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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 21-03-2010 11:39 PM

*hugs Hels* - Yeah, I'm glad it wasn't worse as well. Psych visits can be a royal pain in the arse at times.

shadowedsoul 21-03-2010 11:43 PM

*holds on to tightly but gently* needs to feel safe sorry for being clingy. yeah its just makes me angery tho, she said ages ago she will always be there for me. mind you i did tell her somthing that might have been hard to take. but still,

Kahlia1981 22-03-2010 06:51 AM

*continues to gently hold Jill* - It's okay hun.
*hugs everyone*

Well my psychologist has done some tests and is positively convince that I don't have BPD (which the hospital keeps telling me I have). However, he summed it all up with "but I'm just a psychologist not a psychiatrist". I'll have a chat to my pdoc on Monday (29/03) and get him to have a chat with my tdoc and see if I can get some positive resolution regarding my dx.

*sigh* I got completely saturated after my appointment. But at least I'm home, and after a change of clothes, and dry now.

*hugs everyone tightly*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 09:30 AM

I am so ****ing anxious right now... per usual. And it's only 5:30am!! Jarrod's staying home... again... and I feel guilty for making him miss work... again. And using up vacation time for what is basically home care... again. :crying: I feel so stupid!!!! and I can't stop thinking about it, and my stomach hurts, shoulders hurt, back hurts... just want to sleep away the day but I have to be at uni a long time today and I really just don't want to be. :crying:

I'm out of one of my antianxiety meds too and coming closer to running out of another. Hopefully I can get the mail-order script in soon enough... because I honestly cannot do without the Klonopin. I need to have at least 3mg/day of it or else I am super super anxious (hey, not much different from now... except I would imagine that it would be worse) so Jarrod will be picking up a script on Tuesday (tomorrow) hopefully, if he can get in to work without me flipping out. :(

I feel so stupid. Thank God I have a computer and can vent to people other than him and my bestie (who did come over yesterday for a brief time) who understand. Thanks, you guys, for putting up with me...

I'm sorry... *goes and hides in a dark corner* :crying:

Doikers 22-03-2010 10:19 AM

Oh wow so many posts since I was last online I don't think I can reply to them all
*Hugs to Jill , Kahlia , April , Helen and sorry if I missed anyone*.
I harmed this morning , it's alarming I was ok until the evening before, now it's the first thing I think about when I wake and by the evening I'm triggered again somedays . When I'm half awake half sleeping I "Dream" about it even ugh , My houseing support worker is coming by in 40 minutes hopefully . I hope we can sort out my MASSIVE energy bill and rent increase . the stress of that isn't helping me any .

*Continues to sit in the corner*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 12:35 PM

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you're feeling rubbishy... I hope that your housing support worker can help you sort out the issues that need to be sorted out!! And I hope that s/he shows up this time!! I wish I could help you feel better... is there anything I/we can do? do you have any idea what is triggering you? *more cuddles*

*cuddles Jill, Hels, Kahlia, LauraStar, anyone I've missed*

Am feeling a bit better now but TOTALLY overwhelmed by coursework... there is so much of it to be done and it doesn't feel like I can do a single frickin' thing... I have no energy, no motivation... I honestly just want to sleep away the rest of the term. I have a takehome exam that is due on Thursday and I haven't even started it... am so behind on chapter readings for so many classes... and I have a group discussion to help lead this afternoon, which is frustrating too, because I feel so ****ing unprepared!!


Doikers 22-03-2010 12:44 PM

My houseing worker came early , I have to go to some offices to make sure my houseing benefit covers my new rent , we are going on Friday , I can't do it alone , I don't have the confidence .
He said that the huge energy bill was'nt mine and not to worry about it .

I wish I knew what my triggers were , I just AM triggered automatically , it's my default setting , it's so frustrating trying to figure out whats causing me to feel so crap only to come up empty handed .

*Hugs April*Just take your coursework a little at a time , it sounds like you have a lot to do , I'd be overwhelmed too , just take baby steps if that makes sense , don't try and tackle it all at once just a bit at a time.

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 12:54 PM

Thanks Mark. *hugs* I'm glad that the huuuuge bill wasn't yours to worry about, that's lovely. :) And it sucks that you're automatically triggered... do you think that it could be cyclical? I mean, it sounds like it is... a certain time of night/morning is causing you to be triggered. I don't know though - just speculation on my part!!

