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Scarletdreamer 15-03-2010 04:13 PM

*cuddles Oliver, Helen, Mark, and Hayley*

Sorry that you're so anxious, Mark... did the housing support worker ever show up? and how did the meeting with your nurse go? I hope that s/he had something useful to say to help you... *hugs*

*squishes Helen* What's up, love? Read your r/v thread and I wish I could do something... remember, feel free to PM!! :) ♥

*hugs Hayley* What does PMDD stand for again? I have an idea but I don't want to sound like an idiot so I won't post it... lol. :) I could Google it I suppose... hehe. Some people make big deals out of birthdays (like me), others don't (like my husband, lol) - it doesn't really matter. Three birthdays in one week has got to be tiring... wow. I'm lucky that my family's birthdays are all spread out (hubby = January, dad = February, mum = August, sister = December - and me = June). Aaanyway... sorry for the waffling!! :o

I'm really tired... ugh. I wish that I had stayed in bed until 6am or so... feel jet-lagged from the lack of sleep due to my husband tossing and turning last night, as well as the time change... yuckie. *sigh* Got up at 5am instead... silly me... which used to be really 4am... no wonder I'm tired. I've got what I call "grocery bags" under my eyes (back when the Walmart bags were blue - anyone remember those days?)... and my eyelids are all puffy and nasty looking. It looks like I haven't slept in days. Heh.


Night Falls Fast is a good book... *random* ...but not for the easily suicidally triggered person. It's about "understanding suicide" and I'm reading it for my senior sem paper (got the outline done!! :D kind of anyway... really rough one, but at least I cranked SUMMAT out...)... very well written. It's by Kay Redfield Jamison, who wrote Touched by Fire and An Unquiet Mind, both about bipolar - which she has. I love her books... first read Touched by Fire in 2005 or so I think...

Well, hugs to the lurkers... Crimson, I see you!! :D

Doikers 15-03-2010 04:29 PM

Thats great that you got your outline done , I know how stressed you have been about it , way to go April :). I want to read Night falls fast but right now would class myself as the very easily triggered type :( ( which is no fun )
The meeting with my detox-nurse went well but was EXHAUSTING I almost broke down in front of her , she is going to take my bloods and blood pressure tomorrow and then I can go back on the Antabuse ( Anti alcohol med ) and put the whole "I can drink responsibly" passage of this year behind me hopefully .


No my houseing worker never showed * Irritated * I hung around the kitchen window for half an hour looking out for him

PoisonedApple 15-03-2010 04:49 PM

*hugs everyone*
How is everyone this morning?

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2184899)
Well, hugs to the lurkers... Crimson, I see you!! :D

I had almost gotten done catching up when I had to go downstairs and open the front desk :)
I had a pretty productive day yesterday. I made parts of a week of dinners last night (and then froze em) while I put todays dinner in the crock pot and made last nights dinner lol. Hopefully with dinner being easier and less time consuming it'll be a less stressful part of the day. In theory my usually 1 hr plus dinner making will take less than 30 min. Supposedly this 'once a month meals' thing is supposed to work well for people with overloaded schedules like me... we'll see.
And I'm almost done with laundry. That'll be pleasant. But since I don't do more than one load of laundry a day (the stairs to and from the laundry room would kill my knee) it'll be a couple more days... unless I get lazy and procrastinate again. But so far so good today so maybe it'll get done.
*crosses fingers*
Here's hoping for the best today.

CrazyHayley 15-03-2010 06:34 PM

*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as to not stink of fags!*

*group huggle!!* Hello again....

So, PMDD stands for Pre-Menstrual Disphoric Disorder. Which is basically having usual PMS symptoms but cranked up a few times to go alongside with feelings of lack of self worth and irrational and suicidal thoughts. I get these feelings for the 10days leading up to my period and then during my period they subside. I have about 8days out of a 28day cycle where I get to be 'Hayley-Rose', the rest I'm varying degrees of crazy hayley! Since putting me on super high dose of vit b6, evening primrose oil every day and progesterone for days 19-26 I've been a lot better. I don't cry everyday now and I don't think about throwing myself under every bus I see. I was sooo bad when my partner was in afghanistan in 2008 I was asking for a hysterectomy!!! But apparently I could end up reacting to those hormone changes even worse! Not sure how I'll cope in september when he goes back, but he tells me not to get worked up about it now and we'll figure something out closer to the time.

Good for you April for getting the outline done, sometimes doing that is the hardest part. I ope that you manage to get some more done without it stressing you out too much.

Mark - I'd have been soo irritated too about your housing worker, bloody cheek just not turning up and not informing you. Are you going to make a complaint?! I would...but that's just 'cos I'm in a feisty mood at the mo!

