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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

nomophobia 05-05-2012 09:24 PM

*hugs*
I'm sorry Happiness that's really cruel of people to say to you, you don't deserve that. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and no-one has any right to judge others. We are here for you, try to resist cutting it really won't help.

Anytime Tinkles

happiness...its all a lie 05-05-2012 09:27 PM

I havent cut yet, but i have done some bruising stuff. I have had my blade with me since i got home. The thing is i believe that what they say is true i feel that i am a fat elephant and im ugly and i dont know what happened but ive never lost control of my bowels before but it just happened today and i feel like a child.

Fire Fly 05-05-2012 09:28 PM

Im really sorry Happiness that they said that to you. You dont deserve people saying rubbish like that.

Will it help talking to us in a way to keep you distracted so you dont cut? x

happiness...its all a lie 05-05-2012 09:39 PM

yes please, sorry just want to hide. I want to cut to deserve to make myself ugly to make myself scarred for life. Ive already planned that tomorrow im going to go out on my own somewhere remote but im scared ill do something stupid but people will be home and they cant know im like this.

nomophobia 05-05-2012 09:41 PM

We are here, we will try to keep you safe *hugs*
how about you change your plans and go out with a friend instead?

happiness...its all a lie 05-05-2012 09:43 PM

I dont have any friends, i have one who i was out with on friday but she doesnt know everything and she'll find it weird if i ask to go out with her again as usually its 2-3 times a month we go out. I dont want to wake up tomorrow.

Fire Fly 05-05-2012 09:46 PM

Im like you happiness in a way- I dont want home treatment team because i dont want my grandma to know whats going on. she will think im mad and psycho and she will not understand (i live with her).

Your not ugly. Everyone is beautiful. and it doesnt matter how you look on the outside its all about the inside - i know that sounds cheesy... but its true. If you have a lovely personality ( which i think you do as you tried to help me:) ) thats all that matters.

nomophobia 05-05-2012 09:50 PM

I agree with Tinkles on this, like I said before everyone is beautiful. Ok, so what else can you do tomorrow instead?

happiness...its all a lie 05-05-2012 09:54 PM

If i stay home, people will see im upset and that'll cause a problem and then ill cut, im not going anywhere busy after today so thats my only other option. Thanks twinkles for your help too, sorry im not much use. I dont have a lovely personality - im an evil self centred bitch

But if you go impatient she may feel helpless, maybe the home treatment team can help you explain to her some of your issues and how she could help you?

Fire Fly 05-05-2012 10:01 PM

I highly doubt that very much. Does your family know about your cutting? if so are they supportive? Can they help you?

Have you seen the distraction list on this website and theres a section on the forum you could check out to keep you busy to prevent it from happening...


I wouldnt tell I was going to go inpatient. I would tell her i was going to stay with my dad for a little while until i get out. He lives far away so she wont know.

happiness...its all a lie 05-05-2012 10:06 PM

They know i self harm but they have never said it to me and i wont say it to them its a bit taboo - they all think im stopped and never do it etc so its a bit complicated. Ill go out it'll be ok im sure. Yeah i have thanks, very few things work for me when im like this ive tried reading a magazine, colouring, sitting with my mum (without her knowing im triggered) and nothing works. Im done and out of ideas.

Do you stay with your dad often? would she ring him to ask?etc think of situations that she may find out and that may be worse than telling her about the home team.

Im sorry to do this but im going to attempt sleep as im in such a state. Ill come back 2mz or inbox me if u want to chat more xx

Fire Fly 05-05-2012 10:13 PM

Okay, hopefully you will sleep tight and hopefully you will feel a tad bit better tomorrow. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow!

My dad knows i have this choice and he said that if i choose to go ip and dont want to tell her then he will cover for me. I sometimes stay with my dad but its complicated.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:21 AM

morning,

Well if hes happy to help with that then thats good but have you thought about if you do go IP then you wont have any freedom to go out etc?

I didnt sleep well at all and ive woke up the same as last night. So not going to be a good day but hey life is life i just expect it now.

Doikers 06-05-2012 09:55 AM

*Glomps my wardies*

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 12:43 PM

Im sorry its not looking much better Happiness! This is just an obstacle and you will get through it, you just need to have faith.

Hope you are okay x

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 02:59 PM

hi

been out for a while, im a bit calmer but still same thoughts and feelings just going to hide and hope it all goes away

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 04:35 PM

*hugs Georgia* attack thingy = state of hyperarousal (I think.. dunno the translation actually, doesn't have anything to do with sex though)
*hugs Louise*
*hugs happiness..*
*hugs Tinkles*
*hugs Mark*

how are you all?

