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Scarletdreamer 04-04-2010 11:47 PM

*cuddles Helen back* I'm so sorry for being such a burden tonight... :( How are you feeling? any better?

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm sorry that it was loud and that you're feeling fragile... I understand, though, I think. Somewhat, anyway. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day - or today, can never get that straight!! Take some time for yourself and just relax, watch a favorite DVD or listen to your favorite music and take a hot bath.

Just want to give up...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : pic of me, scars visible, big pic




Me today...

Just when I was feeling pretty... I had to feel like **** again due to some other photos. :(

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 12:03 AM

Sorry if the pic seemed self-absorbed...

:crying:

Sorry, so sorry, for everything...

MammaMia 05-04-2010 12:03 AM

LOVE that photo a beautiful stunning lady <3 Will post a picture of myself maybe...

You're not a burden sweet and no I don't feel better. Least I'm not crying whilst being on webcam I suposse??

No need to apologise for anything darling =(

MammaMia 05-04-2010 12:23 AM

& the tears are falling again.
**** this.
**** eating disorders.
:'( :'(

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 12:38 AM

I agree, **** EDs!!! They are awful. :(

*holds Helen* Yeh, post a pic of you!! I want to see what my close friend looks like. :D I get everyone all mixed up in the picture area, as there are so many people I don't know... so sorry if I've seen a pic of you before and have forgotten. :) I am sure that you are gorgeous. And I'm not gorgeous, definitely not :( but thank you for the compliment. *cuddles up next to*

Just took a bath by candlelight - hubby's idea. It was lovely although I was too stressed out by my paper to enjoy it (still stuck on page five, not gonna make any more progress tonight I think...). :(

*hides again in shame*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 12:41 AM

*cuddles upto*

You are welcome for the compliment. But it's so true. Definately **** ed's. It's causing/ed a huge row between me & one of my best friends. I'm not angry at her as such...*sighs*

Bath sounds lovely, I can't take baths, I do naughty things in them. Wow that sounded dirty LOL. I prefer showers, need to have one really.

I will take a picture, although I look like ***** =) Don't think I've shown you any pictures of me :p Would copy & paste one that was taken last weekend, but I look awful and/or fat in all of them..:(

MammaMia 05-04-2010 12:44 AM

I'll take a better picture tomorrow, but for now...=P

The following content has been hidden - Reason : UGLY BITCH

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 12:48 AM

*wraps arms around and gives a gentle squeeze* I think you just think you are fat in the pictures... I'm sure you're not really. Not as bad as you think you are. No one ever is. I think I'm horrendously fat... but I know that I'm not, although am a bit overweight. :-X But anyway, EDs are awful, have caused rows between me and my husband before.

Lol, it did sound dirty, what you said about baths. :P I prefer showers too but late at night (well, okay, it's only 7:45pm here) the apartment complex's water goes nuts and very unpredictable with showers as so many people are turning the water off and on. So I take baths if it's lateish. :) I smell yummy too.

Do take a picture :D I want to see... and I bet you don't look like ****, although maybe a bit haggard from being so low for so long. I know that I don't look that great...

*cuddles all*

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 12:49 AM

Awh, you do look haggard - but NOT an ugly bitch, love. You're pretty. :) *hugs gently* And not fat either.

I think it's time for bed for me. My contacts are gluey and I'm exhausted. :(

MammaMia 05-04-2010 12:55 AM

*gives a huge squeeze* Thank yo darling. I am fat, but nobody really agrees with me hmm. You're not fat at all darling. You're nice & curvy <3 Curves are very sexy. ED's are a bitch for causing rows :(

Bless you, sounds random ;) I seriously didn't mean what I said about baths in a dirty way. For once. I promise. It's just I tend to attempt suicide everytime I take one. Bad Hells =(

You were right, I do look haggard, not that I really know what that means. Tired? You do look great sweetie.

I am ugly&&fat. People have been calling me ugly for over 10 years, so must be true :'( Somedays I feel pretty, but used to get shot down for it. So don't even bother. But I still seem to be a camera whore ;) Not as much I used to be. *hugs again*

Sleep well beautiful if you go to bed. I'm going to bed soon too, to watch tv, read & sleep. I'm so fed up of being awake now :'(

*cuddles all*

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 01:52 AM

*cuddles april and helen* neither one of you are ugly. You both are beautiful inside and out. Hope that you guys get some sleep. I <3 both of u.

