Oh, & I just updated my r/v... :-/ It's not that important, just thought I'd let you all know. :-S

Don't stop posting Laura, we want you here, well I do especially, individual replies or not.

*cuddles all*

*hold onto helen and april* Thanks you two. Means a lot.

Gah! i keep trying to type and I can't. Im too numb right now. I've just sat here for like 10 minutes starting and deleting sentences. Stupid me.

I did read your r/v tho april - not much advice. It's okay to be afraid though, I think in the situation you are in with jarrod and the army that most people would be afraid.

Hey guys. Yh, I do know what you're on about April. I'm a little dense, but I'm pretty sure I caught on. The same **** that was going through my head and wouldn't shut up earlier until I nearly trashed the place. Anyway.

Laura, you don't have to reply individually everytime you post. You can come here for your own support too and you're not a usess ward mate. April's right, we would miss you if you left. I'm already in the group hug so I can't hug. Well, *hugs tighter*.

How are you Helen? x

My head's better now. It's shut up a little. With the help of something I shouldn't have done and The Vicar of Dibley.

x

*huggles everybody*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies - 4 pages since I was on last.
Also sorry for spelling mistakes - really cold, it's 11C here Google is telling me, which for us is really cold.

Just wanted to quickly drop in and let you all know that:
a) I heard back from my psychiatrist and he's upped the beta-blockers to try and help with the anxiety - my appointment with him is next week
b) I heard back from the advocacy place
c) I have an appointment with my physiotherapist on Friday to talk about the noise in my shoulder
d) I filled in all my paperwork for Pain Management and am ready to sleep through .... oops I mean tackle the next appointment
e) my housemate had his Echo and Stress Test yesterday and we're both alive and well .... and
f) thank god you only live once

*big hugs* to everyone and I'll try to get back in a bit ... right now I just need to chill for a little while.

Freaking out a bit right now to be honest on top of feeling low and stuff. Suicidal urges have been better today. Still there, but better?

*huggles Hels* - Wish I could make it/them go away for you sweetness. :(

*cuddles tight* Thanks darling

Your update sounds good =]

Anyone else ever feel the urge to throw yourself on the floor and throw a world class temper tantrum? complete with the kicking, flailing and screaming?

Definitely, Crimson. :P What's up, though, to make you feel like that? *offers space in the group hug if you want, and extra cuddles on the side too*

Lia, love, how are you doing now?? I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better... I hope that the "thing that you shouldn't have" isn't too awful... :-S And what's the Vicar of Dibley? Sorry if that's a dense question...

Hels, I'm sorry that you are where you are... is there anything we can do? I wish that there were... because then I wouldn't feel so useless. :( *gentle cuddles*

Kahlia, thanks for the update - & well done on making it through the day!! :D Proud of you, for whatever that may mean. *cuddles & offers a space in the group hug*

GUHHH damn the side effects of medication.... :crying:

Hey April- It's alright, nothing horrific, I just cut. I had to get away from the things flashing through my mind, trying to tell me things I didn't want to hear, so I thought the only way I could get rid of them was like that. I felt my head would explode and I had to let it out somehow. Usually I write, but I couldn't, not about that. I couldn't write it as if it were me.

Hey Crimson- yep, I do, all the time. What's up?

Helen- Glad you're not as bad to day, but I still wish there was something I could do to make it all go away completly. *Hugs*.

Hey Kahlia, I hope things aren't too bad for you. Hopefully, your anxiety can start to improve on more treatment. *Hugs*.

Edit- oh and April, The Vicar of Dibley is a tv comedy show. It's halerious, I love it. :)

x

lol glad i'm not the only one... to answer as to what happened: I was asked to find a file (to be clear i work on the 6th floor and the person asking for the file works on the 5th floor). after i spent most of today looking for that file i ask if the person checked with the paralegal (who's office door is right next to the original person's desk... less than 5 feet chair to chair)... the file i was wasting my time looking for, was in the paralegal's office. i emailed to ask if they checked there, they emailed back to say they were gonna look and less than 2 min later emailed to say they found it. and kath never showed up to "help" me shelve stuff either... but i got 4 boxes worth shelved as i looked at least.

Get rid of you know who & this guy this keeps bothering me? :crying: That would be a helpful start. *cuddles* You're not useless though.

*hugs Lia* Thanks honey. I wish there was too =[ Even if it was something *I* could do.

That sounds really sucky.


Argh this guy is REALLY bothering me & he knows it. Ugh so disgusting & he's really triggering me. :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

*hugs hels* i'm sorry this guy is bothering you, is it online (could there be a way of blocking him if that is the case)

*hugs crimson* that really sucks

*hugs Lia, April, Jess, Mark, Kahlia*

Hey Oliver, how are you??

Oliver has a point Helen, can't you block him? Or stop reading what he's sending? *Massive hugs*. No one has the right to make you feel like that.

x

hi Lia

I'm stressed and lonely and depressed and annoyed

Lia, sweet, did you take care of the cut properly? You probably know this already but I wanted to check... *gentle hugs* It's funny, I feel so far away from SI already, and it's only been a week & a half... we'll see how this goes. :-/ I'm not so confident that I'll be able to stay away from cutting tools when Jarrod's gone back to work (next week - has been on furlough for 3 months!! so have gotten sooo used to him being around)... but we'll see. :-S Anyway, sorry for rambling.

Hels, I'm sorry that "that man" is bothering you. Is there any way you can get him to stop? block him somehow? If he knows he's upsetting/disgusting you, then he's not worth your time (which you probably already knew). Anyway... sorry my advice is stupid, it's all that I can think of though. *cuddles gently*

Crimson, hon, I'm so sorry that you went to all of that work... :( That had to be so freaking infuriating. *extra cuddles* I'm sorry I don't know anything else to say... feel so useless tonight (key word = "feel," not "am").

I tried playing WoW for a bit and managed to do so successfully... but... I don't know. It's just frustrating how my guild is so damn focused on "get to 80 get to 80 get to 80" when I'm a much slower leveler since I can't do dungeons due to anxiety. I HATE THAT. I won't leave my guild cos I love my guildies, but their play style is soo much different from mine. *sigh* Sorry, WoW-speak again... :-/

I'm so freaking warm. Maybe I'll go sit in front of a fan again... this stupid flea-ridden apartment only has 3 windows that open... and five different rooms (not counting the bathroom). :( ARGHHH... I can't wait to move out... so really pray/send good thoughts to Jarrod when he goes to MEPS (physical fitness eval before he can go to basic). I don't know when that'll be but I'll let y'all know. I just am so sick of fleas, of no a/c... arghhh!!!! :'(

*hides in a hole and cries to self*

Hiya Oliver... *hugs* ...I'm sorry that you feel all those things... I wish I/we could help you feel better, in some way/shape/form. Let us know if we can? *extra special hugs*

*hugs April* well done for lasting a week and a half, you should be really proud, I hope you can stay away from sharp things while jarrod is away because you have done so well so far. I'm sorry its so warm and humid, that is horrible. Good luck to Jarrod for his fitness assessment, hope it goes well for him, whenever it is

thanks, don't think there is anything anyone can do, guess I'll be hanging around in here a lot, I'm back home at my parents now, so missing all my friends from uni and groups and missing Alex.
plus weekend grandmas party with loads of old people, will get a mixture of names and pronouns, joy. got birthname and she all tonight while cousin and aunt and uncle here, it hurts a lot.
then off to a music course in 2 weeks, where i have to be a girl, really ****ing with my head.
plus home is just home with shouting from my father all the time.
sorry rambling on about me, shouldn't

*hides*

updated my RV thread.

*hugs all*