i know :( and now shes having a go at me to clean the kitchen! i hate her sometimes. aaw mark, sorry your feeling so triggerd, having a bath is a good idea, it usually calms me down. x

*Hugs Nicole* I know the feeling, she's my mum and it makes me feel guilty, but I sometimes hate her too. I used to love her. I was a right mummy's girl. Huh. I wonder what went wrong. Hope you're Ok.

*Hugs Mark* Glad you had a nice time with your sister, it sucks that you're triggered now. I hate it when I end up in bad mood at the end of a good day, it feels as if the entire day is ruined.

*Hugs Jill* How are you feeling now? Do you want to talk? I'm here for you if you do.

Hey Lia :) How are you tonight?


Hehe I got bath water up my nose , to shower would be simpler but they remind me of the pysch hospital hmmmmmm

*hugs lia* yeah, i know, me and my mum used to be so close! now i wish she wasnt my mum, and i feel guilty for feeling like that :( aswell as my dad, none of us talk to him and we've just found out his girlfriend is gonna split up with him, i feel bad cause he's gonna be all on his own but then it's his fault :( how're you?

hey people :)
<3

lol mark, must've been typing at the same time! i know, i had a bath earlier and i think i must've swallowed half of it! didnt taste too good, especially as it was a bubble bath :/

*Hugs Heather* Hows things?

lol Nicole , baths are tricky :P

*hugs heather* everyone has come online at once :/
mark-i know, but i still seem to spend like 3-4 hours a day in mine XD

The devil is telling me to cut am listening to music to drown him out but it isn't helping

*Hugs Ryuu* Hmmm could you mabe put the music on headphones so it's all you can hear?

Hey all. Wow, we are moving much faster now. I only went away to watch Merlin.

I'm alright. Kinda. I think I upset my friend, and she's mad but she's pretending she's not and I feel guilty but I don't at the same time because she's made me worry so much in the past and...well it's complicated so I'll just shush now :)

hugs everybody.
erm okay i been singed off work, and now on antidepressant. im feeling really down and pissed off, my dad went in to give me sick note, and they didnt ask one how i was, not that i was expecting it. they are a bunch of assholes , that couldnt care less on of there staff members is feeling like this or might have done worse if i didnt take this step,to atlest get some breathing space, im not faking this im depressed. two days back i woke up wanting to end my life, ended up crying at the coffee table and not being able to stop. this hasnt happened once, other times i have being going to work, and feeling like i wanted to end it.
im also freaking out because i have to go back at some point, im signed off for 2 weeks, i got my last final warning,and i get the funny feeling they will make my life a living hell, because i was off. this might have added more fuel to the fire. **** =[. sorry this is so long.

*Hugs Jill* Would it be possible to change jobs? I'm sorry they seem like such uncaring people, but you have us and we care. I hope the anti-depressants do something for you and help you to feel better. I'm glad you finally have some help.

*Hugs Jill* I hope the anti-depressants work for you , I've been on them a while myself , I agree with Lia , could find a job where people are, well nicer? No-one here thinks you are faking anything , It's HORRIBLE to have depression but you can beat it *Extra Hug for Jill*

hugs everyone

thanks both lia and mark, yeah im trying at the sec, made harder by the fact im signed off work. hmmm mark a question, being taking anti-dpressants, i normally have thought running through my head, but last night it felt like they were alot louder, is that normal? or is that just me think they are.if that makes sence.

*Walks into ward and begins to beat the **** out of the nearest hard object to hand.*

hugs lia tightly, so she cant cont to beat the **** out of stuff. what up girly? whats got you so angery?

Thanks Jill, I've just calmed down now. I just got thinking about why she had to leave me. Why she never cared and just walked away as if I were nothing to her when she means so much to me.

I give up. I ****ing give up.