wow; sorry that ^ was long; I need to start checking in more frequently..

Bleh. Guess I ought to check in properly. Sorry that I'm not gonna reply to people individually; I'm too tired of concentrate. I've been doing that a lot lately...sorry :sweat:

Anyways. My housemate and I went to see the council today (and giggled at the nutter standing outside with a polystyrene sandwich board saying 'CORRUPT COUNCIL' on it), got to see a woman, explained the situation and that.

And what she suggested was to go to court, ask to see a judge and take along proof of benefit and our eviction warrant with us. Then explain that explain that we haven't found anywhere else yet, and that if we're still in the same situation when the bailiffs arrive, it could cause substantial hardship (being homeless tends to do that, I'd imagine =B), and ask if we would be permitted to have more time.

Nothing's guaranteed, either, the judge might still say 'nah, you're out on Tuesday', or we might get an extention on our deadline. We've joined up with SelectMove.com I think, but we haven't been a fully fledged member for long enough for it to actually do us any ****ing good, seeing that we'd be bidding against 4574756645843534756 other different people for a ****ing house. And they tend to go to people who've been on SelectMove longest.

So, if worst comes to the worst, and we still haven't got anywhere to live by the time bailiffs arrive, ONLY THEN will the council get mine and my housemate's medical background and **** from our GP, to see whether either of us could be classed as vulnerable. So, we'll be turfed out of our home, but HEY, at least I'll get classed as vulnerable and put on the high priority list! :thumbup: That'll be a great ****ing comfort when we end up sleeping Christ knows where.

Got my happy pills today, as well (and accidentally licked the one I took today - tasted disgusting x_O), and my housemate seems to have told my gran, who told my dad that I've been prescribed something. I'm...awkward about that. Especially since my housemate discovered that I'm still SI-ing. Heh, that was let slip at the council, when I was talking a bout the stress the eviction had put on me, and she was like 'you haven't started cutting again, have you?'

Just so long as she didn't tell my family <__<;; seeing they all still think I'm in recovery and the like.

[/Rant]

EDIT: OH! And there was a place we were looking at for rent, and my housemate got a call saying that they would only accept cash as an advance monthly payment (we're gonna look into getting a loan for that advance payment). So we can't go there, either *sigh*.

It's kind of sad that I've already contemplated ODing on my antidepessants >_< *rocks in corner*

I am sorry things are so hard for you atm Dayna. Hope your housing gets sorted soon. Please don't OD on your AD'S. It won't fix anything hun *cuddles* sorry my words are so **** atm.

----------

I know logically that they aren't against us but I can't make myself take the meds. I need to hurt, to scream, to bleed, to die. I am going to stay up until Rebecca or Sarah start work. I need to be honest to them. They won't lie. I trust them. *sits and rocks* I just want to be safe, safe from myself and the world.

*cuddles Dayna* I.. feel your pain to an extent. The house is officially on the market as of today. I looked it up online and it's already had over 200 hits. We looked at a place yesterday but they were asking for a weeks rent deposit (which we would get back if we don't get accepted) but we had to ask his mum for the money coz we have none. Ok I do have some but that is for uni. If I use that money now well by the time i go back to uni I'll have nothing to spend on books etc. It's already going to cost me over $200. Grrr. Another place we looked at today, was a unit. It was good but there were SO many people. I'm starting to stress. It's bad enough I'm just a student and BF doesn't have a job yet so their not going to give it to us if there are people who do have jobs. Then this is the only place i have rented so it's my only experience. I hope the house doesn't sell quickly, but I fear it will and then we will have our own time limit to get out. Argh. Gonna ring my counsellor next week.. see if we can get any help ay. It's just soooo stressful. We looked for a place this arvo.. but there were SO many other people. I just don't feel so confident....

Argh.. anyways, I hope it sorts out for you Dayna *cuddles* thinking of you hun.. please be safe.

Oh we were naughty and got some alochool. Woops. :blush: But better then doing something else right ;-)

Ugh i dunno.. i just want this to be over.. i have uni starting in just over a month.. ack.. wish this all would end.. id look for a job but i know so many other people have had no chance finding one coz of all this economic ****.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

sorry guys. i hope u all are ok. i have read through replies.. im more a lurker these days just devoting posts to myslef *rolls eyes* but *hugs to all* Anyone for smarties??? :-p

Dayna - *hugs* hope things go okay in court and that you some extra time. Sorry to hear that the Council wasn't more helpful to you.. hope things get resolved for you soon! Please don't OD on the AD's... it will just make things worse. *leaves more hugs*

Emma - *hugs* how are things now? Did you get to talk to Sarah or Rebecca; I just saw your post in the other thread [lorazepam is an anti-anxiety/sleeping pill.. i've taken them before]. Hope you are feeling more safe and that they were able to help you. *sits by you to keep you company*

Katie - *hugs back* smarties! sweet! :) Sorry to hear about your housing situation too! If real estate in Australia is like it is here; once the house is "sold"; then there is a bunch of paperwork to be done by the lawyers for the buyer and seller; so it takes a little bit of time. Hope you find somewhere soon.

