*Hugs Helen* Way to go on the Job Interview! :-)

April , It's just not on for some random stranger to say that to you !*Hugs* but on WoW I've found there to be a lot of nice folk too , he was just a drop in the oceon.

*Hugs Oliver*

I really think I'm going to have to take a couple of Diaz before the medical , but not so many that I'm not cogent(Right word?)

Edit: Ugh I can't get facebook or my e-mail open ggrrr

HEEE *Spots Kahlia and hugs*

good luck with the jobinterview Helen *hugs*

*hugs Mark* hope the medical goes ok today.

*hugs Julie* hope you feel better soon

*hugs Hannah* thanks for the advice, yeah we did chat last night and she is ok and understands.

*hugs everyone else and apologises for missing you*

*hides in a corner where hayfever can not get him*

I spy a Mark!! *tackle-cuddles* Best of luck on your medical, it's in about an hour, right? Don't take too much diazepam, just maybe one? so you are coherent and aren't too out of it... lol. Don't want to appear drunk. *huggles* But I'm sure that it will go okay and that you will be fine.

Good luck with the interview, Hels. :D What kind of job is it for? *cuddles*

Oliver, I'm sorry I didn't respond with any advice, but I would've said talk with her as well, because being honest in a relationship is KEY. As is direct communcation. :) Sorry about that... :-S *cuddles*

*cuddles Hannah* How are you, love?

*cuddles Taz* Is there anything I can do to help you feel better, sweetie? Hopefully you're feeling a bit better now but feeling rubbishy really does suck. :( As we all know, I think. Sorry for reiterating the obvious.

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles and waves at those who don't* Sorry, I know I didn't get everyone but I tried to reply to as many as I could remember!! :-S

Played WoW for a bit, and yeah it is a bit odd for a stranger to say that, even on WoW. I don't know. I don't really like that person anyway... so it shouldn't really matter to me. :-/

Jarrod found out I cut and all he said was something to the effect of "Do you know when the urges to SI/your SI'ing will calm down some?" I know he didn't use those words, but as it was last night whilst we were getting ready for bed I can't remember very well!! :-S It's as though no one cares anymore if I do it or not. I don't know. He's so emotionally distant from me that it's scary and sad. :-S Well, he is at times anyway. Ugh. I wish he understood.

Plans for the day - go into work and GET STUFF DONE!!! lol... because I've spent 3 days at home being ill... hopefully won't feel too sick today but right now I'm feeling much better than I was yesterday morning. I even sound (mostly) human!! haha. :P

I'm really tired though - got up at 5:30am. :(

*huggles all and disappears into her hole*

*Huggles April* All these Holes are interlinked now we have the Warren :)

Hmmm I'm sorry Jarrod doesn't understand but I guess its really hard to understand without actually experiencing it. * Holds April Tight*

I just took some Diaz , 3 *Bites lip* sorry , I hope I'll be okay for the medical , My mind is racing about it , what if they take me off my benefits , I won't be able to aford rent :( or Food . Grr shaking , I hope the diaz will stop the shaking for a bit .

praying hunny.

*hugs mark* wow, that 24 hours went slow! good luck for the medical hun, at the end of the day these people are supposed to be here to help us 'K? so try not to stress too much about it [although I know what anxiety is like!]

April, all I can do is hug you babe, and tell you I understand and pray for you in my own funny way. *cuddles tight*

Laura, grrr... that's a very friendly caring Kiwi growl that tells you I understand but that cutting really really doesn't help longterm, "do as I say, not as I do :)" If you can resist hun I would recommend it as after 15 years SI free, coming back to it is just as **** as it was then and just as hard to give it up.*sits next to Laura and supports her for as long as it takes*

hugs to Oliver and Kat and Julie and Crimson and Kahlia and Hayley and Hannah and Heather and Helen and alllllll the people I'm forgetting"

Julie, hun, hope you feeling better :(

Love to you all, I am having one of my "hyper" experiences, spent heaps of dollars at the mall tonight and all is great. oh the joys of BPD ;)

ni night from the Southern Hemisphere
xx

*offers everyone hugs or other forms of tlc that they can handle*

Mark - Am crossing fingers that things go well at the Medical. Am sure it's just going to be a formality. But that doesn't make the anxiety go away I know.

