*leaves some blueberry muffins for ppl*

Hi guys.. hope your ok

*hugs to all*

Real estate people came today.. they have the first open house inspection thingy on saturday =( I'm looking at a place this arvo.. fingers crossed. It looks good. Bit on the expensive side, but we'll just budget dearly till he gets a job.. I'm thinking of getting a casual job, but with all this financial ****, and unemployement rates rising.. I keep thinking what's the point? Plus I wanna focus on uni..

Ugh.. I have 2 weeks home alone.. BF's at a course for 2 weeks from 8-4. So.. home alone.. Ana thoughts.. man.. it's crap... been trying to fight them. Kinda won yesterday.. but yeah.. *sigh*

Morning everyone,

Dayna - I took a look on the internet my med is apparently an updated version of yours (so wikipedia tells me anyway!). I have also been todl that it can help taking it beofre bed (as if you are asleep you won;t notice the nausea but I am not sure if this works as I never tried it). Hope you get your prescription today *hugs*

*Wildy Insane* I am sure everyone was too busy dancing to notice your arm :) Glad to hear I am not the only giant! I have previously done lap dancing (girls only!) and I love burlesque, you get right into character, I have even been on stage (had to get a close friend to cover my arm in concealer and I got away with it!) *hugs*

Kahlia, good to hear from you *hugs*

Helen, it took me years to adjust to losing some hearing (it was 9 years ago now, yikes I am OLD) Hope you get out for a nice long walk today *hugs*

Sorry, will have to run as at work, *leaves hugs for everyone*

Insomnia kinda sucks...but I have music with me.

*sneaks in, hugs everyone*

I am sorry that I haven't been around much lately; I've been so drained it's hard to do things.

Can't reply specifically now; but I have read all your posts and am thinking of you all. You are all very dear to me.

*crawls in a corner to sleep, under nice warm duvet*

Afternoon everyone, just a flying visit.
Im amazing nervous now about my exam but Im sure Ill be fine, urges and ana thoughts have taken over the past few days however am home from today for a while so hopefully itll help me get back into control. May not be artound daily.

*leaves hugs and hot chocolate*

Thinkg of you all xxx

Feeling much better today.
I've lost my nose stud so I'm wearing an earing. It's uncomfortable.

Have read your posts and I am thinking of all of you.
Love you all xxx

hmm what the hell is wrong with me, why cant i be happy, iam i so messed up that i cant be, this is getting stuiped,every single day wakeing up feeling this, feeling down, feeling lost, make it all stop, please. cant handle all these stuiped thoughts. just want my smile back, to be happy again. even for a little while. might give me something to fight for. some reason to stop all this.hmm sorry, will just curl up in the corner and dissapear. =/

Speedy lunchtime visit, good luck Secrets.

*leaves hugs and cookies for all*

*bangs head against wall*

Glad tonight is nearly over

Ah ha! I have found my old nose ring!
Looks a bit odd as I have both nostrils pierced, and am now wearing a stud in one and a hoop in the other. But hey, it's better than wearing a big earing in it.

*hugs all*

Haven't gone for a walk yet. Am so worried about a couple of people right now amongst other stuff. Feels too much right now to deal with one by one. *sighs* Some things I just can't deal with? =\

leaves hugs for Jetforce, Ileana, zowie, mary anne

*hugs snuffles hope being home alone is okay, keep fighting *

*hugs Secrets* good luck with your exam

*hugs shadowedsoul* hope things get better soon, keep aiming for that smile.

*hugs MammaMia* take it easy, and slowly if that's what you need to do.

*hugs Ravynsoul* hey hun, things will get easier

tried getting a nurses appointment to see whether it was time I could take my steri strips off as the nurse said I had to check cos the wound was a bit too deep, and it was too old to stitch, but the receptionist said that they don't have a free nurses appointment until next week!!!! WTF, I can go back to the drop-in centre where I got them done but I didn't like the nurse and have to wait hours and I don't have time to do that at the moment. She did say I could take them off myself so that's what I'm gonna end up doing.

*leaves a bundle of hugs for anybody who needs them*

We have internet at home. If I was feeling a bit more ... lively/upbeat/happy/whatever ... I'd give you a cry of joy at that. At the moment ...

I'm now enrolled in two subjects in SP1 at uni. The academic advisor offerred me a choice of 2 subjects to take on as my second subject but when she mentioned the name of one she took note of the retching sound and the look on my face. I said I hated multimedia and she actually said that she had to agree with me on that point ... That it seemed completely pointless spending hours making a little ball bounce around the screen. For SP2 I have one core subject and 5 electives to choose from. Meh.

My appointment with the pdoc did not go brilliantly. I told him about my ana thoughts and urges and my recent weightloss and he told me that the weightloss was something I could do with because I wasn't underweight to start with. I don't know if he realised it, but that triggered two things.

1. The thoughts - I must be so fat, I must give in to the ana thoughts and urges so that I can lose weight, I should not be eating, obviously only thin girls can have disordered thinking about eating, I don't matter, I don't deserve to live ... et cetera
2. The desire - to get down to the weight that he mentioned so that I can say to him "does my weightloss and disordered thinking about eating matter now?"

Add to that a few other things that happened and I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to scream and cry and SI. None of which I can really do. I just want out.

*curls up in corner willing the tears to start*

You not being selfish Kahlia

*cuddles you tightly and then cuddles all who are able to have a cuddle*

*Headdesk*

Does anyone have any allergy medicine? Is there even a medicine cabinet here in the ward? I have serious allergies today. Sucks.

Sorry I haven't properly responded to posts that were written to me xx

*hugs Kahlia* if I were you I'd get another pdoc, you really don't need that, *offers, nice cuddly duvet to snuggle in, and a shoulder to cry on if you need one*

*offers Ileana some antihistamines, hope they work*

*hugs Katricia and anybody else who drops by before I fall asleep*

*goes off to fill up hot water bottle*

*offers hugs*

Hannah - *hugs back* *gives you a teddybear to go with the hot water bottle.* Hope you have a nice sleep. Did the steri-strips come off ok? I agree, stupid nurse :S

Helen - *cuddles back* how are you doing?

Ileana - sorry to hear about your allergies; hopes the anti-histamines work... offers some calamine lotion to reduce any itchiness..

Katrica - *hugs* sorry to hear that people have been making up stuff and that you're feeling paranoid; hope that when you get the fish tank it will only be filled with good memories of the present and future..

Dayna - what's wrong?

Kahlia - *hugs back* you're not selfish at all.. the stupid doc should think about what he says!! he doesn't know what he's talking about. glad to hear about the internet access, but hope the triggeredness passes quickly

Arwen/Zowie - that actually sounds cool with the two different nose rings :)

Katie - *cuddles* hope tomorrow brings better things

Mary Anne - how was work for you today? thanks for the hugs and cookies!

Jade - how are you doing today? *cuddles you*

Emma - *hugs back* how are things going for you?

Jem - *thanks for the muffins* How have you been?

Secrets - hope your exam went well, let us know how things are
--
man, lots of food in here! *offers hot chocolate and marshmallows*

finally starting to feel somewhat clearer head again... less low, more neutral/numb.. better functioning at least..

*leaves hugs for all those I've missed [stupid brain!] and/or haven't checked in for a while*