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FlyingNy 02-08-2010 08:38 PM

Urgh. I have to spend three weeks in their company. I don't know how I'm going to last. I've just spent half an hour of a 'family meal' having every part of my appearance picked at. In the end I just suggested I get an enitre make-over so not to embarass my mum in front of all the Canadians. She wants to change just about everything. But she's right. I am fat. Fat and dirty. Always dirty.

Doikers 02-08-2010 08:48 PM

Oh Lia *Hugs* you're not dirty no matter how much you think that of yourself , you are a kind, intelligent person :)

Scarletdreamer 02-08-2010 08:55 PM

Lia, sweetie, I agree with Mark. You're not dirty & I doubt that you're fat. *gentle hugs*

*cuddles Crimson, Hels, Felicia, Mark, & Jess*
*cuddles everyone that hasn't posted yet on this page :P*

Sorry it's not more. My brain isn't functioning and I'm having an eye twitch that is driving me craaazy. >:( Have no idea what's causing it either and it's been happening off & on all day.

Last day with Tegretol, since I totally have run out of it and it's not come in the mail yet. Damn it. I have no idea how loopy I'mma be tomorrow night when I don't get my dosage... or how bad a headache I'm gonna have... :'(

Spent most of the day at my parents' house, which was nice... slept a lot though so hopefully won't have a problem falling asleep tonight. Read some, relaxed, drank a lot of tea (chamomile, Mark!! XD I love that stuff...), etc.

Just sent directions to our apartment to a friend who's coming over tomorrow. I have to do a bit more cleaning or else my conscience is going to rip me apart for introducing a new person to the clutter that is our apartment. :( I hate not being more motivated to clean clean clean... probably will be doing it last minute tomorrow morning. She's supposed to get here around 9:30am, so yeah. Guhhh. Feel so stupid!! for not getting on this sooner, or not forcing myself to stay home today and just get it done.

*sighs and hides in the warren to try and forget about the eye twitch (which is REALLY ****ING ANNOYING), the cleaning, and my parents*

Doikers 02-08-2010 09:00 PM

OOOh April I hope your meds come in the mail tomorrow *Crosses fingers* don't worry about your flat being a bit messy , mine is too , magazines lying strewn about Easter Cards still up lol . Mess is Normal ! don't fret over what your mother says about it , it's YOUR home after all .

Scarletdreamer 02-08-2010 09:32 PM

I hope my meds come tomorrow too. Dunno what I'm going to do without them.

Lol Mark, about the Easter cards. :P Yeh I suppose a bit of mess is normal, but I am so freaking used to an OCD/anal family when it comes to cleaning... I am totally the black sheep when it comes to that, sadly... I'd love to be tidy and neat and have everything in its right & proper place but I just can't. :(

Screw up, April's a screw up... and not just about cleaning. About relationships too. Stupid me. Frustrating Jarrod. Guhhh. >_<

*rocks in a corner*

FlyingNy 02-08-2010 09:33 PM

Thanks Mark and April, but it must be true. Why would they say it if it wasn't true? And they are right. I am dirty. And fat. They must have reason to say those things.

Know the feeling April, no matter how much you need to do something and know how much you will regret putting it off later, with the bug of the laziness nothing can make you. I'm exactly the same, try not to beat yourself up about it, it's just a part of who you are. Besides, it's no fun if there's no mad rush :)

How are you Mark?


MammaMia 02-08-2010 10:01 PM

*sneaks back in and curls up*

Doikers 02-08-2010 10:07 PM

I'm Numb Lia , I did S.I. once today but not too seriously , I've been numb 95% of the last month at least , *sigh* if I'm not numb I'm low , sometimes joy of joy I get both at the same time even though it thats not logical hmmmm. sorry I ranted.
I'm worried about you Lia a bit I don't think that you are giving yourself any credit for being such a caring person.

Doikers 02-08-2010 10:09 PM

*Hugs Helen*

Scarletdreamer 02-08-2010 10:27 PM

*cuddles Hels* How'd the meeting go, sweetie?