For or DSP (Disability Support Pension) we get 5 years before our first review and then we get reviewed every 2 years regardless of what the disability is. I was freaking before my first one. :( Sorry, will stop talking about me now.

anxiety sucks.

*hugs Kahlia* we want to know about you hun, you are an important member of this ward and I look up to you *blushes* ...but its true

Good luck Mark.

*hugs everyone*

I really don't feel well, really anxious, stomach hurts... stupid periods. :'( Sorry if that was WTMI, heh... Am at my internship ("work") for the first time in 3 days and I just want to go home. :( Feel so bad. So anxious.

Mark, am praying that your medical goes well. I'm sure it's a formality as well, and that you won't be found to not need them. I hope I'm right... *cuddles*

*hides in the warren* :'(

Updated r/v.... :(

Thanks for all the good luck/congratulations :)

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Hels back* How're you doing at the moment, love? Sorry I couldn't chat long on FB today... :(

Am still anxious... wish I could go for an energetic walk or something. :'(

*wishes Mark well as well as prays for him* :)

*hides in the warren*

It's okay sweetheart, I did end up falling asleep =P So now even more tired but hey. I feel really bad. I want my best friends :'( Don't know what's going on with one, well don't with either, but least I know why one's not talking, if that even makes sense? :( Just want her, well them. Just want to give up, so over everything. So over sounding like a broken record.

*holds Hels* I'm sorry you're still feeling ****, and that your besties aren't in contact with you. :( Is one of them the one that you mentioned about going into the clinic? I wish I could help you more but know that I'm here to listen, may not always have the best of advice - or ANY advice, heh - but I can always offer a shoulder to cry on & an ear to listen. :)

I feel **** too. :( Just want to go home and cut, am feeling way too vulnerable and scared to be here. But I have to be here, can't "escape" because of feelings. :'( I wish that someone here knew about my problems... yet at the same time I wish that no one did, that would make it easier in some ways. I mean, it's kind of hard to hide that I have problems because I have scars all over my arms and wear short sleeves to work, so yeah. :-X

I'm going to have to confide in my supervisor though... :-S She's very nice, it's just that I'm scared about that. :-S

*hides again* :'(

I just emailed my old therapist for some closure......... :-S Now I'm scared. Again. Seems like I spend my life being scared of something-or-other.

:crying:

*cuddles tight* Yes, one of them is the one I mentioned going into the clinic. *nods*

Well.
My Medical ,
It went okay I guess , I was super anxious and got toungue tied and said things then My SW had to add little stuff like I've been in hospital for months in the last year that I forgot to say ,Heh So glad my SW was there to help out , I got SO Triggered in there though , I was visualising the wound I would make whilst she was talking to me . grr
Now I have to wait a few weeks for the benfits people to let me know their decision .....
Still glad it's over and done with , the balls in their court now , I just have to wait nervously hmmmmmm.

THANKYOU for everyone who prayed , sent positive thoughts and said good luck , it really mean a ton to me :) *Hugs Wardmates*

*hugs April* Good luck on June 9th :) I read your r/v, I wish I could make everything be okay, and make everybody care more, or give you the right words of comfort and advice... especially Jarrod. I can only imagine how hard it must be :( As for the comment on WoW, I'm not a Christian, but still... some people just need a reality check, or they're too consumed with their own thoughts to see another point of view.

*hugs Oliver* Sorry I didn't post a direct reply, but like everybody else I would've said to talk to her. I'm glad it worked out though :) And you're not stupid, at all!

*hugs Kahlia* What were the changes you made to your computer? I've never reformatted one before, so I wouldn't even know what that entails! Oh, and I agree with what JK had said... we WANT to know about you. Don't worry about posting about yourself :)

*picks up pieces and puts Laura back together and hugs her*

*hugs Hannah* How have you been?

*hugs Hels* Good luck & congrats on the job interview :D I'm sending good vibes your way :) Sorry to hear about the ongoing problems with the besties, it must really suck =/ Don't ever worry about sounding like a broken record.

*hugs JK* Did you at least buy anything good while spending all that money? ;)

*hugs Mark* Glad to hear the medical went well! I was sending lots of good vibes your way :D

*hugs Lindsay, Julie, Heather, Crimson, and any other members I missed*

I have to work today and then drag my butt out to a softball practice... I really just want to crawl back into bed. Didn't sleep well at all last night, and kind of anxious about my doctor's appointment tomorrow...

*crawls under a blanket*