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*cuddles Hannah*
He just needs to get over the shock maybe hun? Sometimes men don't expect that and still want to be friends but need to think? Oh I'm probably talking crap anyway. I'm a bad person. Mm. Ruining uni even more. Don't deserve the help they're tying to give me. Deserve to die. Shouldn't have told anyone yesterday either. Feel so ugly. I am ugly. Bad girl. Mental health haven't got hold of me so far, not sure if they've rung me or not. I don't really want to go back there anyway. But I am when I have an appointment. I hate this. I hate me. Can't do anything right. Can't even make a simple revision meeting before my lecture. Yet I'm still going to be the lecture (or going to try anyway). I was supossed to be dead by now. Why am I not dead? Because I handed the rest of my pills over. I want them back. My head is pure banging again. My hayfever has started early and irrtating me. I wonder if that's why I'm having so many headaches. I espically get headaches when walking around in hot sun, because it makes my hair very hot obviously. Bad Helen. Been cutting. Bad bad bad Helen. *curls up really tight* |
*cuddles Helen back* don't be so hard on yourself, Uni is hard and you do deserve their help, headaches are really ****, make sure you drink lots of water, cutting doesn't make you bad, it just means you're hurting more than you can deal with right now, and for risk of sounding patronising, I'm really proud of you for handing over the pills and for telling people, that took guts and strength and shows how brave you are and how you can fight this and beat this *more cuddles*
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*Hugs Dayna, Hannah and Helen*
I need to smoke. Wish I had money. Ah. I need to phone some places about jobs. |
Dayna, I speak German so I get why you want to be called toedlich. Hope you're ok dear *Hugs*
Wildly Insane sorry to hear that, it's so scary when that happens. If he's a good friend though hopefully he'll just need a few days to get used to the idea and then things can get back to normal. *Cuddles Helen* You are not bad at all sweetie. Don't be too hard on yourself. Well done for being so brave. You do deserve help because you're a wonderful person. Promise :-) Zowie I know the feeling, I'm pretty much in a constant state of craving at the moment but I need to ration my tobacco. Hope you find a job soon. *Bangs head on wall* |
*cuddles Hannah* I really really don't deserve their help. Headaches are indeed really ****, least it's not my tension headaches or migraines I suposse. Been drinking lots of water today anyway yaaay =) I guess you're right about the cutting. I'm still not proud of handing over the pills and telling people. Regardless of the fact it took guts. I'm not brave though.
*hugs Arwen back* |
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Sorry Hells but its two against one here i agree with Bannana you are NOTa Bad Person, you DO deserve help, you ARE Brave and you ARE a Wonderfull Person!!!! |
/\ Yeah :)
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*screams in frusration*
LOL |
Yup you're definitely outnumbered here Helen!
You are brave. I lie to my mum every day about the fact that I have a secret stash of tools and stuff which I use every night. I don't even have the guts to admit I have and use them, let alone hand them over. I'm so angry today and I don't know why. |
Dammit. lol.
*curls up* |
Helen is lovely, full of win, amazing, awesome etc etc, so there! *Blows raspberry*
Banana: (Another Hannah? Sorry, my memory's dodgy, lol) Yeah, doing okay today thanks. Eclectic*a and me met up irl round her's, t'was awesome Hannah: "Tödlich" is German for "deadly". I feel that I, as a person, have changed since I became rather...unstable back in December, when I first started posting here, that I'm a lot darker, more full of self loathing, and have been hurting myself a lot more, blah blah, all that ****. Basically, who I used to be (Däyna) is dead/dying, and when I'm feeling seriously low, I genuinely believe that I'll die by my own hand. Therefore, deadly. Tödlich. Thatandplusit'sinasongbyoneofmyfavouritebandsandis acoolword. But nah, it's more the "I've changed omg" reason <_<; |
I love you guys, you're amazing to me. One day I'll agree with you????????
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Certainly hope so *snuggles Helen*
AUGH TRIGGERED, GOD WTF O_O |
I am sooo burnt out.
I've been running nonstop for the last few days after doing practically nothing for five days... ugh... Sorry I haven't checked in for a little while there. *hugs for everyone* sorry it isn't much... |
& another Thursday begins, I usually like Thursdays except my normal notetaker isnt around, make one very boring crappy lecture seem worse lol
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I'm checking in again - if I ever really check out.