Crimson - you only do one load of laundry a day....you make that sound like a bad thing! I think thats fantastic....as long as you've enough laundry in the household to warrant it of course, lol No point putting on the washing machine with just one set of undies in it! The planning and preparing meals sounds a fab idea...I sometimes do something similar to help me with my energy levels due to my M.E, cooking can be too much for me.

Helen - I don't know whats going on with you completely, but don't blame yourself for everything. You are a lovely person. Chin up my dear. *special squishes*

PoisonedApple 15-03-2010 07:03 PM

Eh we've been sooo behind on laundry that it's ridiculous... I just never seemed able to catch up (doesn't help our housing has coin op laundry -$3 a load- and we're tight on money) but then I have me and D, our 3 kids and we've got 2 of his sisters living with us too (one does her own laundry which is nice) so yeah I should do more laundry more often. So when tax returns came in I pulled a some just for getting (and hopefully staying) caught up. I'm proud of even being almost caught up... kinda sad really.
The meal thing could potentially work well though. If I feel like crap I can just tell someone else to pull whatever out of the freezer and make it. I may bag some rice and write in the measurements too since stirfry and teriyaki beef are some of the stuff in the freezer. Last time I had V make rice (I had a migraine) she made enough for 4 meals when I asked her to make it as a side dish. Now its funny but then it just stressed me out and pissed me off... an experience I'd rather not repeat lol.

MammaMia 15-03-2010 07:45 PM

Ahhh many posts since I last stopped in, too many to try reply but BIG HUGE CUDDLES for everyone :D Sorry, I will try reply proper later.

Arrrrgh why can't this ****en **** stop? :'( *rocks whilst hiding in denial tent*

April, I will pm you in a bit darling, you sure you don't mind :S I never did reply to your last pm, opps, but it DID help, I promise <3

Doikers 15-03-2010 08:11 PM

I'm off to bed early tonight (Again) .
I feel so drained after my nurses appointment.
Had a relaxing bath with some lavender / camomille stuff as recommended by her .
I am triggered , it's a good job I'm so drained or I'd be more un-safe .
Sleep now .
As Biffy Clyro said " Sleep is the safest place you can be "

*Group Hug*

CrazyHayley 15-03-2010 08:13 PM

nothing new to add in the past few hours, just checking in and catching up.

*more huggles* Wish that there was more I could do for us all than that though :(

MammaMia 15-03-2010 08:20 PM

Sleep well Doikers

Hayley, big squishy hug, how you feeling darl??

Well not long after my post, some 'good' stuff happened, my head is STILL feeling well & truly ****ed up though...

Sefka 15-03-2010 08:23 PM

Just stepping back in for a second to gather myself.
Tomorrow is my last session with my counsellor. No matter how I'm feeling, it all has to be resolved tomorrow and then feelings n stuff have to go on hold for a month or two. It's never going to work.
Deep breath...
...and steps back out.

shadowedsoul 15-03-2010 10:22 PM

argh!!!!!!! how the hell can everthing fall apart at the sametime. hits wall hard curls up in ball and shuts out the world.

Jetforce 16-03-2010 05:17 AM

*Pops in a leaves cuddles for all and some blueberry muffins on the table*

Doikers 16-03-2010 12:07 PM

Possibly triggering for SI and OD

I'm REALLY triggered , I want to cut or OD to be out of it for a while or both . I've only S,I, OD'd once before but I am so sick of having scars and I ......I don't know what to do , I might make a thread for this in vets support but I don't feel I deserve the attention , I feel guilty posting in here .I Dont know whats triggered me , it's been building up for about a week..... what should I do ? I haven't a clue .

Scarletdreamer 16-03-2010 12:11 PM

*cuddles all* So many posts, can't reply to all of them, I don't think...

Hels, sure I'm sure I don't mind you PMing me!! *hugs tight* You're a dear person and I wish I could help you more... glad my last PM helped you. :) How are you doing today?

Mark, hope you got some good rest... how are you feeling now? *squish*

Crimson, it sounds crazy at your house!! Wow... 3 kids, two sisters, etc... I think I would go mad!! And yey for catching up on laundry (slowly)... we do it weekly, coin-op but we have to go to a laundromat as our complex doesn't have any laundromatty places. GRRRR. The landlord does want to put one in, though. Sometime. (I doubt it will ever happen... but maybe that's just me being a little TOO pessimistic. Haha.)

Hayley, how're you doing today? :)

Sefka, I hope that you manage to "hold it together" for those months without therapy... why can't you have therapy during those months? Just wondering... it seems odd. Of course, I'm in the position of having no clue when I will get back into therapy... have been out of it for 6 weeks and am using this site as a place to vent, as well as LJ... GRRRRR... lol. Anyway... how are you feeling today?

