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*snuggles Helen and Alexx*
I am sorry Helen, about the turn of events as far as you and Carole go... Alexx, sweetie, please be careful... Watching those videos is probably not a good idea (this is the pot, calling the kettle black)... *wraps you in a warm, safe blanket and watches out for you* |
I changed my mind...last minute...but i still feel down...
I cant f***ing do this >< I dont see the point in trying anymore... Im crying out...and no one is listening... I dont see why I should bother... I cant smile anymore... I've never felt so low... So...horribly...low... All I ever wanted...was to make people proud of me... |
We're listening.
I feel so ****. Oh well. I think I really have lost her....and I've lost who I am on the way :( |
who have you lost?
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A friend of mine, known her for 7 years this year.
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:( oh no sweety
*hugs* |
It's my own ****ing fault.
She told me on msn she was bored, so I told her to go cut herself. HELLO? WHO THE **** IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SAY THAT? I know I did it at the time to annoy her, cus she annoys me so much. She just uses me most of the time and whines how mch she wants to drink or whatever and it's like WTF? I don't even trust myself to drink and it's alright for her to say she wants to get drunk. She's not the one who took 6 painkillers (well not in one go...and I got got given 4 at A&E) and then ****ing drank alcohol too, had the courage to tell Jane stuff, and then go into college with a near hangover.... |
maybe..talk to her?
or...if she uses you...you're better off without her... im sorry *hugs* |
Alexx sweetie, I am proud of you for resisting the temptation to watch those triggering videos. I wish I had more for you... I wish I could tell you there was a reason to go on... I have been told that there is and I have no choice but to assume those who have told me this are correct... Please remember how much we love you here...
Helen, I'm sorry sweetie, about your friend... How have you lost her? Oh... Dear, I think Alexx might be right, if she uses you you might be better off without her... You might consider talking to her about the cutting comment though... *hugs for strength* *snuggles you both into warm, comfy blankets* Ugh, my hand hurts SO bad :-( I cut way too deep... Was feeling more than just pain, it was weird... But I can use my hand anyway so I suppose no worries, right? My whole hand aches though :pinch::crying:... I f**king suck :pinch: |
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*huggles Ally*
Please dont be proud of me.. please dont... I'll let you down.. No one should...or is proud of me... I dont deserve it |
Alexx hunni I will be proud of you, I AM proud of you... And if you let me down (which I doubt you will as it would take a lot to let me down) it's no big deal... All of us slip up and all that. That's what's great about friends and love... It doesn't matter.
Helen no, you don't deserve to lose her. I think if she truly uses you then probably you're better off without her... What you said was not something all that appropriate but it was spoken out of anger, frustration, and hurt... And we all do that. It sucks and I know I tend to beat myself up over it... But that doesn't mean we deserve anything bad... I don't believe that's how life works... *snuggles you both* As for my hand... Well I can't go any where till the health centre opens and there's someone there who can deal with an injury like this... And they don't usually show up till around 10 or so... And by then it's been at least 17 hours since the cut was made, 5 hours late for sutures... So all I'll get is a lecture and probably a counselling session with someone I don't know as my therapist is out of town the beginning of the week... |
I am proud of you, no matter whether you've cut or not, slip ups happen, but we just have to get back up, dust ourselves off and coutinue....not easy though I kow.
I miss Callie, she needs to come home already. I miss both Emma's actually =[ I miss my dad and nephew soooooo much *sobs* |
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I wish I could say something about your hand hun, please take care of it, least til you can get it seen. xx |
im sick of crying.
*hugs Ally and Helen* I wish these were real hugs :crying: |
Yeah, I miss my RYL twin and our Emmas too...
*sigh* Helen, I wish I could convince you that you don't deserve to lose her... I don't believe that you do but I suppose what really matters is what you believe... *snuggles* Alexx sweetie, I'm sorry you're tired of crying... Maybe pretend some tears are for me as I rarely cry even when I'd like to..? *snuggles you* I wish they were real hugs too... As for my hand... I don't know if it's worth having it seen... If they can't stitch it it just seems like it'd be more trouble than it's worth... Ugh, but I'm such an idiot... I SIGN for heaven sake, I want to work with Deaf, signing individuals... I f**ck up my hand it's over :crying: |
Ally...maybe you could use that as encouragement to stop?
When you feel like it..just think about what you want to do...signing...and then...try focus on that and find another way to get rid of the pain? Check me out...Miss.Hypo-frickin-crite....all this great advice...yet i dont use it... psht |
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I'm slowly realising that I don't deserve to lose her. I think at the moment, I'm just digusted at what I said...? You're not an idoit, I have hurt my hand and signed before- obviously the damage wasn't as bad, maybe use it as a motivational tool not to cut there hun pls? xxx |
im tired.
I ache. I wanna OD why am i still here? |
*snuggles Alexx*
I hope you managed to stay safe sweetie... Yeah, y'all are right this worry better serve as a reminder that maybe my hand is not the best place to cut... Especially deeply... *sigh* I can't sleep :pinch: |
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