:(

*hides in a corner and hopes that no one spots her because she IS a failure, she IS, she IS*

:crying:

just updated r/v thread.................... :'(

Owen I completely understand you thinking girl stuff is yucky, I still have to go through it once a month for the time being, its horrible.

*hugs April* your not a failure.

*hugs everyone who wants hugs*
I feel really ill, stupid side effects of meds.

hi Owen, how are you doing? you feeling any better than earlier?

April: Do you know anyone else who has a MI or who has a family member with a MI or something like that who is working in the psych field? They might be able to guide you without you giving too many details. Like a "how do you manage to stay objective?" type question? I can understand what you mean with the distance ~ empathy. It is possible to distance certain parts of your emotions without distancing yourself completely. It's a skill you'll have to learn at least some part of. And I know where you are coming from.

*offers everyone hugs*

Sorry it's not more . . . :crying:

Thanks for the hugs, Owen. *safe, gentle hugs back*

Oliver, sorry you feel ill. *gentle cuddles* :( Are you off to bed soon? because I know I am... going to take a hot bath now. Am feeling so wound up and stressed... but sleepy at the same time. It's a weird feeling.

:'(

am ok ish i is eating and the angery will get mad but i was so hungry

*hugs everyone and then hides*

*hugs April* sorry your feeling stressed, nope I probably wont be off to bed for a while even though its 1.30am here!! hope you have a good sleep.

*hugs Kahlia and Helen* how are you two doing?

I'm glad you've eaten Owen thats good

I'm planning a trip to the barbers tomorrow, I really anxious, first time ever to the barbers, but also excited, my first proper mens haircut. :)

hi Amy you ok?

what does it depend on?

i'm okish, should probably go to bed soon, as its 2.45 am.

Indeed it is Oliver, I'm trying to stay awake til 8am to make my phone call. Should try sleep really haha. Nearly 3am. Feeling so bad. Very very worried about couple people :'( Managed to cheer them both up (and me) but yeah, feeling really **** again. FUN!

thanks Amy
right I am off to bed now got doctors at 10.10, then getting my haircut, then rehearsals then concert, so need at least a bit of sleep.

*hugs Helen* I hope you get some sleep, you need to try and get some.

*offers cuddles to Amy*

*curls up and cries*

*hides in corner invisibly* Maybe they were right all along.. i am a loser.

*curls up with Amy & Laura*

You're not a loser darling. What's happened?

*hugs amy* sure there if you want to.. its a quite large invisibility cloak

*hugs helen* Thanks.. but i am a loser.. Nobody wants or really cares if I am around or not. And why should they? I am in no way useful, interesting, fun, or anything else...

Im just stupid... just ignore me, ill be fine. i always am..

You are soooooo useful. You have been giving me SOOOOOOOO much support to me recently. It's helped me more than you could ever know :'( People want & do care that you're round. We do. Plus you are interesting & fun & many other things. I'm not going to ignore you, we care. I care.

As my best friend always tells me "fine is a crock of **** & you know it"

Thanks you two.. i really appreciate your responses.

I just dont feel like I am very useful or anything else. I feel like nothing... and more and more i think people dont really want me around. I dont want my existence to just be tolerated. *sigh*

*hugs helen and amy*

I want you round too. I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do. Think we all go through phases like that.

Can't decide if I really am unsafe or not. Yes I am suicidal a bit. I know that sounds stupid. But one minute the urges are so incredibly bad as is my head. The next...I feel like I'll be okay. But this is when I should be worried I suppose, don't want to end up thinking I'm out of the woods & then do something. Does that make sense? My head's all ****ed and muddled. We'll see. Am seriously hoping that when I call my doctors back today, they've either got an appointment or I can get one for today. Really could do with speaking t someone other than my best friends/friends. Don't get me wrong, everyone's been amazing. They're really struggling. Particularly my best friends. We're all in the same place pretty much. All trying to get through and support each other. That's just what we do (even if it makes us worse?) and yeah. I know they're very very very worried about me (and each other?). I'm very very worried about them both. Am beginning to ramble & lose my point. Hmm.

I hope that u can get in to see your doctor. And yea, i think u should be still taking urself seriously, even if sometimes u feel alright, especially if u are bouncing in and out of suicidality..
I can understand trying to support and help ur friends even if it makes you worse. I am like that too. If someone needs support i will completely disregard myself for that moment... its prolly not always a good way to be but.. idk how to change that.

Anyway, i hope that u and ur friends are gonna be okay hun.

Well she's not my doctor, but yeah. I hope so too Laura. Yeah, you're right, I should take myself seriously about this. I'm going to. I have to. For my own sake & everyone else's.

I do that so much, not really that healthy is it...

I hope so too.

*offers Hugs to all those who would like one and waves to those that don't*

Meh, life sucks! I suck!

*crawls under bed and makes self as invisible as possible*

Hope everyone is having a good day. And offers supportive *hugs* to those who aren't

Why you feel icky Amy?

Nicole(?), you don't suck :) Life however does. *offers cuddles*

*curls up under concert block*

Yup that me, thank you for the cuddles. *Cuddles* you back.

You ok Amy? offers *hugs*

Sorr about the slow update my computer isn't loading all the responses so have to fiddle with the programming agian. Joy.

You can do it Julie!

You okay there Julie?

Nicole, you're welcome & thank you for the cuddles back :) Don't worry about being slow to reply. Silly technology hey?

*pushes out a note* mhmm i fine

You can say that again. I am having to go back to the main forum just to get updates. *sighs in frustration*

Meh.

Can I give you a hug Julie?

I'll post a more detailed response once I have computer access - at my uncles and trying to read and catch up on an iPod touch is infuriating me. But I can't sleep again (big surprise). I hate lying in bed with so many thoughts running through my head. :(

*sends magic hugs to taz35*

just heading out be back later

That sucks Nicole. Hope you can sort it soon.

Hope you have fun wherever you're going Julie.

Taz, I can relate to how you feel so much. It sucks :( Want to talk about any of those thoughts that are running through your head??

5.46am. I really should get some sleep. Ick. No point trying now, getting too bright in my room. But I am getting bit tired. Hmm. We'll see whether I last or not. Will be awake at 8am regardless. Have to phone back. Please let them have an appointment for today :( I can't hold on all weekend or whatever. Yes I'm impatient at the best of times :'(

anyone here

* Hugs to all who can and want to accept them*

Hmm I just rang the Mental Health resource centre and my Diaz perscrition isn't there like I was told it would be . I can't call my houseing supproy worker because I'm waiting on the mhrc to get back to me and I don't have a messageing service and my mobiles broken.

It's raining , or t least it was 2 minutes ago , I need some exercise, but can't leave the house until I get phone call :S

I'm physically tired but I need to walk that off.
Emotionally I'm knackerd.


*Sits at Ward table*