*huggles onestepcloser and laura*

Wow loads of posts *gives everyone a massive cuddle*

Don't think I'll be talking to my best friend tonight. Meh. My other best friend is ignoring my texts & calls. Am worried about her, am wondering if she to hospital after all. Maybe I should text her aunt, but not sure whether to.

Fed up of today. ****ing fed of everything. Think getting a ****ing migraine now :@ Stuipd website won't ****ing let me apply for something, well it will, it's just being a ****ing ********.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *hits walls*

*huggles helen and pets hair*

walks in and curls up in to a ball.iam worried about a
friend,she has dissapeared again.which means she either
done somthing stupiud again.or its her health,just wish
she would get online so I would know she is okay.meh
work is taking the piss take. stupid rules meh =\

*Hugs the ward again*
*Ward promtly grows arms and hugs me back*

I cut , not great news but I knew it was coming , it's not very serious , I'll be ok physically .
Mentaly all I want to do is Eat/cut again/eat/cut , I've put on weight and gained scars :( I'm going on a diet when I get back to my flat after Easter , I've already figured it all out , I'll ask you guys your opinions when I start.

I watched the movie "Orphan" tonight thats unnerving but good though , gotta take the dog out for a walk in the dark now . I must have paused the movie5-6 times , hard to concentrate , who am I kidding bringing books to read ?

*cuddles everyone*

Well managed to make that website work and finished my application thing :) My best friend who was ignoring my texts & calls has text me a few times, am epically worried though. Not sure what to do :/ I'm in a bad mood with her at the same time. My other best friend hasn't text me, but not too concerned about that. Am a little.

*cuddles everyone again*

*possible SA and DV triggers*
 

*huggles everyone*
Todays lunch time was eventful... went to/on a march against domestic violence/sexual assault. It was cold but I stayed through the whole thing. I let no excuses stand in my way of going today. Kind of proud of that. Listening to the speakers and Alaska's statistics kinda left me on a bit of a low though... But I still feel good about going before now events in the wintery time I let myself give excuses like it being to cold or having to miss work or a fear of going alone and not knowing people... etc etc... today I went anyways.

*cuddles*

She's not answering. I'm scared she's gone :'( :'(

*huggles everybody and thanks them for their replies*

Still feeling really shitty. Have a GP appointment today. *sigh*

*curls up in a corner of the room rocking back and forward chanting "it can't rain all the time"*

*cuddles with Kahlia* It can't rain all the time :)

*cuddles kahlia* Im sorry that u still are feeling badly

*hugs helen* Glad that you heard from ur friends.. although that one post u made awhile ago didnt exactly sound good. Hope everything is alright.

*hugs crimson* im glad u went out to ur lunch, thats good, even if they statistics left u feeling low... I think its good that you got out for a bit.

*hugs mark* sry to hear that u cut again. It sucks when you cant concentrate, but keep trying to look up. Eventually things will start to get easier.. hopefully.. right? I think so, they have too.

*cuddles jill and lindsay*

All i want to do is party right now.. prolly has something to do with it being 80 degrees in March. Its great... too bad its only wednesday, not exactly my prime going out time...

Anyway, the urges have calmed a bit since this morning... heres to hoping they stay down.. although i sorta doubt it.

*cuddles Laura*

My best friend's finally home & safe. Thank god. Was horrible :/ Her aunt's texting & being really nice aha. I feel guilty :S

*curls up and rocks*

*cuddles helen* im glad ur friend is safe. Hope you are alright hun.

*hugs everyone else*

Not really. Still fighting away.

When will I ever learn to not read other people's emails & texts? Especially those who are in my family. Meh, making me think and yet making me sad in a strange way.

*huggles everybody*

Had a really bad time at the doctors. He seriously went off in a rage at me about me not being able to take ANY narcotics EVER because they would ALL interact with EVERYTHING, and that it was MY FAULT ... etc, etc, ETC. I walked out of there nearly in tears and ready to friggin kill myself. He gave me a script for Brufen (seriously wtf! - I mean it's only the equivalent of taking 2 ibuprofen tablets at once!!). Oh and he told me that my physio at the hospital will only be treating me until the 5th of May. Then apparently I'm on my own. Regardless of the face that I have this new issue with my shoulder ...

So over it. So damn over it ALL.

*hugs everyone then runs into a dark corner and tries to hide*

Wow, a lot of posts... :) That's a good thing though...

To go back a bit, Hels, I don't think you are whinging at all. *cuddles* We all deserve to have a bit of a rant now and again.

Crimson, no wonder you were in a rant-y mood!! *squishes*

Kahlia, I'm sorry that your GP wasn't of any more help... that's rubbish. :( How are you doing now?... still upset/frustrated/angry? *hugs gently*

Mark, I wish I could help you not SI... I wish we could be there IRL for each other, to keep each other distracted from SI'ing by talking or walking or whatever, I don't know. Just SOMETHING. :( Because it makes me sad that you're so triggered, and I dunno, probably makes other people sad that I want to SI so much too. In fact, I wish that we could ALL be there IRL for each other...

I am still feeling rubbishy... and it's hit me now that I present my senior sem paper in 26 days and I've only got about 2 sentences done on it and it's supposed to be 15-20 pages long!!!! :crying: I feel like such ****. I'm so incapable, so incompetant. I just want to play WoW, read for FUN, and sleep. I am so over uni. I am so sick of it. I just want to enjoy myself... but I can't, I'm miserable all the time, and I want to DIE.

:(

And today I've got to be at uni for a longish amount of time... but I did find out a few days ago that I've been chosen for an outstanding psychology student and get to attend a dinner on campus for it... this is what the email said: You are being honored by the Psychology Department for your outstanding academic achievement as an Academic Excellence 4th Year student. I only got a 3.8 last term, and have a 3.805 overall... which is not that great... so I don't get it. And I don't have anyone on campus that I can tell because whoever I tell might get jealous or angry... I don't know... am I making any sense?

I need to email my pastor again. I feel bad that I asked for his advice and then just kind of rejected it... I don't know... I feel so dumb. And so ****ing close to killing myself. :( So triggered!!!!

*hides*

April: We have a different system of grading here - my GPA for example is a 7.0! 3.8 out of 4.0 is not all that easy to achieve. You are definitely selling yourself short here darl. And as for not being able to tell anyone about your honour... I can't tell anyone about my marks even, our my recognition on the Dean's List, so I understand where you are coming from. But I would like to offer you a big *hug* and a *pat on the back*. Also I want to say "well done". You would not have achieved that without hard work. Perhaps now is a time to reflect on that?

*hugs everyone*

I'm still not feeling all that good, and to top it off ... my nose is a bit blocked. I tried to go to sleep before but I was struggling to breathe, so got up and played on the 'puter instead. *sigh* So over all this *****.

*cuddles everyone and then hides in denial tent crying*

I'm sorry you had such a bad appointment Kahlia, could you see someone else perhaps?

April, good luck with today.

*great big mahoosive group huggle filled with love, support, comfort and positivity*

Just a quick post as I've lots to do today, including super cleaning my flat but wanted to drop in to get the latest and let you know that I'm thinking of you all and wishing I could share my 'normalness' that I'm feeling today with you all. Though is just 2 or 3 days I know I'll start the slippery slope downhill again, but I'll enjoy this whilst I can....

Love you all!!! *mwah!*

*puts on apron and rubber gloves to superclean!*

Have fun cleaning Hayley hahaha!!

*massive cuddles*