Jill, what's going on, sweetie? *cuddles gently*

Jet, thanks for the muffins. Omnomnom... *devours as she hasn't had breakfast yet* :P

I'm doing meh. Really tired, got up a bit past 6am, which used to be 5am, so I am very tired... but nothing new there. Played WoW for a bit this morning, finished up one assignment for advanced counseling techniques, and need to do a few more. GRRRR how I hate that class!!! It's so interesting but I hate all of the "busywork" for it... :( I feel so ****ing behind.

I really want to cut too... I see my NP tomorrow morning and am nervous about that... don't know what she'll want to do. I texted her this message: I really want to cut deeply and i dont know what to do. i'm trying to distract myself but my mind keeps returning to how much i hate myself. And she said in response: Safety first if u feel this way get to the nearest hospital !

Yeah right. Like I'm going to go check myself in!!, especially in the middle of my last term. >_< So stupid. (Not my NP, just the idea in general, although I do see where she's coming from. She's so medical-model oriented, which is I guess how she's "supposed" to be, as a medication-provider... so yeah. My therapist did everything she could to keep me OUT of the hospital instead of frequently wanting to refer me to the ER for an eval.)


*hides* :(

Doikers 16-03-2010 12:19 PM

*Hugs April* Sorry you are so triggered .
I'm triggered too, I posted just before you we must have been typeing at the same time :P
I'm getting a headache just to top it all off *Sigh*
I wish I knew what to say to help you guys ( myself too ).
Take the care , try and stay safe .

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 12:37 PM

*huggles helen* I'm glad that some good stuff happened to you - you deserve it. Here's hoping that more good stuff continues to come your way.

*huggles Sefka* I really hope that today goes as well for you as can be. I know I got in a great big pickle over my last councelling session. Bloody NHS telling me when I've had enough sessions. Don't know what your reason is, but I hope that things are put in place to help you through the transition.

*huggles shadowedsoul* (sorry I can't remember your name - *fels guilty*) We're here to offer support. I think we all know how it feels to have everything fall apart at once, life is so so unfair sometimes (thats me putting it politely).

*huggles Jeremy* aww, thanks for the huggles, it means a lot to me that you pop in and leave cuddles and scoff for us all.

*huggles Mark* don't feel guilty for posting in here, you were considerate to others by marking it possibly triggering. The whole thread here is possibly triggering, so we all know what we're doing when we come in here. Its a place though where often we're all at a place where we are only able to offer empathy and hugs, rather than constructive advice, so I think starting a thread of your own would be a positive step and you deserve the attention just as much as the rest of us - which is a lot more than we all think of oursleves.

*huggles April* wow, how the world has moved on by being able to text members of our medical team?! I have a crisis line to phone that often tells me the lines are busy! Yeah your NP has to give whats seen as the 'correct' advice even though its utterly stupid to us when we're in 'that' frame of mind. I am so very impressed that you could play WoW in the morning and complete an assignment. I don't allow myself to go on WoW until I've done all my days thingymabobs, otherwise I just waste away infront of the laptop, I even smoke about 60% less 'cos I don't want to stop whilst I'm on a roll, lol. Me, addicted?! Not just get....

How am I today?! Um, not too bad actually. Just eaten marmite rice cakes as I don't want to eat too much (partner's bday so Indian food tonight) but I've got to super clean my flat and I know that I need some fuel to be able to do it and I've already had to take extra painkillers today so I need something in my tummy otherwise I'll feel extra icky. Just wanted to check in here whilst I'm finding the motivation to get started, once I'm in the zone I'll be fine, its just...oh I can't even be bothered to explain my crazy thought patterns. How I miss my OCD behaviour sometimes, I swear life was simpler then.

*looks for motivation to super clean flat*

Jetforce 16-03-2010 12:45 PM

*hugs april* keep hanging in there! Oh same goes 4 u too doinkers!

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 01:42 PM

super clean kitchen - check
fag break - check
fight back random tears - check
super clean bathroom - next!

*group huggle* apologies if I smell of a cross between fags and cleaning products!

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 02:35 PM

super clean bathroom - check
check to see how fellow inmates are - check
nap time now perhaps? Then time to super clean living room and bedroom.
feel like crying again but I'm not really sure why.....PMDD.....not long to hnag on til my sanity will slowly return though, gotta make it to saturday....

MammaMia 16-03-2010 02:39 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry some people feeling triggered, hope you manage to keep safe.

April, I will PM you today, I promise aha!! Meant to do it yesterday.
Hayley, want to talk about anything???

I don't know how I feel. I just feel ****. This whole year has been ****. Except a couple good days here & there. I can't take much more **** to be honest, but going to have to I expect. Got heating people coming over AGAIN today. They finally replaced the boiler two weeks ago, but there was a minor problem & then the boiler broke aha. So they fixed all that on Friday. But one radiator kept acting up. It's not giving any heat in the living room. SO they're coming back this afternoon. Joy joy joy >_<

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