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PoisonedApple 07-07-2010 06:09 PM


Originally Posted by CrazyHayley (Post 2390412)
Crimson - your poor brother-in-law! That is a mammoth tour of duty, I shall never complain again about Eoghan only having a few months between his Iraq and Afghanistan tours or the fact that he's away for 6and a half months (though remind me I said that in a few!!) That's an awful strain for him and all of your family. Please tell me that he at least gets some RnR in that time?!! It makes me think of extending my prayers, I sometimes forget about the other countries troops fighting alongside the british when saying my prayers at night, bad bad hayley-rose! PM me if you ever need to, not just on army afghan stuff, as I know you've so much else going on too at the mo.

That goes for anyone, PM me, I may not always be able to help, but I like to think that I am a good listenener (or reader as the case may be, lol)

ho-hum, time to let the adorable nightmare out! Check back in a bit later. TTFN!

We're not sure. When I was military they couldn't keep you deployed to a place for over a year without a week stateside but he won't be in one place over a year he'll be moved from one to the other and home a yr after he goes to the second place so we don't know if they have to let him come home between or after a year or if him going to 2 separate places means they don't have to let him. I hope that makes sense I'm still really tired (have been since I got up). These days it seems like no matter how much sleep I get it isn't enough.
Being tired should make it interesting when I try to get the local businesses to help with my paper balloon campaign... (trying to fund raise for the leukemia lymphoma society in advance of the light the night walk...)
*grumbles about her boss being a f'ing moron and wanders off.*

shadowedsoul 07-07-2010 07:05 PM

Argh!!!!! Why just why. ****sake I really give up. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! =[

Doikers 07-07-2010 07:09 PM

Jill Need a hug? * Offers *

shadowedsoul 07-07-2010 07:16 PM

Thanks mark, nods head. =[

Doikers 07-07-2010 07:18 PM

*Hugs Jill TONS*

Whats wrong?

Doikers 07-07-2010 07:32 PM

I'm having some very real , very scary thoughts/fantasies about cutting myself :(
Also I think I saw fish in my floor like it was water a bit ago , that was weird, has that happened to you guys before?

These fantasies are no fun , NO Mustn't do them already cut today grrr

PoisonedApple 07-07-2010 08:17 PM

*cuddles mark*
I haven't had that happen before for the fish thing... do you mean like you saw water with fish where your floor is or like you literally saw fish swimming in your flooring like water? I have had the cutting ones though. Where I actually see an injury I haven't made when my urges get on the worse side...

Scarletdreamer 07-07-2010 09:40 PM

i'm sorry for the lack of individual replies/support right now, especially as i know that so many of us need it, but... i'm going absolutely ****ing crazy. i'm at my parents' - still - 4th day in a row, and i just want some privacy where i can cut. i hate myself so ****ing much for eating so much ("so much") and i just want to have some time to myself. i don't know. and then there's stuff going on with jarrod that is worrying me... he's trying to get out of his current job (well, he's on furlough now but he's supposed to go back to his job on the 26th) because it's a "toxic environment" for him... he's considering the air force... or some sort of military, and that terrifies the snot out of me. i don't know what to do about it either, as God isn't giving us - well, me, anyway - guidance on where to go with this. i don't want him to be deployed, because i would be a wreck without him, and i don't want to have to live without him for a long period of time. we don't have kids and no possibility of having them after his operation - for the best - but still, nothing to live for with him gone. i don't know. am i making any sense at all? :-S

i just want to give up. please???

I'mJustMe 07-07-2010 09:41 PM

*Hugs Jill* What's wrong sweet? I also hate school holiday. I am soo grateful for work experiacne at the mo because I have to spend too much time with my family and I just...urgh.

*Hugs April*- Hope you're Ok. At least you've almost finished the internship, that'll be a weight off your shoulders.
*Joins April in hole and offers tea* tea always helps. What's up?

Mark- I'm sorry you cut today. Try to hold on this time, you have proved before you can resist the urges and I know you can do it again *encouraging hugs*

*Hugs and tea to anyone else who need them.