I am trying to find a journal article that I have to post on today... and I can't find it!! If only the people who are leading the discussion had included a link. :( I feel so stupid... who can't find a journal article with the title and everything?!?!

Sorry, am just soo overwhelmed right now. :crying:

Doikers 22-03-2010 01:34 PM

It could be cyclical April , does waking up count as a trigger? ug and the urges tend to start first thing in the day and then again once it gets dark , I think you could be onto something there .My Pdoc's only answer is to throw away my tools but I know in the moment I would find something to harm with so thats no help.
I meet a pychohogist about my S.I. but I have had enough sessions as she is very popular and has a long waiting list so we are winding down our sessions so someone else can meet with her . Leaving her kind of sucks I find talking to her helpful, sorry I went off on a mini ramble there *Huggles April*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 03:44 PM

I guess it depends what you do upon waking up? or if you are just in a constantly triggered state, I don't know. I mean, if you see a sharp object in the bathroom or kitchen soon after you get out of bed, or shortly start thinking about SI, etc., then yeah, waking up could seem like a trigger. Does that make any sense?? *huggles Mark*

I am at uni now... really don't want to be. I totally forgot which classes I had today for a little while... heh... and so forgot to bring a notebook for one of them. No biggie - I hardly ever take notes in that class anyway (senior sem). We're leading a group discussion, me and two girls who are in the same sorority (*gag*) and who are also roommates (I think), so I feel a bit left out in the cold yet at the same time it feels like I am the group leader!! and inre leading the discussion, I am wearing a WoW twofer today and sweats... so I don't look very pretty. Heh. Oh well. I am also wearing my glasses because I am so exhausted, which "makes me look smarter" according to my bestie (gee thanks... lol)... I hate glasses but oh well. I much prefer my contacts but getting up before 5am and being on campus until past 5pm = bad idea for having contacts in.

I really need to do schoolwork but REALLY don't want to... :crying: Anxious and just want to cuddle with my husband and sleep. But I don't want to end up like my gram, who killed herself after coping with "bad nerves" for much of her life. :(

Doikers 22-03-2010 03:50 PM

It's that I'm in a pretty much constant triggered state.

I'm sure you look wonderful April . I am searching the web for Superchick Albums , not so easy to get in the UK but they are out there , just wondering if I can afford it , grrr lousy budgeting , (I've been way over budget for the past 2 weeks so am trying to be good this week )
*Hugs April*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 04:04 PM

Mark, look on Amazon.com for the Superchick albums - or is the shipping too expensive? That's where I got all of my Superchick music, I think. :) And yeh, budgeting is difficult... I agree. Especially because I'm new to it (well, relatively, since Jarrod and I got married in 2008, so yeah, still new to it as compared to him!!). Anyway, good luck finding at least one album that you can get. :) Keep listening to some of the songs on YouTube - "Crawl" and "Hold" are both good ones, as is "Beauty from Pain." And "Courage," if you're struggling with an eating disorder. :)

My stomach hurts and I don't FEEL like I look wonderful... but thanks for the compliment. :) I hope that the prof doesn't mind that I wore sweats but I do have an excuse... TMI but if he wants to know, he'll know. Heh. :-X

I hate being so tired. I wish I could've cancelled my tutoring hours, but I already cancelled 2 out of 3 days last week, so can't do that again. Boo hiss. At least, I shouldn't, so I didn't... just want to sleeeeeeeep. :(


CrazyHayley 22-03-2010 04:32 PM

Hey everyone *group huggles!*

three and half pages of posts since I was last in here, I've just read through them all so that I'm up to date, but unfortunately haven't the time to do individual replies. I was visiting family over the weekend, and on saturday night I really missed ryl, my bloody step mother....raaa!!! Anyhoo, haven't time to go into that as I need to leave to go to the GP in about 5mins. I've had a soft tissue infection in the cartlidge of my left ear since end of June last year. I got discharged from the ENT specialist 11days ago and finished a 6week course of super duper antibiotics 8 days ago. All seemed well until yesterday evening....the bloody thing is back! If they can't sort it out soon they've said they may have to chop it off!!!! I so do not need that on top of everything else! Please will you all keep fingers and toes crossed for me that my GP is willing to try other treatments again before sending me to the specialist for the chop! eek!