*leaves hugs for everyone else*

Hi everyone.

Just read through everyone's posts, hope you are all okay.
Dayna - you did make me smile - I think I only ever once tasted an AD - never again, mine taste like when you accidentally chew a paracetamol!

Meant to come in last night but was having a really low night which continued into day, lots of tears and feeling down on myself. Don;t see a way out of this hole :(

Kahlia - glad to hear you are connected again.

Everyone else, sorry for lack of proper reply, will try to drop in again later.

*leaves hugs and brownies* (I just had one - yum)

Had a great night last night. wahaay! xxx

RAWR.

What a **** day.

Can it be over please?

I make everything worse for myself, why why why?

*rolls eyes and sighs*

*hugs all* sorry to hear how **** the day is for some of you.

*Hugs Shell* thanks for the teddy, tis nice a cuddly, all seems okay :satisfied:

*hugs Dayna* hope the house thing gets sorted soon, ODing just makes things worse, not better, tis really not worth it

*hugs Emma*

*hugs Snuffles* hope you get somewhere soon, but Ravynsoul is right, should take ages for a sale to go through.

*hugs Mary Anne and Zowie*

*hugs Kat* sorry I can't offer more, but please rant and rave at us as much as you want in the hope that it will make you feel better.

*hugs MammaMia, offers a cup of tea and a big comfy sofa to relax in*

Me, am okay, am going to be shitting a brick though as my interview is tomorrow and I don't think I've wanted anything more in my life, as long as I go in there and give the best interview I can..... talking of which I need to go and make dinner and prep some more so that I know exactly what I want to get across.

*hugs again* ooh I've just had a thought, can we have a lovely open fire to warm ourselves against in this ward, assuming everybody's safe here? I love fires, they're so cozy...

K;fjerlkyjhekrlyjrtklyjerklyjeljelrtkljmyuklju.

**** It. **** It. **** It. **** It. Just **** It All!!

Kat, please try not to be sorry. It's not your fault

*leaves hugs for all*

Sorry no words at the present time.
I want out.
:Emoticon(14):

I know the feeling, Kahlia *hugs tightly*

Thanks Dayna.
I think I'd like to unscrew my head and take it off my shoulders so that it can sit there and feel like crap on its' own and I can get on with things ...

My CPN called my psychiatrist to see when he could next fit me in so we could come up with a long term treatment plan. My 'urgent' appointment is the 20th April. I'm clearly fine. Everything I am doing to myself is clearly ok.

*sigh* everything's slightly ****ed

Sorry evryone's doing so **** *cuddles*

I'm also ****ed. Have a meeting tomorrow about missed assignments/lectures. Crapping myself. Everyone's just like explain it's been due to depression & what not like I did in the email. Still scared though. Trying to tidy my room & pack my bag for tomorrow but keep rembering things I need to do/find/etc. >>.<<

*hugs MammaMia* good luck with the meeting tomorrow, remember to breathe :)

Kahlia, I think that would be such a great thing to be able to do, although if I could take my head off, I'd lose it somewhere, scatty me, *hugs*

*hugs everybody who's having a shitty day, provides a good shower of endorphins, rainbows, sunshine, tea, cookies, ooh and a puppy, in a vain hope that it may make somebody feel slightly better*

Hannah - did you say puppy? and a fire?.. i don't think i ever want to leave here! what's the puppy's name?? Good luck on the interview; it seems like you've been preparing quite well for it. I'm having brain freeze though and can't quite remember what it's for... i'm fairly certain you told me... let us know how things go!

Helen - good luck with the meeting; I think you need to be honest and let them know what's going on, that way they can offer help... i would be scared too; but just think tomorrow this time it's all over; good or bad, it will be behind you and you will be able to move forward.

Hana - what's wrong? Do you want to talk about it? *cuddles you*

Emma - *hugs you* that's frustrating... it sucks that it's taking so long for them to help you.. it doesn't mean, though, that they think everything is ok... unfortunately waiting games are part of it all :S It'll be over two months of waiting by the time I get to see my psych; and earlier this year I had to wait two months before i could see the psychiatrist.. not fun when you're not feeling well. Can they put you on a waiting list, for if there are cancellations?

Kahlia - wouldn't it be nice if we could do that? *hugs* Hope things get brighten for you.

Dayna - *hugs* what's going on? do you want to talk about it?

Kat - *offers lots of safe hugs* that sounds like a frustrating/scary situation you have with your alter... wish I could offer some help; but i don't know what to say... but am thinking of you muchly.