Little happiness for you- I'm bang-tidy. And I mean it right now. I met someone named Jack this evening. We got on really well and my friends were teasing me for ages. They reckon we were both flirting. I like him, but I don't know if I do in that way...I'm adding him on fb though, only maybe not tonight, I don't want to look too keen...:)

I'mJustMe 07-07-2010 09:50 PM

Oh and April, you're not allowed to give up I'm afraid. I only read that after I posted mine.

I'mJustMe 07-07-2010 10:04 PM

Oh Luke-What's up? Well done on deciding to give up, I hope it continues to go well for you. DO something that uses your hands so you can't pull your hair out. Write or make paper areoplanes.

katnovia 07-07-2010 10:47 PM

Kat is feeling rather ashamed of herself at the moment, so I am here for her instead. I dont know what she writes about here, so Im just going to sit, if you dont mind of course.

shadowedsoul 07-07-2010 10:55 PM

Thanks mark and lia,Can't really answer that right now, I have not much energy right now sorry.just didn't want to you to think I was ingnouring the both of you. If that even make sence, idk. Huggles both lia and mark. Sorryi thought I had a couple of times wasn't sure tho.

PoisonedApple 07-07-2010 10:57 PM

Luke sometimes it isn't about looks but necessity. If you need to shave it to keep from pulling it I'd say go for it.If it looks bad to you you can always wear bandannas and hats.

Elizabeth? You are welcome to sit as long as you like in here... why is Kat feeling ashamed of herself?

I'mJustMe 07-07-2010 11:02 PM

Luke - I'm so sorry about your girlfriend (or boyfriend). Perhaps things will be Ok, 'need time to think' is better than 'you're dumped'. It might be OK. I'm glad you had a good night with you mates.

You could try shaving your head, if it looks bad just wear a bandana like a pirate and go around with a sword 'arrrr!' ing at people. Oh that reminds me of anther crappy joke.

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrr!

It's Ok Jill, whenever you feel ready. If that's never then that's OK too,we will just be here to support you :)

My name's spelt Lia btw, but don't worry about it :) Speaking of which, does anyone know if Lea Michelle's name is pronounced Le-ah, or Lee? Not that it really matters, just something that's bugging me.


Scarletdreamer 07-07-2010 11:02 PM

i don't want jarrod to be in the military... i'm so scared... :'(

i don't want to be at my parents' anymore. just want to give up. quit. and i cut earlier with a not-completely-sanitary tool and i'm scared now. :-S

feel so ****ing stupid. hate the options for the future, just want to give up... why can't i??? :crying:

edit - sorry once again for the lack of individual replies. feel pretty **** about not replying to you guys but... i will try to later.

katnovia 07-07-2010 11:08 PM

That monster Thomas has been making her read sick stuff and do nasty things again. It was the best ramiel and I could do to stop him getting near the others. I just hope that Kat can take it happening again, she's been doing so well.

**Forgot important words** - Elizabeth x

PoisonedApple 07-07-2010 11:17 PM

*cuddles April* sorry i don't think i have anything constructive to say that would help but don't give up hun.
luke- it's crimson. if it makes you feel better i didn't substitute anything for it when i sheared my hair for that reason.
*cuddles kat/elizabeth* sorry i'm fairly useless right now

katnovia 07-07-2010 11:22 PM

I wouldn't call you useless crimson, you're talking to me which is very helpful. I just need to find someone who can help us control thomas better, before he hurts the littles again.

(hah, you wouldn't believe it but i've just been scared witless by the rabbit! lol.)

katnovia 07-07-2010 11:30 PM

I'm sorry you feel that way (sorry I dont know your name) Do you think a cup of camomile tea would help perhaps?

katnovia 07-07-2010 11:47 PM

Hello Luke, I'm Elizabeth, but Liz'll do fine! I dont see how it's self-defeating, it is certainly a feeling we know well.

katnovia 07-07-2010 11:58 PM

Try not to worry, I'm sure everything will pan out in the end Luke. I think the slope downwards gets faster nearer the bottom, however from the bottom you can't fall any further. Hmm, I find it funny talking to you, we have a new baby nephew called Luke!

