so i wanna go to the library tomorrow to get a couple books/cd's... and i wrote love on my arm b/c i need to see it and its pretty and therefore dont wanna mess it up... but apparently 21 year old's dont write on their arms and therefore if i wanna go to the library i have to wash arm off... dont let me try and think of ways to keep my head from being ridiculous or anything.. *rolls eyes* like... i couldnt sleep practically at all last night cuz kept fighting stupid urges... but i try to think of a good distraction that might help and '21 year olds dont do that'... riiiiiiiight then.

>.<

since not all of you are on my fb...
"this week is National Suicide Prevention Week. Here in the USA, one person commits suicide every 15.2 minutes. That is not ok. I don't care who you are or what you have done [or have had done to you], you matter. Your life matters. You are important, priceless, beautiful and entirely unique [and at least one person would miss you if you werent here]. There is hope for you :) ♥ always"

<3

*Hugs Heather* Thaks for that last post :)

*Hugs Taz*1st day back at Uni must be exausting :S

*Hugs Helen* I hope you're not getting sick again too :S

*Hugs Jill* Are you okay really ?

*Hugs Sarah* I bet you are good at drawing:)

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope your GP appointment went well.

*Hugs Nicole*How are you This morning?

*Hugs Felicia* Sounds like you have a busy and intense week , look after yourself as well as all that other stuff okay.

*huggles all*

GP gave me some antibiotics and some steroids (short-course) for a chest infection. ... Also a whole lot of scripts and a new referral for me to take to my psychiatrist when I next see him. Have started the antibiotics and now just want to crash out from the world for a bit ...

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope the meds help with your chest infection :) and I hope all the other meds help too

*hugs Heather* That sounds ridiculous (the library thing). And thanks for the post :)

*hugs Mark* How are you doing today?

*hugs Kahlia* I hope your chest infection goes away soon :)

Am just heading off to work, got a busy day ahead of me. And counseling... ick. Been feeling really weird for the past week. Don't know how to tell him without sounding crazy. Oh well.

Hope all my fellow wardies have good days <3 :D

Sorry I've not been around for a bit, and (once again) am sorry I'm not doing individuals. Bad April, bad... :(

I've sunk back into a pretty low depression again, for what reasons I've no idea. But it sucks. I don't want to do anything, I'm thinking too much, and I've cried about stuff before I fell asleep two nights in a row now. I hate it!!!! :'( It really, really bites, and I've no idea how I'm going to hold myself together when it comes to starting my job. I just hope that I don't spiral downwards super far again... :(

That's all. :-/

Ps. *cuddles everyone*

I'm feeling okay thanks Taz *Hugs* Not too shaky , A bit anxious about transporting my stuff (Clothes, Meds Etc) to my parents , My Nurse apointment was cancelled so I just have to wait for my Dad to show up now , I hate waiting , Now I am meeting my Nurse next Monday , along with another nurse for bloods, check into the cyber cafe to find out when they want me next and the befriending lady It's going to be a mad day.
Phew . I'm sure you won't come over as crazy Taz :)

*Spots and hugs April* How are you?

See previous page, Mark, hehe. :) Posted a bit about how I was doing there, not good really at all. :( *huggles* Sounds like you'll have a crazy busy Monday, oof. Hopefully it goes smoothly though. And yey, I'm finally online when you are... that's lovely. :) Seems like lately I post after you've gone off to bed, if I post at all. :-S

Taz, why do you think you'd come off as crazy?? what is the "weird" feeling like? *cuddles*

Huggles all. Mark hmm pass hides under a blanket in the corner.