*hugs kahlia* i hope that your packing goes well and that you feel less fragile soon. Sometimes when things are loud it is really hard. I have that problem around my family too sometimes.

Im trying really hard to not disappear like i want to... This situation just sucks.

Doikers 05-04-2010 10:54 AM

*Hugs group*
You guys all look very pretty , I'd post a pic of me if only I could work out how :s I'm dense about that.I don't look good , overweight , scarred and generally ugly . I'll try and post a photo of me when I'm back at my flat .Sorry this post turned into a self involved one.

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 11:17 AM

Good morning, everyone!! :)

(No, I'm not really in a chipper mood. I just decided to try one on for size and see how it felt... which isn't that great.)

*cuddles Hels* Haggard = dishevelled, basically the effects of being exhausted and sad and worn down for a long period of time. Make sense? How're you doing today? any better? & you ARE pretty!! :) I'm glad that you feel/felt that way sometimes... maybe try and recreate those feelings sometime?

Awh, I can understand that about baths... they can be very seductive, if that makes any sense... I kind of have the same urges but Jarrod usually keeps me company in the bathroom whilst we're taking showers/baths so no opportunity there. :P (sorry if that was WTMI... lol)

Oh, and I hate my curves!! They suck beyond all belief. :( I wish I were a beanpole... like my best friend (*growls* lol... sore point there). Aaanyway... EDs suck and are horrid and they should just up and GO TO HELL!!! :(

*cuddles Laura* Are you feeling any better today? Please don't disappear... things will get better, it just takes time. *more cuddles* Sorry that I don't have better words of advice, but that's the best that I can offer...

*cuddles Mark* I bet you don't look as bad as you think you do... and to upload a photo you need to use something like photobucket.com to upload it to, then link it to here. :)

I has a snuggly kitty in my lap - he's kneading my pecs, lol, with his paws, like next to my shoulder - anyone want kitty snuggles? He's clawless!! so no scratches. :)

I really am worries about this paper... it's not writing itself, damn it. And I don't have enough energy to do it... but I'm going to have to. I'm scared... :crying: I need to get it done somehow... by 2:30 today, at that. :(

I see my SW this morning... am worried. Dunno what we'll talk about.

*hides*

Doikers 05-04-2010 11:39 AM

Gets first in line for kitty snuggles :)
Good luck with your paper April ( not that you need it ) and with your SW too, and Thanx for the instructions about photobucket , I'll give it a bash soon *hugs April*

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 11:44 AM

*hands Daniel over to Mark... Daniel immediately snuggles up and starts kneading Mark's shoulder and looking completely satisfied* :)

How're you doing today, Mark? *hugs back* And I do totally need luck with my paper!! Lol. I think it's well written so far, but I'm worried that I won't be able to get enough written to make it good enough to get a good grade... really really scared actually. :-S I'm working on it now despite the urge to cut or go on WoW... tomorrow if I get it done today I'll be able to go on. It's only 6:45am now though... AHHH!!!! I'll have to leave for my appt shortly and I'm not even dressed... heh. :-S

I feel like ****. I really, really do. :(

*hides in the darkest corner possible to find in the ward*

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 12:16 PM

ARGH I am so anxious... and I really don't want to eat any breakfast, but I know I'll get shaky/cranky if I don't... so scared about my SW appt even though I don't think I need to be. I don't know. :crying:

Just want to hide away for a long time. So sick of this ****. So over it. Don't want to think about my senior sem paper, wreck that it is, anymore... just want to die. :crying:

Sorry, so sorry, sorry...

MammaMia 05-04-2010 02:19 PM

*cuddles Laura, April & Mark*

April, I guess I understand now. I'm bit dumb :) I've had too much sleep. Opps. But I don't really feel much better. Still worrying about two people pretty much non-stop :( Plus all the struggling. I don't think I even care anymore?? I'm not pretty :)

I'm glad you can understand about baths. I'm sure most people can. It did make sense about them being very seductive. Glad Jarrod keeps you company thus keeping you safe :)

You should love your curves :( They don't suck beyond all belief. I promise. ED's definitely should go to hell & stay there!!!!!!!