Scarletdreamer 08-07-2010 12:14 AM

updated my r/v just so y'all know... :( will probably update it again shortly, but i'm not certain.

still am not up to individual replies, so sorry. :'( feel so damn useless.

Kahlia1981 08-07-2010 01:14 AM

*hugs/waves at all wardies*

Sorry, am not up to individual replies right now, but I have been reading.

Still anxious as heck. Just want all this to go away. Oh, and have a massive xanax hangover, but that's to be expected.

Sorry everyone is struggling. :-(

MammaMia 08-07-2010 08:45 AM

Does anyone want to go to my appointment for me? :(

shadowedsoul 08-07-2010 10:25 AM

Urgh!!!! Today is going to one of those days. Today sucks, wish our vist was over already. curls up and hides. =[

CrazyHayley 08-07-2010 10:34 AM

Got a busy day today just filled up with crap but these things have to be done. Got my wii fit evening tonight, I've not been on it in weeks, I know thats bad for my physical health but I've been avoiding the weighing part as my ED has been so bad recently. Can't let the facade slip infront of Jo, she'll tell Eoghan. Blah....

Not sure how much I'll have chance to pop into the common room and catch up with you all again, but I'm thinking of you and caught up on last nights struggles - oh how I wish a huggle could make all the pain and bad stuff go away for you all. You're in my thoughts.

*appropriate tlc packages for each and every wardie*

*toddles off to smoking shelter before starting the days to do list!*

MammaMia 08-07-2010 10:51 AM

Horrible horrible day, roll on 1.30pm please :'(

Doikers 08-07-2010 11:14 AM

Overslept .
Now I feel a bit grotty but I don't know how to feel other than that today.
Everyone seems to be struggling and I wish I knew what to say to make it all better.
Sorry I'm not doing individual replies , I don't have the energy right now.
I'm off to read your R/V thread April.
*Crosses Fingers for Helen*

*Cleans up spilt coffee *IDIOT**

Scarletdreamer 08-07-2010 11:35 AM

okay... i think i'm doing well enough this morning to attempt individual replies. i think. i'm sorry if i miss you. :-S

lia, love, so glad that you were actually bang-tidy (where on earth did you come up with that phrase? lol...) yesterday. meeting new people, especially ones that are cute/seem to like you, can often lift your spirit. i'm glad that you got on well with jack. :) *hugs*

*hugs luke* sorry i've not responded to so many of your posts. but i agree with crimson, it's not necessarily how you look that matters (although i understand why that would too) but getting away from the ocd. anyway, a lot of guys look good with shaved heads. :) and whoever all suggested it, they're right - you could always wear bandannas or hats. there are some pretty awesome bandannas out there for motorcyclists... hehehe. ;) anyway... even still, could you buzz-cut it so you still have hair but not long enough to pull out? just a thought, dunno how you'd feel about that or if you'd find a way to pull it out... oh, and chamomile tea really does calm me down, i've found, just the soothing'ness of hot tea as long as it's not caffeinated really helps with the anxiety. so does moving about, jumping or running or walking fast, or even doing crunches. *extra hugs*

liz, thanks for coming out and talking to us about kat and what's going on. i'm guessing that thomas is the "dark" one of you that kat's been trying to figure out for awhile?? just taken from assumption there and from what you said about the "sick stuff" he's been making her read (*hugs for kat!!*)... sorry if i'm wrong!! :-/ and also, are you okay with hugs? *offers them in a jar in case you aren't*

*cuddles crimson* how are you, lovely?

*cuddles hels* i'm sorry that you're having an awful day, and i hope that your appt goes well. :( i feel bad, wish i could help you more or say something constructive, but i am unable to... since i don't really know what to say!! (and there, i'm blathering on again... :( ...sorry)

*cuddles hayley* i hope you enjoy the wii night. i'm sorry that your eating disorder has been so bad (i hate to sound weird and probing, but just curious, which ed do you have?? cos i have one too - ednos - just curious)... wish i could help you more with that too. feel free to pm me anytime, just to vent or whatever, because i like to think (as well) that i'm a good listener/reader. you've got my shoulder to cry on. same goes for all of you... no matter what you're struggling with, you can pm me. :)

*cuddles jill* what's up, sweet? how are you doing today?

