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nicole94 01-05-2010 08:19 PM

tuesday is the four year anniversary of when i was sexually abused. i can't make it through this week. i can't. i TOLD them, i told them i should be admitted, that i'm not safe. but they wouldnt listen....

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:36 PM

*Hugs Nicole*

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:40 PM

*clings to mark* i want to die. its the only way out.

SoMuchMore 01-05-2010 08:43 PM

*hugs nicole* it is not the only way out hun. You can fight these feelings. Can you tell anyone else in real life about how u r feeling?

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:43 PM

No Don't die Nicole , we'd all miss you terribly , you WILL get through this week , one day at a time, one hour at a time , heck even one minute at a time you will totally make it . *Super charged Hugs*

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:47 PM

*hugs you both.* mark-it's tuesday i'm worried about, if im like this now, what am i gonna be like then?? and laura-no, i cant tell anyone how i'm feeling right now. it would just hurt too much. right, im gonna try and calm myself down with a nice hot bath. byee.

Doikers 01-05-2010 09:25 PM

I'm officially pooped , time for bed methinks. *Leaves hugs on the table*

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 09:38 PM

'Nighty night Mark, pleasant dreams. *cuddles and tucks you up*

I've got a stomach ache, ugh. Hate it when this happens, usually does when I get back from my parents' because they make richer food than we do and I almost always overeat. :'(

Am so warm too, even though the apartment is cool. It's hot outside and I'm sitting next to a southern wall... which is pretty warm. Yuck.

I am so tired... don't want to do anything except sleep. :'( I hate being awake, it makes me think about things...


katnovia 01-05-2010 10:22 PM

*hugs april* i'm cold! could you package some of that warmth and send it over here?

Mark: I'm sorry you felt the need to cut, and did, look after it well and yourself. *huggles* well done on 6days. This time you'll do better, i'm sure. Rooting for you. *picks up hugs from table and leaves neatly wrapped and labeled pocket bag of magic healing hugs*. I think I should hit the sack too. otherwise i'll regret it when little lady is up at 3 am or something stupid, and hubby's not in until gone 6 tonight, so i'm all on my own *shivers*

Laura: Thank you for that dose of hope, I was in need of that *hugs back* Congratulations on not cutting for over a week, keep it up! *hands you hugs wrapped up in a box of confetti stars and mini champagne bottle bubbles*

Nicole: *comes up to nicole and sits with her* No dying. I don't do nice people dying. You'll be fine. I know it's going to be really hard, but what you need to remember is that it is just a date, numbers in a man-made calendar. I know it brings forth all the memories and feelings, but it's a tie you have to break. I know it probably wont happen for you this year, but one day i promise it will. After 5 years of hell every march it's now been 3 years for me now that the anniversary of the first time I was raped has passed without me noticing until afterwards that maybe I was a little down. It will get better hunny, don't give up on it now. Try looking on it from a different viewpoint, a positive one, counting the years you have been free of the abuse. The years you have survived. The years in which you have won. *gives you a well loved cuddly red polar bear* it's paulie, my friend of 14 years, he's very good at absorbing tears.

JK: Yeah, I'd ask, just to clarify what the meaning was, or why it was asked, a few things come to mind, and one or two are completely innocent and could put your mind at rest *cuddles back* Nice talking with you too. Thank you for leaving me my mink blankie, i was missing this *curls up in a ball* my hubby calls me the compost cat when I do this. I'm struggling... here goes the long answer..

I'm not too bad i guess, feeling tired of life in general. Anxious to do some work on healing me, but life just seems to be getting in the way. I'm so afraid of loosing my daughter if i ask for help, or if i tell anyone what really is going on in my head. I just dont know how to get the time and space i need. I'm afraid of breaking completely. I know i'm on the edge and there's nothing I can do about it. I havn't self-harmed in years, only once every 6-7 months, and I did the other day and I can't stop thinking about it again. I'm under so much pressure with baby, and so much emotional/mental strain from an ongoing police case that i'm afraid i'm just going to snap and be unmendable. *curls deeper into mink blankie* I dont know how to keep going.

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:41 PM

wow so many pages
*higs everyone that likes cuddles and yawns*

katnovia 01-05-2010 10:46 PM

Hi Julie *cuddles back* that yawn's contagious *yawns and rubs eyes*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:49 PM

i'm going to help these cute little boys with water conferdence is like 10 mins

katnovia 01-05-2010 10:50 PM

i need life confidence.

edit: *sigh* just realised how depressive that sounded, then realised it's because I am depressed, which just depressed me further. I should give up and go to bed now. sorry.

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:54 PM

*cuddles katnovia tight*

katnovia 01-05-2010 10:57 PM

*sinks into julie's cuddle and cries a little*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:58 PM

*rubs ur back and strokes ur hair (only if it's ok to do that i wont if u dont want k hun)*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 11:01 PM

kat hun i have to go eat then get to the pool but i think ur an amazing person
all the people in this thread are amazing *huggles for all that like huggles*

katnovia 01-05-2010 11:02 PM

*cuddles tighter* that's really nice. *sniffles* thank you for the shoulder to cry on and the cuddles.

frenchhorn 01-05-2010 11:04 PM

*cuddles Kat and Julie*

I am watching Dr Who at the moment, so will come back and reply properly when its finished, I'm also trying to warm myself up, its cold outside with only jeans and a shirt on.

*cuddles all, then dashes off to finish watching dr who*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 11:05 PM

my shoulder is always free for u kat and for any one who needs it and i will grow extras if needed lol i'll grow a million shoulders for u guys k ur so nice and everything

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