Sorry I can't be around very much for the next few weeks.

Thinking of you all

*hugs and warm shortbread biscuits*

Arwen, if it's suddenly come up, it's probably just a cyst or something random and unsinister. It happens.

Hayley, it's so lovely to see someone happy. It kind of radiates :)

*hugs everyone*

Do you ever get so consumed with hating yourself that you can't physically do anything? I can't fathom why anyone comes near me. I'm a horrible despicable unacceptable human being and I deserve to die. I cannot express how much I hate me today.

*wanders in and settles into a corner*

Sorry, not individual replies.. I've been cutting the past few days.. hmm not much else to say really.. I think.. I don't know.. everythings just blerrgghh..

I've been enjoying the sunshine mostly :)

*cuddles up with Hayley*

I'm going on holiday on Tuesday, well, off to stay with a best friend (met through RYL- Jade aka Tears of Soltidue).

Just realised how much I'm shitting myself about one part of the journey. Am okay with the first train, but then got to walk to Euston Square Underground to get the tube to Aldgate, then got to walk to London Fenchurch Street train station. Will be okay with the 2nd train. But am seriously shitting myself about the bits in between, I've finally figured out what tube to take, what line, how to walk to the tube/train station. But I'm bricking having to do it, it has to go okay, PLEASE let me do everything ok. I'm nearly crying about it...haha!!!!!!

Am I being stuipd :S

just popping in before i head back to bed to let you know that i got down from the roof. fire department had to come and use the bucket lift thing (the big arm with the basket on the end to lift people up high) to get me down though because i physically couldn't get down the ladder. needless to say i'm a touch embarrassed, but otherwise ok. sad part is, the lady firefighter who came up in the bucket lift was my ex girlfriend's older sister! haha small world. =)

Hi Zowie :) I'm ok...sort of...maybe? Meh. How're you doing?

Helen, you'll be fine hon, I know you will. If you do hit any problems there are plenty of maps and things around or you can give me a call cause a couple of my mates are from London and they'll be able to help you. x

I'm glad you're safe Jazz, sorry you couldn't get down yourself but that's what the fire department are for...to help...hope you're feeling ok now x

*hugs all*

Am going to make sn emergency appointment with a doc tomorrow to get a med change. The injections aren't working at all. Will hopefully be able to get an appointment tomorrow otherwise I might be a serious risk to myself. Please cross your fingers for me.

*offers everyone more hugs and leaves a plate of nachos for those where it is winter and cold drinks for those for whom it is summer*

*hugs zowie, Hayley, jazz, vicki, MammaMia and Kahlia* hope i didnt miss anyone out! *steals a cold drink before returning to my corner* I can't get over the need to hurt myself, why wont it go away

*hugs shadow*

*Hugs everyone* Just about to go out, so no time for individual replies. Going up on the hills where we spread my mum's ashes. We're going to have a picnic/bbq and my little sister is taking a friend to keep her company.
It should be nice, but it's a hell of a journey. We've got to get the train then walk for about half an hour. I really should stop complaining though, god knows I need the exercise.

Half an hours walk is nothing, about a mile and a half. That's my walk to uni :P either way, I hope it's a nice walk for you all.

*leaves hugs for all*

im on my own and im a liar and i deserve to die sobs in corner. im not worth it. thanks mum

The walk was actually quite nice. I used to walk that far to get to college (after a train ride to get to brighton). It was a lot of uphill walking, but so was the trip to college. I'm glad I got out and had the exercise.
It was very hot though. Had to wipe my eyebrows off after sweating excessively. I do sweat a lot, and I absolutely hate it.

I had a really good weekend, the wedding was lovely and I made a friend, dj was rubbish and am feeling really fat because I ate so much. Am struggling now, I think it's because I've relaxed and am tired, I have to remember to live day by day and not worry or beat myself up about being 28 and having nothing to show for it. sorry no individual replies, I wish I could and that I hope you can all consider yourselves hugged.

take care and I hope monday goes well *hugs and cuddles*

I'm sooooooo tired, suriving on less than 5 hours sleep, but had to get up at 8am, to leave for 9am to head to a Preston RYL meet, what made me think this was a good idea to go the day BEFORE I go away??? =/

Ah well, it'll be fun :D :D :D

*hugs everyone* well its monday again *hands out the chocolate (zero calorie)*

I'ma go see my grandparents x

Maybe one day Ill get a rest?
Things are really really busy right now so sorry if I don't get a chance to reply.

xxx

*hugs zowie* have a good time at your grandparents

*hugs secrets* try and take things a bit slower if that would help sweetie

*flies around ward sprinkling magic happy dust*

Wanna know the secret to my ability to fly today?!!! Its cos I'm on morphine!!! Yes my upper back and neck have gone into spasm after only a few days of relief, so I thought I'd come in here to see my friends to get distracted from the pain and try and remain positive as I don't want my happy spell to end.

Sorry for not being able to do individula replies but this is taking up an awful lot of brain power just to type this....I really should learn to waffle less.

*group huggle*

oooh, in here I can make it out to the smoking shelter!! yay

*goes out to smoking shelter wishing it was that easy in the physicalworld*