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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 05-05-2010 12:58 AM

Can't do it anymore. Can't take this lowness anymore. Scared of getting suicidal. Am overdue an episode of it. Feels like the only way I can reach happiness (even if it is for a matter of days, if that!) is to be really low & then suicidal. I can't do it again. The last time I was like that, was the worst I've ever been. I never want to go back. I don't want to die anymore, like I used to. I want to live & be happy. But I don't see how I'm ever going to be happy like I used to be. They keep telling me I'm fine. I'm so tired of hearing it & trying to fight for help. Something's wrong. Or I'd be happy majority of time, I wouldn't struggle to do simple things, I'd be excited about things..I...I...I :'(

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 01:06 AM

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry I dont have many words at the moment, but hold onto the fact that you want to be happy and you want to live, because that is very important.

MammaMia 05-05-2010 01:08 AM

Is it?

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 01:12 AM

*hugs oliver and mummamia (who i think is named helen) wave at and hugs Kahlia1981*

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 01:17 AM

yes helen it is very important, because without that you dont have anything to hold onto
*hugs Julie*

MammaMia 05-05-2010 01:25 AM

I am Helen yeah :) *hugs Julie*

I suposse you're right Oliver..

Scarletdreamer 05-05-2010 01:29 AM

Crimson, sweetie, I can totally empathize with what you're saying. I don't have many friends IRL, only one really good one (whom I refer to as my "bestie" in here, in case you were wondering), and the ward folk are my next closest batch of friends. I feel like my life is pathetic too. *cuddles close* Things will be okay... *offers you tissues and a bunch of quince flowers*

Hels, it is VERY important to remember that you want to live & be happy, because then, as Oliver said, you have something to hold on to and cling to when the going gets really tough - like right now. *holds you gently*

Oliver, I'm sorry to hear about how poorly you're doing. I wish I could help somehow. :( I'm glad that you have support where you need it though... i.e., your counselor & then the college welfare office people (I hope I got that right). Please don't do anything "stupid" and please keep fighting as hard as you can... I know it's tough but you are a tough person, strong, like all of us here. We're like oak trees. Deep roots, tough wood, together we can make it. *cuddles*

I'm feeling really shitty right now... have only had half the Klonopin I normally take in a day and I'm beginning to feel it... muscle cramps, my back is all tight and tense, and tomorrow is going to be hell with only one or two mg of Klonopin to take. Jarrod thinks that I need to go off it entirely, have my NP help me get weaned off it, as my body's become accustomed to more and more of it. I used to take 0.25mg/day and now I'm up to 4mg/day... so yeah. I don't know... I just want to cry and give up. :'(

*hides in a hole*

MammaMia 05-05-2010 01:33 AM

*hides with April*

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 01:38 AM

ok well i is dressed thats start -looks at bedroom sighs-so untidy

MammaMia 05-05-2010 01:39 AM

That's good Owen :)

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 01:55 AM

-yawns-i've just wasted half of julies day -looks at the floor- that is bad -nods- very bad

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 01:57 AM

why does one little thing stress me out so damn much.
*stomps off*

Scarletdreamer 05-05-2010 01:59 AM

What little thing, Oliver? I dunno what it is but perhaps because you're under so much stress lately? *cuddles* *stomps with because she is also upset and angry and worried*

Scarletdreamer 05-05-2010 02:01 AM

*rocks out*

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 02:03 AM

whats up with you April?
its just we've been put in horn quartets by my teacher, who is also head of horn, and I've been put with the 3 first years, so feel like she thinks i am rubbish, I know its stupid and know I'm in one of my moods where I dont care about anything, dont care about college or life, I just want to die.

*stops stomping for a moment to hug April and wave to Owen, then continues to stomp*

MammaMia 05-05-2010 02:05 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I'm so tired of fighting. Want to give up.

*hides where she cant be found*

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 02:10 AM

*looks around for Helen and can't find her, but realises he has a special way of communicating with all his wonderful ward friends* tells Helen she is wonderful and cant give up, because she is a great person to have on the ward, keep fighting, i know its hard, but keep going.

MammaMia 05-05-2010 02:11 AM

Thanks Oliver :crying:

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 02:14 AM

-breaks out finding unfinderable people tools and starts looking-

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 02:18 AM

i be like sherlock homes

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