*hugs nicole* doing alright, thanks for asking. Just posted a letter to my 1st abuser, getting those feelings out helped. I never knew i had some of that in me. need to do the others now.

I'm gonna go and walk to the fair via the Canal , maybe going past the water and ducks and ducklings will help, and I'll put on my headphones , music always helps (Almost always). :S

thats a good idea mark. just enjoy the trip out.

Well I'm back , it did make me a tad anxious so I didn't "participate" with any fair type things but at least I went out and got by without having to take a Diaz which is a good thing . I've been up all of 5 hours and feel I need a nap , but then I'll struggle to sleep tonight and oversleep again. Decisions Decisions.....

Well done, Mark, on going to the fair!! :D That's awesome... I totally get why it would be anxiety provoking... church yesterday was anxiety-provoking because of all of the people there and it wasn't even packed. You should be proud of yourself - especially for not taking a benzo to get through. :) You did it ALL BY YOURSELF!!! *throws confetti in the air and dances with Mark* lol... sorry... am happy for you though. It doesn't matter that you didn't do any of the "fair activities," you went, got out of your house and braved the crowds. :) OH, and you are NOT NOT NOT selfish!! not even close. *cuddles*

*cuddles Kat* And well done on you, too, for having written and posted the letter to your first abuser!! That's definitely an accomplishment... am proud of you as well, if that means anything. :D I know how hard that can be... haven't written letter(s) to my abusers yet, but I know I will eventually, I just have to come to a place where I feel more comfortable doing it... or maybe I just need to jump in and do it, I don't know, as I don't know if I will ever get to a place that is a comfortable one for doing that - it's a very UNcomfortable thing to do - so yeah. Does that make sense? :-S

It's an icky day here... warmish, so I've got shorts on (and a Jacob tshirt from Twilight... lol) and a pair of my awesome Hot Topic shoes (black with tiny neon green stars all over them and pink laces)... but it's rainy and just YUCK. :(

Went to the dentist's - had an appt this morning - and turns out that two of the fillings done, one in 1998 and one in 2001, need to be redone... 40 minutes per each!! EEEK. I hate fillings. :( I also need to have my wisdom teeth out as the ones in the bottom are coming in funny... why oh why couldn't I have NORMAL teeth?!!? :'( So on Friday I go for my first filling, and then next Friday I go for my second. Fun. :'(

I feel so lonely and so damn unmotivated to get anything done. :'( Stupid life of mine... I'm trying to work on my soc study guide - and I found out that currently I have an 88.7% in advanced counseling - a B+, so I'm REALLY hoping that I can pull it up to an A- or something... but really, a B+ isn't that bad. :-S I'm just worried - to death - about the final. :'(

*hides in a dark invisible hole* :'(

Updated r/v again... and I spy you, Kat!! :D *cuddles*

Mark: *hugs mark with a big grin* well done! did it feel good to get out with out the diaz? and to go to a crowded place like that?! *dances with mark and april*

April: *cuddles* Yeah, I know how uncomfortable it is. You'll do it in your own time sweetie. It's been 12 years since the abuse with him ended, so it took me a far old while to reach the plunge point. I guess I never decided that the time was right, or why it was, I just took the plunge because I had feelings I wanted to get out, and it seemed like a good way. I was worried it would open up a real pandora's box of feelings that i wouldn't know how to deal with, but I was already feeling rough anyway, so i figured it wouldn't make much difference. I feel better for doing it, so I guess i did get the time right. weather's cold here, bright and cold. always is for mayday! I hate dentists so i'm going to give you a huge huge hug *huggles tight*. b+ is good, really good. I'm sure you'll do welll.

