i regret most of all this mess, the fact that i could've influenced other people with my behavior. i suppose i try and balance out by doing everything i can to save other people now.
You will both get through it, remeber that, at the end of the day, no matter how many times you go back to that place, remember that after the first time- it gets easier, cause you know how to get back.
*hugs*

*hugs Nicole* Just wish she would talk to me more, just now, about anything. I'm just a selfish cow anyway =/ Believe me when I say, I care more about her than anything in the world...

helen sweetie, read what you just typed. you are DEFINATLEY not a selfish cow, you just proved that by saying you care about her more than anything, and i'm sure i'm not the only one on this ward that you have helped so much, three times now you've saved me from suicide. you have no idea how much i love you for that. you are the most selfless person i know! if i had to pick a fault about you, the only one i can think of is that you dont think about yourself enough!

We do believe you Helen, and you are worth it. It's a hard situation and one I can sympathise with. Just let her know you are there for her whenever she needs you to be. Not talking isn't always a bad thing. Believe me, I'm a pro. But to me it's a sense of control. I'd die if everyone knew all this stuff about me. It helps me cope not to tell.

Good luck with your work Nicole, my soc won't take long, it's only an essay plan on family diversity.

I really really do care about her more than anything. But I am selfish. I need her more than anything right now :'( = SELFISH! I'm glad I've helped you to not do anything sweetheart. Even my mum knows I'm selfish lol. She's told me once or twice as has one of my sisters :D I think about me way too much. Ugh makes me think about how bad I am and wonder how the hell that sometimes I am convinced by myself/others that I'm good/amazing/pretty/whatever...

I'm not worth it. It is a hard situation & in a way I'm sad you can sympathise with it :( I have told her & continue to tell her I'm there. She's told me she knows that & isn't used to someone else caring (other than her partner). Which is quite sad really. I can see where you're coming from...

thanks lia :) i miss my sociology lessons :( aahh, familys, i attended school for that subject XD wasnt the best of them, but then again, wasn't the worst. for our coursework we all had to pick a bit of paper out of a hat which had a subject wich we had to do our coursework on, i managed to pick out self harm :/
And helen-family always say stuff like that, take it with a pinch of salt. you aren't selfish. beleive me.

*hides shaking in corner* sorry guys i am useless tonigt

Nicole - hmm.

Oliver - you're not useless. Want to talk about anything?

*hugs helen and oliver*
has anyone here got snow where they are? on the news it looked as if everywhere but oxford has snow! :(

What's up Oliver?

I would have actually quite liked that Nicole, in a morbid way. I love soc too, I'm on an A grade atm, AS level doesn't go up to A* so that's the highest you can get, which I am pleased about.

Helen, you're friend is sounding more and more like me. Having people who care about me is just plain weird and I tend to avoid them because it's alien to me. She's probably feeling like it's not going to last long,and no matter how much you tell her you'll be there, she can't quite believe it because it's something she's never had before. She might feel uncomfortable too because although having no one is lonely, it's all she's ever known. Sorry if I am totally and utterly wrong there. I think you're worth it, and you can't argue with my opinion so there :P

I don't have snow Nicole :(