*cuddles mark* you are not an idiot, i promise. everyone spills things sometimes... and that does not make you an idiot, nor does anything else that you've done. i think you're a sweet, lovely person that deserves love, health, and happiness... i'm sorry that you don't feel close to any of those things right now, and i wish i could zoom you along the path of recovery to get there. :( thanks for reading my r/v, it means a lot to me!! and yeh, sadly i do put stuff in there that i don't when i'm writing in my lj. i'm a bit more real there than i ever am in my lj. sorry you "have" to keep up with 2 things at once!! :-S

*cuddles kahlia* how're you holding up, love?

*cuddles nicole, julie, kathryn, taz, oliver, jk, and all of the other people i know i'm missing!!*

still at parents'. i'm going absolutely stir-crazy even though we were out of the house for a good amount of time yesterday. i just want to be out of here. i don't even know why it's so "bad" for me to be here, minus the fact that there is a lot more food. :-S

i hate myself so ****ing much. but no news there, ey? :'(

no closure on what jarrod's going to do about his job. i keeping wishing that God would provide us an answer and jarrod keeps asking me if i've got any illumination but me?! God's never spoken to me like He speaks to jarrod. it's so ****ing frustrating. it reinforces me feeling not "sane" enough to hear God's voice. or not "healthy" enough. i don't know. so frustrating. sorry if that was offensive to any of you who aren't Christian. :-S if it is, i'll delete it, just let me know.

i filled out most of the app for mercy ministries yesterday. now, to take a full length photo of myself (*gag*) and also get all of my records from the one hospital i went to for ect. guhhhh. :( don't want to go to res... :-S

*hides in the warren and cries there because she can't cry irl*

stupid comp logged me out... luckily i could copy this reply and paste it back!! :-/

Doikers 08-07-2010 01:10 PM

It's just gone 1pm so *Roots for Luke*

wolfos3d 08-07-2010 01:23 PM

It's been two weeks and I really want to give in. The urges just won't go away. It's too hard. :(

I'mJustMe 08-07-2010 01:37 PM

Sorry guys, I can't do individual replies right now, have to be back at W/E in 8 minutes.

*Hugs in a jar and tea to all*

Oh, and April, my friend Ronnie taught me it. It's gangster lingo fo the f word that isn't ****. Well, it actually means 'good' but same thing.


shadowedsoul 08-07-2010 03:30 PM

Thanks for The hugs Hun, I'm here that's about as far as it goes today. Just want to hide today. today a **** day =(

Doikers 08-07-2010 03:43 PM

Luke, I'm glad the appointment went well and hope the relaxation exercises work for you *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill* Why is today so **** for you? you don't have to say if you don't want to.

* Hugs Jessica* You can do it , I know those urges and hate those urges too , could you try and distract yourself or make camomille tea to calm you?

Me, Well I have the urge too, probably not as strong but it's building up :( *Sigh*
I'm gonna lay on my bed again today for a bit , I do that a LOT lately.

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 05:35 PM

*pokes head in*
*catches up reading while everyone's away*
*avoids answering the question of how I am, though i did read it*
*hides in the garden tending the roses*

MammaMia 08-07-2010 05:54 PM

I had my appointment before my last post, but thank you April. It was horrible. I give up, I really do. I don't care, I'll just have to keep struggling on alone. Can survive just fine. Been suicidal with NO interventions (professional wise) and I'm still here aren't I???? I said roll on 1.30pm earlier as my Dad & Jane were picking me up. It's my best friend's birthday today. Wish I was with her like last year. I cried down the phone to her for over an hour - opps! Then ended up pouring stuff out to Jane (my Dad was listening) about today and stuff. So yeah, she was sweet about it :) Said I can always talk to her.

I'm sooooo sore after Alton Towers yesterday!!! Oh forgot to say, Jocelyn who used to post here came with us :D

CrazyHayley 08-07-2010 05:56 PM

*has read all the goings on and is in awe of April's ability to do the most amazing comprehensive reply!*

I haven't time to do proper reply as I need to clean up the mess from Reggie's play things before my wii evening. Tried to have an early dinner so that I won't be completely bloated and heavy when on the scales. I'll PM you April about my ED when I get the chance, not that I'm hiding it from anyone, but I forget the rules sometimes and I don't want to break any or trigger anyone.