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 06:33 PM

hi
thanks for the hugs, how are you? im a bit mixed i told my bf something and i feel relieved but also terrified at the same time

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:03 PM

*hugs happiness* if you are relieved then it sounds like it was a good thing that you told him. Why are you terrified?

Yesterday was possibly the worst day I remember.

Louise 06-05-2012 07:07 PM

hugs Laura and Happiness

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:23 PM

*hugs Louise*

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 07:29 PM

Thanks louise

why was yesterday bad mute?

Since i told him i lost the urge to cut but im scared that he may think im damaged goods or look at me different because of what happened (my bro touched me inappropriately when we were kids)

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:52 PM

*hugs happiness* I think it is really good that you lost the urge to cut, why do you think might your bf think otherwise? Did he know about your brother before or did you tell him that, too?

Yesterday was really bad, cause I had 2 attack thingies and didn't know what to do so I asked a friend to drive me to the psych hospital where I talked with my former psych doc from there for a while. Then I went hope and straight to bed, because I was tired from all the emergency medication.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:12 PM

*hugs* im sorry you had those attacks, did your friend help at all? could you talk to them? im glad you got help that was really brave well done. Take it easy for a couple of days til you feel brighter :)

He didnt know what my brother did to me, he just knows i struggle at times with my brother and this made him annoyed. He cant express to me how he feels i asked to see him and he said he needed to process it but im thinking maybe he cant look at me? i dont know if im just being paranoid.

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 08:19 PM

*hugs happiness* I hope he doesn't think badly of you now.

I lied to my dr. Told her that I didn't cut but I did. I was scared that she'd want to keep me there. She even suggested to send an ambulance to get me but I told her that a friend could drive me.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:33 PM

still well done for going, its not easy to tell everything. How are you feeling now? if you still want to cut maybe you should go back but if your calm and in control just keep talking to us and friends etc xx

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 09:55 PM

Mute- why would they keep you at the hospital for cutting? Can they do that for self harm? How are you feeling now- any better?

Happiness- I'm sorry I wasn't online when you were down. How did it go? Is your bf talking to you yet about it?

Thanks for the hug mute :)
*hugs mute and happiness *

How is everyone now?

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 10:15 PM

Hi tinkles

How are you today?

Well in total we've spoken for about 4 hours today!! longer than ever we've rowed, cried, shouted and tried to get a solution.

I spoke to my boyfriend tonight. He didnt bring it up he talked as if nothing had happened so i brought it up with him, i asked him if he had any questions to which he said he didnt. Then asked why i didnt tell him sooner? i said because i was embarrassed and tried to just move on and forget it etc and he was ok. Things arent sorted between us, but they are better. Im different though, i dont feel like i want to cut the thoughts are infrequent now. Ive put my blades and pills away.

We've also agreed hes off on thursday so we're going to the doctors to talk about increasing my medication. We are going to try and sort me out together.

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 10:29 PM

Woah. That's made me happy. That things are working out and although they could be better they could also be ALOT worse. It's great that your bf understands and wants to help you and the fact he is taking you to the doctor on Thursday is fantastic. It shows he cares. :)

I'm okay thanks. I'm on new medication which I strted on Thursday and although it's given me tons of side effects I think the worse one is that it's increased my anxiety levels. I think I almost had an anxiety attack on the tube today with the amount of people. Which is unlike me normally.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 10:34 PM

Thanks, i just hope this burst of optimism and hope lasts i really do. They could be worse it sounds silly but the best thing for me is that ive stopped crying and im not desperate to cut right now and havent been since about 4pm. I know he cares and i want to get better it was my suggestion but he knows i need him to come so i can hold his hand-sounds pathetic but i need support when asking for help.

Oh no that sucks, maybe you could use a bus until the side effects wear off? what medication are you on if you dont mind me asking?

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 10:47 PM

I couldn't get the bus. I was travelling from London to Milton Keynes. So I had to take two tubes and 1 train. It was bad. Well I stopped all Medication in november without even asking my pdoc and I do that regularly. So I think he's trying to punish me as he's put me on Venlafaxine XL which if u even miss one dose you get really bad withdrawal symptoms. He hasn't decided about any other pills yet. He wanted to see how I operated without medication. Which was not good.

How about you?

nomophobia 06-05-2012 11:43 PM

*hugs to everyone*

Hope you are feeling a bit better now Laura x

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 09:18 AM

Oh right, i was on venlafaxine but only for a week i found it horrendous. Is it getting any better? could you ask for something different? What makes you stop the medication? I know it was a bad experience but well done for getting where you wanted on the train *hugs*

Im ok, i actually slept well last night. I still dont have any strong urges. I feel quite calm at the moment.