Hope you're making progress with the paper now & SW appointment wasn't too bad :(

*cuddles Laura* Are you feeling any better? Please don't disappear... things will get better, it just takes time. Just like April said. *more cuddles*

*cuddles Mark* I bet you don't look as bad as you think you do...

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 04:29 PM

You ARE pretty... but I won't argue the point because I know that ED won't give up. ;) How are you doing now? don't even care anymore about what? *hugs tightly* You'll be okay, love, I promise. Just keep fighting... you can do it. I have faith in you, and so do a lot of people. ♥

I hate my curves. Wish they would go to hell too. I hate looking like a woman instead of a girl. :( If that makes any sense.

Got 10 pages on my paper done... am taking a break now. >_< My brain is totally fried and I'm trying to figure out if my paper is cohesive, etc., or if it's just a jumble like it feels it is!! I hate doing stuff last minute, definitely not for me... I tried to do it over the weekend, though, and no go there... not really anyway. Maybe because Jarrod was around distracting me? Just his being around is distracting because I want to spend time with him, just time, not even intimate time... does that make any sense? I don't feel like I'm making any sense whatsoever!! :o

My SW appt went okay... she wanted to talk about the abuse that happened in high school.. and I didn't, it made me more anxious, so I really felt/feel like SI'ing now. :( But I forgot my tools, so yeah.

I'm so tired...

*hides* :crying:

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 04:45 PM

Updated my r/v thread... again... I write in it a lot, I guess... dunno if that's healthy or not.

I wish that I could talk with someone. I'm at tutoring now, kind of working on my paper, and I'm all alone. :( I just want my best friend to text me back... no word from her since last Wednesday. I hope I didn't make her angry, can't think of anything that I said/did that would've made her angry, so I hope she's okay. :( :( :(

Feel like ****...

MammaMia 05-04-2010 05:08 PM

I'm not pretty. But I should stop trying to argue the point. What ED?? I'm still struggling. I'm incredibly worried about both of my best friends. Particularly the one I had a row with. She was texting last night, well this morning, when she went offline. Said about feeling dizzy, getting worse and something like feeling like this before her last fit. Or something like that, I may have read it wrong. So I told her to go wake her Granddad up, so if she did have one, he could get her help if necessary. However I've texted her twice more and no replies to the three texts. So I think she's had one or more and is back in hospital again. I really don't know :'( Normally her aunt would text me but she's in hospital herself still I believe so can't.

Am worried about my other best friend because she's really low at the moment. I think she may be going through one of her breakdowns. I hope not. I'm just hoping it's a result of everything that's happened recently & her being ill. Then will be okay in a couple of days or so. But somehow, I don't think that's going to be the case :'( However not TOO worried as I know her husband will be keeping an eye. Wasn't going to text her again today, to avoid making it worse, or whatever but I just gave in and texted :( She texted me last night, after ignoring my texts (understandable) saying she was going to bed & would try to text tomorrow. Hmm :( Maybe I shouldn't have texted???

I'm still struggling but not really feeling it right now, which is good I guess? Still waiting for my sisters to see my email. None of them have read it still I think. One may have seen it, but not read it?

*hugs tightly back* I wish I could believe that I'll be okay. I really can't at the moment. Don't know why since I always am? I don't know why people have so much faith in me for.

Wish you didn't hate your curves :( Why do you?? I can understand hating looking like a woman instead of a girl. If it's what I'm thinking of anyway or similar to...

Yay for getting 10 pages on your paper done. You should be proud. Taking breaks are good. I'm not surprised that your brain is feeling totally fried :( I'm sure your paper is more cohesive than you realise :) Maybe get someone else to look at it?? Think most people hate doing things at last minute ;(

I'm glad you've forgotten your tools and can't SI. *squishes lots*

Writing lots in your R/V thread is good. Just hope it helps you to do so? :)

*waves to Laura*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 05:47 PM

Well they've both text me. Both told me not to worry. Hahahaha. One said more than that though.

But I can't help it & am rightfully worried. If that even makes sense. I feel like crying to be honest.

