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happiness...its all a lie 02-07-2012 10:43 PM

good night sleep well x

RootsbeforeBranches 03-07-2012 05:52 AM

Today has been a rough day of goodbyes up in my college town. Left me feeling broken. Gonna head to sleep but hugs to everyone!!

horselover 03-07-2012 08:35 AM

*Comes in and finds corner* anybody in?

sapphire hearts 03-07-2012 10:13 AM

hey everyone *hands out cookies and margaritas* I'm in Cyprus on holiday at the moment, so not been around as much, the wifi at the hotel costs a bomb :(

I'm actually alright atm, except the random hatred of all the skinny girls in bikinis with their unscarred, unblemished bodies. Really triggering the ED side of me.

I'm learning rudimentary mixology from a barman down the beach, so anyone fancies a virtual cocktail, I'm your girl!

xMakeSomeNoisex 03-07-2012 10:35 AM

*Hugs everyone*

My depression has gotten somewhat better I suppose. I am just really exhausted because I have been battling with my eating issues once again. Anyway I have been working on my anxiety issues and yesterday I managed to go to the gym even though their were quite a few people there. I just had to keep repeating to myself that I used to be able to do this normally and that it really isn't as big a deal as I make it out to be. I was extremely anxious and uncomfortable, so I managed to make myself stay for 30 minutes but I felt an anxiety attack coming on so I had to get out of there. Still it was a big step for me to go to a place that had a lot of people in it. I doubt that I will be able to do it again so soon but I am trying.

happiness...its all a lie 03-07-2012 10:41 AM


*settles down for the day*

Laura2.0 03-07-2012 06:06 PM

*hugs all* how are you?

Katie - do you know any nonalcoholic cocktails? I'm not allowed to drink alcohol because of le meds and I don't want to try what would happen if I did.

happiness...its all a lie 03-07-2012 09:29 PM

hey laura
hows you?*hugs*

is it sad that im excited today has been fairly average and im excited by it? just because i havent felt really low all day. This is the first day in like forever.

Laura2.0 03-07-2012 09:33 PM

I don't think it is sad to be excited about feeling good in a long time.

happiness...its all a lie 03-07-2012 09:34 PM

thanks :)

how are you?

RootsbeforeBranches 04-07-2012 03:21 AM

I'm up visiting my grandparents on holiday and I have never wanted to disappear more. I'm writing this on my kindle so it will be short. Just witnessed my slightly mentally ill older cousin almost give my 86 year old uncle another stroke by screaming at him about nothing. Also had my grandmother tell me that tattooed people are somehow lesser than those without tattoos. She doesn't know I have a tattoo on my back. Oh and she told every single person she knew while we were out that I am on a diet and when they told me that I am gorgeous and didn't need to be on a diet she stopped them and said - yes she does.

I want to disappear.

I want to cut.

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 10:03 AM

*hugs* sorry your having a bad time. How are you today?

im going to settle in for the day and sleep :)

RootsbeforeBranches 04-07-2012 01:58 PM

Sleep helps so much. Hug to you happiness <3

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 02:15 PM

cant sleep mind is too busy *hides under blanket and sobs*

xMakeSomeNoisex 04-07-2012 03:02 PM

I had a bad night yesterday and am feeling horrid today but I am just going to sleep and maybe watch some movies. (I am a very boring person). My mom is driving me crazy saying how I have lost so much weight and keeps praising me, honestly it just annoys me and I wish she would stop because it is so not helpful to hear that. Blah hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Atleast tonight it will just be me at home so I can relax and not worry about anyone bothering me.

*curls up under blanket*

midnightphoenix 04-07-2012 03:28 PM

*Hugs and snuggles everyone* I'm tired out I've been out all day. I so want to reopen a scar though just because it's not a pretty scar (I've got a dressing on it so I can't see it now)

sapphire hearts 04-07-2012 04:03 PM

*hugs dylan* don't open it sweetie, it won't help.

*hugs Laura* hope you're ok sweetie

*hugs RootsBeforeBranches* I know it's difficult honey, but you can get through this. People being insensitive is horrible, but their prejudices are their problem, not yours. hope you're alright.

*hugs MakeSomeNoise* sleep and movies are good things, not boring things. enjoy your peace and quiet.

I don't know how I'm feeling. I don't think I'm really feeling anything. Which is better than bad I suppose :S don't know. *hugs to everyone*

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 04:15 PM

dont open it dylan it wont help hun.

why cant people just let me be ill and miserable and fail at life like i am? why do they want me to do things. I just want to curl up and cry.

sapphire hearts 04-07-2012 04:48 PM

*hugs Faye* because we don't think you fail at life, and we love you and want you to be happy.

