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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Detour. Derail 25-03-2008 10:06 PM

because....my mum and dad are bacl off holiday on Thursday...and...my nana and grandad are round tomorrow...and...i dunno *cries*
I took my meds...hoping theyd make me feel better...and they havent...

****it...i might as well OD ><

zowie 25-03-2008 10:13 PM

No hun. I feel like I'm going to OD too. We can stay away from the pills together.

Detour. Derail 25-03-2008 10:19 PM

i caaannntt :crying: ive been trying to fight this for the past few days...
its just getting worse and worse...

MammaMia 25-03-2008 11:25 PM

I got Alex to go A&E, I hope she'll be alright :(

Arrrrgh I'm doing so **** >.<

Pomegranate 26-03-2008 03:03 AM

FFFFUUUCCCKKK Why did I do that????? It canes....why??? Why can't i control myself????????

xflutterbyex 26-03-2008 05:35 AM

Im checking in for a while how about a month? cos i cant cope like this anymore....

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 08:30 AM

I'm back....
I feel sick, tired, defeated :(
It took aaggggeeesssss to get seen....during which time i sat in the waiting room crying my eyes out like a tw@t, and picking open my old cuts, and biting/scratching myself because there was a lack of sharp objects lying around....
I spoke to a nurse, a doctor, and a crisis team member/psyciatrist...
They kept me in over night and said they'd send someone to speak to me in the morning but when the nurse came to wake me up and then left...
I panicked and split :blink:
I should have just ODed :pinch:
Im soooo exhausted...
and I smell of hospitals...
*Would like to die now*

*EDIT* I've just realised how stupidly easy it is to walk out of a hospital....I was at the end of the corridor before anyone noticed and by the time the nurse had got down to the end...I was already out of the door...or maybe they just don't care about someone like me :pinch:

MammaMia 26-03-2008 10:06 AM

OMG Alex, that is like dugusting that she woke u up, and then basically told you to go.

Hospital stinks =\

Sooooo proud of you going though.

xx

zowie 26-03-2008 10:39 AM

I managed to sleep last night.
The feeling's not gone. I want to OD.

MammaMia 26-03-2008 04:16 PM

I'm right there with you, I wanna OD too :(

~*forever_broken*~ 26-03-2008 05:08 PM

Such feelings are the reason my therapist suggested I get rid of the OTC pain meds I use to OD... hasn't happened :-( and it won't. Too much comfort in having them, in knowing I can OD when nothing else works...

*hugs everyone*

Stay safe people

MammaMia 26-03-2008 05:33 PM

Grrrrr *doesn't want to be safe*

*hides in tent feeling silly things like nobody really does care*

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 06:09 PM

Helen...she didnt TELL me to go....but she woke me up asking if i wanted a tea or coffee and i was like "can i just have a knife?" she shook her head and left to see other patients...so i walked out...
Crisis team just called my house...they are calling back later

MammaMia 26-03-2008 06:15 PM

I realised she didn;t ask you earlier, I mis-read your post- silly me!!!

MammaMia 26-03-2008 06:18 PM

I hate myself for what I'm planning =\

What if I start the plan, and then the last part falls through, it'll all been for nothing...unless I buy alcohol myself?

:| ****.

zowie 26-03-2008 08:06 PM

Helen, how you doing?
I've kept myself busy, but I tonight isn't going to end well.

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 08:25 PM

I cant do this anymore ><
please let me go...
please :crying:
Im sorry guys...
love you all so much
xxxxx

zowie 26-03-2008 08:29 PM

Alex, stay safe. Please hun, we all love you too.

Can someone please take these pills away from me? I can't control myself much longer.

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 08:31 PM

I'LL HAVE THEM!!

zowie 26-03-2008 08:33 PM

Heh, oh hun. Whats wrong with us? xxxxx

~*forever_broken*~ 26-03-2008 08:35 PM

*snuggles Alexx and Helen*

Alexx love, please keep on trying, I know it doesn't seem like it but it'll get better.

Helen, hun, please stay safe... And no pain meds with the alcohol chica.

Me? I've got alcohol and am getting trashed tonight... Thank god gor alcohol...

Take care all.

*hands around blankets and pillows and a tea tray*

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 08:35 PM

I dunno...
I'm just brokened :'(

zowie 26-03-2008 08:36 PM

I don't know what to do. Should I go to A&E?
Part of me just wants to ruin me.

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 08:41 PM

go to A&E sweety...
please...for me?
I did last night...just like you said...
pretty please?

zowie 26-03-2008 08:45 PM

I've been talking to people on chat and they said mybe i should call samaritans or NHS direct.
If I phone nhs direct theyll tell me if A&E would take me seriously so I'll do that before going.

Im so scared :'(

Detour. Derail 26-03-2008 08:46 PM

huny they WILL take you seriously...
they'd much rather help you before you OD rather than after...