Yeah sorry April , I think we posted together :P *Huge Hugs* I'm sorry you have sunk into a depression , that really does blow for you , You can always PM me or e-mail me if you need to lil sis<3

Hello everyone *hugs*

Am back from the charity place i managed to sleep ok and felt ok to come home at the moment am feeling ok and safe

*cuddles everybody*

*hugs everyone*
I know I need to do individuals, but I don't have much time, I still need to get ready for class and I'm laying in bed in my pajamas (bad, bad Felicia!). so I won't be on until tonight probably cause I have class, then work, then my night class, then To Save a Life movie screening/discussion, then homework. I need to fit eating in there somewhere too... cause that is back to back and if I don't eat, it gives me a gateway to fall back in to my ED habits hard...

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Reaper* I'm glad you are feeling safe :)

*Hugs Felicia* Wow you have a Jam packed day, look after yourself :)

Cuddles all. Hmm feeling very triggered again. Trying to keep my fake smile on my face, but as my freind says I may be laughing on the outside, but inside I'm dying. =(

*Hugs Jill* I have that "Fake Smile" too Jill, I'm sorry you are triggered , please try not to act on those thoughts .

one of my mice died last night :'(

Oh I'm sorry to hear that Lex:( *Hugs*

*sighs, hides in the warren where no one can find her, and cries softly* :'(

Cuddles April, what's up Hun.
Mark the trouble is I really want to. I'm being pushed to my limit by someone at work.

*toddles around the ward in all of the hidey holes and secret places determind to get to everyone to give them a supportive huggle*

Sorry I've not been online past few days, been really ill with a cough and cold, still feel pretty crap. But after tomorrow I won't have to leave the falt for a few days and won't have people coming in anymore, so I can rest and start to let my body recouperate.

I think ludwig is ill (my laptop) as he won't work anymore unless he's plugged into the mains :( which means I can't be online when Reggie is out, so I'm feeling very torn, as I want Reggie to have the most freedom as possible, but I also need RYL and other internet things for my sanity. Oh and Reggie started to eat my walls this morning! So no carpet in the new place, he thought he'd try something else!! I don't think his castration has ended his destructive behaviour like the vet and I had hoped for! :(

Sorry this is all about me and having a whinge when you've all got far bigger issues to deal with. I need to catch up with people properly, I feel like such a lame friend. I need to be a better friend as I know that I'm going to be in here a lot soon when Eoghan deploys. Oh, on a good note though, his date has been put back 3weeks, so I've got him a bit longer yet :D

*shuts up and toddles off out to the smoking shelter*

*grabs onto hayley and clings refusing to be removed*
we missed you!

Aww thanks for saying that.....crimson?! Have you changed your name, cos I'm sure that was your sig! Or have I gone bonkers in my absense?!!!!

Really should be letting Reggie out now.....but I think I need this more right now....

think I'm going to update my journal whilst I have something to munch and then spend some quality time with Reggie.

I'll just be over there in the corner...

*plonks self in one of the many corners of the ward to update her journal*

journal updated, just finishing munching on my tofu....

*looks around ward for any activity from her fellow wardies*

* hugs everyone *
I have a song in my head that is triggering to me so am listening to music trying to get rid of it
Feeling unsafe again trying to keep my mind busy

Hey Reaper - sorry don't know your name, i don't think we've met properly, hi I'm hayley *offers to shake hands* Its annoying at the best of times having a song stuck in your head, but if its triggering you then thats really bad. Good idea to listen to other music to keep your brain busy. Find and use whatever distractions you can to stay safe *huggles*

*toddles out to the smoking shelter to wash dinner down with a fag!*

hayley :)
<3

*cuddles april*
def have lunch felicia

im so tiiiiired =[

*Hugs Hayely , Felicia , Reaper, April , Heather , Crimson*

I'm at my parents , am on their Lappy .

Please stay safe my fellow wardies :)

Hey Katie *huggle* only seen your post since I finished my fag. Not sure what time zone you're in, but perhaps have an early night if you're so tired?

*huggles Mark* Glad that you can still get online when you're at your parents. We'll all try and stay safe - you try and stay safe too in return please!

Right time for me to put my selfishness aside and pack up ludwig and his tasty wires so that Reginald can come out and play. TTFN!

