I won't patronise you or anything but I hope you manage to keep yourself safe. Would going and spending some time with your housemate distract you at all?

Emma: Heh, she's in the next room which is the bathroom. Getting ready for bed.

But even when she's toddled off, I won't be completely alone, 'cause I have a friend I'm talking to online

I don't really now how to reply tonight but I am glad you are not completely alone. Please try and take care.

My night's turned out better than I thought.. the urges have subsided for now.. I made some traditional christmas food and brought it over to my friends house and they were quite happy [and I was quite thrilled to share]. So that helped alot.

G'Night Hells.

Hope the triggeringness passes soon Dayna.

Hope you're doing somewhat better now Emma.

*lots of safe hugs for everyone*

Sorry, all, I'm exhausted and need to go to bed... I hope everyone has a safe night.

take care, I'll check-in in the morning

Emma: I'll do my best

Ravyn: Glad your night's improved, and see you tomorrow

*sticks head out from denial tent*

Wow .... *hugs everyone*

I got a letter from QUT regarding enrolment procedures and the like. Now I'm not quite sure what to do. I was hoping to defer for 12 months ... but I'm not sure whether that is going to happen. Now I'm half excited, half scared about what to do regarding my uni. Thankfully QUT didn't go with eStudent - which doesn't really do anything for Australian uni students. I'm just ....

Anyway, I'm up at my parents place "grandparent-sitting". Well not really, but spending some quality time with mum's parental units and my dog. I really want to do myself some serious damage. If I can last 2 more hours than I've reached 4 months. It all just seems kind of .... I don't know ... not worth it ??

Thanks to everyone for the support they've offerred me, whether by reading (listening) or by replying with support of any kind. I hope you all are doing okay.

Well, think of it this way, Kahlia. If you can hold on and hit the four month point, then you'll know that while it's hard, it is possible, and if you decide to give up again - for good - then you'll know that if you've done it once, then you can do it again.

That's how I view my own old attempt at recovery. When I feel ready enough to try and give up again, I'll know that at the very least, I'll be able to go three months, if not more. Because I've already done it once

*Triggering* SI/Suicide
 

I am feeling very alone at the moment and a little {very} lost. All I want to is SI or end my own life. I can't explain why I am feeling this way or what has set it off. But the urges are out of control.

I don't know how or if I should ask my housemate for help as she is unwell at the moment to. I am concerned for her and am unsure how to help her. It is getting a little over whealming.
I also have the added pressure to be miss normal on christmas day. Only to be paraded infront of my mum's boyfriends family... ugh.. How I am going to hold up I don't know. But if I don't act I will be the usual outcast {frowned apon ignored and told off} that I am now and if they find out Im acting sh*t hits the fan. It like to act or not to act and begging them to make up there mind just doesn't help either.

Im going on a trip with a community oureach group tomorrow. They are going swimming and I don't want them to find out I have been SIing or they will report it. If I dont go they report it too, so I have to go. I just don't know how to hid the marks.

Sorry for the long speal.

"offers hugs to anyone who wants them and hids in the corner"

*steps out of denial tent* Good morning everyone.

Kahlia - how did your night end up going? How are you doing now with the urges? Thanks for the update regarding your studies.. I hope things get straightened out for you soon. Keep us posted. :)

Dayna - How are you doing now? How did your night turn out? Hope you have a better day today. I liked your wise words about recovery and how it means you know you can make it at least that far again. I will try to keep that in mind when I decide I want to try recovering.

Mouse - thanks for the hugs *hugs back* I don't have much to say advice-wise... I know how much pretending sucks! Do you think for swimming maybe you could wear a shirt over your bathing suit -- claim you don't want to get a sunburn for Christmas? Don't apologize for letting out your feelings... we're all in this together. Try and stay safe.

*offers lots of hugs*

I had a decent sleep for once, so that was nice, now I'm off to do chores then go to work. I am feeling quite clear-headed this morning so that is good, I'm hoping this will last all day [i hate my afternoon emotional crashes]. Take care!

*peeps out of denial tent*
Hello all. *offers hugs to everyone along with a plate of cookies and some coffee/cocoa*

Ravyn - actually due to the time differences it's nighttime here now. 10:28pm to be exact by my laptop's timer. I survived the day and made my 4 month stint. I'm still urging badly. Oh, and thankyou for the wishes regarding my studies. I too hope that it works out soon...

I went for a walk/jog with Nicole [mouse in darkness] and Rusty (the dog) tonight and my brain is working at something approaching full speed .... which is both good and bad. Good because I feel like studying all night long and bad because ... well I want to engage in dangerous behaviours. I am presently in control however, even if I don't want to be.

I'm considering just throwing caution to the wind and enrolling in my subjects at QUT for next year. I know that this would be a dangerous move, but part of me is willing to take the risk. So far I've been lucky and have made friends with students in all my computer science subjects at JCU - even if they were really only for one semester. I can't help but wonder if this would be the same if I went down to BrisVegas. Meh .... I don't know. I'm a little ... confused I think is the best word ... regarding what I want to do.

Gee whiz I'm talking way too much. My apologies to all.

*goes around to everyone and offers them a hug then crawls all the way back into the denial tent*

Thank you Ravynsoul. My name is Nicole {if it makes life a little easier}. I can wear a shirt the only problem is that the SI's are on my legs and board shorts don't reach that far down. I have tried. And at the moment it is really hot in Australia so long pants look odd.
Glad you had a decent sleep and feel clear-headed. Am hoping it stays with you all day. By the way I love your picture of Tulips and of the beautiful horse. I love them! Is the horse yours?

"Offers hugs to those who want them and an icy pole to those who have summer and hot chocolate to those who are enjoying winter"

Enjoying winter??
I'm freezing my tits off!
:P

LOL Zowie- that made me chuckle, thank you :D

Hope everyone's ok xx

Congratulations Kahlia <3

Zowie : send some of the cold this way :p

Helen : thanks muchly

Nicole : just sending you some virtual hugs

-----

An update on my studies : I got an email from QUT and know what I have to do to apply for deferral. They require me to do the paperwork as soon as physically possible - not by yesterday at 10:00 am. So it looks like I'll be okay to apply to defer. The only problem now is that I don't see my pdoc until about the 20th of January.

As it is Christmas Eve here I shall wish everyone a safe Christmas now just in case I don't get back online. ----- Nicole stop laughing ... I know I can barely spend 10 minutes away from my laptop and the internet... I'm addicted to technology. I wonder if there is a support group for that ??

*offers hugs to everyone*

Hi all,

been hiding out under the duvet in real life as well as virtual life!
feeling pretty low, 2 members of my family have passed away in the last 6 months and the person I thought would always be there for me left :(
This time of year makes it all worse, everywhere I look I see people looking blissfully happy and wonder what is so wrong with me that I cannot have that.

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself, it won't get me anywhere.

Hope everyone is okay today

*hugs*

Ravyn: A little better thanks. Still on the low side, very sleepy today, and I think I've yet again followed my own little pre-Christmas tradition of coming done with something, lol. And I'm glad what I said about recovery helped you some ^__^

Mary Anne: Ohh, I'm really sorry to hear that D: *hugs tightly*

Kahlia: Lol, I think I'm with you on the whole technology addiction xD. I go spare when we run out of electricity for a couple of days

My mind's kind of turning to jelly here, so sorry to those who I didn't reply to *hugs all*

*cuddles everyone*

Would you like me to stop sharing my excitement? :)

Not in the slightest, I think it's good when someone has something positive to post <3