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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Dramatic 23-10-2008 10:19 PM

Oh Hells,
i so wish it was a real cuddle.

So ****ing alone it's not even funny anymore.

What am i meant to tell my GP tomorrow?
I hate seeing him. Self conscious, awkward silences, thoughts racing, tears streaming.
Drives me up the bloody wall.
I just NEVER know what to say to him.

Another sleepless night then.

Dramatic 24-10-2008 12:39 AM

My head = a lovely pile of mush.
Fun to go on swings and roundabouts.
Just written a journal entry but none of it made sense.
My heads well and truely screwed.
Oh i wish ******** would hurry up and come.
I know it's only a matter of "weeks" away, but it's not much comfort to me right now is it?
*Le Sigh*

MammaMia 24-10-2008 02:13 AM

I wish our cuddles were real too.
Espically after those hurtful comments from them tonight.

Kahlia1981 24-10-2008 07:50 AM

*hugs Laura, Helen and Becca*

Sorry I'm not able to say much to anyone at the moment, and I'm useless at giving support. I'm not really having a good time of it myself but am struggling through.

One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time ... right ?

I've reached 60 days or 2 lunar months SI free. I feel kinda weird. I really want to SI, but I don't want to SI, but I feel I have to SI, but .... I don't know. Does everyone go through this or am I just really strange ??

*cuddles everyone*

Jetforce 24-10-2008 10:11 AM

How is everybody today/tonite?

I hope ur well guys xxx

Dramatic 24-10-2008 11:20 AM

*Snuggles Hells & Kahlia*
Don't apologise Kahlia for not "supporting" others, we all go through phases of just not feeling strong enough to support others around us. And anyway..the majority of the time i am MORE than happy with a hug :)
Keep your chin up sweetie. And no, you aren't the only one who goes through that strange SI stage - i was stuck in that loop just a matter of days ago.

--

Whoop, i woke up at 10.30am with a sharp pain in my jaw. I don't know if it's an ear infection or what, but i was nearly crying in agony. It's gone now.
I didn't get to sleep until 6am. Yay for sleep. NOT. >.<
I feel anxious/worked up/stressed/frustrated/tired.
I'm going to ask my GP for a bulldozer, so he can run me over several times to knock me out. *nod* I think that just might do the trick =]

Mmm. I feel some people are getting beyond there stations *nods*
I's recon some people need to slowly pull there head out there butts! Lol.
That's wishful thinking on my part!
Oh how i wish i dabbled in black magic. Voodoo dolls are all too tempting at times like this!
But it's comforting to know i'm not the only one that feels this way, from talking to people last night it seems we're all having problems with the same people!
*rolls eyes*

Right i must go.
Keep all your chins up
Hope you're well Jetforce :)
Laura xx

Kahlia1981 24-10-2008 12:47 PM

*hugs Laura* Hey thank you very much. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I think I might ask my pdoc for a bulldozer for the same reason LOL.

*hugs Helen and Becca* Hope you two are doing okay.

Hi Jetforce. I'm surviving. How are you doing ?? I hope that you are going alright.

*hugs everyone and offers chocolate from the secret stash*

shadowedseraph 24-10-2008 01:32 PM

*hugs Laura Helen and Kahlia* I'm just trying to find somewhere to live that'll take DSS *sighs*

Auburn Shadow 24-10-2008 05:47 PM

*wanders in and leaves hugs for everyone*

Not having a good day. Don't really see the point in anything. Ah well.

MammaMia 24-10-2008 05:52 PM

*cuddles all*

Dramatic 24-10-2008 06:11 PM

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...67&entry=13402

Read at your own risk.
If i'm not around at any point atleast you know why.
Erk.

1ofmany 24-10-2008 06:47 PM

I cheered up earlier (feel crap now but thats not what this is about).

I was content(?) and working at uni. Getting stuff done and makeing some kind of progress. Why do I keep seeing horrible visions of things?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Very graphic do not read if be triggered
I keep seeing myself slice my arm open with a scaple and watch the blood squirting out...and loving it


so having this and similar happen to me I now feel crap.

Sorry to all and you all have my hopes and dreams.

MammaMia 24-10-2008 07:33 PM

*hugs laura tight*

I'm sorry everyone around you has given up on you.
I havent <3

Kahlia1981 24-10-2008 10:41 PM

*captures Laura in a cuddle*

I wish there was more I could do for you. Like Helen I haven't given up on you. *big hugs*

*hugs everyone else*

Auburn Shadow 24-10-2008 10:42 PM

It's stupid really. I was in a good mood this morning. Now, I... well, to say I wanna cut is a bit of an understatement. I don't understand why though. I'm on MSN to one of my best friends, and we're planning to meet up and have a proper catch up some time soon. Another friend got back from a year in Honduras tonight, and I've spoken to her, and another friend is back tomorrow.... yet, now I feel horrible.