Anyhoo, thinking of you all and wishing I had the time to spend on here as I've got pondering to do over whether to take new pain meds or go back on my crutches..... catch you in a flip-flop....

Doikers 08-07-2010 06:32 PM

I've no motivation.
I don't want anything just to sleep and cut and cut and sleep.
I'm so sick of being so low , I can't shake it it must be well over a month now if not 2 , I don't actually remember the last day I was happy :( that's makeing me more low , I'm just a failure , I'm gonna lay down.

Have fun with your Wii Hayley *Hug*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Crimson*

one_step_closer 08-07-2010 06:41 PM

*hugs Mark* I'm feeling much the same way as you. It's horrible.

shadowedsoul 08-07-2010 06:59 PM

Hugs mark, sorry it's taken so long to reply to u.today has been **** our overall manger was at our store today, so everyone was running around like blue arshed flys. And we of course get the usual **** about about they expect us to be all happy and chaty to customers. (1 i find that hard at the best of times.(2 yeah that would be fine if I acutally felt that way. But I don't , I'm having a hard enough time trying to be all happy around my parents. Urgh it's all bulls*it anyway and I don't care. =(

Wish I didn't feel so damn tierd all the time, lost count the times today that I just wanted t curl up somewhere and sleep. lieing on my bed now and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Doikers 08-07-2010 07:43 PM

Lindsay*Hugs* It is horrible yes.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you had a crap day , maybe a cup of tea and some early sleep might help ?

Kahlia1981 08-07-2010 07:50 PM

*offers hugs to all wardies*

it's freaking cold. would any of you in the northern hemisphere like some cold weather?

i'm sorry so many of you are struggling. i wish that i could wave a magic wand, or just sort of lightly touch you on the shoulder and make it all better for you. :-(

my anxiety is really bad, and to top it off i have really severe stomach cramps. my psychiatrist put me on beta-blockers for the anxiety and (it's only day two) they aren't doing anything yet, but i know i have to give them time.

my housemate keeps forcing me to leave the house, but i really don't like it. i have to leave the house today .... i have to get some vitamin c, but i really don't want to. :-( .... especially because the stupid v8 racing cars are in our town this weekend.

sorry, i talk about myself far too much. i'll shut up now.

*grabs invisibility cloak and disappears*

Doikers 08-07-2010 08:04 PM

TO April, and Hayley and all other WoW players . has WoW added an update? because mine sais it has and refuses to let me log on and I really could use the distraction , it just sais to try again later or contact technical support thankyou for your help guys , sorry this is off topic.

Like I said I REALLY could use the distraction , my left sleeve is all rolled up without me thinking about it and I'm not VERY safe , besides I really need to catch up with Hayley on WoW lol I'm so far behind and I haven't felt like playing and the one time I force myself to get off my backside and try and DO something it won't let me , Frustrating much!!

I'll take a few less degrees Kahlia, I'm finding it hot , I HATE Hot weather hmmm.

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 08:29 PM

*declines the offer of lower temps (it's 59F right now... high of 64F today)* Thanks though, Kahlia. You don't talk about yourself too much you just update us all :)

Mark~ I know those of us in the states have been having mandatory updates in prep for the next expansion but we have to download the patch before it'll even let us go to the log in page so my guess is that its a server down... They may be trying to fix something and have the servers down and that would say to try again later but usually on the side of the log in it has a box that tells you if the server is down... Sorry just guessing and rambling. Could check with blizzard's website...

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 08-07-2010 08:35 PM

Thanks Crimson , I'll try again tommorow I guess . What to do to distract myself tonight ? I could say the hell with it and go to bed but I'll just lay there stewing and end up S.I.ing , I guess I'll loiter around the ward try and help folks as they pass through

Doikers 08-07-2010 09:06 PM

*Spots Lia* Hows you?

