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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kathryn_Anna 26-03-2016 08:31 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling abandoned. Know you are always welcome here. And I'm only a pm away if you ever want to talk. <3

Doikers 26-03-2016 09:57 PM

I fear my mind

Doikers 26-03-2016 10:08 PM

If I ever get an appt It's impossible to be honest

Kathryn_Anna 27-03-2016 12:39 AM

I feel the same way Mark. I just wish I could text and not actually be face to face. Writing is so much easier for me.

Why do you fear your mind?

Drewbles 27-03-2016 03:26 AM

hey
I've never been in here, but it seems like a nice place.
I'd been kind of inactive on the site for quite a while but hoping to find a better community than last time. Since I'm not 13 anymore I thought I could try vets :p
and stuff sucks lately so I could use the support.. so hi

*waves to all and settles under a blanket*

Kathryn_Anna 27-03-2016 05:07 AM

*waves* hey ribbonoflight, I'm sorry to hear stuff is sucking lately. <3

Doikers 27-03-2016 10:21 AM

Hi Ribbons!

I don't really know time it is . . . .

Kathryn_Anna 27-03-2016 01:13 PM

Sleep is so over rated. *yawn*

Drewbles 27-03-2016 11:09 PM

Thank-you <3
I don't expect anyone to remember until when/if I get my username change but I prefer to go by Drew.

My job is really messing with me lately. It's this terrible balance of "I honestly don't think I can handle this" and "I cannot afford to quit and look for a new one right now."

Trying to get myself into college this fall but everything is painful and overwhelming already. I can't imagine how I'll manage it when I'm taking classes and working :(

Doikers 28-03-2016 12:02 AM

Hi Drew :) IDK what time you have in Canada , are you able to take a day or two holiday from work to rest your mind?

Drewbles 28-03-2016 12:10 AM

Unfortunately no. I'm one of only 2 people trained to work the laundry room at a very busy hotel, and my boss is not very considerate. I haven't had 2 consecutive days off in over a month, and I don't have a set schedule where I work the same days or times. I just get told when to be there and I have to stay until the work is done. I get holidays but I have to book them at least a month in advance an if it happens to fall in a busy week I won't get them approved.

The past two days have been very chaotic because we had a power outage and fell behind in laundry, and then people without electricity all came to stay at the hotel to wait it out so.. Sudden full house. We can't catch up. I've been starting at 7 and finishing at 5 the past few days.

I'm just.. exhausted. I can't wait to get out of there. With everything else going on it's just too overwhelming. I want a 3 month long vacation where I don't leave my bed.

Kathryn_Anna 28-03-2016 12:19 AM

Hey Drew!

Is there a way for you to get a more set schedule? Like Mondays you'll open and Tuesdays you'll always have off or something like that. I've done the crazy schedules and it definitely adds more stress than necessary.

How are you doing Mark?

Drewbles 28-03-2016 12:34 AM

I might try something like that. *nods*

Eir 28-03-2016 04:16 AM

Hi all. Feeling a bit broken and panicky. First day back at work jitters, on top of general crappy triggery stuff. Gonna leave my emotions on here so I can do the shift.

Doikers 28-03-2016 10:40 AM

I'm just up. Too early to really tell.

How are you guys n gals?

I wonder if the MH advocate is off this Easter Monday . . . .

Hope you all are well.

Kathryn_Anna 28-03-2016 12:38 PM

I'm not ready for the day. No school for the older one today since he's on break all week. So much to get done. And cranky little one already. *yawn* I really want to curl up and go back to bed. Well, go to my actual bed for the first time. The couch is not the best sleeping places. Hubby says I need to try to be productive. Meh.

Doikers 28-03-2016 01:12 PM

*Offers Hugs to Kathryn*

Kathryn_Anna 28-03-2016 02:10 PM

Thanks Mark. *hugs*

I really need some coffee. And a nap.

Eir 28-03-2016 02:24 PM

Survived the shift. Several mini panic attacks. Feel awful over everything and nothing.
Need sleep.

Doikers 28-03-2016 03:41 PM

Well done on getting through your shift , Eir.

