* Hugs to y'all *


I gave in and injured .
I feel guilty that I gave in :S
But I feel so much less anxious.
*sigh* I'm a bit numb now.
I'm so weak , I couldn't even tough it out out until tomorrow .
Sorry this is a bit disjointed.
I'm thankful that the loud thoughts have calmed, does anyone else get REALLY loud thoughts that tell you to hurt yourself ? Not Voices , Thoughts

*hugs nicole*
I'm in and out of here all day (working the rest of the time :) )
Feel free to PM if you need to talk to someone.

*Hugs Nicole* Hope this helps:-)

sorry I missed your post Mark, we posted at the same time...
I know exactly what you mean. It happens to me a lot. Thoughts that at times even flow into images if I ignore them long enough...

thanks guys. dw that you injured, everyone slips up at times, you've just gotta get back up on you're feet, brush yourself down and try again :D urgh. now i want my mum more than ever. she just called the hospital. but i only got to speak to her for a couple of mins then she ran outta credit :(

*checks self in for the night* eurgh. feeling majorly triggerd and unsafe! damnit, i must seem like a right whiney cow :/ dw, im not always like this, just having a bad day :(...............................

I can't do this :'( :'(

whats up?? *hugs* its ok, come join me in the corner.

But it's not okay :'( *cuddles*

Can't cope with the way one of my best friends is right now, it's not her fault, but I just can't. Daytimes she seems to be better but nights are really hard and awful to cope with :'( :'(

I need my other best friend too. please please please please :'( :'( :'( :'(

hey, i dont know whats going on with you're friends, but im sure it will get better, and the way you're feeling will too. i know how you're feeling. i have a friend who keeps asking me to buy her pills and stuff so she can kill herself. im trying to persuade her not to but its hard when im currently in hospital because of my own OD. but it will get better, for everyone. we've just gotta stay strong and push through it. theres nothing wrong with getting upset either. it helps to cry. *hugs tightly* i dunno about you, but for me a hug really helps. and i know this isnt a physical hug, thats the problem ive been having all day, but its better than nothing right??

*hides under the closest bed*
too much bs... i just wanna let go of the stress and pretend it doesn't exist.

urgh, sounds like we're all having a bad night :( *group hug* hmm, is it just me or is it cold in here?

*huggles back*
Not to me but then I have a leopard print snuggie.

*group hug*

Nicole, I'm sorry about your friend. Please don't buy pills & tell her you won't. I know you wouldn't. If you can't cope with ehr suicidialness, then you should try tell her :( *big cuddles*

I wish I could believe it'll be ok :(

dont worry, i would never buy her pills, and i try not to buy myself them either. i know its hard to beleive that its gonna be alright. im currently hoping someone will comment on my post in the serious advice/discussions fourum, just to give me some support more than anything. is there anyone at home with you who can give you a hug? i know its hard to beleive its gonna be ok. tbh half the reason i keep saying it is to try and convince myself, but its gotta get better, i mean, we know theres such a thing as happiness, because we had it when we were little, back when our biggestt problems were deciding whether to wear a pink or purple hair bobble! *hugs and clings on tightly*

I'm glad you'd never buy her pills & good on you trying not to buy them for yourself either. It is hard to believe it's going to be alright. I will try post a reply, I have had a look at it already. My mum can give me a hug but she's in bed & don't want to wake her up :( I know I should.

*hugs and holds tightly*

aaw bless, im sure she wouldnt mind?? i wish i had my mum here to cuddle, the last time i spoke to her was saturday, and the ambulance was there and i said 'are you coming with me' and she goes 'no, i cant handle this anymore' -apart from that, i havent spoken to her since thursday :/

:( Oh dear, could you not call her?? xx

no credit. plus everybody else in my room is asleep! actually-i think everybody else on the ward is asleep except me and the nurses lol

eurgh. the tiredness has just hit me :( thing is. my nightmares are bad enough at home, but theyre worse here because i dont have my music or my teddys or whatever. now what can i do to make myself stay awake?

Hey Nicole, Dont stress!School work is sooooo not worth getting stressed about!(says me who's submitting assignments at half one in the morning...) Spoken to your mum yet? :( Hugs for all,hope everyone has fun tomorrow!

hey, thanks, im not too botherd about the schoolwork atm, theres other stuff going on :( no i still havent spoken to my mum, should get to see her tomorrow though! :D

Oh good! :) Happy for you! Thats the problem, life gets in the way so then your schoolwork suffers and then you get stressed...vicious circle, no fair! What subjects you doing?

uuh. well im doing the core subjects, so-english, maths, science, IT and RS, then for my options i took: sociology, french, cooking and geography :D gah, kate just came in and got all funny cause my trousers have (dry) blood on them :/ and that i was still awake lol

Have you got a bedtime? Wats sociology like? I bet its nice to know someone there already,especially if Kate is really nice! (does that work,nice?not sure how to phrase but you know what I mean!)

I know ur stillo nline but I really need to go get sleep..... Will be back tomorrow,if I dont get ambushed by drunk people wanting to get me drunk...what a tradition.... Hope ur ok and you should gte some sleep too,sweet dreams and have a good day tomorrow with your mum! Hugs and goodnight kisses!

lol, sociology is really interesting, im thinking about doing it as an A level aswell :D lol, at home i have a bedtime :/ but here i dont really, although once it gets to about midnight they kick me outta the day room! XD but cause im in my bed theres not really much they can do.

lol, obvs posted at the same time! k then lol, night x

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! It's also my 21st birthday! So everyone go out and celebrate. :-)

* hugs Nicole , Sparkle , Laura and Helan and Crimson , April* I hope I didn't miss anyone out .
and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Laura!! , are you doing anything to celebrate ?

