*stomps with Oliver and cuddles him too* It's fine if you say what's going on, we don't mind - if you need support, you need support, it's that simple. :) Like I said to Hels, it's okay to vent/rant about how you're feeling/doing. Please do. Otherwise I feel like I'm taking up wayy too much space with my whinging... er, I mean, expressing. Lol.

Umm, submitting means basically going under someone else's "rule" or orders. Like, with this situation, it would be submitting if I backed down, stopped being stubborn, and said, "Okay, I'll go to church with you, Jarrod, and I won't be all grumbly and whingy about it. I'll give it my best shot, and let you be the leader." Hope that explains it? In the Bible it says that women are supposed to follow their husbands like the early Christians followed Jesus, basically, and that husbands are supposed to treat their wives like Jesus treated the early Church (which is considered to be His Bride). So yeah. That raises a lot of people's hackles (including mine, at times anyway), but I don't want to get into any more religious talk on here in case that gets me in trouble. :-X Anyway... does that make more sense now? And no, you're not being dense, I probably just rambled on and didn't make much sense myself!! :P I do that a lot...

Updated my r/v thread again...

Oh, and we've tried having Jarrod in the room with me but right now he doesn't have any books to read and doesn't want to read any of mine (or something like that, I don't know)... even though he has in the past. I'll have to ask him about that tonight, to see if he'll be willing to be in the room whilst I sleep. Sounds awfully dumb, doesn't it... :( Sorry to be such a whingy baby...

*hides*

Oh and about my parents and my SI/bipolar stuff... we don't really talk about it. They know about it and they read some of my LiveJournal where I talk about it (I have a lot of filtered entries... lol)... but it stresses them out to know I'm suicidal or whatnot, so I don't tell them really until either 1) I go into hospital and need a ride [morbid lol] or 2) it's all over and I'm doing better. Hope that helps some...

ahhh ok I understand now thanks April.

thanks, I just dont want to keep going on about my gender issues stuff in here because it probably isn't the place and I shouldn't expect you guys to understand, but then a lot of that is linked to my depression and anxiety, I dont know, just feel stupid and guilty. OK I wont rant about what I really want to rant about because it will probably offend quite a few people in here and I do not want to do that, but grrrrr, I'm just bloody fed up of being seen as a piece of scum by certain people and especially scared when these people are in charge of nations or are MP's in my country. sorry will shut up now before I say something I'll regret

your not whinging like a baby April far from it *cuddles*

*hides in a mood*

Ohwell. Ignorance is bliss.

*cuddles you both*

oh and thanks for the replies about parents, I wasn't really planning on telling her I'm suicidal or anything just thinking say I've had some work deferred because I was diagnosed with severe depression a year ago and its getting worse again and so I'm not coping well

*cuddles Oliver* Sounds like a good idea to me xxx

Oliver: My illness started .. well to be honest when I was 12 years old in Grade 8 - the first year of High School here. My PE teacher called me out of a class of my peers and called me fat. I then began my trip to A.N. My mother worked it out fairly quickly and called in all sorts of help to get me back on track, and I was semi-fine until Grade 11 - 15 years of age. My mental illness started then and my parents were informed of some of it by the Guidance Counsellor at some point during that year. I can't be more specific 'cause the ECT I had in 2008 disrupted the referencing system in my brain. (Which is really irritating at times.) My parents and I talk about some parts of my illness and when the hospital was mistreating me they sought a Ministerial Injunction in 2004. Unfortunately I didn't trust the doctor and was extremely unwell, and as such could not speak to him. Now I have let them know what is happening with the complaint and so forth and they have decided that they couldn't care less. You won't know what the reaction is likely to be until you speak to them, however, if you have found them supportive before, it is probably highly likely they will be supportive. Sorry, I realise that's very long. My apologies.

Helen: *hugs you and holds you tight* I hope that things settle down between you and your mother my dear. *hugs you again*

April: I hope you and Jarrod can work out some kind of compromise. With the church, can you make it a "I'll go with you two weeks out of three" or something? Just asking. Please don't go invisible. We miss you.