~*forever_broken*~ 26-03-2008 09:26 PM

Zowie, Alexx is right, they'll take you seriously sweetie.

*curls up in a tight ball in her corner under her blanket*

I'm not doing so well... I'm looking forward to tonights drinking binge and yet I'm worried it won't turn out well :pinch:. Actually I'm kind of scared :crying:

MammaMia 26-03-2008 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 653752)
Helen, how you doing?
I've kept myself busy, but I tonight isn't going to end well.

I'm doing crappier than ever woooooo :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 653820)
I cant do this anymore ><
please let me go...
please :crying:
Im sorry guys...
love you all so much
xxxxx

No freaking ass way hun, I love you too much. :crying:

Detour. Derail 27-03-2008 12:18 AM

*yawn* im so tired.
Parents have just got back off holiday..so are recounting the past two weeks to me...
and im nervous coz the crisis team are calling me tomorrow...
what if my mum or dad answers?

squiggles 27-03-2008 12:26 AM

Grabs a duvet and sets up camp on first avaliable bed. Never been to a psyc ward before but think this is probably the safest place to be right now.
Hugs to all arounds.
Squiggles

effervescence 27-03-2008 12:51 AM

hi squiggles. welcome to our denial tent. its a tent i stole from my dad and brought in here vand when youre in it everything is safe and u dont need to worry. how are u?
alexx just make sure you answer all calls 1st!! dont move away from the phone. wat would happen if your parents answered?
mum sent me an easter egg (late) so im sitting here eating it all in one go trying to cheer myself up....but i just feel FAT

MammaMia 27-03-2008 01:08 AM

*cries*

I'm so scared. >.<

~*forever_broken*~ 27-03-2008 01:50 AM

*hugs Helen*

I'm sorry hun, I've got nothing.

Am well on my way to trashed... And feeling awful :crying:

~*forever_broken*~ 27-03-2008 03:23 AM

SO f**king drunk :pinch:
And I feel awful... I can see myself slitting my wrists... Or ODing... I just want to feel better, I just want the Normal that others have... Damn, I suck :crying:

~*forever_broken*~ 27-03-2008 04:05 AM

I'm so needy... I'm sorry, I'm an annoyance...pathetich I know... :crying::crying::crying::crying:

Damn, why can't I just die :crying::pinch:

effervescence 27-03-2008 07:00 AM

ally, you're not an annoyance. hope you're ok and your hangover isn't too bad :s
helen, wat are u scared of?
*curls up in her corner* i can't do this, don't see my counsellor till next thurs, its ages, im running out of strength, i just want the world to go away. *tries to go to sleep for like, a week*

squiggles 27-03-2008 08:25 AM

*Hugs* Helen.
*Snuggles up under duvet, hiding from the world*
Wish I could do that in real life, sadly I am at work but how the hell I;m going to get through the day I don't know.
Major fall out with Mum last night, complaining I was making too much noise (I suppose it was 2:00am).
I feel so alone in the world, I miss Dad & I miss my ex. Life is ****.
I go through every day thinink of SI, in fact why lie not just thinking of it doing it. Recently I have been thinking of ODing as well, which is scary as it's new to me.
I wish this could all end.
That's enough of a rant and self pity, I should get to work.
*Hugs to all*
Hope you all have a good day.
Squiggles

Jetforce 27-03-2008 10:07 AM

*hugs Squiggles* hang in there mate! things will get better and improve one day :-)

*hugs ally* I hope that talk with u have made u think 2x about SI tonite while drunk :P

*drops by with some chocolate cake for anybody to munch on*
Look after urself ppl there :-) PM if u need to chat xx

MammaMia 27-03-2008 04:29 PM

Thanks guys, Ally I hope you managed to not cut or anything..

Urrgh I'm scared of my own self control. I'm scared of what will happen if I do what my plan constists of. If I do it, who's to say I'm not going to start abusing alcohol too?

I made a promise to myself in November, that I wouldn't use it as a form of self harm. I already want to break it. At the same time, I don't want to do this...I need someone to talk me out of this ****ing ****...cus I've already had a couple people try....it's slowly working.

*hides in the tent*

Detour. Derail 27-03-2008 04:35 PM

effervescence-Im scared coz everytime they have rung...theyve gone "hello this is [insert name here] from the crisis team. Is alexx there?" my parents dont know a)how i was feeling b)that i spent the night in hospital c)that i need a psychiatrist and CBT. it could be awkward to explain....theyll freak out.

Ally. Stay strong sweety! you're not ANY of those things you said you are!! FAR FROM IT!!*hides your alcohol and tucks you into bed* sleep it off. you're safe here. nothing can hurt you.

Helen. Keep fighting darlin' you can do this...I KNOW YOU CAN!!! *huggles you tight* keep fighting for me ok?

