||08-01-2011 01:01 AM
I have no idea what I am going to do. I'm freaking out right now. I got in contact with the financial aid office at the school today to find out when I would get my financial aid money. They looked at my account and said it's iffy with me because I had to take a medical withdraw from this last semester. So they are going to review my case on either Monday or Tuesday of next week to decide if they are going to allow me to get financial aid for this next semester or not. He said that since it's my first medical withdraw and stuff, I have a good chance of being approved, but there is still a chance I can be denied. If I am denied, I will have to withdraw again. But that's not really what I'm worried about. Without that money I will be homeless. I won't have a cell phone or internet connection anymore. No gas for my car. I am living off of my financial aid money. If I am denied, everything will be horrible. And I have to wait until sometime next week, when they decide to review my case, to know if I am going to be homeless or not. Also, if I don't get my financial aid, that means I won't be able to go see my counselor or doctor anymore.
Another thing that is driving me crazy is the question on whether I am pregnant or not. My menstrual cycle still hasn't started. It is 2 days late. I do not have another home pregnancy test to take, and can't afford getting another one. I mean, I could go get one from the dollar store, but that would be a waste of a dollar because their tests are not the most accurate (I had a friend who had a sister that was 6 months pregnant who took one of the tests from the dollar store and it came back negative). I have an appointment with a clinic for next Thursday to get a test, but that is still like a week away. I'm pretty sure I am pregnant at this point, but need the confirmation in order to receive medical. I have to receive medical if I am because I need to get in and be seen right away since I will be considered high risk because of my tubular pregnancy 6 months ago. If I am pregnant, and do get medical, I will be able to go see a different doctor and counselor, if I get denied my financial aid, but that raises 2 problems. One, what would be the point if I am homeless? And for two, I would have to start all over again with someone else that I don't know and that is extremely difficult for me to do being as I do not trust people very well.
I am just so stressed out right now. I have no idea how I am going to survive this weekend. I'm freaking out. I want to cut. I'm feeling suicidal. But there's not a damn thing I can do to make it better. The school just has to take their sweet ass time. I can't handle this waiting. I don't know what to do.
-sits in her dark corner and hugs her knees and rocks back and forth-