I don't know how I'd cope with a Job , I want a couple of hours to ease myself into work as my MH is fragile and show's no signs or anything different for years and years . Thing is as the volunteer buero is gone I cannot even volunteer as I am on benefits and the DWP ( Department of Work and Pensions ) rules say that if I am able to volunteer for like 2-3 hours a week without support I am able to work full time . Benefits Stopped straight away. This happened to my friend , Hannah , She lives in a flat owned by her parents do they waived the rent . Somehow I don't think Wales and West Housing Association would be so kind . . . . Kinda stuck untl the next DWP Medical because yes, I have to be seen by a Body Dr to assess if I should get benefits despite claiming on psychiatric grounds , I've been poked and prodded and reflex tested but none of that is even relevant.

I am sorry to rant , I didn't set out too.

Hope you sleep well Eir :)

Kathryn_Anna 28-03-2016 09:50 PM

Glad you made it through Eir :)

It's okay to rant Mark. That's what it's for. Maybe it's just me but I can't see 2-3 hours of unsupported volunteer work as equal to 30+ hours for full time work. 2-3 hours is giving you a little more purpose without a ton of added stress. Full time is an entirely different ball game. I'm sorry :(

Drewbles 28-03-2016 11:02 PM

Glad you made it out the other side Eir. Rest well.

And ah, that's really unfair Mark :/ Lot of broken nonsense systems everywhere, unfortunately.

Eir 29-03-2016 05:50 AM

2-3 hrs isn't even considered part-time here. Our government set the bar at 15 hrs/week for DSP. The system there seems rather dumb. :-/
Back at work again. Slept ok. Better today because rhythm and routine. Ignore the triggers but gotta do something about them soon.
I don't like this responsible part of adulthood. It's firetrucked. But someone's gotta do it. The man isn't capable. I'm great at burying the crap to get sugar-honey-ice-tea done. But I'm sick of it being my responsibility alone. Sick to death of it.

Doikers 29-03-2016 10:39 AM

Well I think it's 16 hours a week here but I just cannot cope with that , what with one MH thing after another I don't even recall when the last time was I worked let alone what it was . . . .

Can I just ask who is cool with hugs here please ? I don't wanna overstep the mark.

I don't like adulthood either Eir , Then again I didn't like being a kid so . . . .

Hope you all Have/ are Having/Had a decent Tuesday :)

Eir 29-03-2016 02:12 PM

*hugs for Mark* I never mind hugs. Hugs are good. I'm Anna BTW.
I didn't like childhood either. Generally dislike existing.
Made it through another shift. I love my job. I just am struggling. They've made it hard.
I'm a bit vacant right now. Overwhelming impulse to hurt myself. But nothing's particularly wrong.
Hugs and cookies for all who want them. I'm just gonna find a bookcase to sit up on top of.

Kahlia1981 29-03-2016 03:51 PM

Hello Annie, Mark, Kat, Drew and SilentGirl and anyone I may have missed

First I am giving *hugs* to anyone who wants or needs them and is comfortable with accepting them. I will also give *safe hugs* to anyone who wants or needs them and can accept them.

Right now my mood is extremely low and I am constantly having strong urges to SI and attempt suicide. My back injuries are definitely contributing since I'm 34 years old and unable to walk without a wheelie walker and frequently require a wheelchair just to get around. I really don't want to be here in this life anymore. *sigh*

Kathryn_Anna 29-03-2016 04:58 PM

I am always open to hugs. Something about a good hug always calms me enough to think a little more clear.

Glad you made it through your shift Anna.

Sorry you have back troubles Kahlia. I've got minor back issues so I can only imagine how you feel. *hugs*

I'm doing OK. No urges to sh at the moment. But I find myself more often than not on sensory overload. It just gets too overwhelming at times.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Doikers 29-03-2016 11:57 PM

I shall *Glomp you all* Remember a Glomp Kahlia? :P]

Drewbles 30-03-2016 12:25 AM

Hugs are usually nice.
*sends peace and snowflakes to all*

Eir 30-03-2016 06:15 AM

So had performance appraisal today. Work is aware I'm struggling. They are gonna change the wing I work. So that is terrifying, cos I need to work out a routine again.
Just plain old flat today. Eh.

Kahlia1981 30-03-2016 07:36 AM

Hey Kat, I count myself lucky that the nerve root compression misses those needed for bladder and bowel control. Don't get me wrong, I would dearly love the pain to go away but I'm fully aware that that won't happen until after the surgery. *sigh*

Yep I definitely remember the Glomp big brother.... *glomps you right back*

Annie I'm sending you all my thoughts and wishes that things will be okay.