I feel like sh*t. Have since yesterday. Failed an exam - I can redo the exam after the 26th but still .... Just feel like crap. Can't concentrate and think it's a reaction to the injections. Not looking good for the meds trail. Hope everything works out okay, *hugs all* |
*Hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear that hun, hopefully the meds will settle down and you can concentrate again and then next time you'll pass with flying colours.
*hugs Helen* hope your thursday goes well. What are you studying? *hugs Ashley* hope you get some time to recover *Hugs Dayna* I thought it meant deadly so I was nearly right :) Dayna will be back one day, better and stronger thanks to Todlich *hugs HannahBanana* hope the anger's gone, you ok? *hugs Arwen* how's quitting smoking going? *hugs Gil* how's things going? gotta dash am late, have an eye appointment, am going to get myself new glasses. *hugs everyone else wanting/needing a hug* |
Quitting smoking. Pah. I'm smoking loads and I'm not seeing any way out of it. I'm buying packs of ten here and there and it's pissing me off. I'm only buying them when I have scraped together enough money to, and it would be so much cheaper if I waited until I had enough cash to buy a pouch of baccy. But I get desperate and waste my money on 10 tailors which will be used up in a day.
/rant |
*hugs Widly*
yesterday to much stress and had a cig!! but only the one!! Today is much better!! none so far today!!! |
Hey cool, read that you got a job interview and it went okay, hope you get it :) *hugs*
*hugs Arwen* it's an addiction hun, it'll take time, apparently girls are better at giving up gradually rather than going cold turkey. |
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*hugs all* |
O__O
Daddy Long Legs just scared the **** out of me |
*cuddles all*
Passed out twice tonight. :/ |
Sorry to hear that sweetie *Hugs*
Hugs to everyone xxxxx |
Make that three times. Oh **** my peer mentor found out aboyt last week. ****
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Maybe they can give you some support? Could be a good thing?
Hope you're feeling better now after passing out *Cuddles* |
Doubt it. Already have some support in place and getting more soon. I don't feel better I feel worse. It's bringing on a headache & making me weaaak.
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Glad you are getting more support. That's great :-)
I know how you feel. I feel like I'm getting 100 times worse every day. But it gets worse before it gets better... Right? Drink lots of water sweetie and hang on in there. Thinking of you xxx |
She's ringing me tomorrow to dicuss things :( meh. Shouldn't have got her involved in the first place. But we'll see what happenes. *snuggles for you Sorry it's all I can give right now :(
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*hugs Everyone*
I thought I would just check in for a While if thats ok, Because Iam feeling so unsafe right now and Iam really scared of what I will do to myself. Curls up under duvet. Puts a large box of calorie free chocolates in the middle of the room. for everyone to share. |
*hugs Bambi* if you ever want to talk, we're here to listen
*hugs Helen* you feeling any better today? *hugs Hannah* hope you don't feel so bad today *hugs Kat* hang in there :) *hugs everyone else* hope you all have a good friday, I know it sometimes seems the toughest day for some of you so just offering some extra comforting hugs. I'm not sure what I'm feeling today. am slightly concerned about this evening, could go either way, will I make 4 weeks or will I give in? |
I've been sleeping sooo much the last couple days.
It's weird and out of pattern for me. Usually I get between 3 and 6 hours of sleep a night and work just fine, but I've been sleeping 8 hours a night (like I'm supposed to) and I'm even more tired! It is the weirdest thing. I had a meeting with my youth worker today. We talked about Brittany mostly, and a bit about Chase, and I wanted to tell her how suicidal I've been feeling, but I didn't have the courage. I've got a lot of stuff coming up and I'm super stressed. I've got my performance at Ladies Night on the 30th of April. Then, starting off May, I have my Beltane ceremony to do (because I've been slacking). Anything Goes starts on the 6th, running til the 10th. Then I have the show case on the 11th. The 17th is Mom's birthday. Then I have provincials between the 24th and the 28th. Then June's coming round the corner, and we're going to see Rent on the 20th. Somewhere between May and June I have to start my grade 11 math (so that I have more than the two months of summer to finish it). Plus I have to keep my grades up (and bring some of them up...) And I have to finish my cover letter and get a job for this summer... GAH! Stress!!!!!! That's not even bringing in the factors like, my brother going to the mental hospital in 3 - 6 weeks, or the fact that Brittany is absorbing every extra ounce of energy I have, and I can't get the next chapter of my story written out because I have no material for the scene that I need to do. I am losing my mind...... |
Firstly let me apologise for not giving individual replies ... too many posts ... not enough concentration.
