Until i see something from him, see a post or something, i have no hope. None.
Forgive me for this peoples, forgive me for my worries.
I think that He thinks he is being better for leaving, not understanding the hole he will leave in our hearts.

he can't. i wont give up. i can't. he's become a valued member so quickly... i refuse to give up hope that he will come back. I REFUSE!

*hides in here*

oh god.
this is not a happy place today.

i am sick. side effects from ADs and a virus and a cold. all in all lots of yuckiness.

waiting to hear from you jeff.

hey sharlie. how are you?

*cuddles chloe*

*plies with chicken soup, warm blankets and good books*

*glomps sharlie*

ooh chicken soup! ta.

oh and ally i didnt get to see my own doctor but i saw an emergency one and she was very nice and gave me some anti nausea drugs and kept me under observation for a while to make sure i didnt need a drip cos i didnt want a nasty needle in my hand.

how art thou jess?

it creeps me out that it says im the only member reading this but there are 5 guests watching me....... :S

do a dance chloe!!!! *giggles*

*boogies*

I'm good :)

Guys i am really sorry i havent been on but Jeff PMed me last night (3:28 am GMT) and i have only just got it. He says that he doesn't want to participate so much untill he is out of the bad place as he is worried about posting triggering comments.

can you just ask him to post once a day to let people know he's okay? cause so many people are scared they're going to lose him. I have faith that he will get through this and come back to us. I KNOW he will.

I PMed back saying that if a break is what he needs we can respect that but dont be afraid of upsetting us as we support each other and we know that what we say can be potentiionaly (whoa bad sp) triggering.
Hopefully he will start posting back, will wait for his reply.

that sounds good :) thank you for that!!! that's what support is all about!

i hope he finds the strength within himself to return as i don't think it's completely about hurting us but more that he doesn't think he deserves the support and comfort we're here to give.

Jess,
Good Idea about Jeff. I wish I knew how to tell him how much we care.

*sits in her corner, knees to cheat, hands on head and rocks ever so slightly*
Nonononononononononononoidontwanttoidontwanttoidon twanttoicanticanticanticant:crying:
*continues rocking ever so slightly*

*jumps on Emma and clings to her*

Sweetie, I hope you're ok hunni, were you safe? *snuggles*

I'm awful :crying: I don't WANT to go :crying:

I'd spent a bit of time talking to Jeff last night. Sent him a pm in my early hours of the morning.
This is his response;

Proof of life, share as you see fit

i am sad, i want jeff to come back, i guess its understandable if he wants space but i think he needs to be supported.

i shut up now

I want him back so bad too. He is afraid of hurting us because he is so angry.

He hasnt replyed to me yet :(
I am afraid of hurting you guys too and I imagen we all think like that when we are wrighting out our posts.

Marc, could you please let him know how much we want him here, even if he doesn't think it would be good for us?

My anger and sorrow are so big sometimes too, that i worry about it.

Right now I'm triggered. I can't let go of the idea of scarification. I won't do it, but I sure want to. I wish that what i had done in January had scarred, at least a bit of it.

Just got a reply, He says he doesnt feel safe to be around but will note us that he is "still alive" which is somthing i guess...
Am going to reply sending all our love with it.

Going to the pub tonight :D

I've heard from him I think there times since he left the ward, once in one of my threads and two PMs... Very supportive, as is Jeff... I wish I knew why he felt like he may hurt us :-(

Just got back from my session... Will post in my 'please, I can't do this...' thread. Suffice it to say it sucked, it was worth it, can't wait to cut and drink later on...

I'm still crying about Jeff.

*squeezes blondie*

I think the best thing we can do for Jeff right now is pray/think about him and let it be. He worries about hurting us, as he has told us several times before, and our lamenting here would not be helpful to him should he come in lurking to checkup on us. For Jeff, we need to take care of ourselves and eachother and hope that he comes back to our ward soon.