Arwen - Glad to hear you had a great night! What did you do? Hope things are good tonite too!

Mary Anne - mmm brownies! thanks! sorry to hear you are in a low spot; i know it may seem hard to believe right now, but you will find a way out.. it's just not necessarily gonna be great in the interim. *hugs*

*leaves lots more hugs* *stokes fire* *offers the puppy treats*

--
today was fairly well other than that I'm coming down with a sore throat. :S But it could be worse, I guess. My mom was in my room yesterday and I'm scared she may have seen a book I have about SI/SH... don't know what to do/think.. am worried about it.. :S

Ravyn: My...friend. The one I've had the issues with. He...was stringing me and three other girls all at the same time...

Telling us he loves us. Saying he loved me, then being cold with me. Then moving onto another. Bugging us all for...pictures. Things like that. I genuinely, genuinely loved him, so much that it hurt knowing that I'm in England and he was in America. And now I don't know if anything he said was true. I know it's not my fault, that he's to blame, he was manipulative and got several of us under his spell, but I feel stupid, and a whore

OH. And he tried to use MY ****ING EVICTION as an excuse for not telling us all about it

*hugs Dayna* First off, you are NOT stupid and NOT a whore! That is incredibly awful of him!! don't know what to say.. so just sits with you and offers hugs.

i wish I could yell at him and hurt him for hurting you...

*Hugs back tightly*

I told my housemate, as well, 'cause she'd end up finding out sooner or later, and my God. She's normally a wonderful, wonderful woman, but she got so angry, it scared me o_o;.

Housemate: How are you?
Me: Eh, I'm okay
Housemate: Are you sure? You don't seem it
Me: It's just problems with [name]. ...He's been stringing all three of us along
Housemate: *Angry* ...What?
Me: He's been stringing all three of us along
Housemate: *Practically explodes and demands to have his email address and saying she's gonna kill him*
Me: O_O!!!! We'll manage it ourselves! We've all been talking. Seriously, we're gonna handle it ourselves o____o;;;;;
Housemate: *Hugs instead*

Scary housemate is scary when angry

wow! ya, does sound scary!


[and might I add.. your facial expressions in text definitely are awesome!]

Yeah...and lol, thanks. The stupid thing is, I still feel like I love him x_x. I just want to be comforted by him, even though it's his ****ing fault I'm so hurting in the first place >_<

I don't think that's stupid.. think of it this way.. he's been your support for a while, and when you feel bad you're used to being comforted by him and it helps. Now, you're hurting, and even though it's because of him, your old patterns [i.e. seeking comfort from him] aren't gone to change instantneously [although that would be nice].. so in a way it makes sense that you would want him to comfort you, cuz that's worked in the past.

don't know if that makes sense.. it made more sense in my head..
but ya, feelings don't often change as quickly as we'd like.. :/

Yeah, it makes sense. I just hate it. I wondered earlier if finding all this out instantly made me hate him but no, of course not. No, I still have to have feelings for him. And ugh, he was trying to emotionally blackmail us and **** as well.

He was going on about killing himself to one of the other girls. And he said something about he didn't want to hurt anyone, so I laughed myself stupid, told him exactly why I thought that was bullshit, and he gave me a longwinded reply that began with 'then kill me'.

I won't tolerate emotional blackmail, especially when said emotional blackmailer is the ****ing one in the wrong in the first place. The only reason I think he didn't try it with me was because when he said that 'then kill my' reply, I retorted with an eye-rolling emote and said something like 'my apologised if I can't sympathise with your 'pity me' **** right now'.

URGH

urgh! emotional blackmail is evil! [imho] Good for you for not taking it from him... i hope your feelings get sorted out sooner rather than later.. from a past relationship, it took me a long time to get it sorted out [but then i don't deal with my problems to begin with] but once i did, it felt so much better.

well... i have to head off to bed or i'll be not able to focus at work tomorrow... *hugs* i hope he stops being so mean soon!.. take care of yourself! I'll try and check-in in the morning.

Well, when he discovered that I knew about his lies, he eventually IM'd me. We had a rather awkward conversation, and he said he was going to take his leave. He hasn't IM'd be since, and that was several hours ago. I wonder what's going to happen tomorrow.

*Hugs back* Speak to you tomorrow, and sweet dreams

*Rocks in the corner* It feels like everything's crumbling to pieces >_<

Thanks Shell, will let you know how it goes :-)

*hugs Dayna* sorry to hear he's been such a ****, you have got to give yourself time and don't beat yourself up about it, sorry not more help *offers more hugs*

*hugs all round* gotta go though *stokes fire and feeds puppy* anybody any ideas for a name?

*Hugs Dayna*

Names for a puppy? I like calling my animals SinClair. I had a rabbit called Rabbit SinClair and think that you should call your puppy Puppy SinClair *Nods*

Went to an appointment at a day hospital yesterday, it went okay and I've been invited to the art therapy on Tuesday. I spent the rest of the day sleeping.