:'( :'(

nicole94 05-04-2010 05:59 PM

*hugs helen* sorry hun, not got much to say :( but, *big big hugs*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 06:10 PM

*hugs Nicole* How you doing?

I just got a job interview :O :D

Doikers 05-04-2010 06:18 PM

*hugs April* 10 Pages is great , you are doing really well . I think writing in a R/V thread could be really healthy I was going to gather opinion from you guys who do it to try and figure out if I should start one , I feel I need an outlet sometimes .
*hugs Nicole* How are you ?
*Hugs Helen* A Job interview! Good for you.thats great news:) what sort of job is it for ?

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 06:19 PM

I spy a Mark!! :D *cuddles*

Hels, love, you are pretty... and I thought that you said that you had trouble with food? maybe not a "real" ED but still... anyway, sorry if I got that wrong. :-X But you're pretty anyway. :P And there I stand. Hehe.

Yey for a job interview, where and for what job?

I'm sorry that you're so worried about your friends... I wish I could be there for you IRL but I can't... :( If I could I think we would have fun together... hehe. :D It would be awesome if the "RYL psych ward" group could meet up somewhere... maybe someday when we're all rich & can travel!! lol. :P

I got my paper as done as it's going to be - 13 pages including references and an unwritten abstract. It's going to be longer once I analyze some case studies... just didn't have the time (or the ****ing ENERGY) to do it this time. But I'm happy that I managed to get it done... even if it was only an hour and a half before classtime!!

I'm glad that you're not really feeling that you're struggling... guess that's good? dunno... I kinda feel the same way, I don't know. I've been mussing about with a SI area on my hand, so it's all red and irritated now... *sigh* Was doing it in my SW appt and she noticed, of course... we talked about what hospitals there were that I might go to were I to go to one... and that got me really anxious. :( I really want to SI right now... but I guess I'm glad that I left my tools at home. I don't know, I really don't. :(

*cuddles Nicole* How're you doing, love?

*hides*

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 06:21 PM

Mark, I think you should start an r/v thread... they are good, at least for me... although it can be all too easy to just use them as a place to put yourself down. I've mostly stopped that though, at least intentionally. Am NOT saying that you whinge too much as is in here, just that an r/v thread is a good place when no one is on to talk to you. Hope that made sense!! :-S *curls up next to*

Man, am I tired... :(

nicole94 05-04-2010 06:27 PM

*hugs helen* a job interview? thats BRILLIANT :D what for?

*hugs mark* im good thanks, you?

*hugs aprill* well done for getting it done :D and bless you, its ok, the urge to SI will pass.

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 06:43 PM

Ooh, I spy a Mark, a Hayley, and a Crimson!! Busy place today... :D *cuddles*

Thanks Nicole. :) And yeh, I know the urge to SI will pass, but it will come back, again and again, until I do it... gahhhh... :( How are you doing??

I'm really tired. Just updated my r/v thread... :-/

*hides*

Doikers 05-04-2010 06:44 PM

I don't know how I'm feeling , I'm back at my flat so a little releived to have privacy, I've had a bath so I'm all warm and my hairs wet and I was thinking I would watch a movie and try to relax this evening .
I WANT to S.I. though , really badly , I just don't feel good , I feel disgusting......

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 06:53 PM

sorry no individual replies... 4 pages is a bit to read through...

*huggles everyone*
I got pretty triggered over the weekend but made it through. might update my r/v thread in a bit.

got my work all caught up on friday. feels nice to have it that way for once. now to keep it that way :)

how is everyone?

mark~ a movie and relaxing sounds like exactly what you need. *hugs* stay safe, hun.

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 07:11 PM

wow - I've just read the 7pages of posts that I've missed since thursday night... far too mnay to reply too - sorry guys. *huggles you all so tightly*

Oh and thanks for the info on ED stuff that I can't post, I have read the stickies on forums rules etc when I joined, but I've not been in the ED forum before, so missed it. I think I should possibly go back and re-read all the stickies so that I don't break any rules...I freak out when I break rules, I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, but I really can't cope with breaking rules....even though I often encourage people to do exactly that, but somehow deep down, no matter how much I may disagree with a rule, I don't want to break it as I don't ever want to be 'wrong'. Does that even make sense?!

hmmm, not sure how I'm feeling, my mood seems to be shifting every 5mins or so - it's PMDD time again. I'm going to update my journal I think....

