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PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 09:19 PM

-hugs mark- I'm alive. My back is killing me and my eyes are twitching due to lack of sleep. I kinda messed up last night before I ended up passing out...don't really remember it though, meh. How are you?

Doikers 13-12-2010 09:29 PM

*Hugs Kitty* I'm ..........well if only I knew the end to that sentance , I'm Up , I'm Down , I've been tired and now I'm alert but I hope to sleep okay tonight . I'm going to miss my nurse , Like I said to Lindsay she's been like my level headed , encourageing, Listening , Advice giving , caring , Big Sister and I have one more meeting with her and she's off on Maturnity leave for a year . Kat is taking me on , I like Kat so I hope that works out.

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 09:35 PM

Yeah, I was reading about that. Sorry to hear it. I kinda know how you feel somewhat. I go to counseling through the school which is good and bad at the same time - good in the sense that I don't have to pay extra for it, but bad in the sense that they are on the same schedule as students. This means I have one more appointment with her this week, then I don't have counseling for 3 weeks. But I don't have anyone else I can talk to about stuff because nobody really understands. I talked to my biological gma on the phone yesterday. I had sent her a letter telling her my entire story, admitting that I self harm, and have attempted taking my life, what I've been diagnosed with, etc. She said I could call her anytime I would like but I really can't because I don't have any privacy at home and well she isn't awake in the wee hours of the morning like I am. So, ya. *hugs again* I know how ya feel.

Louise 13-12-2010 09:39 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2607617)
*Hugs Louise* How are you Louise?

*hugs mark* Things are not great for me right now.

Doikers 13-12-2010 09:46 PM

*Hugs Kitty* Hmm it sucks . *Thinks "Roll with the punches""

*Hugs Louise* Whats up hun?

I'm going to bed at 9pm , I hope to sleep okay and not have any graphic/triggering dreams that have started recently Or just ones where I wake and think " thats was REALLY weird" but don't recall it :S

misskitty112 13-12-2010 09:55 PM

*hugs Mark* I hope you sleep okay
*Hugs Kitty* I used to do counseling through uni. It was hell during holidays.

I... harmed. I hate this, cause part of me is really upset about it, and another part is "ooohhh, pretty" I hate myself so much.
Oh, and my friends are all trying to make plans for my birthday, and all I can think is "my date I set is right after my birthday..." I don't want to celebrate. I don't want to break people's hearts. Can't I just cease to exist without hurting anyone?

Doikers 13-12-2010 10:01 PM

*Hugs Felicia* Don't hate yourself hun, I would hatehatehate for anything to happen to you , My date too was 2 days after my birthday , But I got through and so will you :) I still get suicidal thoughts but not every single day like I was .<3 ya Tons *Squishes* PM box is always open to you :)

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 10:11 PM

Mark, I think we are related. I do the same things when I'm sleeping. Lately the only sleep I have been getting, though, is knocked out sleep. Meaning, I can't sleep, so then my body eventually just passes out, and when I "wake up", I feel like I didn't sleep at all. It sucks because I feel like I'm dying.

Felicia...*hugs again*...I know I don't know you that well, but I would be upset if I heard you weren't around. You seem like such a nice and caring person from the posts I have read of yours. I harmed as well, and thought the same exact thing. However, I don't remember half of the time when I do harm because I dissociate. I've told my counselor, and she just wants to throw me in the hospital. But yeah. I know how you feel hun.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:07 PM

Nicole; well done on 9 months. So mega proud!!!

To those who asked, I'm finally getting better :D But I'm feeling low meh :/

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:12 PM

-hugs mammamia, if ok- hey...what's going on? I'm Kitty by the way.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:13 PM

Thanks for the hug Kitty :) Just feeling low again, have big time recently :/

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:16 PM

Awww, anything I could maybe help you with?

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 11:20 PM

I'm glad you're getting better Helen, but sorry you're low :( *hugs*

*Hugs Nicole* 9 months is brilliant :) And I happen to be very glad you couldn't kill yourself *squishes*

*Hugs Sarah* families really suck sometimes. I realised I'd be mostly happy with my life if it weren't for my family and home. And grief. And things in my mind that just won't go away. But mainly fam. Is there anyone else you can talk to IRL who isn't your fiance? I worry slightly about that, he doesn't sound very supportive :/

*Hugs Kitty* My sleeping isn't that bad, but I had trouble last night and now I am tired. Have you tried getting sleeping tablets?

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad you're at least sort of alright for the moment. I hope you stay that way :)

*Hugs Felicia* Sorry you harmed :/ But like Mark said, I would hate for anything to happen to you. Mark managed to get a lot of support around the time of his date and you can too. Just please don't do anything you can't take back.

*HUgs Lindsey* Keep holding onto that thought, of your brother and how he's your reason to live. If you go back to church, you may find another reason. My faith is a reason for me, not only is it a sin to commit suicide, although I believe you will be forgiven, but I don't want to take away this life I have been given because I believe everything does happen for a reson, and God has a plan for you just like he does with everyone else and as long as you trust him and keep on going, you'll be alright in the end. I know it's not that simple, but sometimes holding onto your faith is all you can do.

*Hugs Louise* I'm glad you're OK right now :) But you can talk to us if that changes :)

I'm alright ATM, just had Pizza Hut with the Order of the Phoenix (my rangers group) and Kirstin tried to rain on our parade by telling us we are 'Raving Rangers' not the Order, but we all told her to be quiet (Kirstin is our leader).

SparkleKitten 13-12-2010 11:27 PM

Just nipped to a supermarket with my fiance and it turned into a huge row. I just want to give up now. Its been like this for months. Help!

Edit: Oh Lia, this is all I have other than that, I never let my friends get this close to me, they leave when they can't take any more. They all do. Everyone does.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:34 PM

*hugs Lia*

I get a lie in tomorrow ^_^ Plus we have no lessons because we're off to the Christmas market or something. But 18+ can do what they want, so I intend to finish my Christmas shopping, bar one present =)

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:35 PM

-hugs Lia back- glad to hear you are alright at the moment. :)

I can't afford sleeping tablets. I am going to talk to my doctor on Wednesday and hopefully get him to prescribe me some. I really dislike my doctor he argues with me about everything. I argues with him over the phone for like 10 minutes about getting on some anti-anxiety medication, but he kept wanting to prescribe me anti-depressants instead. But I don't know, I hope he will prescribe me some meds because it's getting ridiculous.

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 11:42 PM

I was about to suggest that, getting them on the NHS. I hope it goes alright for you :)

Sarah, I don't really know what to say, I don't even know if talking to your fiance about this is a good idea as it might turn into another fight. You could always use the calm approach and not get mad so he sees a row isn't what you want and hopefully responds to that. I know how you feel about being scared to get close to people. The only friend I will allow myself to be close to lives 150 miles away.

SparkleKitten 13-12-2010 11:43 PM

I just want to escape everything, run away, curl up and cry. Hard.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:56 PM

Sometimes I wish I had more patience :S

My anaemia has been playing up today, epic fail. Really hoping it's not another bad phase of it....

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:57 PM

Why is it that the best of friends live on the opposite side of the country, or even the world? It's not fair. I have a few of friends and they are ones that I trust and am close with but 2 live in NY (I'm in washington state) and one is in Australia. It sucks. I fear that I will never be able to meet them in person and I don't want to have my only friends be so far away. I wish I could make new friends but I seem to make friends with crappy people and the good ones always leave. :( :'((

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