I havent cut yet, but i have done some bruising stuff. I have had my blade with me since i got home. The thing is i believe that what they say is true i feel that i am a fat elephant and im ugly and i dont know what happened but ive never lost control of my bowels before but it just happened today and i feel like a child.

Im really sorry Happiness that they said that to you. You dont deserve people saying rubbish like that.

Will it help talking to us in a way to keep you distracted so you dont cut? x

yes please, sorry just want to hide. I want to cut to deserve to make myself ugly to make myself scarred for life. Ive already planned that tomorrow im going to go out on my own somewhere remote but im scared ill do something stupid but people will be home and they cant know im like this.

We are here, we will try to keep you safe *hugs*
how about you change your plans and go out with a friend instead?

I dont have any friends, i have one who i was out with on friday but she doesnt know everything and she'll find it weird if i ask to go out with her again as usually its 2-3 times a month we go out. I dont want to wake up tomorrow.

Im like you happiness in a way- I dont want home treatment team because i dont want my grandma to know whats going on. she will think im mad and psycho and she will not understand (i live with her).

Your not ugly. Everyone is beautiful. and it doesnt matter how you look on the outside its all about the inside - i know that sounds cheesy... but its true. If you have a lovely personality ( which i think you do as you tried to help me:) ) thats all that matters.

I agree with Tinkles on this, like I said before everyone is beautiful. Ok, so what else can you do tomorrow instead?

If i stay home, people will see im upset and that'll cause a problem and then ill cut, im not going anywhere busy after today so thats my only other option. Thanks twinkles for your help too, sorry im not much use. I dont have a lovely personality - im an evil self centred bitch

But if you go impatient she may feel helpless, maybe the home treatment team can help you explain to her some of your issues and how she could help you?

I highly doubt that very much. Does your family know about your cutting? if so are they supportive? Can they help you?

Have you seen the distraction list on this website and theres a section on the forum you could check out to keep you busy to prevent it from happening...


I wouldnt tell I was going to go inpatient. I would tell her i was going to stay with my dad for a little while until i get out. He lives far away so she wont know.

They know i self harm but they have never said it to me and i wont say it to them its a bit taboo - they all think im stopped and never do it etc so its a bit complicated. Ill go out it'll be ok im sure. Yeah i have thanks, very few things work for me when im like this ive tried reading a magazine, colouring, sitting with my mum (without her knowing im triggered) and nothing works. Im done and out of ideas.

Do you stay with your dad often? would she ring him to ask?etc think of situations that she may find out and that may be worse than telling her about the home team.

Im sorry to do this but im going to attempt sleep as im in such a state. Ill come back 2mz or inbox me if u want to chat more xx

Okay, hopefully you will sleep tight and hopefully you will feel a tad bit better tomorrow. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow!

My dad knows i have this choice and he said that if i choose to go ip and dont want to tell her then he will cover for me. I sometimes stay with my dad but its complicated.

morning,

Well if hes happy to help with that then thats good but have you thought about if you do go IP then you wont have any freedom to go out etc?

I didnt sleep well at all and ive woke up the same as last night. So not going to be a good day but hey life is life i just expect it now.

*Glomps my wardies*

Im sorry its not looking much better Happiness! This is just an obstacle and you will get through it, you just need to have faith.

Hope you are okay x

hi

been out for a while, im a bit calmer but still same thoughts and feelings just going to hide and hope it all goes away

*hugs Georgia* attack thingy = state of hyperarousal (I think.. dunno the translation actually, doesn't have anything to do with sex though)
*hugs Louise*
*hugs happiness..*
*hugs Tinkles*
*hugs Mark*

how are you all?

hi
thanks for the hugs, how are you? im a bit mixed i told my bf something and i feel relieved but also terrified at the same time

*hugs happiness* if you are relieved then it sounds like it was a good thing that you told him. Why are you terrified?

Yesterday was possibly the worst day I remember.

hugs Laura and Happiness

*hugs Louise*