*toddles off to smoking shelter to ponder on journal entry*

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 07:23 PM

lol no worries hayley. I never go in the ED forum either...(too afraid of getting really triggered) thus why I didn't know till a month or 2 ago. :)

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 07:55 PM

I've finger ache after typing my journal entry and I never even got round to typing what it was that I really need to say....I will do it after dinner and fag and a finger break! ooh and some caffiene to keep me going a few more hours til bedtime.

oooooo! I know so many of you are really struggling right now, so I don't want you thinking this is a 'rub your noses in it' type of thing, its not, its to give you hope...I hope, anyhoo, I just wanted to share that yesterday was my 9months SH free anniversary! I've NEVER achieved that before since I started in June 1998! So its taken nearly 12years, so please those of you at X amount of years, don't give up, please don't give up. I don't want you struggling for another X amount of years to make it to 12, hopefully it'll be far less, but if thats what it takes, then please hang on in there, don't give up the fight. *GROUP HUGGLE* and chant together..."IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME"

MammaMia 05-04-2010 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2222559)
Hels, love, you are pretty... and I thought that you said that you had trouble with food? maybe not a "real" ED but still... anyway, sorry if I got that wrong. :-X But you're pretty anyway. :P And there I stand. Hehe.

Yey for a job interview, where and for what job?

I'm sorry that you're so worried about your friends... I wish I could be there for you IRL but I can't... :( If I could I think we would have fun together... hehe. :D It would be awesome if the "RYL psych ward" group could meet up somewhere... maybe someday when we're all rich & can travel!! lol. :P

I got my paper as done as it's going to be - 13 pages including references and an unwritten abstract. It's going to be longer once I analyze some case studies... just didn't have the time (or the ****ing ENERGY) to do it this time. But I'm happy that I managed to get it done... even if it was only an hour and a half before classtime!!

I'm glad that you're not really feeling that you're struggling... guess that's good? dunno... I kinda feel the same way, I don't know. I've been mussing about with a SI area on my hand, so it's all red and irritated now... *sigh* Was doing it in my SW appt and she noticed, of course... we talked about what hospitals there were that I might go to were I to go to one... and that got me really anxious. :( I really want to SI right now... but I guess I'm glad that I left my tools at home. I don't know, I really don't. :(

Thanks. I suposse I do have a problem with food/weight. Nothing's been done about it. I've not spoken to anyone about it except my best friends, couple friends & my sisters I geuss. Thanks for thinking I'm pretty, but hey. YAY for job interview too, it's for a company who own a chain of clothes shops, if I'm right. :D Not sure exactly what the job is opps :P I wish you could all be there for me IRL. Would be awesome to have fun together, esp if the whole ward could meet up. But sadly it costs so much money and stuff as you said :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2222574)
*hugs helen* a job interview? thats BRILLIANT :D what for?

*hugs Nicole* Thank you sweetie :) It's for a company who own a chain of clothes shops, if I'm right. :D

MammaMia 05-04-2010 08:04 PM

Congratulations Hayley =D I'm over a month free =D

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 08:31 PM

*cuddles hayley and throw confetti* great job on 9 months free!

*throws more confetti for helen being over a month free and getting a job interview*

*cuddles april* im glad you got 10 pages of ur paper finished. Im sure its great. If you are worried have someone look over it like helen suggested.

*hugs mark* privacy is nice sometimes... Hope that you managed to stay safe. A relaxing movie sounds like a good idea.

*hugs crimson* Good job on making it thru the weekend and getting all ur work done! Keep it up! :-)

Wow i feel like i just did a lot of congratulating lol.

I wish that i had reason to throw some confetti for myself... but alas, everything is the same with me... wanting to disappear and whatnot... Im trying not to. I really am.. but i just feel like i'm going more and more into hiding about what is going on..
Im also soaked since I didnt bring an umbrella with me this morning as it was sunny and warm. O well, i don't mind the rain so much.. I kinda like it actually, especially if it thunders :-)

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 08:35 PM

*huggles Laura* ooh you say the word 'alas' too! People laugh at me when I say that, but seeing you type it just made me smile through the confetti! You're braver than me with thunder - it makes me go and grab my teddy bear! I'm not very good at being a brave grown up! As long as I don't ever babysit during a thunder storm I'm sure no one minds too much though.