Happy St Patricks Day *Irish cuddles!*

Also very happy 21st birthday Laura - I hope that you enjoy your day *birthday bumps!* lol

Haven't time to do proper post, just to say I survived last night and I'm now going to meet my mum and fellow irish family members for some paddy days lunch :) ttfn. xxxxxx

*cuddles lots*

Happy St Patricks Day aha!!
Happy 21st Birthday Laura, hope you have an amazing day!!!!

Hayley, glad you got through last night sweetheart.
Nicole, I hope you managed to get some sleep last night *cuddles* Sorry I left without a word..

^^ hey, you feeling better now?? *hugs* thats ok lol, i had to leave suddenly too. (my nurse came in and made me try and go to sleep) i didnt get much sleep last night lol, but i've managed to have some sleep this morning. now im just sat waiting, knowing that somewhere there is a meeting going on about me :/

Glad you managed to get some sleep. What's the meeting about? It might help you?? *hugs* I feel worse. *shrugs*

i have absolutley no idea, i think they're gonna put me into care though cause they dont want me going home :( aaw, why you feeling worse??

UGH! I've had a bill for utilities from my old supplier for like 2 months and 9 days last year for
Wait for it...................
£1418.63!!
There NO WAY I run up that bill I also got a bill from my current supplier for £15 or so , so that shows I can't have ran up such a huge bill . I was triggered before and this hasn't helped one bit .
I've also got a letter from my old supplier addressed to "The Occupior" that I'm too anxious to open .
I feel sick.

Nicole, why do you think that sweetheart? *cuddles*

Doikers, could you speak to your housing worker about these bills especially if you shouldn't be receiving them anymore? Or speak to the company about why it's so high? Try not to harm *cuddles*

:/ that doesnt sound good :/ you should contact them and try and find out where that bill has come from :/

I know I have to get a hold of my houseing support worker ,There is NO WAY I can contact them myself , I'm just far too anxious and my words get muddled up in my mouth and I make no sense ugh.
My hands are shaking , I went to write in my journal and it looks like a spider ice skated across the paper a bit.
My rents going up too and I have to find out if my houseing benefit will go up with it because otherwise I don't know if I can afford to live here its like going up just over £20 a week which is a lot for me.
Sorry to waffle on , I need to get out of my flat for a bit .

aaw bless :/ im glad i dont have to worry about that sorta stuff yet :/ although there's this project in my area for young people (16+) where they can move into a communal home, you have you're own room and stuff then theres a communal kitchen and bathroom and stuff, and my auntie is trying to persuade my mum to try and get me into that (im 16 next month)

Maybe go for a walk?? *cuddles* But hope you get hold of your housing support worker soon, could she help to see if your benefit will go for the rent thing?? *cuddles*

Happy birthday, LauraStar, & good to see you back!!! How are things going?

Yeh, & happy St. Paddy's Day to all who are Irish or who wish to be. ;) I'm not doing anything to celebrate, but oh well. I'm not even wearing a green shirt... I am awful. :P

*sigh*

*hides*

lol, happy st patricks day, im 1/4 irish :/ lol cause im cool ;)

I'm 1/4 Irish too :D But not wearing anything green, still in my night clothes at the moment mwahahaha.

*curls up & cries*

*cuddles Helen* Got your PM, will respond sometime soon. Don't know if it will be today but I will do my best. :) *holds you gently and wraps you in a fuzzy blanket*

I was supposed to see my NP this morning but I cancelled as my car has its "check engine" light on and I don't want to drive 35 miles on a highway where most people drive 70mph!! So yeah... and plus, had a ton of schoolwork to do. I know, I know, I'm trying to rationalize my decision(s)... but those are the reasons. I rescheduled for the 30th... hopefully I have enough meds to get me by for then. :-/

Stupid insurance... now I have to do mail-order for meds. :( So I have to figure that out...

Am so stressed out and overwhelmed right now... just got off WoW after finishing up some school stuff that I didn't think I'd get done, am totally an altoholic... haha... meaning I play my alternate characters a lot instead of focusing on just one character. Oh well. :) Here is what my hunter looks like. That's on the "new" server that we've been playing on... here is my "main" - my main toon that I've put the most time & effort into. - she's on our "old" server, the one we (my husband & I) started on. And now I will stop boring you with links. Haha.

URGHHHHHH................. :crying: Hate myself so much. I can distract myself for so long but then it all comes crashing down again. :(

Sorry your car isn't behaving again :( Hope it's a simple problem to fix *cuddles* Hope you have enough meds to last you to then. Glad you've reschudled your appointment. Hope the work goes okay. Sorry about my whingy PM :(

lol. im not wearing anything green either! but im in the hospital, im allowed :D and i bet you're irish family isnt as awesome as mine. im related (through marriage) to the guy who plays mr tumnus in 'the lion, the witch and the wardrobe'

*hugs helen*

Wow that's awesome Nicole. I'm only Irish because um...well actually I'm not sure who I'm related to that's irish hahaha!!! I will get dressed eventually, going out tonight, so I have to really :P Although not going out to get drunk =)

*hugs Nicole lots*

lol, i know, never, met him though :( but at least i can say im related!! aaw, where you going? it will do you good to get out. im dressed. and sat in bed on the laptop! XD ahwell. at least i have my curtains open today cause i feel able to have them open which i dont often, although im starting to panick and think about closing them lol

Awesome, maybe you'll meet one day :) But like you say, least you can say you're related. Don't know where I'm going. Going for food :p My dad sees me every Wednesday night & we always go out. Sure it will do me some good going out. Glad you're dressed, more of an improvement than me. I never have my curtains open haha, rare to have mine open. Close them if it helps your anxiety go away *cuddles*