Pomegranate 27-03-2008 04:39 PM

Helen, you know it isn't the answer. I honestly don't know what is but it definitely isn't what you are planning. If I ever figure it out you will be the first to know *hugs*. Stay strong hun x

Chloe, you CAN do this too. You only have a few more days until you see your counsellor. Just keep holding on and hiding in the denial tent and eventually things may seem a little easier *hugs*

*hugs Squiggles*

Ally- I'm sorry hun, I am sorry you are feeling so bad and sorry that I can't help with your pain. I won't even lecture you on how alcohol won't solve anything because it would be too hypocritical and won't help now. I just hope and pray that you have managed to stay relatively safe. Please let us know how you are doing.

*takes chocolate cake and scoffs it* Thanks Jeremy!

.....................

I was supposed to have my minor op thing today but when I got there they decided it was infected and they couldn't do anything with it at the moment. So now got to go back on Tuesday morning for them to decide what they are going to do with it. I hope they don't just leave it because hurts like a bitch and the scar is going to be awful if they do. Also got them to check out other arm and they decided that was alright too....not too sure about this one either but hey they should know I suppose. So yeah, now both arms are bandaged to my elbow. *sigh* not happy!

MammaMia 27-03-2008 04:39 PM

I'm trying to fight against it. I know I have to. I feel like I can't breathe right now, seriously. >.<

I wish this was easier, but then there'd be no point?

:(

Pomegranate 27-03-2008 04:40 PM

*hugs Alexx* next time they call could you not maybe ask them not to introduce themselves like that? Hope you are doing a bit better x

MammaMia 27-03-2008 04:43 PM

Emma, I hope it does go ahead on next tuesday, cus I know how you were last night about it. :notsure: I thought I told you last night what I was palnning to do :crying: I don't think I'll do it anyway.......

On a side note, I may be suidicial. I may want to die. But I can't hurt so many people, I know that. I may want to die and god knows what. But I have to fight against this, otherwise I'm just going to upset more people along the way and everyone will worry too much. I want bad things to happen, I want to coutinue being a shitty person.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW WHAT IS THE BET ROUTE TO TAKE. :blink:

Detour. Derail 27-03-2008 04:45 PM

Oh yuck...went to the creative corner...to check up on my thread...no comments...I know my writing sucks but i didnt think it was THAT bad!! :/

HELEN!!! HOLD ON HUN!!
you CAN do this....i believe in you....call/text me if you need to yeh?
*big hugssssssssss*

Pomegranate 27-03-2008 04:45 PM

hey hun, yeah you did tell me what it was. When I said I don't know in my earlier reply, I meant I don't know what the solution is....sorry should have been more clear :) I am very proud of you for your response and attitude in your last post though (about staying strong for others). I will speak to you later x

MammaMia 27-03-2008 04:55 PM

Thank you two seriously.

I have to fight against my plan of today, yeah I might still drink, but that's better than no food, OD & then alcohol.

I can't hurt the people who've done nothing but try and help me. I feel bad a bit, because at times all I've done is push people away tbh. :S

Yeah I may feel I'm at edge, but things are gonna get better, they have to :)

~*forever_broken*~ 27-03-2008 06:20 PM

Thanks all.

Didn't have much of a hangover thank goodness. Ah, the power of H2O

I feel awful. I just keep thinking, what's the point? What makes it worth it anymore? My family knows I cut. There's no point now :crying:

I'm tired, I feel awful and I just don't care any more. I've got a counseling session in underr two hours and I'm apprehensive about that... I have not been in a good place the past two weeks or so... Been EXTREAMLY drunk twice in the last three days, over dosed three times last week, cut seriously once (to the point stitches were required) and cut quite a bit besides that... And then there's the fact that I don't see the point anymore... I don't really feel I have anything worth living for any more. Certainly it doesn't feel worth it now that my family knows... I don't care if I die... as a matter of fact I'd rather like to...

g*d damn :crying:

I'm sorry I'm no good right now... I hope you all take care.

Detour. Derail 27-03-2008 06:42 PM

Ally sweetheart...theres always a point...
You're still here and fighting arent you?
I know its hard hun and if I could make it easier for you then I would...
But you have to keep fighting.
Love you lots hunni
*big hugs*
xxx

Detour. Derail 27-03-2008 06:48 PM

ARGH!! I HATE IT WHEN STUFF LIKE THAT HAPPENS!!!
I just explained EVERYTHING to my dad through a rush of adrenaline, fear and a few tears..because i was scared that they would answer the phone when the crisis team rang...so my parents have gone to walk the dogs and no doubt dad will tell mum...who will freak out...
and whilst they were out....THE CRISIS TEAM RANG ><
They said if i was feeling a bit better they were gonna discharge me....
maybe...i should have mentioned the urges i still have....but oh well :/
stay strong guys
xxxxxxxx


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