*Leaves hugs for everyone and thinks it's about time for a cigarette*
xxx

Hi all. The mouse is back and online, Yey!

Just checking in hope all are ok and doing well.

*Leaves hot chocolate and chocolates for every one. Hugs*

Hi Nicole! Good to see you again! thanks for the chocolate and hot chocolate. How are you doing?

Arwen - I like Puppy SinClair. :) Glad to hear that yesterday went ok. Art therapy sounds cool... have you been before?

Hannah - Hope the interview goes well! Looking forward to an update.

Dayna - *cuddles and sits by you* don't have words, but i'll stay by you.

*leaves hugs for everyone else* Hope everyone is doing okish.. Have a good day/night.

take care.

*stokes fire and sets out dog food*

*waves*
coming to hide in here for a bit
preferable to the real psych ward i am currently residing in!

*waves back* Hi dark_light; welcome!!

*offers a duvet and a mug of hot chocolate*

Hi everyone,

sorry I went AWOL for a bit, was in a bit of a dark hole.

Dayna, not had the chance to go back and find our what happened but from reading between the lines I think I know your pain.

Take care everyone, will try to check in a bit later on when I am home.

*leaves hugs and creme eggs*

Bleh.

Mary Anne: Ugh, I feel sorry for you. It's horrible *hugs*

Hey there dark_light *waves back also*

*Hugs Ravyn*

Wildly: Thanks all the same, tis appreciated. I'm just dreading today now ._.;. 'Cause he's gonna be online later. I doubt he'll talk to me, but...eh. Even though he claimed he was gonna leave RYL, it wouldn't surprise me if he's gonna continue stalking my posts

Nicole: Glad to see you back, hope you're not doing too badly

*Hugs Zowie* I'm glad to see that your appointment went well, and good luck with the art therapy

I think Puppy SinClair might get fat if everybody keeps feeding him, hell I might get fat if I keep eating all this chocolate..mmm...creme eggs...

Interview went okay, in fact I did my goddamnest best, but unfortunately I don't think it was good enough as at the end he said, don't worry if we don't get hold of you immediately we might be squabbling over someone and if we do ask someone else they may not accept the post ... hmm makes me think they have someone else in mind, no matter I did my best... keep on slogging

*gives Dayna a huge hug* keep going hun

*hugs mouse, Shell, Zowie, Dark Light and anybody else who pops by and wants one*

I'm now off to work but am celebrating tonight - friend's birthday (going to bake ginger cake, will make an extra one for you guys - and the fact that my interview is over and done with - wish me luck alcohol is demonic :P

Wildly: I'm trying my best. And good luck with the interview. If you think it went well, that I'm sure it did <3

I proper want a creme egg now :x

Im sleepy.
and bored.
and dont want to go to work.

because i feel SUUUUPPPPEEEERRRRRRR sad.

&& really down.


&& the last thing i need is people shouting at ME because THEY cant manage their own money.


Blah.


=[

You weren't the one who caused the hell *hugs*

What a week this is turning out to be, thank god it's friday again tomorrow and I can laze if I wants. Having a very testing day. Firstly I kept having panic attacks again like yesterday (where I then had flashabacks and possibly disassoicated) but least I was safer today. Then I had my meeting about missing assignments/lectures. After a lonnnnnng chat and explaining (so hard...) it looks like I will remain a full time student until the summer & do my new modules, then re-enrol in september but as part time 1st year student and re-do the modules I've not completed/handed in this year. But it may not be happening. So yeah. Plus got to ask myself some deep questions and return into counselling, it was time to go back anyway....*sighs*

*Hugs Helen* I know what a bummer it is when your illness makes you miss too many lectures. Hopefully it'll turn out alright for you :)

Feeling a bit low at the moment. Hugs would be nice *weak smile*
xxx

hmm just going to curl up in the corner, feeling low, and unwell.

*sigh* sorry I haven't been around much, again. Just, things getting on top of me. Tonight's going to hell. Been triggered to cut all day, but now, I'm getting triggered to OD, or something. Saw my counsellors on Tuesday, which was good, and helped, for a little, but, they gave me this sheet to check everything off that I think about myself, like the bad bits, and I can't do it, not without getting triggered or angry and then taking it out on Tom. *sigh* I tried telling him how I'm feeling but it's almost like he doesn't think it's important enough to worry about. I dunno.

Thanks sweetie *sighs* I am glad the option miht be there but I feel like I've ****ed it all up, well I already did...so yeah *cuddles back and then cuddles you lots and hopes you feel better soon*

*cuddles tight* Love you sweetie <3

*jumps and cuddles hells*

Hang in there matey...ok?

xxx

blah blah blah blahhh....
*waves arms around and collapses*



so.tired.