Doikers 07-05-2012 12:27 PM

*Glomps My Wardies*

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 12:59 PM

hey hows u?

Fire Fly 07-05-2012 05:13 PM

*hug Georgia*
*hug happiness*

Happiness- i dont know, when i feel well enough i just stop or if i think its not working i jsut stop. Im not very good also at remembering to take it.

So happy your feeling alot better now :) and that the urges arnt as strong. Are you still feeling calm?

I have a question, if i go voluntarily to hospital as they said that if i dont they will section me as 'im a danger to myself' do they have to tell my dad? Im 19 so technically an adult.

Im just scared I dont want him to know the reason why im in hospital just want him to knwo its because of my illness? Thanks.

How is everyone?

Laura2.0 07-05-2012 06:07 PM

*hugs all*

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 08:39 PM

Hey

Im not sure about the hospital thing tbh so i cant answer im afraid. I know the feeling of forgetting to take tablets but i now check to see how manys left and ill know if ive taken it or not.

*hugs*

Im still calm but having some bad urges tonight-dont know why think im being a bit paranoid. My bf went to his friends and now i think he doesnt want to talk to me and im scared he wont see me tomorrow. Its silly and irrational i know but its really set me off and my mum made a comment so grr to all of this.

nomophobia 07-05-2012 09:04 PM

I wasn't sure how I was feeling earlier..but now I know I'm deff low >.<

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 09:10 PM

oh no whats up? im here if u want to chat x

nomophobia 07-05-2012 09:12 PM

Thanks, just feeling low and thinking too much :(

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 09:13 PM

*hugs* anything in particular or just one of those days? could u do something to keep your mind busy?

nomophobia 07-05-2012 09:23 PM

yeah, thinking about the past. Well I'm writing a blog and then planning on playing on the ps3 to distract myself..I just hope it works

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 09:29 PM

good luck hope it works if not try something else maybe put a funny film on or phone someone etc xx

Laura2.0 07-05-2012 09:58 PM

*hugs happiness* (sorry... don't know your name) I used to have the same problem. Now I put the tablets in little cups (I got them from hospital) for one week. Plus I have written the days with marker on the little cups, so now I know if I took them or if I forgot to take them. Plus it makes it a lot easier to do it like that when you have to take more than one kind of medication.

*hugs Georgia*

*glomps Mark* what is a glomp??

I decided to go to a hospital today. Now I just have to get my psych doc to get all the forms and stuff done.

Fire Fly 07-05-2012 10:08 PM

Georgia - im sorry your feeling low :( . Thinking about the past is hard but its about the future now and living in the present i guess. If you want to talk Im here.

Happiness - Im sure by your bf goign out with his mates wont affect him seeing you tomorrow unless hes hungover, even then he might come later on in the day. WHat did your mum make a comment about? x

Laura- are you okay? what forms does your pdoc have to do? Little bit worried now if your okay... x

Laura2.0 07-05-2012 10:13 PM

*hugs tinkles* I dunno about the forms. Just the regular stuff that he'll have to do for the hospital. I'm actually feeling good today. I had a really bad day on Saturday. Anyway... I wanna go IP, because I want to be more stable before I start my job training/ college/ university (dunno the english equal). I'll probably have to wait 6 to 10 weeks until I can go ip anyway. The hospital where I want to go is for people who are stable and who want to work on their past etc. They probably want to do some trauma stuff with me... I dunno yet.

YodaBearInterrupted 07-05-2012 10:36 PM

*hugs all in here*

I am starting to feel a lil bit unsafe... sigh. I don't want to have to go back to the psych again, he"ll just yell at me (not really, just feels that way) about how I should go back on AP meds. I told him I was losing control and couldn't fight the voices as much cause somtimes they are right and I have more mood swings where I can be happy and skipping down the hallway to just wanting to curl up in a ball and just rock back and forth. He was all like, the more the reason you should b back on medication Matt. When I told him no, he told me that eventually I would have to make a choice and it wouldn't be good for me - either meds or I would end up hospitalized. Oh well. I am tired after this...

Fire Fly 07-05-2012 10:43 PM

Laura - If your stable and okay; how comes you want to go as ip? << Just re-read what you had written. Oh that makes sense! that should help you move forward right? Goodluck.

Matt - do you want to talk about why you doont want to go on AP? If he thinks they will help and keep you stable - wouldnt you want to try them? If theres a chance to keep you out of the hospital wouldnt that be better? because if you get hospitalized then you will lose your rights if its involuntary and they they can make you take them any way... x

nomophobia 07-05-2012 11:54 PM

Good luck with IP Laura, I will miss you when you go though!


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