As hugs are nice Drew I'm sending you heaps. *hugs*

My husband and his daughter have left for a couple of nights on an island close to us. Since they have left the only thing that I have been thinking about is harming myself. Every single plan for every single option that I have is just going around and around in my head and I don't know what will stop it.

*Disappears into her pillow fort with her bear, a hot chocolate and some biscuits immediately after leaving heaps of both on the table*

Eir 30-03-2016 09:31 AM

It's a pity you couldn't join them Kahlia. I hear the island is beautiful. Never had the chance to go myself, maybe next time I'm up your way Ill go. If finances permit. Love to meet you too.
Be safe. Thinking of you

Doikers 30-03-2016 02:10 PM

I'm going to just sit in here for a bit if okay . . . .

Drewbles 01-04-2016 04:33 AM

me too, if that's ok Mark (is it ok to call you Mark or should I call you Doikers?)
*wraps a blanket around my shoulders and sinks against the wall quietly*
Thank-you for the hugs Kahlia. I'll store some for later.

Is everyone ok today?

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 04:36 AM

Thanks Annie. Magnetic Island is beautiful and apparently has one of the best sunset views in the world, or so the chick who was trying to pick up my husband says.... Lol, considering he was openly wearing his wedding ring and she didn't really cool down until she learned he was there with his daughter. Cooled down might not be the right term though.... She checked out of her room at 10:00, came back around 14:00 to "collect something" she had left behind and then went into the communal bathroom and took a full shower and stood naked and then with fluorescent underwear on in the corridor smiling at my husband as he walked past. He only saw her because of the colour of the underwear and the fact that she was standing in the walkway. It really cracks me up.

Hey big brother, you know it's always okay to sit here as long as you need. *hugs* I'm always here for you Mark.

Really not feeling all that crash hot but I guess that's life. I won't put everything in here, it'll be on the last page of my support thread for anyone interested.

*leaves brownies, hot chocolates and cookies on the table*

*hugs* and *safe hugs* for anyone who needs/wants them

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 04:37 AM

Thanks Drew. There will always be hugs around here if you want/need them.

Drewbles 01-04-2016 04:54 AM

That's an excellent resource to have. I'll try to remember that.
Sorry you're feeling unwell

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 05:49 AM

God, as if being 34 years of age and having to use a wheelie walker wasn't bad enough, 2 near falls today mean I'm having to use the wheelchair until I can prove my legs are stable enough for me to use the walker and I can only leave the house in the wheelchair.

I'm sorry, I know there are a lot of people, both younger and older, that are in much worse situations than I am, but I'm really struggling with the dramatic change from fully mobile to using a wheelie walker all because the hospital refused to give me an orthopedic bed and refused to assist when I awoke unable to move both my legs.

Sorry for that everyone, probably TMI..

*Grabs a pillow, blanket and bear and heads into a corner to cry*

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 06:17 AM

I'm really starting to think we need a positive post thread where anyone in Vets can post whatever positive things they can find, just to help us all remember that our lives aren't all negative. I'm happy to create the thread if anyone else thinks it might be a good idea.

Eir 01-04-2016 12:11 PM

Love that idea Kahlia. Not sure I have anything to share yet. But I'll keep an eye out.

Doikers 01-04-2016 12:39 PM

I think that's a fab idea Kahlia :)

Yes , I go my Mark , Ribbons , so you can call me Mark if you feel comfy with that :)

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 01:57 PM

So, with two people agreeing with me on this one I have created a thread. I called it the positive post thread as I wanted it to be clear for everyone. Please feel free to read and contribute as you may be surprised by how many positives you can find or by how much you can relate to other people's positive's. The Positive Post Thread

Kathryn_Anna 01-04-2016 07:26 PM

So I have my niece and nephew's birthday party bright and early tomorrow morning at a museum. It's indoor and outdoor and tons of fun. Problem is my son's anxiety meds are out at our pharmacy so no clue when they'll come in. He's already been without all week and has slept 90% of the last 2 days. My knee is alao acting up again and it hurts to walk. PSA: when you hurt your knee, Sven if minor, take it seriously. I wacked it on the couch stepping over something and that was probably 2 months ago.

Doikers 01-04-2016 08:56 PM

~Can Someone tell what PSA means please

Drewbles 01-04-2016 10:09 PM

psa is public service announcement. It's meant to be like.. Information shared with everyone to be helpful or informative.

