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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 15-12-2009 09:59 PM

Who's "they," love? Pdocs aren't usually that bad, although I totally understand the hesitation of making the call. I didn't call my N for 2 months I was so worried. But there are some good meds out there that can help SI/depression/etc. One of them is called naltrexone and I was on it for a bit, helped the SI urges go away until my body got used to it.

*big hugs*

Been a rough day. Seems like that's going around. :(

whispering girl 15-12-2009 11:00 PM

my general doc. can't do anything about the stuff they put me on in the hospital. doesn't know much about it. her and my psychologist are making me go to a psychiatrist.

CrazyHayley 16-12-2009 06:01 AM

I've no idea why I am wide awake at 5.30am, so I decided to come on here with a camomile tea to keep me safe from wondering thoughts....

*huggles scarletdreamer* thank you for your warm welcome back and your words of encouragement. It really does mean alot, especially as it seems that you are having such a rough time of it at the moment. I hope that you managed to have another talk with your husband, he sounds really supportive. Its such a shame when our loved ones trigger us accidentially isn't it? I really hope that today is a better day for you.

*huggles chocstashchick* giving up smoking has been attempted, partially achieved and then failed many times before. And its only been a week!! Its the SI that I've gone 5months without. I started smoking as a more sociably acceptable for of SH (not tip giving, warning so I hope thats ok to put!)....stupid stupid 'cos of course you then get addicted and when I'd have the one or two occassional fags I ended up on 15-20 day at one point!! I then cut that down to 10menthol and gradually worked from there, but generally I've never given up smoking for myself, its always been for other people. Which I guess a bit like all forms of SH, we need to want to get better ourselves, in our own time, when we're ready with the appropriate support in place, otherwise we're just making things more difficult in the long run. So don't go knawing your arm off, just try your best, thats all anyone can ask of you. Thanks for walking puppy sinclair, he's a new addition to the ward since my escape so I wasn't aware of him...whoops! *pats puppy sinclair affectionately*

*huggles Kahlia* oh my goodness, how are you doing?! Ok, stupid question when obviously you've still got your struggles, but when I was in here last you had your arms in plaster and had all sorts of stressful events going on which soooo wasn't fair on you. Oh I really hope those things are behind you now and you can concentrate on yourself again.

*huggles whispering girl* I know its scary when we get referred to new dr's in whatever format they are, but remember that they are there to help you. When I was referred to a psychiatrist, they recommended that I came along with a freind so that my wait was less anxious (friend didn't come in actual room, though I think could have if I requested) and also so that I had someone to accompany me home and stay with me for those first few hours that I would more than likely be triggered. I thought that was a really sensible thing for them to suggest and showed that they had some notion of how I'd be feeling. If its not suggested for you, then I suggest that you suggest it!! (hmm, did I say suggest too many times in one sentence?! Is there a rule for that? School was soooo long ago! lol)

I went out today (well yesterday I guess) met up with a friend in my area that I made through RYL and it did me good to get out and be able to talk freely with someone without them juding me....but we went to costa coffee and I had 2packets of crisps and a large caramel latte (made with soya milk). At home my cupbaords are generally stocked with negative calorie effect foods, the problem with my eating is when I'm out or staying at my boyfriends. When I'm low or triggered I just have no willpower, the food has power over me and then its time for the laxatives :(

Hmmm, this is a lot of waffle, I'd better shut up now.

CrazyHayley 16-12-2009 09:37 AM

Wow I've just noticed it took me half hour to type my waffle earlier!!

Morning everyone!!! (who's in my time frame) *hands out coffee*

Night night to you others who are elsewhere in the world *hands out bedtime drinks*

And for those of you inbetween, afternoon! *hands out afternoon snacks*

*gives puppy sinclair a doggy biscuit*

I've a dr's appointment today, but this is an ear specialist as I've had a recurring soft tissue infection in my ear since I came back from Kos at the end of June!! Hopefully it'll go ok and I won't get too anxious or in a tiz-woz as its somewhere new etc. I'll let you know how it goes later. Wishing you all a better day today. *GROUP HUGGLE!!!*

Scarletdreamer 16-12-2009 01:47 PM

*hugs Hayley* Thanks for the hugs and the kind words. It is difficult when loved ones trigger us, especially when it's my husband. :( Usually it's okay but sometimes he says the wrong thing and I get so upset!! I'm a little too sensitive for my own good I think. :(

What are crisps? potato chips? Anyway, it was probably good to have a little extra calories even if they weren't the healthiest, since you have at home "negative calorie effect" foods. That's not too healthy either... but I am NOT condemning you as I know we all have our problems and issues that we need to cope with and all... just mentioning that maybe you needn't be so hard on yourself. *more hugs*

Hope the doctor's appt goes well. I hate going to the doctor's, lol... haven't in a bit but probably ought to go see an ob-gyn eventually as it's been well over a year. And my eye doctor so I can get more contacts, and maybe the dentist as my teeth have been EXTREMELY sensitive. Thank God my husband's job provides health insurance!!