*goes out to smoking shelter hiding her monsterous ear but still loving it on her head!*

Doikers 22-03-2010 04:37 PM

Oooh I found a Christian Resourses website that sells all thing Christian , I Honestly didn'y know such a website existed but it's british and everything . They have many Superchick albums but which one to choose........hmmmm

April good for you for going to your tutoring hours , It's a big thing with the tiredness you are having * Hugs *

* Hugs Hayley especially her ear *

SoMuchMore 22-03-2010 05:52 PM

*hugs kahlia and helen*

*cuddles april* dont worry about what you looked like for class. Im sure it wasnt bad. Im sorry that you have been so anxious. I wish i had some advice on how to deal with it... but i struggle with anxiety so much too... so just remember that you aren't alone.

*hugs mark* sorry you are struggling so badly with urges right now. I bet its hard to leave your psychologist, maybe u should talk about your concerns about leaving. Try to relax and take care of yourself.

*hugs hayley* oh no I'm sorry about your ear! Resistant infections are so annoying.. a few years ago i scraped my foot and it blew up to almost the size of my head. i made 7 trips to the hospital before they found the right combination of antibiotics... it was gross lol.

Ive been having dreams about ODing. They are kind of scary, but they are prolly b/c i have been thinking so much about SI and whatnot and Ive actually been talking about some if it to a few people. Still, it feels wrong to tell people. I mean, ive tried to keep it a secret for so long, but now i feel like emotion is just pouring out of me. Idk why though.

*goes to denial tent to try to hold it together*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 07:58 PM

*huggles Hayley* That's awful about your ear, and what a long time for it to be going on!!! I really hope that they can try a different antibiotic before they "chop it off" (how gruesome-sounding!! heh)... will be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers. How are you doing other than that??

*hugs Mark* I'm glad that you found that site!! I honestly would recommend "Rock What You Got" or "Beauty from Pain 1.0" above the others... "Rock What You Got" has some really sweet songs on it. :) Just plain "Beauty from Pain" (without the "1.0") doesn't have the song "Stand in the Rain" on it. But anyway, hope you decide what to get!! :D Let me know... Oh, & I'm guessing that you also like Paramore? because of your avatar... what about Fireflight? and you are the one that likes Flyleaf, right? :D Oh, and how are you feeling now? any better?

*curls up next to LauraStar* So glad that you've been telling people, love... better than imploding/exploding in self-destructive ways. I woke up on 1 January with "Mad World" (by Tears for Fears, about suicide) in my head... it's so far been the theme song for the entire year, just the overall theme of the song. I wish that it weren't and it's not self-fulfilling prophecy or anything because I totally forgot about that until my husband mentioned it a few days ago!! So yeah... that was kind of random, sorry. :-/ It's not wrong to tell people... it's a GOOD thing is what I was getting at I think. :) *cuddles* Gets you the support/help you've been denied for so long. ♥

I'm so tired... this day is so long... just "anxious" was NOTHING to describe me when I went up in front of the class to do our discussion. I almost passed out I was so anxious... it was really bad. I have NEVER been that close to passing out before... I was terrified that I actually would. I think that kind of brought me back to reality, if that makes sense. :-/ I hate being this way, so much...


And I have so much to do...

*hides in denial tent until the semester is over*

nicole94 22-03-2010 08:42 PM

psych wards are horrible, HORRIBLE places! never again....never. never.
*sits in corner and rocks back and forth, mumbling to herself*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 09:41 PM

This psych ward isn't that bad. ;)

I suppose some could be though. The ones I've been in weren't bad, however, either. Sorry you're having a tough go of it, Nicole... what's up? anything I can help with? *cuddles*

Am home from uni, FINALLY!!!, but am anxious again, so that's totally pewpy. :crying: And my stomach hurts from "time of month" pain... :( I really feel rubbishy. And oh so tired!!

nicole94 22-03-2010 09:52 PM

they watched me constantly, even going to the toilet. it was awful :(

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 09:54 PM

Are you on suicide watch, then? I CAN imagine that kind of invasion of privacy... it would be awful, I know that much. Was it at least a female nurse/aid watching you?

*more cuddles* And at least you have internet access. When I'm in hospital I don't. :-/

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