Ok thanx Crimson , bit triggered now though . I just am putting my energy into not harming . How has your day been ? I'm sure you're not a fail Crimson ,not at all :)

sorry guys this the first chance I have had to get online
today.I manged not to cut.but I was so worked up and
stressed out that my hand then my whole body woudnt
stop shaking,my right hands a bit shakey anyway,last night
it made it impossible to even do the simplest things,which
sucked.today being a little bit better but wierd also very
tierd could sleep for a week no problem.

Aside from forgetting to drop off my rent and water payments before work (there's now going to be a 38$ late fee charged that I can't afford to pay)... I'm feeling like a trapped rat. All my bills are piling up, my income isn't enough and my case worker isn't helping right now because they moved my file to another office and somewhere along the way they dropped the ball. I'm tired and worried sick about finances. I had to skip work yesterday because my daughter was up all of the night before throwing up with a temp of 101(F). *shakes head*
*sigh* Sorry for that verbal diarrhea... I just don't know if I can keep doing this.

*snuggles everyone lots*

Sorry it's not more.

*Hugs ShadowedSoul and Crimson* I wish I could make it all better for you both *Lends shoulder to lean on*

*Hugs everyone*

*Hugs April*

Since the doorway to the potential pokéballs has been shut off, I'm looking for some on the net. There ARE people selling their pokéballs on line, you know!

When I grow up I want a house with lots of toys....

Sorry about the lack of replies but I'm feeling very weird right now. I noticed that I have thrown my wet clothes ON TOP OF the laundry basket. I don't know what to do with them but it's obvious that I had an attack then... I hate it.

*Hugs Tienke* I hope I spelled your name right? :S

Sinking. I hate this :crying:

No Doikers (don't know your name), it's Ti-ne-ke. You can call me Tine if that's easier to you.

*Hugs back*

*Hugs Tineke* Sorry I got your name wrong , I've never met a Tineke before . I'm Mark :)

Hi Mark *hugs*

*cuddles Crimson* The day may be a fail, but YOU aren't, sweetie. I'm so sorry that your day's been so **** so far though... :( Wish I could help somehow... *holds you gently*

*cuddles Tineke* I'm sorry that you're feeling weird right now... maybe lie down for a bit? I dunno, drink some tea or hot choc or summat if you think your stomach could take it... then maybe you would feel better. Is there anything I can do to help?

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry that you're triggered... nothing I said made you triggered? I hope not... :-S You're doing an awesome job at keeping yourself occupied, keep on doing that, you're such a lovely person and worth so much more than you think. *more cuddles*

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry you're sinking, sweetie... :( I totally understand the feeling though... did anything trig it or did it just happen? *holds you and rubs your back*

I got a bit more done on my soc paper, and also started another toon on WoW... a 55 blood elf death knight on Area 52 realm, since a friend moved his toon over there and I thought, why not make a Horde toon so I can talk with him if my other two servers are down? Plus, dks make a lot of gold in the starting area and then get to go immediately to Outlands for stuff... so yeah. But I'm not used to Horde AT ALL, it's ridiculous... I don't even know how to get to their capital cities... lol. I play Alliance, Alliance all the way... mostly... have a blood elf warlock and hunter on Grizzly Hills realm, but that's it. Oh, and a Tauren warrior on Winterhoof, but meh... I hate warriors. Heh. But anyway, enough WoW-talk... Just think, Mark, soon you'll be able to understand it & be part of the WoW group on here!! :D lol. That is, if you like it... I hope that you do. :)

I got a bit more done on my soc paper, it's now 2/3 done and 5 pages long. :-/ I know I need to go a bit more in-depth with it but I'll do that after I have the basics written down. :-X I HATE this paper... *wants to cry* It sucks beyond all belief. Even though it's mostly about me, it's applying sociological principles etc. to my life and I SUCK at thinking sociologically, I'm so much more psychologically in tune with myself... lol.

Well, Jarrod should be home soon... :-/ Didn't cut, so I guess that's a good thing, ey?

