hugs mark, glad your feeling calmer now, dont do anything silly. just hang on to how chuffed and proud of yourself you were. huggles

I Know Jill , Thankyou *Hugs Jill*

Mark: I'm soryry the Housing Support Worker said that to you. In was completely uncalled for. As hard as it sounds please try not to let it get to you. *hugs you* Remember every single person is an individual and trying to classifly them is just ridiculour. :-<

Jill: Sorry to are feeling numb. I hope you are doing okay. You can hold in there hun, you have a lot of strength inside you even if you can't feel it right now. This may be a stupid idea, but sometimes just find
ing one thing to hold onto can help.

I wish I could sleep but I had a lucid nightmare that warned me aI was going to have a lucid nightmare. I have to admit that it is extremely lucky I don't have a car, because if I did I would have just gotten into it and started driving with no thought whatsoever as to the destination. As it is I'm just extremely freaked out and terrifed. Hopefully a couple of Xanax will calm me down, plus my friends on RYL, especially the VPW.

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you had a lucid nightmare :( You have your Xanax like I have My Diaz so I relate , *Extra comforting Hug just for Kahlia*

*hugs mark* the poster idea is good for commemorating one year in your flat, or maybe get a picture and nice picture frame? And I agree with Kahlia, the comment about marriage was completely unnecessary. He probably was not trying to upset you but the way he said it was ridiculous. Don't drink because of it... its not worth it at all. You are you, there is no reason to think you need to be anything other that who you are.

*hugs jill* i'm sorry you are feeling numb. Try to do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

*hugs nicole* Don't give up hun. Its hard but you can make it past urges and feeling low. It is possible. You just have to be patient with yourself.

*cuddles kahlia* i'm sorry about the lucid nightmare. (That is when you know that you are dreaming while dreaming right?) They sound like they could be pretty scary. I hope you were able to calm down some, as i see you posted about a half hour ago. Here if you need to talk.

So i just woke up.. its late.. like 11:20am. Oh well, I wasn't able to sleep until 3:30am so i guess its alright. Anyway, I'm hanging in there. Still thinking about things and evaluating life. I don't really want to go anywhere today, all i want is just to lay back down, but thats not an option.

*cuddes all* My fiance bought me new glasses today, and later in the afternoon my suprise present arrived in the post - a spa day for him and me. So my day is pretty good. All worried about tomorrow though, going to see the surgeon, and the most likely outcome is being admitted to hospital :(

*Hugs Laura* I'm not going to drink , I'm leaning towards the poster idea.

*Hugs Sarah*Good luck with the surgeon tomorrow, it's for your gall bladder right ?

They haven't updated me since mid-September when the hr department sent my resume to the hiring manager. *shrugs* I know nothing else about what they're doing or deciding. I figured I'd be the last they'd interview since I'm out of state and in this economy what company wants to pay for a new employee to move to the area, ya know? But then it's been forever. the listing closed and they started sifting through resumes September 3rd. I want out of the way I'm stuck and it's way too cold up here for my liking. However, I like the summers up here and I have a decent, reliable job right now. Sadly a decent job isn't enough to my husband since he was talking yesterday about giving up on that one and finding a better job up here...
I dunno maybe I'll make a list of pros and cons of staying up here, looking for a job there or for that matter looking for a different job up here.

*hugs and cuddles everyone*

P.S. ~ I got a new coffee maker for my desk since my little one has been broken for over a year now. And some Dunkin Donuts brand coffee in Mocha Mint :) So now my desk has a full supply of coffee, tea and cocoa for the cold mornings when I have no money to go to the coffee place on the corner.

*hugs Mark* Yeah its my gallbladder. Most likely outcome is needing to stay in hospital for at least an MRI :( It hurts so much today :(

*Hugs Crimson* Best of luck with the job situation , It sound mighty complex :( ....... Great idea on the Coffee/Tea/Cocoa front :)

*Hugs Sarah*

I don't think I can take much more of this existence.

*Hugs Lindsay* Whats up hun ?

cuddles all, curls up. i feel very wierd right now, and its freaking me out

I'm just feeling so HUGELY low. And I don't want to be alive any longer because my whole life is consumed by mental illness.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you feel so weird , do you know whats bought it on?

*Hugs Lindsay* I feel that my life is solely about mental illness a LOT too so you can always talk to me I understand it's a horrible way to feel :(

erm took my anti-depressants, not sure if thats whats causing this. but my head feels very fuzzy. curls up.

Did you take your prescribed dose of Meds ? you've not taken too many have you ?:S

erm i deff took the right amount. dont worry. hugs

OH Okay :) sorry

sorry if that came across as horrible. i know you were only trying to help. not sure i want to carry on taking these.

*cuddles everyone* Its Josh, Mark =p

Today has been okay, just been stressful cause of work =/

No you didn't come over as horrible Jill , don't worry about it *HUGS* You haven't been taking the meds for that long have you ? Don't stop without talking to your Dr , you could get withdrawel symptoms :S

I'm going to bed , I harmed this evening ,IDIOT!

*hugs Mark* Im sorry.. Dont beat yourself up about it, tomorrow is another day to start anew. Feel better.

