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PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 09:06 PM

Thanks Mark. It was alright. Short and sweet. It was an appointment to reapply for energy assistance. Just had to fill out some paperwork and stuff. Now we have to wait a couple of weeks to find out if we are approved for continued assistance and if so we will find out how much we will receive in assistance and when it will be applied to our account. It wasn't too bad. The next appointment is the one I worry about. It's an appointment with my MD. I have been kind of waiting for it but at the same time I'm not looking forward to it because I really do not like the doctor. I have to discuss with him my concerns about believing I have schizophrenia and try to get on meds for that. Also have to see if he can up my dose on my anti-anxiety meds because they seem to be helping a little but would like to try a higher dose. Also need to talk to him about my problem with the sleeping meds. He will probably try to get me to discontinue them but if I don't have anything to take to help me sleep I won't be able to sleep. -sighs- Oh I hate anxiety of going to the doctor!

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:09 PM

Heh I downloaded an ebook on healthy eating patterns and why diets are bad for the system to rationalise why I'm piling on weight whilst being forced onto mums diet.

Nice to hear about the inlaws Crimson

How was the appointment Kitty? Hope it went well

Helen - I don't have a live journal, I'm too scared people will find me :p Might set one up soon though

Mark, I write like you :p my IRL journal is like that, months missing then 2 or 3 posts per day :p

Doikers 03-01-2011 09:14 PM

*Hugs Kitty* I have that same anxiety of going to the Dr I just am currently waiting for an envelope to plop through my door with an appointment ,I am due one.

*Hugs Sarah* It's sounds like a good ebook , could you follow it's advice at all?

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:24 PM

Yeah, it seems to help perfectly and makes wonderful sense. Explains how the diets don't work and how really people need to focus more on what they need not what they think they're supposed to need. Also explains why what mum does makes me ill.

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:31 PM

Sarah, where do you download your stuff from? I got an E-book for Christmas and am having trouble finding a decent site.

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:33 PM

Amazon, I got a kindle app for my android tablet and get them in kindle format.

In other news - so the TV says something and the guy on there instantly knows more than anyone ever according to my mum. How I haven't gone insane and punched her in her stupid fat face I don't know.

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:35 PM

I sometimes wonder how I've kept my cool all these years sarah. You're just a better person than she is.

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:38 PM


No seriously, thats not hard, I've never kicked the dogs...

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:42 PM

I've often wanted to kick my dog, but I love him really.

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 09:51 PM

Sarah, my mom is similar. She does not kick her dogs, though. She has only been physically violent towards me once. When I was a teen, she was so pissed off at me for one of my grades and my teacher had written something on the report card but it wasn't true. I did not give in and say "Yeah it's true I did wrong" I kept my ground and told her it wasn't true. I told her my side of the story (which was the truth) but she believed the teacher over me. And just because I wouldn't admit that I was wrong she threw a box that she had in her hands full of stuff at me. It hit me and left a bruise. To this day I don't remember the details of that fight other than what I just said. But now I don't even try to stand up for myself anymore because I still have the fear of her because of that incident. Now she is not physically abusive to me but she is verbally abusive. She doesn't even see it, that's how far in denial she really is. She thinks she is just giving me constructive criticism but I know otherwise. It's been going on all my life, and it's not about to change. It's so hard to live with it...even though I don't live with her anymore I hear it every time I talk to her on the phone she goes on about one thing or the other that's wrong with me and every time I go to visit her she constantly talks about stuff that's wrong with me it never ends. -snuggles sarah- Sorry you have to deal with it, too.

PoisonedApple 03-01-2011 09:54 PM

*sighs and sits on the floor*
The following content has been hidden - Reason : my current dilemma/state of being shut down
Ok, so my friend M's brother killed himself on New Years... We've not been friends that long and I never met her brother. Since I work for a part of the state gov't and her brother died in jail after turning himself in for a probation violation her husband wants me to tell him how to get the jail staff disciplined for not having him on a suicide watch and for his death... I don't know what to tell him other than the ombudsman's office (but in my experience that won't help). I think it is the fault of his doctors personally... They put him on several meds that had the side effect of "severe mood swings, paranoia and suicidal thoughts and tendencies" when they have a family history of depression and such and didn't monitor him at all! In the span of a couple days he was freaking out, thought someone was watching him all the time, turned himself in to the jail (to which his family thought "it's the last place he needs to be but at least he's safe") and then less than 8 hours after turning himself in killed himself.
Anyway back to my dilemma... In person I'm horrible at supporting people and this is person number 5 in the last year in her family to die. Aside from acting like nothing happened and everything's fine I dunno what to do or say and everything feels awkward... And I'm uncomfortable with people's emotions in general (probably because I'm uncomfortable with my own but anyhow...) so the instant switch from laughing to crying and I just don't know what to do. I'm her closest friend... really her only friend that still hangs out that isn't in her family... so I can't just avoid it... Any ideas? Advice? Anything?

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:57 PM

Just let her know you're there for her Crimson, but let her lead the conversations. If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't make her, but at the same time, don't brush her off if she does. Ask her how she is and don't take 'fine' to be the truth. We all know too well what 'fine' can really mean.

Doikers 03-01-2011 10:07 PM

You could tell her about her Brothers meds a whatnot like you told us and tell her to take that information to the onbudsman ? and like Lia says just be there for her and be a friend . I know this is crap advice on my part but I have no experience with this , sorry.

nicole94 03-01-2011 10:10 PM

*Hugs everyone*
So I did something good today, although it doesn't feel good :(

warning-could be triggering-SA.
(The hide boxes wouldn't work :/

.................................................. .................................................. ............
So my friend Leon text me earlier, i'm gonna write out the texts to make it easier:
Leon-Blow job
Me-What about it?
Leon-You needa give me one
Me-No I don't
Leon-What about a ****?
Leon-Wow you're turning that down aswell? Really?
Leon-So you will never ever want me to **** you? Ever?
Leon-whats wrong with you....
Me-I can't keep sleeping with you or have any sexual contact with you-i'm sorry, but if i'm ever gonna get my life back i've gotta start respecting my body.....
Leon-Ok don't have fun then, All it would be is pleasure but ok....If you wanted woulda done you so hard though ha.
why do I still feel like I shoulda done it? I don't feel good at all, I just feel like i've lost the last person that would ever want me in that way :(

Doikers 03-01-2011 10:15 PM

Nicole Hun *Hugs* You stood up and stood your ground and you should be so very proud of yourself .

nicole94 03-01-2011 10:20 PM

*Hugs Mark* Thankyou :) But I still don't feel good, he was the closest thing I had to a relationship and now I feel like i've lost that :(

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 10:25 PM

-hugs crimson- I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am not the best at giving advice but I hope this helps at least a little. I agree with what Lia says. If you are concerned for her safety, don't leave her by herself if at all possible. And about your husband wanting you to tell him how to get the jail in trouble I suggest telling him your concerns. Hope this helps..

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 10:28 PM

-hugs nicole- It wasn't a real relationship if that's all he wanted, hun. You'll find somebody some day that will rock your world.

Gotta go again for a while gots my doc appointment but I will be back.

Doikers 03-01-2011 10:34 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Ask yourself , would you have felt better about your self had you done it? It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship , (Not that I'm one to give advice on relationships :S) and I think you would have just felt used if you had gone through with it hun .

nicole94 03-01-2011 10:37 PM

*Hugs Kitty and Mark*
I know :( I felt like I was 12 years old again with my step brother, thats why I told him I couldn't do it. But nobody ever wants me, I am gonna be alone forever, he was my last hope :(

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