*hugs Whispering girl* Yeh, what Hayley said makes a lot of sense. See if it's okay to bring a friend along, because that will definitely help you with being nervous. It's always good to have backup in case you get too scared to keep going with it. I don't remember my first pdoc appt (I was 17) but I remember that my mum was there with me and that helped some. It didn't help though, that this pdoc hated teenagers and also had a funny smell to her office that made me feel wobbly. :( That sucked. Anyway, keep us updated - let us know when you make the appt, etc. That way we can support you the best way we know how to. :)

I'm not doing too well myself. Came on here as I just ate and am trying to stay out of the bathroom. I feel like I need to purge - very new urges, usually it's just restricting and overexercising, but lately I haven't been exercising much and have gotten fat and out of shape :( - so I am distracting myself!! Lol. Probably typing about it isn't the best thing to do, but it lets you all know what's going on. And that's probably a good thing... right? :-/

*hugs everyone*

one_step_closer 16-12-2009 01:50 PM

*hugs everyone*

I wish I could feel better, normal. I want motivation and not to be so low and scared of everything.

SoMuchMore 16-12-2009 07:37 PM

*hugs april* distracting yourself is a good thing, just keep trying to do that. Sorry to hear things are hard right now.

*hugs one step closer* I understand the want to feel normal yet being scared.. it sucks sometimes, or well a lot of the time. Sorry I don't have many words here, just wanted to say that I think i can relate somewhat to what you are saying.

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about "getting better," and what that will entail. I have been to counseling and a psychiatrist before and I didn't really like it... but idk maybe i wasn't ready for it or maybe i don't need it, like im not that sick so... idk. I just am actually feeling better I think. I hit my 1 year free from attempts, its been a few weeks since i've SI-d... All signs point to getting somewhere. But I am also scared to get better, and scared that if i do get better then I wont ever have an excuse to be upset. I still always try to hide when I'm upset. I think this fear is normal, I've heard it from other people, but it's still hard to deal with. The love-hate relationship with SI. Idk, i am rambling really bad now. sorry. I just needed to type this out.

PoisonedApple 16-12-2009 08:40 PM

*checks in*
*grabs some pillows, a duvet and a beanbag chair*
*curls up in the corner to cry*
Anyone got hot cocoa or a teddy bear I could cuddle?

Scarletdreamer 16-12-2009 09:01 PM

Laura, I feel the same way about getting better, so you're definitely not alone. *huggles*

One step closer, I want motivation too. :( If you find some (I've heard it might be hiding under the couch or in the dryer?) could I borrow a bit? *big hugs*

Angel, I have some low-calorie hot chocolate and some regular dark chocolate hot chocolate... your pick which. And I have a stuffed dog that you could borrow if you would like? *snuggles*

I am kinda crappy. Talked with my bestie about EDs as she knows practically nothing about them and managed to trigger myself. Gahh. Feel so dumb. Want to purge... but know I can't. I'm also frustrated because my NP has to get paperwork in for my husband for his supervisors to tell them why he missed work 3 days in a row (FMLA, I was/am doing so badly :( hate that). And she hasn't called or texted yet, yesterday or today... I'm getting upset!!!!! :(

*needs hugs* :(

PoisonedApple 16-12-2009 09:18 PM

Thanks :thumbup: I'll take the low cal hot cocoa and toss in some marshmallows (I know this totally defeats the purpose of the low cal but mallows make me feel better).
I'd borrow your puppy but you seem to need a cuddle buddy too...
*digs through prepacked bag for purple munkey plush*

Imaginary_friend 17-12-2009 12:09 AM

*curls up in a corner and passes out due to sheer exhaustion*
can i crash here for a while?

Absynnthe 17-12-2009 12:22 AM

*Drags duvet over to Loz and puts over, before collapsing next to*

Kahlia1981 17-12-2009 12:16 PM

*hugs everyone* - Sorry no individual replies.

Well I'm moving house. My friend - who used to live where I am now as well - and I are moving to a 2 bedroom unit. We are both sick of living in shared accommodation where if you have a bad episode of your illness (we both go psychotic) you get thrown out. We did a drive-by of three places and looked inside one of them, and then on a whim arranged to view a private rental and really liked it. The landlord/owner is really nice ... She's a hairdresser and has two kids .... Anyway we sign the rental agreement and pay the bond and 2 weeks rent tomorrow lunchtime. My friends parents have actually given us the bond as a christmas present.

