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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

nonperson 04-10-2019 09:58 AM

You're not a dental nurse in training right now but there's no reason why you can't be that again in the future. I believe in you.

Pi.R^2 05-10-2019 04:57 PM


Originally Posted by chinahorse (Post 4240935)
Need to feel pain. To atone for the evil.

What evil?

Even if there was a need for atonement (which I don't think there is), there isn't anything evil enough in the world that would deserve the pain you have inflicted on yourself over the last ten years. You deserve kindness and care, not any more hurt.

chinahorse 07-10-2019 04:52 PM

I am inherently evil.

Meeting new cpn and psychiatrist tomorrow. Am really terrified.

tamobhuuta 07-10-2019 05:18 PM

You aren't evil, you are a beautiful human being. I hope tomorrow goes ok.

chinahorse 07-10-2019 08:35 PM

I appreciate you saying that.

Really struggling with thoughts to burn.

Pi.R^2 07-10-2019 10:55 PM


Originally Posted by chinahorse (Post 4241318)
I am inherently evil.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : don't need to read if you don't want to have this debate rn!
How do you know? Evil is not inherent, it's in our choices and our actions and yours are not evil. And besides, evil is not fixed by self-destruction. That's just not how things work.

Burning would not help. It would hurt and put you at risk of infection and it wouldn't satisfy the urge to hurt yourself for very long. It's not worth it.

I hope things go well with the new CPN and psychiatrist.

one_step_closer 08-10-2019 10:22 AM

I really hope today is positive for you and you feel like you will be getting the right support.

chinahorse 08-10-2019 12:24 PM

I am getting nothing. No support at all.

one_step_closer 08-10-2019 02:28 PM

:( What happened?

chinahorse 08-10-2019 03:37 PM

My goals are things I should work on by myself and they can't help me. A care coordinator wouldn't be helpful and they won't be offering therapy. They won't alter my meds until I've had a blood test. So here's a form see you in a month.

They said I had severe enduring mental health problems. Then offered me nothing.

tamobhuuta 08-10-2019 03:48 PM

I am very frustrated for you! I don't know what the answer is though. Sending hugs.

chinahorse 08-10-2019 03:51 PM

Thank you.

I've done the only coping mechanism I can to stay safe which was go to bed and sleep. Now I don't know what to do.

chinahorse 09-10-2019 03:18 AM

What am I meant to do now?

I've basically been told I'm never going to recover to the point of having a useful life. I'm not worth supporting. I'm going back to plymouth so why bother.

This life is impossible. Utterly impossible. It hurts to breathe.

Irisflower 09-10-2019 11:54 PM

Hi Lily,
I've been reading your posts and your R/V, and I think the following is what you need to tell them when they ask what help you need: "And by the way support looks like someone actually asking how I am. Someone helping me to apply for PIP and helping me to get to appointments. Someone working with me to try to integrate me into life and someone coming to my house to help make sure I'm cleaning and washing myself and eating. And someone helping me make a plan to deal with stress." Those are great things to ask for, and could really help. I hope you get the support you need. Are these things you could talk to the CPN, or the person you see, about? (I'm in a different medical system so am not always sure of the terms/functions of, say, a CPN, etc.)

Irisflower 09-10-2019 11:57 PM

If I've missed the boat, by the way, and if you've already asked for these things, please forgive me!

chinahorse 10-10-2019 11:56 AM

I don't have a named worker or see anyone. There's no one to ask.

I didn't make it to my hospital appointment today. I was too anxious. It's a very long way from my house and I hadn't made the journey before and I couldn't do it. I feel I should be punished for this. I don't know what to do about future appointments.

Just had to apply for a loan to cover my rent which will be deducted from my benefits. I feel like such a failure. I'm in such a financial mess. I've never been in this situation before. It's horrible. So now I'll be paying that back. Paying my credit card back and paying my parents back. And I don't even know how much benefit I'll get if I get it.

one_step_closer 10-10-2019 03:47 PM

Which form did the CMHT give you and who are you seeing in a month? Can you contact that person?

You shouldn't be punished at all for missing your appointment, you were punished enough with the anxiety you felt. Did you get in touch with the hospital? Maybe they could arrange patient transport if that's a thing where you are.

I'm sorry you're having money worries, that doesn't make you a failure though. I really hope that you can get benefits sorted out. Have you had help to fill in the applications for benefits? From citizen's advice maybe?

chinahorse 10-10-2019 04:23 PM

Seeing a psychiatrist and the forms for a blood test. I made a gp appointment for Saturday with a nice gp and will see if she has anything to suggest.

I haven't been in touch with the hospital no.

Crisis helped me with the application for universal credit. A friend supported me to make the initial phone call for PIP. And after a Google I applied online for a reduction in council tax today. Citizens advice can help with benefits? Would they help with PIP?

nonperson 10-10-2019 04:31 PM

I think they would. My sister worked in citizens advice for a while and I'm certain she used to deal with that sort of thing. If they can't help though I'm sure they would tell you who could.

one_step_closer 10-10-2019 04:42 PM

I'm sure citizens advice help fill in most forms. In my area there is a specific service called Money Matters which I think is run by the council, there might be something similar in your area.

I hope it goes well with the GP, and you can make further appointments if you need to.

Do you think you'll get in touch with the hospital?

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