*cuddles everyone*

Sorry I've not been around much lately. Things just haven't been good lately. I did eat today though, so far... was kind of "forced" to since Jarrod's home and... yeah. I mean, he was home yesterday, but only for one meal (which I didn't eat... :-X) but today he's decided to be more determined about me eating. Blah. :(

I did call my NP about this as I can't get in touch with my therapist (not really anyway)... and no response yet. :( Boo hiss. I am so frustrated!!.........

Sorry.

*cuddles all some more* :(

Cuddles all. Hmm I'm so tried, it's begin a crazy 3 days. wish people in my real life would ingage there brain before they speak. Just once I would like not be shown up.Just feel like collapsing in a heap. Stuiped thoughts running through my head, way to tierd to act on them tho.

*huggles everyone.* i should really get dressed....

Slept in Nicole ? :)

I laid down at 1.30pm and only got up when my neighbour rang my doorbell at 4pm heh.

How are you?
How is everyone?

lol. slept till about 1pm, but am still in my pjs! XD

Sleep is fantastic, although i'm trying not to sleep too much which will be difficult now that my brother has moved out.

Hugs all. Damn it I really want to hurt myself,being on such a high this week, it's kind of being stressfull, so had to keep everthing together, but now it's finished so it's all come flooding out. Curls up and hides.

*curls up in a ball and cries* Can't stop crying. Can't stop feeling so low. I'm so fed up of it & everything. I just wish I could see my best friend. I already miss her, she hasn't gone yet (she's stopping at her aunt's for a week starting Tuesday)..

*huggles helen*

*hugs Nicole* How are you?

*Hugs Helen*

*hugs everyone*

I really want to overdose. I can't get it out of my mind.

hey everyone!

you might have guessed from my lack of posting over the past few days, i ended up back in hospital. it was horrible. there were some things that happened (not all surrounding self harm, a lot of the things the staff did, which really, really upset me) which has made me even more determined never to be admitted again i have gone back on my medication, but am suffering really bad with shaking as a side effect...

i have read all the posts since i was last on, but my head isn't really in a place to reply to everyone, but have been wondering if you are all ok, sorry some of you are feeling so crappy. *massive hugs all round*

yeah, so life's pretty **** atm, but college interview on thursday, i hope so much that i get in, its the only thing i am really hanging on to.

anyways, so i am back

xx

hugs one step closer try not to Hun, please stay safe. Hugs everbody else.

*Hugs Lindsay*

Please Try not to Overdose Lindsay :S Could you do something to distact yourself , Chamomille tea is calming , or normal tea , Just the act of making it could distract you . Or maybe a relaxing bath with bubbles!!:) or a shower if your not a bath person , then a pretty early night and maybe tommorow will be brighter ?

*hugs Mark*

Please keep safe Lindsay *cuddles* I really want to harm too but trying not to.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Steph* I'm sorry you got put in hospital and had such a crappy time there . Are you on Lithium , that makes me shake , well my hands at any rate ,You don't have to answer that question. I don't shake ALL the time hmm.
GOOD LUCK With your interview :)!!

Thanks everyone, and i'm sorry that you are struggling with thoughts of harming too Helen.

Part of me wants to do it just to get into hospital so that I can be looked after. I feel like no one can look after me emotionally but they can look after me if I am physically unwell. I feel ashamed.

OH Lindsay *Hugs* I know the feeling of wanting to be looked after, It can be very lonely living alone and being triggered :(

no, i am back on venlafaxine.

i know none of you are going to really be interested in this, but i cant stop thinking about it... on my first night in the psych ward, i didnt sleep at all and was really struggling, and i had everything taken off me, wasnt even allowed a bottle of pop!!! so if i was in view of staff i asked if i could write down how i was feeling. they let me. in the end, i wwrote 5 pages of A4! i cant usually write stuff down, well not as much as that anyway. so when i finished it, i asked the staff to put it through the shredder for me, because i didnt want any of the their patients finding it in the bin etc, and also asked them not to read it or put it in my notes, as it was merely a distraction technique, and it was extremely private. so last night i was going through all my careplans with m named nurse when i saw some paper, and recognised a sentence in my file. i couldnt believe it. it was all that stuff i had written the night i was admitted. they had obviously read what i had written, the night i did it, because some of the stuff i wrote, they would think they knew what it was about, but it has nothing to do with anything they know about me, but what they think it is, is really rather personal/between me and one of the staff. and they were all laughing that night after i had asked them to shred it. it has really hurt me, especially as they said they had shredded it. i think i might ring the manager of the ward tomorrow to complain. one good thing though, my named nurse destroyed the paper before anyone else could read it, with 3 other staff as witness, but thats not the point.

anyway, sorry for all of that, really needed to get it out.

*sends love and gentle cuddles*