thanks mark. *hugs* i can't make myself throw it out. i've tried, but i can't do it. i'm terrified of giving it to my housemate because he said that if he found out that if i had these items again he'd send me to hospital and i CAN"T go to hospital. it's not safe for me there. it's a catch-22 situation.

right now i don't know what to do ... i'm hoping that the urge/feeling/thoughts will start to ease :-(

Kahlia, you're allowed to post for support/have a moan/whatever. Regardless of how much you can/can't get allowed. We wouldn't be better off without you. I know I wouldn't be and would be absolutely devastated to find out. You're one of my ryl friends who I've known the longest and has stood by me through everything. The urges will go eventually. I know they're so so so strong but you've done so well to keep fighting them this long and still keep fighting them. Please don't do anything. Could you not wrap items in black bag or something and take them to your bin?? *hugs massively* I'm always here for you Kahlia, no matter what. I'm just sorry I can't do more to help *big cuddles* I don't blame you for wanting to give up, I know things have been really really rough, but you can get past all this. You've done so so so well not to cut for so long, that shows that you can recover from everything.

Waited for the Postman to come before I had a bath because you know that as soon as I shampoo up he'll ring the doorbell hehe . Still I'm in my Birthday top now that I got from Hannah L . It's great to bundle up in and I feel better for being clean :)

Ugh, so rough on these laxatives, and mums moaning about me not being able to eat normal foods. Just had my last solid foods until after the procedure. I have a pot of jelly for later though. *sigh* hows the ward?

When is your Procedure Sarah ? Good luck with it *Hugs*

Endoscopy, examining the entire GI tract. :(

Edit: Is at half 8 tomorrow morning, they changed my appointment time...

*hugs Sarah* Good luck :)

Mark, I so badly want my parcel to commmmmme =[

I know the feeling Helen:S I'm waiting on pacels/packes with My Chritmas Money stuff in as well . And socks and stuff too :P

*hugs Sarah* good luck with it, hope it goes ok.

*hugs helen and mark* I'm waiting for my books to come from amazon, want to read them now!! Mark- I ordered Christopher Hitchin's God is not Great and both of Stephen Fry's autobiographies, can't wait for them to get here.
How are you both?

Eeeek!!! Hope the money one wasn't cash, people have a habit of stealing those =/ A few times I got mine safely but one of my 18th birthday cards got stolen in the post because it had cash in it!!! Hope everyone parcels (including Oliver's) arrive very shortly :)

Oliver, I'm good. Had bit of a bad morning but I've calmed down lol. How are you?

Had last laxative. No more food for me now. Its such god awful stuff. Who thought it'd be a good idea to make it dissolve in liquid?!

*cuddles Sarah*

Oh Helen I meant the stuff thats in the parcels and packages is what I bought with my Christmas money , No-one has sent me money in the post to my knowledge but that would be a nice envelope to open should it happen :)

Oh that's good Mark :)

*curls up* mums yelling at me because I need the bathroom a lot :(

*Hugs Sarah* I's sorry your Mum's yelling at you :(

*sneaks in and takes a spot in a dark corner to hide* I feel numb and out of sorts today. Already SIed... :( *cries silent tearsand hugs knees to chest*

I'm hiding in my room with my laptop now, so at least I'm safe. Nice snuggly warm bed :)

*Hugs everyone.* So my sisters just being a little bitch latley, shes awful. I really wanna hit her, but i'm trying to keep my temper under control.

*Hugs Kelly* I'm sorry you S.I.'d please make sure you take care of your cut/s . * sits by You*

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry your sister is being a bitch :(

*Hugs Sarah* Hooray for snuggly beds!

*hugs mark back* thanks... I am... just really wanna curl up in a ball and dissappear :( thanks for sitting with me *lays head on sholder... if ok*

*hugs everyone*
I swear, one day I'll feel up to individuals... one day.
I really want to SI... like really want to. I hate this.

*cuddles Nicole* I know the feeling, mine can be like that :(

*snuggles Kelly* Take care of yourself hun, we're all here for you if you need anything

*cuddles Mark* glad I've had the ward today, I'd have been in at home all day with my mum otherwise, and thats too much for anyone to handle :p

Edit - Oh Felicia hun its okay, we're here for you. Please stay safe darling *cuddles* x

*hugs you all* I gotta go and play duets with my mum, joy!!

Of course thats okay Kelly :)

*Hugs Felicia* You can beat it hun , you can .

*Hugs everyone* She's gotten so bad now that my mum has confiscated her phone for the rest of the week.
On the upside I went shopping today and bought a new phone charm, Bag, charm bracelet and nose stud :)

Oh that sounds like you got some neat stuff you bought Nicole :) At least your Mum is trying to do something about your sister .

thanks all

sorry you're feeling down too, Felica. *hugs*

how are you today, Oliver? I hope it's better than me. :(

*Hugs mark* Yeah :) although my nose stud is shiny and I keep wondering what I can see outta the corner of my eye, then I realise XD
And yeah my mum is pretty fed up of her too, I dunno how to help :/

Oh dear Nicole. At least your mum is dong something, mine just lets my sister do what she wants... *hugs*

*hugs Oliver* how you doing?

*Hugs Sarah* Mine normally does, but she is being so awful, she keeps swearing at my mum and throwing stuff and saying really nasty things about all of us and refusing to do anything my mum tells her to do.

I love this ward, I really do. I feel like I have some true friends, a family even. Thank you. x

*hugs Sarah* You guys are my best friends/ family too :)

I love it here too Sarah *Hugs**

Hugs Felicia*

This stupid prep thing sucks so much. I'm so hungry but I'm not allowed to eat yet >:(

I haven't posted a lot, so you'all don't know me very well, but I'm here almost every day n I always get hugs n support any time I dare to post. I feel a part of the wardie family too! Thanks everyone!

You're very welcome Solo :) We love having new people join us :) Obviously it can be bit scary at first as you get into the swing of it....but yeah we're like one big family <3

*Hugs Sarah* Hmmm when can you eat something?

*Hugs Solo* :)

hugs everbody. sorry to worry you guys. im hmm dont even know how to finish that. everthing is so screwed up, and i cant seam to catch break. doesnt help that this whole thing is so frigging backwards and screwed up. need to add this cause i cant do this in real life. screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem . sorry curls up in corner and hides.

*Hugs Jill*

thanks mark, hugs back. how are you today?

Up and Down Jill , *sigh* it's infuriating .

*curls up crying*

Whats the matter Helen Hun?

Really missing Katie tonight :'( Time of year I guess. Another year passing without her here.....

Awh *Super Hugs Helen*

Thank you Mark *super hugs back*

You're very welcome Helen :)

I'm going out soon yay ^_^ Then when I get back, my godparents will have hopefully arrived :)