Anyway I ended up spending the night at my friend's parents place. My friend takes the same medication but in different doses so he gave me meds last night. I didn't take any this morning because I didn't remember until about 2pm. His mother also gave us a pack of smokes to share because I'd run out last night. I wasn't expecting to be gone that long I must admit.

I rode home at about 3pm and didn't really get here until 4pm. Not due to slow riding, (although some of the riding I did was slow) not even because of the wind (which nearly knocked me off the bike a few times) but because I was fighting off an asthma attack. I was struggling to breathe so stopped at the first place that was safe (half way home) took a couple of puffs of ventolin and had a drink and basically just stood there until my breath was coming evenly and non-painfully. I then had to stop a few kilometres down the road because I couldn't get any air in at all and felt like I was going to collapse. I had to stop a few times. Thankfully it's okay now ....


I actually wrote all of that at about 4:45pm our time and had to leave the computer in a hurry because my brother-in-law rang me and told me he was on the way to pick me up.

It's now 10:12pm and I've just gotten home. Tonight I went out for christmas dinner with my sister and her family and 4 family friends. I spent a couple of hours with my brother-in-law and my niece and 2 of the family friends while we waited until my sister was due to be finishing work. Dinner was a pretty high class restaurant ... I think it's the "best" one in town. It was certainly a refreshing change.

Anyway I'll stop boring everyone. . . Right now I'm tired, have a headache (again), feel depressed and anxious and seriously in need of a hug. :(

*hugs everyone then retires to a dark corner try and get some rest and maybe cry a little*

Scarletdreamer 17-12-2009 01:41 PM

*snuggles Kahlia* It seems odd that you get thrown out of your living situation if you go psychotic. Do they have a reason? :-/

Hope the new living situation is better; it does sound nice. :) Good luck with that. How have you been feeling lately? any better? *more hugs*

I'm doing okay. Therapy today, am a little nervous about that. It's going to be mostly about my eating disorder and how it's changing and how I'm scared about that. Also, about how I'm scared to eat because of the urges to purge afterwards. :( I did eat some this morning but not a lot, because I was/am scared that if I eat too much and actually feel full, I'm going to want to get rid of it. Urgh. I HATE having an eating disorder!!! >:(

Anyway. I'm listening to Nightwish right now on my iPod, and it rocks my world. Haha. Been awhile since I've listened to this album ("Bless the Child")... love the first song. :)

It's Christmas break!!!

Absynnthe 17-12-2009 08:25 PM

Nightwish. <3

*gives thumbs up from across room*

Kahlia1981 17-12-2009 08:49 PM

April - I love Nightwish .... Nightwish, H.I.M, Kamelot, Within Temptation and Evanescence are my favourite bands. *hugs you*

*hugs everyone*

Scarletdreamer 17-12-2009 10:28 PM

Evanescence, Nightwish, and Within Temptation rank in my top bands. But right now I am loving Skillet!! (actually, right now I am listening to Midnattsol on my new and SHINY iPod!!!! hehehe)

*hugs Kahlia*
*hugs everyone*

I am doing okayish. Therapy was rough today because we talked about me not wanting to eat because then I want to purge... and then my mum and I went and ate out and it was a lot. Too much. And - of course - wanted to get rid of the food. Stupid me. :(

Ho hum. Quiet night on the ward, eh?

*more hugs*

Absynnthe 17-12-2009 10:35 PM

*huggles* Lucky you with the new iPod. :P Do you like Lacuna Coil?

I haven't told my mother about my off eating habits, so when she fed me alot just now, it sucked big time. >.< Now feel gross...

*cuddle with duvet*

Scarletdreamer 18-12-2009 12:32 PM

I do like Lacuna Coil, what little I've heard of them. My UK friends keep trying to get me into new music ;) and I love that. Music = life for me. Well, a huge part of my life. I listen to it all the time and I also am a musician... so it kinda runs in my blood. :)

Yeah, I know, I never thought I'd actually GET an iPod, lol. They always seemed too expensive. But then I sold back some books from this uni semester that I knew I wouldn't need again and there was enough to make up for what my husband was willing to pay for one. If that makes any sense. >_< Sorry, I just got up about 15 minutes ago from a 11 hour sleep so my brain is kinda muzzy.

My mum knows about my eating habits, but she has an ED too but won't admit it. It's so frustrating because I don't understand her and my dad's relationship. It's a very good one, in some ways; they love each other very much, etc. But the thing is, he NEVER confronts her on her eating habits. And she never talks to him about them. I couldn't survive that way with my husband. It's like keeping secrets from the one who loves you the best on this earth. :(

Blah. I'm tired of life. But - it's Christmas break now so I should be a little happier? :-/

[Awakening] 18-12-2009 01:42 PM

*walks in clutching snowman Noah and sucking thumb*

Hi everyone. Can i come in please? I could really do with a break from reality, it's too scary and hard.

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