*Hugs April and Kat and dances around with them in the confetti*
April , Ugh I'm sorry to hear about your dentists trip :( *Makes April some hot choccy to sooth*

sorry im so stressed out today,just want to curl up into
ball and hide.bloody mangers putting me on customer
service desk.its so messy and busy can't cope,havnt cut
yet,but I so want to. =[

*Hugs Shadowedsoul* I know it sucks to be so stressed but you can get through this without S.I. Make yourself a hot bath . Or have a cup of Camomille tea . Or listen to some music , calming to help you calm , or angry so you have somthing to scream along with . Also you can talk here too :)

*hugs shadowed soul* you'll be fine hunny. come here and shout if you have to

I spy a Mark & an Oliver!! *cuddles* :D

Thanks for the hot choc, Mark, it's really appreciated. :) I hate going to the dentist's - I don't have a phobia of them but I do get anxious and opening my mouth wide just makes it worse... and now I have to get my wisdom teeth out, I'm scared. :( The upper ones came in just fine but as I said, the lower ones are being troublesome. Jarrod's haven't even come in (yet?) and he's 28... I wonder if they ever will. Gahhh!!!! :'( But anyway - how are you doing? feeling okay after getting out some and being successful at conquering anxiety, even if it were just a little bit? *cuddles*

Kat, thanks for the cuddles & huggles... :) ...B+ doesn't seem to be GREAT to me but okay... I can settle for that if I have to as I was looking at a B at midterms. But if I can pull it up to a A- I will be SO HAPPY!!! But I have to work on soc really hard, since I currently have a C+ in that class... want to pull it up to a B+ with the final paper and final exam... I think I can do it if I try really really hard... :-/ How are you doing today?? *cuddles*

Jill, sweetie, I'm sorry you're so stressed... it really does suck. *big cuddles* I hope that you find a HEALTHY way of getting out the frustration etc. that cutting can help with... please try to fight the urges, okay, hon? *holds you gently and rocks back and forth*

I'm so tired... tried to help a friend with health psych labwork and I couldn't, felt so dumb. Then ran across my bestie & her fiancé and they were headed for lunch and didn't invite me... so I felt left out. :( I mean, I understand them wanting "alone time" but at the same time, were it Jarrod and me, and her alone, I'd have invited her along. GRRRR!!!!! Just feeling kind of pent up and antsy and angry and frustrated, all at once. It's VERY annoying!!!

:crying:

*hides in a dark hole*

*Hugs April* I don't KNOW a lot about uni grades and the like but I DO know that you will try your hardest and get a great grade :) I have faith in you . Also I'm sorry your friend and her fella went off to dinner without you , maybe they needed some "couple time" but still it woulden't have hurt to ask , wanna have virtual lunch with me ? :-)

april: well i'm rooting for you hunny. i'm sure you can do it. set your sights on it, try your hardest, and dont be too dissapointed if you dont succeed, be proud you tried.

*hugs everyone*

Have had a better day...if anyone cares.

*Hugs Helen* I am so glad you have had a better day today :-) I care and I'm sure the whole ward cares too.

Not so sure about that anymore Mark. But thank you *hugs* Glad you managed to get out too :) xx

*hugs Helen* I care and am gald you have had a better day.

*cuddles April* I hate dentists too, but then I get anxious over any sort of appointment. I hope it goes/went well.

*hugs Mark, JK, Laura, Kahlia, Julie, Kat, Crimson, Nicole, and anyone else who I may have forgotten*

I'm feeling a bit weird at the moment, still majorly depressed, but I have some motivation, think that may be because I got my DJ(dinner jacket) today and completely passed in the shop and tried it all on when I got home, with shirt, trousers, bowtie and shoes and it actually looked ok, also I brought myself a waistcoat because I have a new found love for them. It was also the RYL manchester meet today, which was fun, although we didnt invade starbucks like we usually do.
I'm majorly sleepy though but am determined to do some practice, tidy my room a little and do some uni work.

*hugs mark, april, kat, nicole, JK, kahlia, julie, crimson, hayley, and everyone else i missed*

*cuddles helen* I care hun. Im sry that you feel like ppl don't right now... but i really do care. Im glad that you day has been better.

*hugs oliver* Yay! motivation is good, its a start anyway. Im glad that you like your new dinner jacket and i'm sure you looked great! Hope you are getting all the stuff done that you need to.

I had nightmares last night. And now I'm trying to get a bunch of work done and all i can think of is those stupid dreams.

*hugs Oliver* Thanks, glad you had fun at the meet. Sorry you're still feeling depressed.

Thanks. I feel a lot like it now. Don't have anyone to talk to tonight, oh well.

PS. Why must applications be so complicated :/