*curls up in a corner*

shadowedseraph 24-10-2008 11:03 PM

*hugs Laura* i havent given up on you either!

*hugs Auburn Shadow* sometimes it just hits like that

Dramatic 24-10-2008 11:42 PM

I've given up on myself.
So you all may as well save you energy for someone who does have hope.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Graphic
I'm planning, at some point when the parents aren't at home, to find the vodka.
Down as much as my stomach will let me (2litre smirnoff vodka unopened), then cut as deep as i can until the pain kicks in.
I've never been tempted to cut deep before. Ever.
But i have this overwhelming desire to self destruct, and bleed to death.
Lets see if i can find a tendon or two.
An artery would be even better.
Infact, i shall go look online at an "arm" diagram.
Just so i know where exactly i'm meant to be aiming.
//End Random ****//

Yep.

Kahlia1981 25-10-2008 04:25 AM

*hugs everyone*

I've got a headache. :( Poot.

And besides the headache I just feel like sh*t. Meh. I'm over it.

I dreamt that I cut myself last night and woke up freaking out about it ... again. Mind you, it wouldn't have been the first time I had cut myself in my sleep. Things have certainly been stressful around here. I mean in my home town and head by the way not on this RYL forum.

*leaves big hugs for everyone*

Auburn Shadow 25-10-2008 08:11 AM

*hugs everyone*

I can't wait to get out of this house again, and I've only been here since Wednesday evening. This was my escape from everything that was making me want to cut when I was in Wycombe, but now.... now I want to cut even worse than I did when I was up there.
My escape makes me feel worse... that's not how it's supposed to work. Can't tell it to anyone that I'd normally talk to though, because they want to section me if I cut again... and I'd have to admit to doing that so... no chance of that.
When did everything get so damned complicated??

Kahlia1981 25-10-2008 08:14 AM

*hugs Auburn Shadow* ~ no words of wisdom I'm afraid. All I can offer at the moment is some silent support.

MammaMia 25-10-2008 10:05 AM

My eldest sister is freaking me out. She wants to see me on my own? But was going to call me last night but didn't want to do it out of the blue or freak anyone out (she obviously realised my other sister is down at ours too). I'm really really really scared.

It's my Mum's birthday today- going to be such a fun today yay :D

Kahlia1981 25-10-2008 10:41 AM

*hugs Helen*

I had a sleep today and dreamt that I'd cut. I woke up and had a stanley knife in my hand. No harm done as far as I can tell but it's got me freaked out.

Sorry, I'll stop complaining now.

*hugs everyone*

Jetforce 25-10-2008 11:34 AM

*cuddles and squishes everybody*

I'm okies..just uni is getting to me a bit hmm

Oh well..i'll survive...and i hope u guys do the same too xxx

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 12:15 PM

*hugs Helen, Kahlia and Jetforce* Kahlia your not complaining your venting your feelings and thats what we're here for!

Jetforce, i hope the uni stuff evens out for you

Auburn Shadow 25-10-2008 12:29 PM

*hugs everyone*

Jem - you know where I am if you wanna talk about anything.
Kahlia - hugs help, more so perhaps, than words would right now. You're not complaining, just getting things out, and that's what this place is here for.

Anyways, my brother's not changed a bit since I've been away. Still as violent as ever. Though, and I think I need to discuss this with my therapist-type-person, I've been thinking a lot recently, and through talking to various people, mainly people who've had a similar background, I think violence is his way of dealing with the incident, whereas my way of dealing with said incident was to cut, and the depression, and Ruth's way of dealing with her version of the incident was bulimia... No-one can get near enough to him to help him though, and I really just don't know how to help... when he won't admit to it, perhaps because he doesn't realise the connection yet. Even so, the realisation doesn't make it any easier to deal with when he's in a rage. *sigh* we'll survive I guess. Somehow.

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 01:39 PM

*Hugs Auburn Shadow* sounds like your ina tough place right now, have many *hugs* and know we're here listening

MammaMia 25-10-2008 04:21 PM

*cuddles all*

Stuipd peroid is here. Thank you very much not. It's even later than usual :S

Auburn Shadow 25-10-2008 06:59 PM

*hugs Hells*

Don't normally get freaked out by fireworks being set off or anything, but tonight... they're scaring me, and I have no idea why... It just doesn't feel safe tonight...

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 08:15 PM

*hugs Helen* stupid female reproductive system!