*toddles out to smoking shelter - fag after dinner is always fab*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 08:52 PM

I Love Thunderstorms =D

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 08:59 PM

Hayley I use alas and albeit lol
Thanks for the grats Laura :)

I updated my r/v a bit... not everything from the weekend but the parts that irked me the most-est...

Gonna wander off now and do some archiving work... *wants to run away and hide*

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 09:01 PM

*hugs hayley* hahaha i dont think i actually say alas out loud when i talk, but i use it a lot when i type.. idk why lol. Its a good word tho :-)

*cuddles helen*

*hugs crimson* albeit is a good word too! lol i should start using that more often.

No thunder here, its sunny again...too bad i guess.. apparently it was just a freak rainstorm. Too bad that i had to be outside during it.

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 09:03 PM

how odd... i just found a bruise on my wrist... I have no idea where it came from... it isn't even sore. i didn't notice it till i was putting on lotion and pulled up my sleeve... *shakes head* i am such a klutz sometimes...

MammaMia 05-04-2010 09:17 PM

*cuddles everyone*

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 09:33 PM

Ooh I say albeit, though not as often as I say alas. My most used word that causes giggles is "Gosh" and the phrase that makes people chuckle is "whoops a daisy!" you have to understand that the area that I come from in Essex those words/phrases just are not used. I am looked upon as quirky and bizarrely talking out of place! My partner chuckles though when in one scentence I may use all of my quirky words and then I'll accidently walk into the doorframe and say (excuse my language) "oh ****ing bollocks, the bloody shitty door frame attacked me again - bastard!"

I've finished updating my journal. So I'm pleased I've done something worthwhile today. I think I'm going to have an early night with a book though as my eyes have had enough of the glare off of my laptop. I hope that everyone has a good and safe day/evening/night where ever you are. You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers hoping for brighter days and continued strength.

*goes round the ward, including all the dark corners and hiding places, to give everyone an extra special personal huggle*

*gets teddy bear, just incase of thunder, and snuggles down in a random spot of the ward that looks rather comfy*

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 09:55 PM

actually the word i use that gets the oddest looks and laughs is actually (pardon the language) asshat lol but i mean really some people just are. you know the ones... they act like they actually do have their head up their bum. people up here don't understand it though and i have to explain it lol

MammaMia 05-04-2010 09:56 PM

Sleep well Hayley xxxxxxx

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 11:28 PM

Wow, lots of posts...

*cuddles Mark* I'm sure that you aren't disgusting, sorry you feel that way, though. I understand... at least, as much as I can!! :) Curling up with a DVD or a book or something sounds pleasant... can I join you? hehe.

*cuddles Hels* I think that a lot of girls/women have difficulty with food/weight/etc... it's pretty sad if you think about it, all of those lovely people out there struggling with their body images. :( At least, it makes me sad. I don't know, I wish there were something I could do about it - that's why originally I wanted to go into the field of eating disorders, working as a therapist at somewhere like Well of Grace or Mercy Ministries or Remuda Ranch... but now I don't know. I think I'd be too triggered. The job sounds really cool, the one you might be getting... what type of clothing? and how do you keep getting these random job interviews? :P lol. Sorry if that sounded condemning or something... :-S *more cuddles* Congrats on being over a month free... that's more than I can say for myself. :(

*squishes Laura* Well, all I can say is, please don't disappear from here, okay? :) We love you here. And you are a sweet, lovely person... so there. ;) How're you doing tonight?? Oh, and I love thunderstorms too. :)

*cuddles Hayley* Sleep well, pleasant dreams. I say AND write "albeit" as well as "aforementioned." My hubby says "Egad" all the time... lol... makes me smile sometimes. Sometimes it's just downright annoying, but oh well. Hehe. :) Oh, and congrats on being 9 months free!! :D

I love "asshat," Crimson - makes perfect sense to me. *cuddles* I'll read your r/v in a bit, once I get a bit of other stuff squared away. :) (Why don't people ever say "circled" or "triangled" away? hmmm...) How're you doing now?