Sorry, my memory isn't playing nicely today after no sleep last night so I can't think of who else there is to reply to. I'm really sorry, so I'll just leave *big hugs and cuddles* for those who can accept them and I'll *release a dozen butterflies into the garden* to brighten our day - figuring that by the time most of you read this it will be your daytime.

*cuddles everyone*

im sorry if i am not being very supportive lately. I actually am starting to get overwhelmed with the speed that this place is moving. I am thinking of all of you though, and i try to read everything.

afternoon all *hugs eveyone*

Thanxs Mark. My computer died when I was on last.

I hope all are doing okay.

*Hugs and comfy coushions for all*

anyone about

Laura: I know how you feel sweet, I'm so afraid of doing individual replies now incase I miss someone who's feeling really bad, but I have to try my best *feels guilty for not being good enough*

kahlia: *huggles* sorry your memories not doing good....mine's suffering in here too! it's so fast moving.

*waves at M.I.D/apples* sorry hun, your name has escaped me..*feels guilty*

*huggles all she's missed who want huggles, and leaves individual pressies of whatever everyone wans*

Julie: hi hun, i'm here. How are you? Hows Owen? he feeling any better since he was last out?

Helen : Im sorry that you are feeling low, and that you are 'done' with feeling low. It's not a nice place to be and I wish that I could do something to help to bring you out of it. It's a shame you are having trouble with your mum, it wasn't nice of her to threaten you with throwing you out. My mum used to do that a lot when we were little kids, but when I wanted her to as a teen she wouldn't budge! I'm sure she wasn't intentionally abandoning you hunny, I bet she's finding it really hard to cope with her daughter being ill, and feels pretty useless, so lashes out in frustration with not knowing what to do just as much as anything. I dont know, i'm theorising here, feel free to correct me if you think i'm miles off! *big huggles and a huge bunch of pretty flowers*

*Hugs Kahlia* thanks for all the info regarding parents and sh/mh, its really useful.
I hope you can get some better sleep tonight

*hugs Julie* you ok?

*hugs MID* how are you?

*hugs Kat* how are you?

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*
I'm off for the RYL Manchester meet in about 30mins, I will reply properly when I get back.

*Hugs April* You can do it . You CAN :)
*hugs Nicole* You will get through this , we here will do anything we can to help.
*Hugs Oliver* You are NOT a idiot , you are a very nice and talented guy , I wish you could see that too.
*hugs Helen* I'm sorry you had a argument with your mum , can you try to patch it up ay all ? I'm here to listen as always.
*hugs everyone else who wants them*
*Waves to Owen*
Sorry this isn't a longer post , I've only just managed to crawl out of bed in the last hour . SO HARD to wake up , I'm sleeping at least 12 hours a night but am still tired . sorry , it seems petty to whinge when some aren't sleeping at all.
Stomps off to read Aprils R/V thread .

*hides under a slab of concrete*

THAT can't be comfy ^^^ you ok?

Sneaks in and hides under a pile of blankets.not safe
not safe.today is way to much,want to cut really badly.
Damn it.

Sneaks in and hides under a pile of blankets.not safe
not safe.today is way to much,want to cut really badly.
Damn it.

*shakes head* 'm fine need hide dont want get caught on lap top

i dunno how i got this -------> Í

Oliver: *hugs* have a major headache from all the switchies resently, could do with a stable day without the others coming out.

Julie: *lifts slab of concrete and adds a comfy pillow before putting it carefully back down*

Mark: *hugs* g'afternoon. There's nothing wrong saying how you feel about your sleeping, if it's a problem for you we want to hear about it so we can support you. To be honest I feel worse after a better nights sleep, almost as if my body is going 'yay! sleep at last...more, must have more!"

Shadowed soul: *huggles* try to resist the urges hun, you can do it, you'll be alright. What is way too much for you today sweetie?