*cuddles Auburn Shadow* sometimes things are just scary

MammaMia 25-10-2008 08:34 PM

*cuddles Hana & Becca*

Damm female reproduction systems indeed!!! Awww I saw my pregnant cousin today, cute bump. Can't wait to see her baby :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 08:43 PM

*cuddles Helen* are you broody luv?

MammaMia 25-10-2008 10:15 PM

*cuddles* I do get broody hehe :) I love babies!! I want to meet my other cousin's baby- Freya-Ellen, she's soooo gorgeous :D

hehe x

Dramatic 25-10-2008 11:32 PM

I give up.
:)

MammaMia 25-10-2008 11:37 PM

Don't?
Please?

zowie 26-10-2008 09:16 AM

Sorry I haven't been around much, I've actually had a social life recently.
Haven't SIed in a while. Almost did the other night, but managed not to. Haven't been counting how long it's been but judging from the healing I'd say about 2 weeks.
Not hoping to make it to a month this time, I'll probably hurt myself soon enough. Just can't be bothered at the moment to be honest :P
Love you all xx

shadowedseraph 26-10-2008 09:37 AM

*hugs zowie, laura and Helen*

Its ok to be broody sweetie as long as you dont fo anything stupid to get preggers!

MammaMia 26-10-2008 01:48 PM

*hugs Becca, Laura & Zowie*

Becca, do you honestly think I would do something stuipd to get pregnant? Can hardly look after myself let alone have a child completly depend on me :/ So yeah....I've always said the earliest I would allow it to happen is once I've graduated, got a job and a man haha :p

shadowedseraph 26-10-2008 03:15 PM

*hugs Helen*

I know your too sensible, plus you have a wifey :P

MammaMia 26-10-2008 04:21 PM

*hugs Becca*

I'm not always sensible but hey ho :whistling:

There is of course my wonderful wifey whom I love very much and will miss dearly :pinch:

1ofmany 26-10-2008 09:04 PM

Feeling down (ha whats new) and i think i have pulled somthing. Grr and have lots of work to do from books that don't seem to exist in any library.

MammaMia 27-10-2008 12:40 AM

I'm pissed off.
*sighs*
Sure I'll soon calm down about it :]

Pomegranate 27-10-2008 12:46 AM

I'm not going to apologise about it Helen. I know you didn't want me to but I asked you to do it before and you said you would and didn't. I warned you sweetie and in the end it will be for your own good.

MammaMia 27-10-2008 01:00 AM

Where does it say in the above post that I'm asking you to apologise? I don't want an apology. Yes I hadn't done it yet, I was waiting for the right time because it's a hard thing to tell your family something like that. I thought you of all people would understand that? But then again maybe you don't? I know it'll be for my own good. But just now wasn't the right time when I'm actually doing a lot better. Yes I'm still having wobbling days and stuff but I'm reaching out more. But never mind. I don't want us to fall out/argue over this :wow:

Pomegranate 27-10-2008 01:20 AM

Yes you are reaching out, but you have a family who will talk to you about this stuff, who know you self harm and have problems but love you all the same. There will never be the perfect time, you have been saying for weeks you would talk to them and I will not risk another episode like the one in April. It's not fair to you or to me. Reach out to your family too. I have told you why I messaged her and I don't feel here is the place to explain that further.

Have you remade that doctors appointment yet?

MammaMia 27-10-2008 01:32 AM

I know I have a family who will talk to me about this stuff. But most of the time they don't even understand anyway. Only a two or three of them know I self harm. Course they all know, kinda of, that I have problems. I know they love me all the same. I know it's not fair to either of us risking an episode like the one in April. But makes me wonder why you're so bothered now? Why not say anything then? or May? or even September..? But whatever. No I haven't re-made the appointment and have no intention to. He clearly isn't bothered. All those times he said "oh I'll be so worried if you don't turn up"...and he wasn't even bothered. I'm fine.

caiden 27-10-2008 01:44 AM

i am just gonna curl up over here in the corner. just please leave me here in my own little world. just try not to trip over me. i expect to be needing to be here for a few months at least....

Pomegranate 27-10-2008 01:46 AM

*hugs psychomess* We're here if you need or want to talk. Feel free to PM anytime *passes you a blanket* xx

curvyphoenix 27-10-2008 02:29 AM

I used to come here a lot, I have not been here in ages but I wanted to let you know that I was suicidal the other night, came here and read some posts by you lovely vets and I thought better of it. I love you all.

Ileana 27-10-2008 03:47 AM

Gosh I haven't been in here in a long time. I always remember it when I need it, so wrong of me. I kind of have a love-hate relationship with this thread...alas, here I am so...
Hello all.
I'm staying for a while.

Pomegranate 27-10-2008 04:20 AM

hi Ileana x


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