There, I think I got everyone... sorry if I missed someone, am not great at catching everyone when there's been so many posts, even if it is just on one page!!

I'm so tired. But when I got home at 5:30, Jarrod had candles lit in the bathroom and bathwater drawn with moisturizing beads in... and a white hot chocolate just as he promised!! :D So that was really sweet of him... I enjoyed the bath although my hair got tangled, it's so long... he's trying to help me relax because the past 48 hours have been so stressful for me, trying to get that paper written. :-S I handed it in today, 13 pages, even though the abstract and another part were missing. GRRRRR. Oh well. That was short, too, for what he expected (15-20 pages). But it will be longer with the other part (case studies)... yeah.

So I'm doing alright. :) Still feeling crappy but not too terribly awful... just wishing that I were dead, still, but the SI urges are taking over the suicidal urges, which I guess is "good"... :-S I don't know. I still don't want to be here.

*more cuddles for all*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 11:44 PM

*cuddles April* I think you're right & it's pretty sad really :( It's even sadder when it becomes a problem, if you get me :S Well into an ED. My best friends think I'm gaining one =/ =/ It's heartbreaking watching one of my best friends struggle with it. Am so scared she'll die from it :'( She's so fed up of it. Maybe one day you could go into that field or help out in a way that won't trigger you? *squishes*

It does sound really cool I suposse. We shall soon see. It's all types of clothing? =P Nothing specific really. I don't see them as random? Maybe I'm wrong. This is the third one I've had all year and I must have applied for 20-30 jobs by now? *more cuddles*

Thanks for the congratulations. Right now I sort of wish I wasn't over a month free. I want to cut so ****ing much but I'm still somehow not doing it? I think having thrown out my blades has made it a harder task in a good way :/

That sounds lovely what Jarrod did, you deserved it babe. *cuddles again*

I keep listening to this song about miscarriage :'( I really should stop. I can't stop thinking about mine. It'll be six years on Sunday. Well I'm pretty sure that was the date :/ It's still all stupidly patchy at times. I just struggle so much. I repressed it until about last year. I'd repressed other stuff but that had mostly come out. It's still so hard. I'm having to deal with all of it in one go & still deal with it six years (nearly) on, if that even ****ing makes sense?? :'(

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 11:54 PM

*huggles April*
Glad you got you paper written and turned in. Should help you destress a little at least. And I'm envious of your Jarrod... David has never set all that up for me. *pouts* Maybe I'll tell him about your night in the hopes he'll get the hint lol
I'm doing ok. Kinda anxious about my food budget for the house but I have a plan so it should be ok. Didn't get to get my yogurt maker yet but I will get it soon. I'm gonna start doing a better monthly budget and just not count MIL paying us for either of her bills on our credit cards... the presumption she's gonna actually pay her own bills is whats hurting our budget most these days... I think if I just acted like it was a bill of my own and my job my only income it'll be less stressful to me. *crosses fingers*

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 11:55 PM

*hugs crimson* i like asshat as well lol. And I am a giant klutz sometimes too.. and i always drop thing.. although half the time i wind up catching them.. ppl laugh at me because of it lol.

*hugs helen* how r u doing? im sorry about ur miscarriage... that must be awful to deal with.

*cuddles hayley* hope you sleep well!

*cuddles april* yay im happy for u that uve turned in ur paper. Its okay that its a little short. Sounds like ur hubby was really sweet after all the stress u've been under.

Don't worry, i wont disappear for real.. I'm always fine.. right? right... Just more things to deal with in life, and i know my life isnt that bad especially in comparison to some, so i should just deal.

Its thundering again :-)

MammaMia 06-04-2010 12:00 AM

Laura, you are definitely not disappearing. We won't let you. Nor is April!!! I'm not doing so well, as you've probably gathered from my whining posts. It is so hard to deal with. I'm scared that one of my best friends won't be around for me on Sunday, selfish really as she's struggling. Need to mention it, but waiting to see how she goes during the week. Might just spit it out somehow by the end of the week...

16 hours exactly until my interview. Crap :P


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