Secondly : update on me : am going in for a CT scan of my brain on Monday as there may be bruising and have had one of my meds reduced to see if that helps with things. Feeling a little more confident up until tonight when my housemate was watching a tv show that talked about SA. Other than that *hugs to all* |
Big hugs to everyone, and relaxing cuddles for Ashley, sounds very stressful sweetie.
Just checking in to share my news: I got a diagnosis today from the psych... Apparently I am paranoid schizophrenic. Not sure how I feel about that but there we go. Hope you are all ok xxx |
Thanks Banana. (If you don't mind me asking, what is your name, so that I can attempt to remember it and call you by it.) *hugs* Hope YOU're okay, especially with your diagnosis. That's some heavy stuff.
Amanda and Courtney's birthday thing tomorrow... I don't have anything for either of them. I'll probably make them some lousy cards and give them $20 each because I don't think I'll have time to figure something out for them.... I feel really cheap for that... but I just have no idea what to get them or where I would get it even if I did. I slept through the NDP thing today... feel kinda bad about it, 'cause I know that it means a lot to Gran. But on the plus side, Riley helped me figure out my next story chapter! Yay! I will actually be able to continue now!!!!!! Haha, I feel like such a loser for being so excited about fan fiction, but hey, I think I'm damn good at writing it so *shrug*. Uhm... yea... I think I'mma go and write that chapter now, because I have nothing better to do with my life and I'm not sleeping right now anyway. |
Hey Ashley
That's great news that you have got the next chapter :-D Enjoy writing it! Don't be too hard on yourself for missing things and stuff. You're doing well keeping up with everything. And to be honest I'd be pretty pleased with $20 hehe! My name is Hannah. Hannah Banana... :-) Yeah it does seem a bit serious, I guess that's what's freaking me out about it. I had expected it, but then seeing people's reactions scared me a bit. Ah well. At least I know what's going on in my head now. Hope everyone is ok xx |
*curls up real tight*
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:) That's a pretty name. Hanna. I like it.
Yea, well, they seemed to like the cards anyway, so that's good, because it took me forever to find the right quotes for them. I can't imagine what it must be like to see the reactions you're getting from people, but self awareness is comfort in itself, I find. And now that you know what's going on you can find some coping mechanisms. *offers cuddles to MammaMia* What's wrong? |
*hugs Helen*
*waves at Hannah & Ashley* ~ don't let diagnosis scare you. I'm personally schizo-affective bipolar type which means I have both bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. It's just a label. |
I'm moving out of my house and going into supported housing! =]
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*Hugs to all* and thank you for the support about my diagnosis. Feeling more positive about it now, it's like I've got ammunition against myself if you see what I mean.
Hope you are all doing ok xxx |
Sweetie sorry to hear that he's back. Is there anything you can do to fight him and keep him off you?
xxx |
I'm not sure why he came back. Can you gang up on him with the others maybe?
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Could you ask them to come back? Sometimes when Anouk gets really scary I beg Anais to come out and stand up for me. To be honest she often chickens out but it's nice to have someone else there. Could you call crisis team or something? xx
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Glad to hear that sweetie. Hang on in there xxx
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Things just get worse. When will it ever stop?????????
Oh wait...not til I die (y) |
Helen things will get better. I promise :-) Please give things time to get better. Hang on in there xxx
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Don't promise it me. Everyone promises. It does get better for a day or two, I agree. But then it all falls apart again. I'm not hanging in here anymore. I've given up. Just existing at the moment. Can't be bothered with university tomorrow but have to go. I'm really trying to go for some reaosn even though I'm really struggling. I'M SO ****ING FED UP OF BEING TREATED ****.
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*cuddles helen* I wish i could help u somehow to make u feel a tad better. But plz hang in there tho!
*leaves plenty of hugs and some milkshakes for u* Hope everybody is keeping well :-) xx |
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