's heather :P haha.
and its only 2:30pm here lol
byeee

It's a deal Hayley , Enjoy your time with Reggie.

Aww I didn't get back till after Hayley wandered off?
Yep it's Crimson... Long story but yeah I changed my user name. :)
Have fun with Reggie.

Hello everyone.

I had a day out in Edinburgh with my brother because it's his birthday. Now i'm back home and feeling lonely. I can't be bothered with life any more.

*Hugs Lindsay* I's sorry you cant be bothered with life , I know that feeling all too well :S I hope you feel better in yourself soon and I also hope you had a good time with your brother in Edinburgh.

Cuddles all. Hmm at my second job now, and I stupidly said yes to working 6pm to 6 am. Really wish I didn't as I really want to kill someoe allready, and self harm there's no were to run. Curls up and cries.

*Hugs Jill* Please take care of yourself Jill.

Jill, you can get through this safely. *hugs*

So today sucked, doctor doubled my meds, so I'm on highest dose, feel so trippy. Ate too much too so I'm all bloated. Ultrasound shows nothing so I have to go see a specialist in about 6 weeks time, on a waiting list. Meh. *cuddles all*

*hugs everybody*

Stressed.

Meds increased so I feel pretty dopey again, takes about a week to settle. My fiance is a little annoyed that he can't just talk about anything or watch anything with me because a lot of things I can't deal with mentally right now.

So instead of talking this out yet again I'm going to bed. Night wardies *hugs*

*glomps on helen b/c I spy you!*

*hugs everyone else* again, sorry. one of these days i will have something called time..

Just wanted to check in and say hi. Busy busy busy as you all know. Off to work now until 1am.. then more homework. who needs sleep? :-P

Cuddles all. Hmm this night sucks. Want to harm badly and can't, I'm sitting on the floor at work cup of coffee next to me, trying to work out floor plans that make no sence. And this needs to be done tonight, with my manger yelling at me to get a move on. Fu@k I just want to curl up and hide.

*cuddles everybody*

Hayley - *glomps* Good to see you. I hope that Reggie doesn't eat all of your walls and that Ludwig and his wires remain safe.

Still going on the antibiotic (obviously). Didn't sleep much last night and had to have ventolin through my spacer last night. My housemate could hear me breathing and I kept having coughing fits. Hopefully this chest infection will clear with the 5 days on the prednisone (steroid - on day 2) and the full course of antibiotics. *sigh*

So.damn.over.it.all.

I'm gonna try to do individuals here, but if I left you out... tell me. And I'll respond, I promise :)

*hugs Mark* I'm with you on the hating waiting... but, I'd rather be the one waiting for someone than having someone wait for me... that make sense? :S

*hugs April* Sorry you've fallen back into a depression *gives soft plushie*

*hugs Felicia* hope you managed to keep your sanity with that hectic day :)

*hugs Jill* Sometimes you need to let go of that fake smile... but I know what you mean. Hope you're staying safe <3

*hugs Crimson*

*hugs Hayley*

*hugs Laura*

*hugs Kahlia* Don't give up :) We're all here to support you.

*hugs Lindsay* Stay safe hun, PM me if you need to talk <3

*hugs Hels* How are you doing??? Is that sickness all gone yet? :)

*hugs Sarah*

*hugs Reaper*

*hugs Heather*

Sorry they were so crap... but I tried =/

it's not serious enough, that right now I'm not worthy of getting help... and it only makes me want to SI worse to prove them all wrong. It's really messed up.

Sorry for rambling... probably should have put that in my r/v. I'll just stick it in a hide box instead.

My sanity is barely intact. I about lost it during the movie screening and discussion and I harmed after... ****.

On the bright side, I got my News Reporting quiz back, and I aced it. =)

*tosses confetti in the air*

Congrats on acing it :)

Cuddles all.Hmm last night sucked so much, so many things going wrong. Erm eneed up harming myself, really glad I had a dark t shirt on and no bey saw. Heading home now to bed, so tired.