*hugs Lia* I agree with Mark (once again), love. You're not giving yourself the credit that you deserve, for being a kind, sweet, & caring person. But I suppose the same could be said for most if not all of us here. And to answer your question - "why would they say such things if they weren't true?" - because, as you've said so yourself, they're not very nice people. They don't "side" with you all the time... and bullies love picking other people apart, as it makes them feel bigger and stronger than they really are. When it's really WE who are stronger than they are. Anyway, sorry, ramble. :)

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you've been numb that much lately. That really sucks. :( But maybe you will start feeling better soon? can always hope, at least, right? And that wasn't a rant, at least not one as bad as I can get into sometimes!! lol. >_< I'm also glad that the SI wasn't too bad today.

Just got off WoW. Am really anxious right now, mostly about tomorrow & the apartment not being clean & "what will my parents think" (when they won't even BE here tomorrow >_< stupid me) & worrying about Jarrod & all sorts of other ****. Ugh... :'(

*glomps Felicia* :D

Doikers 02-08-2010 10:42 PM

April , I HOPE that my Lithium blood results will come soon and that that particular drug can be increased , It'll be a week tomorow that the blood were taken so hopefully I'll hear about it soon .Prayers/ positive thoughts appreciated please. My AD's are already over the recommded doseage for being an AD hmmm. I slept , well semi-slept most of the afternoon and it's 10.40 pm here and I'm not even tired but I took a Diaz and am going to bed ,sleep well ward mates *Hugs April Goodnight*

FlyingNy 02-08-2010 10:43 PM

Ergh, why so dirty? I'm not the person you two think I am, I'm dirty and I don't even know why. It's inside of me and that shower really hurt. I'm red and even bleeding (sorry if that's triggering) yet still no cleaner. I don't know how to get rid of the dirt or hy it's even there.

Sorry you're feeling so anxious April. I wish there was something I could do. Try not to get yourself down too much, it's not your fault, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. *Hugs* What's wrong with Jarrod?

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry you feel that way, but well done on managing to resist cutting too badly. I know how tiering feeling numb all the time can get, ut I think I prefer it. When I have my 'ice queen' mask on, I don't have to feel.


PoisonedApple 02-08-2010 10:52 PM


*hugs* everyone.

Not sure what to say :crying: .
Bout anything in particular?*hugs*
*hugs Mark goodnight* sleep well.

PoisonedApple 03-08-2010 12:51 AM


Come October, I am canceling the cell that she uses, and having it be just for you. Or me and you, but we are going to be on a much cheaper plan.
Also I won't be paying her car insurance, so let's hope she is on her own.
If she is still around with us she will pay 100-200 a month for food, and that is all. Unless she has her own room, in which case she will help with rent
D's beginning to see the light when it come to his mum. *small happy dance moment* *hopes october doesn't prove the statement false*

PoisonedApple 03-08-2010 01:16 AM

Sorry Luke only popped in briefly earlier... I dunno about the rights in your case so I'm of no help there, sorry. I'm glad they finally set an appt and that you have ADs even if it is a long way away or having side effects... *hugs*

FlyingNy 03-08-2010 03:10 AM

I'm off for three weeks now. I might visit in the morning, but in case I don't get a chance, keep yourselves safe. I really do love you guys and don't want to come back to find anyone's done something incredibly stupid. Yes, that is a threat. Mwahaha! Anyway, I think Canada should actually be fun, I'm with the fam but we're visiting more fam who are actually nice to me.

Talk to you all soon.

Stay safe.


misskitty112 03-08-2010 03:33 AM

Have fun, Lia!

*hugs everyone*

I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

Kahlia1981 03-08-2010 03:36 AM

*huggles everybody*

Am very very cold. It's probably only like 20C but I get cold easy.
Finished my assessment for TAFE and handed it in. Yay!
Organising myself, but things are moving so slowly . . .

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all*

wolfos3d 03-08-2010 04:46 AM

I hate my math teacher now. :( She freaked when I said I couldn't do my test today, made me sit with it in front of me for almost an hour even though I couldn't answer a single question, and then got even more pissed off when I said I would do it next week instead of on Thursday. And before I left, she demanded that I bring her a photocopy of my medical certificates for days I've missed from now on so that she can staple them to my work.

This is the second teacher to do something like this to me in the last week. I now have to go speak to my year level coordinator about it. What I really need is less stress, not more stress. ARGH!

SoMuchMore 03-08-2010 04:46 AM

*hugs everyone* sry there have been like 9 pages since i was on here last so I don't want to miss anyone in individuals.

Congrats to everyone who had milestones recently though!

Hope everyone is alright.

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