I'm off for the weekend and I really want to relax but I feel like so much difficult is happening. I haven't slept in a while. My best friend is in the midst of breaking up with someone and needs me. I love them and I want to be there for them but it's like everything happens at once

The following content has been hidden - Reason : death mention
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of someone important passing away too so i'm a ball of yuck this weekend. If i was also working I'd be in a lot of trouble. I can already tell it's going to be a "curl up in bed and don't move for any reason" kind of weekend :(


I feel like I'm laying in a bathtub with the water just covering my ears. The sounds of the room around me are muffled by the water and I'm barely aware of whats happening out there. But then I knock something into the tub right near me and it's this deafening clatter reminding me i can still hear.

I don't know if that makes sense. I'm just sad and stressed and empty and "far away"

Kathryn_Anna 02-04-2016 01:23 AM

Sorry Mark, I wasn't thinking when I abbreviated it. <3

Kahlia1981 02-04-2016 01:28 AM

Kat: I know I can't understand exactly what your son is going through but I do know what it's like to be without anxiety medication. I cannot leave the house without taking something or I go into a full blown panic attack, especially if there are people around like a doctor's surgery waiting room or a shopping center. Broken toes are also a pain.... My husband broke his toe in at least three places, since they can't do anything for him he never got it x-rayed, and he keeps banging it on everything. It's amazing how you never realise how many things you bump into when something like a toe is damaged.

Mark: How are you going big brother?

Drew: I can understand the anniversary very well and the emotional blowout it can cause. Thank goodness you aren't working this weekend as you definitely don't need that extra stress right now. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to take time out if you need it. Maybe some techniques to stay in the moment or meditation might help. Even making a list of reasons to live, not to self harm or trying to find a positive. Feel free to visit the positive post thread mentioned above if you can find some positives. From what you've said maybe a "curl up in bed" weekend is just what you need. Obviously I don't know why you haven't been sleeping but sleep may also help you to stay in control instead of everything else controlling you.

Firstly, thanks to everyone who posted in the positive post thread. I'm going to, somehow, put the link in my signature but I am hoping that enough people find it helpful that it will be easy to find instead of getting lost in the long number of forgotten posts.

Yesterday I had almost had two falls, stopped by the handle on my walker, one stopped by a wall and two where I actually did hit the ground. The only reason I'm on the walker today is the access doors need a ramp cover or I'll be stuck either inside the house or outside. Having said that, anytime I leave the house I have to be in the wheelchair because, obviously, my legs are no longer stable enough for us to be sure that I won't fall, especially on long distance walks. That really isn't helping my mood which is already very low and increased the amount of suicidal thoughts and ideas my brain/mind/head is ruminating on. I could really do with some hugs if anyone is around.

*hugs* and *safe hugs* to all

Drewbles 02-04-2016 03:20 AM

*sends safe hugs to Kahlia if they're still needed*

I don't think I'll be getting sleep anytime soon either. I know I have to take care of myself too but it feels like too many people need me.
Sorry if that wasn't meant for me though, I think it was but I'm not sure.

I know it's been a while since you said it Kahlia but your feelings are valid and okay even if other people have it worse. someone always does. Doesn't mean things don't hurt. it sounds like a really tough adjustment, I'm sorry you have to go through that. Sending extra hugs if you want them.

Kahlia1981 02-04-2016 05:11 AM

Thanks Drew. I got myself confused while responding because I'm using my phone and cannot see the actual posts, not to mention that it keeps throwing random words half way through my posts for no apparent reason. I'm really sorry about that response. I really want to thank you for helping me with recognising that my feelings are valid. *hugs*

We just had a doctor's appointment and I realised that I actually nearly fell three times. What I did was count the two almost identical close calls as one. Both times I was luck enough to be blocked by the walker handle. He was also able to give me an answer for why I'm almost completely covered in bruises which was reassuring.

Right now I just want to burst into tears because I feel useless and like I have no value whatsoever. It doesn't matter what I do my independence is becoming less and less and I have to be pushed in the wheelchair because my shoulders dislocate and sublux when I push myself both for long distances or sideways slopes. Why I keep going when it would be so easy to just let go? Man I just need to cry my eyes/heart out.

*hides in a corner to cry*

Kahlia1981 02-04-2016 05:42 AM

Drew: I edited the post above. Thanks for pointing it out to me. :-D


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