*curls up*

Thanks *tucks luck away in my pocket*
I love my new 'beverage station' ;)
Good night. *tucks mark into bed* you are not an idiot and you are doing quite well its just a blip, tomorrow is a new day.

*hugs jill* you should see about talking to your dr. they may lower the dose or keep a close eye on it or even change the meds.

*waves at josh* i'm crimson *extends hand*

*cuddles nicole* what's up?

*hugs lindsay* how are you doing now?

*cuddles crimson* just had a bit of a bad night and feeling very invalidated :( hows you?

busily fixing up the newly splendid part of my desk :)
https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&i...342641664-1&zw

focusing on little things makes the big things/picture less stressful for me presently.

*shakes hand* hi crimson nice to meet you =]

Hope everything is okay with you guys.

Laura: Yeah a lucid dream is one where you know you are dreaming - but they feel so real you can't always work out which reality you are in ... or at least for me :-(

*hugs kahlia* that sounds awful. i'm sorry you had a dream like that.

*hugs josh* how r u doing? sorry work was so stressful

*hugs crimson* hmm.. maybe you can call in an attempt to follow up and try to figure out what is going on a little? a pro/con list sounds like a good idea, maybe that will help you figure things out. and yumm.. mocha mint. I couldnt get the link to work for that picture, but i'm glad that fixing it up was a good distraction for you.

*hugs mark* i'm sorry you harmed. but josh is right, tomorrow is a new day. hope you are sleeping well.

*hugs nicole* i'm sorry you were feeling invalidated. Feel free to talk in here if you want/need to.

*hugs sarah* hope things at the doctor go alright. i'm sorry you are in so much pain.

*hugs jill* sorry that your meds are making you feel funny. Can you talk to your doctor about them and their effects? both on your mental health and side effects?

*hugs lindsay* life can turn around hun. I know it seems like your life is consumed by mental illness right now, but it can be better. You have to be patient with yourself and others though, which can be very hard i know.

*curls up in the corner* i am trying... i really am.

blah i want my head to shut up =[
was talking bout ed's in my class today... blech.
although amusingly the video she showed, the guy in the video was ip at the hospital i have my support group at o_O i was like 'that hallway looks familiar :P' but was dumb video... lotsa numbers in. why would you has numbers?! its not like ed's arent common... grr.
><
had dinner but didnt wanna =[ and want bad stuff =\ ergh.

*huggles heather tight*

Sorry, i dont have many words right now and its hours after you've posted... but i hope youre alright.

hey everyone...

hugs to everyone that is in need of one and wants one...

not gonna go on just want pplto kno im thinking of them and sending them hugs

x

*Hugs Josh*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Waves at Kate*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs WasteOf Space* Shaz???

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Heather*

*hugs everyone*

Nicole!!!*Hugs* How are you this morning ? :)

*hugs mark* i'm good thanks :D trying to decide what to wear stayrday night :/ and i'm thinking i really need some new clothes! but i only have £10, and i have to get my mate a birthday present! XD how're you?

I'm feeling okay thanks Nicole , a little anxious about group this afternoon , I'm going to try going on only 1 Diazepam , last week I took 3 over the course of the afternoon :S But I don't take them daily , just when I need them . What are you going to buy your mate?

*huggles mark* i'm sure you will be fine at your group, you will settle in, honestly, i remember my first DBT group, i was so scared, but now i'm fine with it. (well, i'm struggling a bit at the moment with it cause they have a monday group and a wednesday group but theyve recently joined both the groups together)
and i have absolutley no idea what to get her! :/

Hi everyone.

*Hugs Lindsay* Hello :)

*hugs lindsay* how're you today?

Off to my group , wish me luck :S

Good luck, Mark.

I'm a bit blah but not as bad as yesterday, I think it might have been because I forgot to take my meds in the morning. I spoke to my doctor today and she's going to ask my psychiatrist if she can change my antidepressants. My brother is coming home tonight for the weekend so I might not be online as much.

i feel dead maybe i am :indifferent:

cuddles everyone, this is crazy it feels like im taking 5 steps forward, 5 steps backwards. seeing my doc in 1 week, to see how iam and if i should be signed off for longer. really hope he does,as right now the thought of going back there fills me with dread.not sure i can make myself go back. curls up

*hugs everyone*
I'm finally back, but my new meds are making my head too fuzzy to actually update.
I can't be coherent... god... ahhhh.

*Hugs Ryuu*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Jill*

So...............

Group was MANIC people having very loud disagreements 3 ways at a time , I just wanted to leave , I had to pop a Diaz in the coffee break to get through and I was trying really hard not to take more than 1 today but I took 2 :S
Then it ended and I went to the cyber cafe to confirm my volunteer shift tomorrow only to be told they are shut tomorrow and to come back next week*Sigh*
Then I went to pick up my perscription, Got it home after grocery shopping , emptyed the bag onto my bed only to find 1) that theyv'e given me an exta box of Diaz this month , which I will keep because they periodically refuse to give me Diaz and 2) They've given me 28 to few Lithium tablets , **** I need that and I don't want to have to go and stand my ground and get my meds , I simply don't have the energy or confidence right now :(

OOh Hey Felicia :) *Hugs* I'm sorry you're head is so fuzzy