*hides* :'(

April , Nothing you did triggered me , I don't know what triggered me , I've felt it building for quite a while . and YEY YOU! for not cutting , little victory for you absolutly . It will NOT beat us .

I don't think I'll ever manage to move from where I am. And if my rent gets hiked one more time I won't be able to pay it. *sits and cries* I found a place that seemed perfect for my family... a 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms house with garage and yard... it's 1700$ a month plus, water/sewer, gas and lights. We're barely making it with 1040 plus water/sewer and lights for our 2 bedroom apartment.

*cuddles Mark and April*

Mark, I'm glad that I didn't trig you. *extra-special trig-removing April cuddles* Keep fighting, you CAN do it... keep talking to us. :) As long as you're glued to the computer chair and don't have any tools within reach, you're all good. That's how I kept myself from doing anything stupid today.

Crimson, I'm so sorry to hear about the financial situation. :( *extra-special encouraging April cuddles* I'm worried about when I get a job... I really hope that we'll be able to pay rent and have health insurance etc. If you don't mind me asking, how much are you paying for rent now and for what? I think we got a "deal" - lol - $500/month for what is really a one-bedroom apartment but has all utilities included and also has two little rooms (not built to code though, the doors are tiny), one of which I'm planning on turning into a guest bedroom. :) The other is the den, where we spend our lives on the computers. Lol. And then there's the kitchen which is wasted space, although not so much now that we've moved the dining room set in there. But anyway... this place has SO many problems, which is why I said "deal" instead of deal... we have run out of water in the past - gone 3 days without it actually, currently can't drink our water, the temp is unpredictable during showers and can go scalding hot and does, the list goes on... heh. But it's okay with me... it's home. ANYWAY. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't make it sound like I'm bragging... :-S If it makes you feel any better, we live in a barn. Literally. A fixed-up barn. :P

*cuddles Jill* How are you doing today, besides shaky? feeling any better now?

*cuddles everyone else* I spy a Laura, a Crimson, & a Mark!! :D

*Hugs everyone*

I think I'm just numb. Feeling has gone, like almost completely, so... I'll have to... um... wait till it returns???

*rocks & shivers*

Just the come down again from being hyper again I suposse...

I am April , I'm stay out of reach of tools and glued to my computer, I need you guys out there so much , Sounds silly but I do.
Tommorow My houseing support worker is going to try and sort out my energy company problems , I just have to make sure I'm awake enough at the time , I've been struggling to get out of bed so much it's ridiculaus.

April, We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. When we moved in in May 2006 it was 775$ and it stayed under 800$ a month till the property was sold to the company in town that owns more than half of the apartment complexes in our area (seriously they made their own 'apartment book' with only their properties and its bigger then THE apartment book since they don't list in there anymore.) Since they bought it in October of 2008 our rent has jumped to 1040 a month plus a water bill. For the water bill instead of charging us only for ours they divide to total for the building by the number of apartments and then give each person an amount based on the number of bedrooms they have... this make our average water bill 45$ a month plus our electric bill which is on average 60$ since they won't fix anything and the seals on several windows need redone so in the winter we have to keep the heat on higher than we should need to... *shakes head* I just want to move. Even the drier doesn't work and I have to pay 1.50 per load to get it half way dry so I can hang it all in my bathroom and hope it dries so I have clothes. I guess I should think on the positive... at least the washer works (which I also have to pay for).
It would be nice to have 3-4 bedrooms and it would be nice to have my own washer and drier but I'd settle for a 2 bedroom with a working washer and drier if I could find one I can afford and/or that's near a bus route so I can get to work.

Am so tired... :( Just want to go to sleep... am so sick of life right now. Soc paper is driving me up the wall... my brain feels so ****ing fried right now. Tomorrow's gonna be packed so I have to finish this paper, at least, by today... I am getting so close to the end but I don't know if I can do it now... :'(

I think I'mma go on WoW for a bit. :( Distraction & brain break. Heh... :(