I'mJustMe 08-07-2010 09:18 PM

Helen- I'm sorry your appointment didn't go well Helen, but you don't have to do it alone. You have us. Do you already have any support outside of RYL? I'm glad you were able to talk to someone, it's more than I have ever managed. Why was it so bad? The appointment that is, what went wrong? Maybe you can give it one last shot, because believe me, you don't want to be alone. I've made myself that way and now I don't know how to ask for help anymore and it's just the worst...It's just...well never mind, just don't do it alone. No one wants to be alone, not even me.

Mark- Please do try to resist cutting. You've done it before and can do it again. Maybe you could try something to distract yourself, do something that doesn't involve lying on the bed. I know doing nothing is often the easiest option, but it can make you feel so much worse.

Angelic Monster- sorry, I don't know your name. What's up? Are you OK? I mean really, not happy mask.

Jill- Maybe you could just sleep. If you're just on the bed, you're obviously not too busy, what's the matter with an afternoon nap every now and again. Only now it will be a 9.15 nap, but still. You know what I mean. Unless you have already fallen asleep because it's taken me so long to reply which wouldn't be surprising. Sorry.

Luke- Glad the appointment went well and things seem to be better for you at the moment. Or at least for today.

Lindsey- What's the matter? Anything we can help with? Or just something that might help to get out. Don't give up though, like Mark you can resist the urges, you just gotta hang on and I know it's not as easy as all that, but you could try something to distract yourself. The very fact that you're trying to hang on shows you don't really want to and do have some will to get better. Other wise you would just give in to all the urges all the time. Just think about how good it feels when you beat an urge and focus on that.

Kahlia- I know it's hard to go out and stuff, but maybe it's a good thing people are making you do so. It's the only way you will and the only way anything is going to get any better. I for one have to be forced to do some things or I never will. Like getting out of bed. Usually, my alarm drives me so nuts I get up, I don't often want to. I had to be bullied into chemistry lessons for two years, I only scieved off one of the once. Sorry, rambling. You don't have to shut up, talk about yourself as much as you want. And WOW! An invisibility cloak! Is it one of the deathly hallows?!

April- How are you at the moment? Your post was quite a while ago. Glad you felt OK enough to do individual replies. Don't hate yourself, there's no need to. You're beautiful and strong, Jarrod's lucky to have you. If he does go, that doesn't change the fact that he loves you and you love him. I know you will be scared and I know how hard it is to cope without the one you love when they are quite often the only thing holding you up, but you can still contact him in other ways, and he will be home some of the time. It's not forever, and it's not a goodbye. Just a 'see you later'. I'm Christian too and know all of this must be for a reason, I just don't know what the reason is and wish he would enlighten me. Perhaps he has and I am just being dense. Don't worry about offending people who aren't Christian, you have ever right to your faith and if they don't believe it they don't have to comment.

Haley- How are you today? Finished tidying yet?

I'm tired of being 'OK'. I'm tired of doing this alone and I'm tired of being the strong one. Sometimes, it's so hard to do all these individual replies when all I want to do is...*breathes deeply and shuts herself up* I can't, sorry, I've said too much. (See what I mean Helen? You get stuck and it's not good. Don't get to this same place. It's lonely and horrible here. There's no company.)

Doikers 08-07-2010 09:34 PM

*Hugs Lia* , Thanks for the truely EPIC reply post , I've managed to stay up till 9.30 , thats an ok time to go to bed right? sensible time.

Lia you seem to be having a really tough time opening up , I'm sorry you are haveing a tough time but when you are ready we will all be here to lend support , I hope you are safe *Hugs*

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 09:36 PM


Angelic Monster- sorry, I don't know your name. What's up? Are you OK? I mean really, not happy mask.
I dunno... How do you define OK? I'm surviving... I'm here. I'm out of bed. I'm at work. I'm functioning. I have not cut. I did eat.
Sorry but past that... like you I'm in a lonely little place and tend to shut down rather than talk about it after I get to a certain point I can't talk about it... *thanks everyone for the PM offers though* Too much going on and too much in my head... I haven't even been using r/v recently...

Oh yes... and I'm Crimson.

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