*hands Faye margarita*

Laura, I could do you a Strawberry Slurpie Supreme? No alcohol, but lots of strawberry and chocolatey goodness :)

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 05:34 PM

but i do fail, i always fail. I cant do anything. Im a big fat weak pathetic ugly failure.

midnightphoenix 04-07-2012 05:39 PM


Originally Posted by happiness...its all a lie (Post 3284651)
but i do fail, i always fail. I cant do anything. Im a big fat weak pathetic ugly failure.

No you're not (hugs)

risenfromperdition 04-07-2012 06:01 PM

you're not any of that faye <3

ihatefireworks. gonna be loads tonight =[

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 07:08 PM

I am its all true please believe me. Ahh i hate it. Why cant everything go away and life be normal?

Are you in the us? could you watch a movie or listen to music to drown it out.

sapphire hearts 04-07-2012 07:16 PM

Honey, you're not the bad person you think you are *hugs Faye* this will get better sweetie

*hugs Rising* fireworks are scary - can you get away from them, or drown them out with music? Is there anyone with you who could help you?

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 08:04 PM

I am bad please believe me. I make people sad because im sad. Im a bad person. Im frightened.

midnightphoenix 04-07-2012 08:12 PM


Originally Posted by happiness...its all a lie (Post 3284771)
I am bad please believe me. I make people sad because im sad. Im a bad person. Im frightened.

You're not a bad person Happiness (hugs)

happiness...its all a lie 04-07-2012 08:28 PM

*hugs dylan* im scared what if things go wrong tomorrow? why doesnt he love me anymore?

m0nk 05-07-2012 12:27 AM

how would you feel like if you had no thoughts in your head your whole life?
would you be happy?
would you be suicidal?
would you be pro-life?
would you be pro-choice?
would you want to die?
would you like to live?
would you have had your dad bang you so hard into the pointy sharp wooden door way so that you totally lost controll over your life and are now living like a cat that overdosed on lsd and never remembering what they dont want you to remember living in dreams fear over everything because you just can't get a single thought out of your brain cause it feels like it's dead and living dead because you just had you're dad destroy 1 piece of you're nerve system that causes dreams and images to visualise in your mind never to remember again forever and eternity til days are gone and ppl are few. and causing you to not brain your own thoughts but to send them in wild ways to whomever wants them without you knowing who they were before you sent them so that you wont even remember it but on closer look you really feel distant and insecure and can never understand what life really was cause it's passed now. all my own dreams are beeing sent to a far away place where they will be holded until i arrive at that destination.

Alone Again
with nothing other than her razor and pen
the only two true friends
sitting in the corner of her cold bedroom
just wondering about how this all began
years before she had been so full of life
and now shes nothing more then a victim
a victim of this hell..
the urge gets stronger as his grip pulls her closer
she tries to escape but only fails
for he is stronger than she will ever be
once again...he wins
as the crimison tears begin..

Wondering where to go
Wondering what to say
My thoughts have sunk too low
And have darkend up my day
My mind fills me with sorrow
So in my corner I cry
Hopeing and dreaming of tomorrow
Wishing for wings to fly
Away to a new place
Where light and darkness roam
A place wheer I can show my face
And stand up on my own.

RootsbeforeBranches 05-07-2012 02:33 AM

Monk I love your writing style *hug*

Sending love out to everyone tonight

xMakeSomeNoisex 05-07-2012 03:57 AM

Well my day was umm not so good. I ended up self harming again for the first time in 5 months, I thought I would feel guilty or upset about it but surprisingly I don't feel bad at all for doing it. Anyway I spent my night watching a marathon of rescue me with my brother (yep a very boring night but I don't mind since it is better than laying in my room depressed and suicidal.)

sapphire hearts 05-07-2012 11:51 AM

*hugs Faye* you're not bad sweetie, I promise. You're lovely.

*hugs MakeSomeNoise* have you cleaned the wounds honey? It's okay, you don't have to feel guilty. I hope you feel better soon, and that you're safe.

*hugs everyone*

It's that weird kind of day when I feel like I'm howling at the moon. I don't expect an answer, but I want her to know I hate her for her beautiful, indifferent remoteness. For being so many millions of miles away from the sordid planet we inhabit.

