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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

chinahorse 21-10-2018 08:47 PM

Thank you <3

I want to self destruct and then sleep until I die. I feel horrible. And I cant explain it. Hopeless void.

chinahorse 22-10-2018 06:43 PM

I am anxious and in pain and want to crawl out my own skin and I can't keep doing this. I can't. I'm cracking.

Buttons. 23-10-2018 08:03 AM

*hugs gently*

Unbreakable. 24-10-2018 01:32 PM

When is your CPN seeing you next? I think she is on leave atm?

Have you been offered anything other than painkiller to manage your pain?

Is there a way to work part time rather than fulltime?
I know money plays into it, but maybe you can discuss with your parents if they can support you for a bit because, quite frankly, it is very obvious that you can't continue to work so many hours for the time being.

I think that despite the hassle and effort you need to look into getting disability another time. I understand it is very demanding and hard to jump through their hoops and fight what you clearly need to just live. But is it really worse and scarier than the thought of continuing the way things are right now?

chinahorse 24-10-2018 09:25 PM

Cpn was off last week.
Saw her yesterday. 2 weeks ago they had meeting. Said nothing other than needed meeting with therapist present. That's happening on the 30th I think. Said I don't want anyone to contact me unless they have news.

I've put in a complaint. It's been many months and no treatment.

I'm under the pain clinic who have done and said nothing. Literally nothing. I'm not having too high expectations here. Had to cancel last appointment at short notice due to eye head emergency situation.

I have to work. I want to work less but I have sommittments and responsibilities and obligations. I'm 27. Not asking parents for money.

I can't go through being told I'm a fraud by disability assessors.

Its hopeless. There's not a way forward. And my anxiety is sky rocketing. Anxious and sad.

chinahorse 29-10-2018 07:20 PM

I can't keep doing this. I can't. Guys I can't.

tamobhuuta 30-10-2018 10:25 AM

*hugs* is the meeting today? You can keep going, it's hard but you can.

chinahorse 30-10-2018 05:55 PM

Don't know then it is. Don't really care. Everything is shit. Everything.

Aubergine 01-11-2018 10:05 PM

Hey Lillie. How're things?

chinahorse 02-11-2018 07:36 AM

Hey love. Things are rough. I'm sort of managing to function enough to go to work and not much else.

I think it's because I feel so worthless and everything feels pointless. Doesn't help that I have a cold which makes the fibromyalgia worse.

Trying to keep wading forwards but you know when you feel you've done as much as you can?

Thank you for thinking of me. X

Buttons. 02-11-2018 08:03 AM

Hope your cold gets better soon lovely.

Eska 02-11-2018 09:43 AM

*sends gentle hugs*

tamobhuuta 02-11-2018 11:34 AM


one_step_closer 02-11-2018 03:46 PM

You are not worthless, I'm sorry you feel that way. I know how it feels to think you have reached the point of not being able to carry on and then you end up carrying on anyway and hitting the feeling wall again and again. You are so strong for keeping going and you deserve a break. Can you try and be kinder to yourself since external support isn't being great at the moment? You deserve some kindness from somewhere. I really hope that you will be able to feel that there is a point to your life in the near future and you can enjoy things more.

chinahorse 07-11-2018 08:36 PM

I've been trying to keep going I promise. Trying to so things that are nice.

But it's all gone to shit. Cut bad. Binged bad. Should purge. Nothing is healing. Everything hurts. I can not face the thought of work tomorrow. I just want to hide. I can not face the thought of work.

Someone talk to me. Someone help me.

Buttons. 08-11-2018 09:38 AM

I haven't got the words to help right now but I've read and I care.

tamobhuuta 08-11-2018 03:00 PM

I'm sorry things are so bad. How is today going?

chinahorse 08-11-2018 05:57 PM

Thank you guys <3

Today has been ok I suppose. Finally got hold of my cpn. She had nothing much to say though she does want to help. Suggested crisis for the weekend or taking some time off sick and she would phone the gp for me.

It's just hopeless. All I do is whinge.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 08-11-2018 08:20 PM

i love you. You're not whinging, you're in need of support.


tamobhuuta 09-11-2018 02:15 PM

What she said ^

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