*steps off her soap box and returns to her corner to huddle there feeling... Well she's not sure what but it's not good*

*Squezze for forever lost also*

Please, I need hugs.
I've been crying so much, it is giving me an asthma attack, a bad one.

*holds blondie* you got your inhaler? Do you need a doctor?!?!

**** i have the urge, but the urge is in a notacable place. I wont be able to deal with questions and all the **** again...but i need to so somthing. Oh **** my brain hurts cant decide.

Thanks, Marc.

*snuggles her blondie-mum tight*
Mum, please calm down, you'll make yourself sick, what's wrong?

*hugs bear*
sorry thats all i have right now.

*hugs susan*

*hugs everyone else*

I'm just going to sit in a corner and pretend I'm safe for tonight... sorry guys.

susan, let us know you are ok.
ally, off to read your thread and then to lectures.
feeling a bit better today but still dizzy. hope i can make it thru my lectures as missed too many already.
see you guys later

i just cant do it anymore
i am so tired of fighting

goodnight
*snuggles up in corner nursing wounds*

*cries*
I feel so "little" right now...
*sits with knees to chest, arms around knees, and rocks*
First Katch (my RYL mama) left,
and now Jeff (my RYL daddy) has left too.
I feel like I am suddenly an orphan!!!
I feel so... lost and alone and... :crying::-(:sad::crying:

oh guys... *gathers everyone up for a huge cuddle* please calm down my darlings, it WILl be oaky.

Jeff, if you pop on as a guest or something to read this I would like you to know something. No matter how much you feel like you may hurt us or be detrimental to our health you are NOT! RYL is about support. Sometimes we hate the world so much that our anger seems to spill over into our posts and it's like... like we've betrayed something that is good. But you haven't. Everyone here has times when they speak so negatively that they feel like they're done damage to their friends but they haven't! I should know! It was a few years ago... but I just... disappeared. I had a massive go at everything, told the world how much I hated them, exactly what i wanted to do and then just left. But I came back a few weeks later and found that far from hurting everything, they were just very worried for me and supportive even though I felt like a guilty selfish cow for not giving support back. for months I couldn't read anyones thread but my own. It's OKAY to be angry. The thing about RYL is that it's a safe place to do that. *sends you lots of cuddles* I do hope you read this and come back to us soon. Even if it's just to curl up in a corner on the ward that's okay! We just want to knwo you're alive and with us. *cuddles*

Goodness aren't we all a mess right now?

*sits in her corner, knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around knees, rocking ever so slightly and wishing she would die*

It didn't help... I mean, it kind of did, but not really...

****

:crying:

Oh ally honey *cuddles tightly*

*cuddles Jess back*
I'm sitting in my linen closet... Because it's small and it feels better than... Well, a not small space :crying: strange...

Check out the profile picture, I'm putting it there... Please no comments on how fat I am, I already know...

you are NOT fat >.< i've seen your profile picture before and you're lovely!

Sorry everyone. I've been crying for weeks feels like. But when I think about it, I have been crying for two years.

I have a rescue inhaler and have been using it, with the special spacer that makes it more effective. I get asthma attack when I laugh too.

If I am not here as many hours a day, don't worry. I am not going away. I have to get back to the workbook that I haven't done in months. I have to get some chores done around here. I want my house to be my home, not just my business aka explosion in a fabric store.

Mmm, different pic, this one was taken today while I was in the linen closet... Now I'm only half in it... But I don't think I managed to get the pic up, stupid mobile... Such is my life, I suppose.

Thanks Jess

*cuddles susan* take care of yourself!!! Don't want you to be ill!!!!

ahh, i couldn't see a new one. *cuddles* sorry sweets

Ah, pic is up!

Susan, ugh, don't those things just taste wonderful? *grabs mop and bucket to clean up the dripping sarcasim*

*leaves lots of hugs* :)

8cuddles* ally you're lovely! I wish I could fit in my cuboard >.< but I can't... it sucks!

*helps with mopping up* :P


i'll be back later, i gotta take a client out now. ciao darlings

*huggles and cuddles everyone*