^^ yeah, crazy, I know.

happiness...its all a lie 05-07-2012 01:42 PM

*curls up in the corner*

Laura2.0 05-07-2012 02:52 PM


Originally Posted by sapphire hearts (Post 3284614)
Laura, I could do you a Strawberry Slurpie Supreme? No alcohol, but lots of strawberry and chocolatey goodness :)

That would be super cool. Especially since we don't have many strawberries growing in our garden this year.

Louise 05-07-2012 05:26 PM

hugs everyone

Laura2.0 05-07-2012 05:50 PM

*hugs Louise* how are you?

pandachan 05-07-2012 07:13 PM


Originally Posted by sapphire hearts (Post 3285438)
It's that weird kind of day when I feel like I'm howling at the moon. I don't expect an answer, but I want her to know I hate her for her beautiful, indifferent remoteness. For being so many millions of miles away from the sordid planet we inhabit.

^^ yeah, crazy, I know.

not crazy. :] *hugs*
i love to howl at the moon (this certainly doesn't make it not crazy, ahah, i sure am). i love and hate the moon for the same reasons. it's kind of both, and kind of neither. maybe i'm jealous. maybe i'm naive. it scares me more when the moon is new, when she's not around.
last night it was soooo big, even though I knew it was waning it felt a lot closer than the night before.

happiness...its all a lie 05-07-2012 08:22 PM

*snuggles in the corner* why do i fail so epically at life? i mean really i just do it everytime.

RootsbeforeBranches 06-07-2012 01:46 AM

*hugs happiness * I'm sorry you are feeling that way Hun! I'm sure you don't fail at life but I hope things get better for you!

I spent today with my cousins at an amusement park - I am exhausted! !

happiness...its all a lie 06-07-2012 01:39 PM

How did it go?

well things are better today but im staying level headed in case it doesnt work out.

sapphire hearts 06-07-2012 03:40 PM

*hugs Faye* you don't fail at all sweetheart. I'm glad things are a bit better.

*hugs Laura* how are you doing sweetie? hope your cousins didn't wear you out too much!

*hugs pandachan* good to know it's not just me, lol!

happiness...its all a lie 06-07-2012 03:58 PM

Well they were better, then my dad says he will ring me later as i was really happy and excited. He hasnt rang me then my phone rings its him and hes like can i speak to your brother please doesnt even want to know me. **** it im just a joke to him. He doesnt care about me or want to talk to me. May as well be dead to him.

sapphire hearts 06-07-2012 04:01 PM

*hugs* sorry your dad's acting like this sweetheart you dont deserve it xx

happiness...its all a lie 06-07-2012 05:03 PM

I obviously do, for the first time in ages i was really happy and he says ill ring you later and has the cheek to ring me to speak to my brother nice one dad.

Laura2.0 06-07-2012 06:59 PM

*hugs all*

happiness...its all a lie 06-07-2012 08:02 PM

hey laura hows you? x

Laura2.0 06-07-2012 08:13 PM

I'm frustrated/angry/sad/disappointed because my health insurance 'lost' the form that the hospital where I want to go sent them and now I can't go there before college starts.

How are you?

happiness...its all a lie 06-07-2012 08:29 PM

Oh no can they do anything about it? have you complained?

I was doing ok but then things went pear shaped. My dad said he would call as i was happy but never did he then rang my phone to speak to my brother and then never bothered with me. Hes seen me 2 times in nearly 5 weeks because i cant get to him i always have to make the effort.

Laura2.0 06-07-2012 08:40 PM

It's not nice that your dad is treating you that way. When my dad used to treat me in a bad way I used to 'take a break' off of him and stopped having contact for a few weeks. Then he usually called me and he was really nice. Maybe taking a break for a while would help? I dunno. I think when someone is always there we sometimes don't notice how much we like them until they are not there anymore and we miss them.

I called the insurance every day for 2 weeks now. Complain because of what? Because the form never got there? I can't prove that they made a mistake. And complaining wont help me anyway. I wont be able to go in that specialized hospital before college starts (in 7 weeks)

xMakeSomeNoisex 07-07-2012 04:16 AM

Having a bad day, I am just tired and moody as heck (stupid period, I despise being a girl). Not only am I moody because of my period but I also have to put up with my moms boyfriends 7 year old daughter who is completely annoying. Not to mention I have an bratty teenage sister to deal with as well as her friend. The house is crowded and everyone is getting on my nerves so my inner b**** is coming out. I just want the house to be nice and quiet and to be able to sleep all day and not have to deal with all this stuff. My nerves are already on edge enough as is and I will most likely end up self harming again. Gah I hate being around people.

risenfromperdition 07-07-2012 04:44 AM

*curls up whining quiet*
i feels ucky :(

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