*cuddles helen* thank you for the hugs i know your not having a good time with sleep at the moment either!

*hugs Dramatic* i think you've probably made the right decision re your meds but see your doctor about it,. i know its hard to leave the house but do it.

*hugs Becca*
Well, the good thing is i'm seeing him tomorrow afternoon - so it doesn't matter so much if i just don't take my medication in the morning.
I will take my usual night meds tonight as i don't have a problem with them, but there is no way i can manage another sleepless night. I am so exhausted it's not even funny!
I will try to go, i need to get out of the house really but with my agoraphobia it..makes things difficult.
Plus, i am a fat heffa, and i have no clothes. Which makes me even more self conscious, erk.
Thanks for the hugs sweetie. I hope you're ok. xx

*hugs Laura, Becca, Helen and Zowie*

I know I was bemoaning the fact that I had that lighting design meeting tonight ... but in some ways I'm glad I went. It lifted my mood for a little while. I think it was because they treated me like I knew what I was talking about. Especially when I said that I'd done lights with this set-up since I was 13. The meeting went for 1.5 hours instead of the half hour that it was supposed to go for but hey, c'est la vie.

I'm a little tired and I think I might actually sleep tonight. I'm not going to count on it though .... as I've said before, sleep is a skill I regularly forget how to do. I guess that most of us have been having issues with sleeping properly, just recently anyway.

I'd better stop taking up everyone's valuable reading time.

*hugs everyone*

Oh just a uni friend, but I am most likely reading WAY too much into it. I did get your text, sorry I didn't text back, even to your number...

*cuddles back* Thanks for the cuddles :) Ah sleep is a stuipd thing sometimes :pinch:

Doesn't matter Hells, i didn't think you'd worry anyway given the circumstances.
I won't bug you again about it, i just got into a bit of a flap and didn't want anyone worrying but as it turns out no one on RYL did worry anyway.
Hope you can sort things out with your uni friend :)
x

I definately missed you but didn't worry cus of that text. Now had there been no text I would have worried :| *cuddles*

*hugs laura, helen and kahlia* i'm alright really, just in a funny mood, hope your all ok

*;eaves cuddles for Laura, Becca & Kahlia*

Meh.
Everyone is just winding me up today.
It's like a war zone at home, and i always get the backlash of it despite staying locked in my room.
Everything is "my fault" (or atleast that's how i'm made to feel).
I got paid today (Incapacity Benefit),
it's all gone.
Not on me.
Mum has taken it all.
Yep yep.
Apparently because she's so "skint" she's had to use my money to get her out of the doghouse - and this has happened everytime i've got paid for the past 2 months.
It's beginning to majorly grate on my nerves.
I was hoping to put £5-10 away for myself towards some clothes,
as i've only got one pair of trousers and NO tops that fit properly (either far too big, or too small).
I'm getting behind in my own debts because mother is pawning money off me left right and center.

It's all a piss take.
But the only thing keeping me going is SI'ing my frustrations/anger out.
And the thought of "not being here for much longer" is making everything slightly more bareable.

*cuddles wifey*

Oh Hells,
i so wish it was a real cuddle.

So ****ing alone it's not even funny anymore.

What am i meant to tell my GP tomorrow?
I hate seeing him. Self conscious, awkward silences, thoughts racing, tears streaming.
Drives me up the bloody wall.
I just NEVER know what to say to him.

Another sleepless night then.

My head = a lovely pile of mush.
Fun to go on swings and roundabouts.
Just written a journal entry but none of it made sense.
My heads well and truely screwed.
Oh i wish ******** would hurry up and come.
I know it's only a matter of "weeks" away, but it's not much comfort to me right now is it?
*Le Sigh*

I wish our cuddles were real too.
Espically after those hurtful comments from them tonight.

*hugs Laura, Helen and Becca*

Sorry I'm not able to say much to anyone at the moment, and I'm useless at giving support. I'm not really having a good time of it myself but am struggling through.

One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time ... right ?

I've reached 60 days or 2 lunar months SI free. I feel kinda weird. I really want to SI, but I don't want to SI, but I feel I have to SI, but .... I don't know. Does everyone go through this or am I just really strange ??

*cuddles everyone*

How is everybody today/tonite?

I hope ur well guys xxx

*Snuggles Hells & Kahlia*
Don't apologise Kahlia for not "supporting" others, we all go through phases of just not feeling strong enough to support others around us. And anyway..the majority of the time i am MORE than happy with a hug :)
Keep your chin up sweetie. And no, you aren't the only one who goes through that strange SI stage - i was stuck in that loop just a matter of days ago.

--

Whoop, i woke up at 10.30am with a sharp pain in my jaw. I don't know if it's an ear infection or what, but i was nearly crying in agony. It's gone now.
I didn't get to sleep until 6am. Yay for sleep. NOT. >.<
I feel anxious/worked up/stressed/frustrated/tired.
I'm going to ask my GP for a bulldozer, so he can run me over several times to knock me out. *nod* I think that just might do the trick =]

Mmm. I feel some people are getting beyond there stations *nods*
I's recon some people need to slowly pull there head out there butts! Lol.
That's wishful thinking on my part!
Oh how i wish i dabbled in black magic. Voodoo dolls are all too tempting at times like this!
But it's comforting to know i'm not the only one that feels this way, from talking to people last night it seems we're all having problems with the same people!
*rolls eyes*

Right i must go.
Keep all your chins up
Hope you're well Jetforce :)
Laura xx

*hugs Laura* Hey thank you very much. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I think I might ask my pdoc for a bulldozer for the same reason LOL.

*hugs Helen and Becca* Hope you two are doing okay.

Hi Jetforce. I'm surviving. How are you doing ?? I hope that you are going alright.

*hugs everyone and offers chocolate from the secret stash*

*hugs Laura Helen and Kahlia* I'm just trying to find somewhere to live that'll take DSS *sighs*

*wanders in and leaves hugs for everyone*

Not having a good day. Don't really see the point in anything. Ah well.

*cuddles all*